SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((goose-em)))

I have been following your post and my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

As far as the "friend" goes. If ONLY your WW would put forth the same amount of effort fighting for the M that she is putting forth fighting for this "friend". To me, her actions do not show remorse at all.

I know you WANT her to fight for the marriage. You WANT her to be remorseful. You WANT her to be honest. You WANT your family to be whole again. But she is in such a fog right now.

Now is the time to listen to your gut and your head. You can't listen to your heart right now. It will drive you crazy. You are trying to grasp at anything positive (which is a normal thing to do) but you are setting yourself up for more heartbreak.

Stand firm on your boundaries. It is hard to do but necessary.

You are doing great. Keep posting. And remember that none of this is your fault. Don't feel bad for setting boundaries. 180 - 180 - 180

Goose,

When you first posted here, it was obvious how you felt about WW's friend.

Now you sound a little confused, if not guilty, of NC with her.

If what you stated was true, then the friend has gotta go. She is way too detrimental to you and your WW.

But if you're not sure, verify. Read the texts if you can. If what your WW said about her not knowing, then you might reconsider---especially if it is a guaranteed dealbreaker for your WW.

Personally, I would stick to your guns. I sure as hell wouldn't want a partying, flirtatious, cheating friend advising my WW who already has serious boundary issues.

But that is just me.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 10:03 PM, March 3rd (Thursday)]

Well done, goose. Now wait for OM to contact your WW, all outraged and indignant because you have no business messing in his life.

Well done. She needed to know in order to protect herself.

I totally agree he actions or word do not express true remorse?? Why would she fight for this friend so hard? They have only been friends for one and half years? I think my WW is still really deep in the fog.

If my future wife had issues with one of my friends I would kick them to the curb. One of my close friends mentioned that my WW right now and for a while is not marriage material...she is not willing to do the responsible mature things for a marriage.

So tonight my WW took te kids to a movie and dinner an I was home alone looking around the house. I keep having this fear that is she going to take everything(my stuff). And as I walked around my house I realized...that I really didn't want any of it...and it really means nothing to me. I couldn't find a single thing in my house that I couldn't part with. Even the sentimental items...because of her A that stuff loses it value...and the material items can be replaced and don't really matter to me anyway.

It's like she nuked everything....

I'm totally at peace with her taking everything......if she wants it. It really doesn't matter.

The only thing in the world I care about is my daughters and my health.....

I'm full force 180!

No updates from my email I sent today...

was it sent to her work email? if it was a personal addy it's harder to guarantee that it got to her

some bs's don't reply, some right away, some after a few days, others a few weeks

if the bw does receive it, i am pretty sure your ww will let you know, imo - either through direct confrontation or a distinctive change in her attitude towards you

how are you holding up? were you able to have a little peace tonight with everyone being out?

I let her put the kids to sleep and I went to the gym...and then I checked into a hotel room. I'm going to have a nice meal hit the hot tub and relax. I'm not coming home until about 2-3am. I told her I was "out with friends"....I'm pretty emotionally drained so this will be really nice to step back for a minute!

I feel like I'm standing on the rubble of the twin towers after 9-11!

They have only been friends for one and half years?

I think I should be allowed to change my SI name to "seriously" cause I am about to start yet another sentence with that word.

Seriously, a year and a half? IMO that is like a microsecond in female friendships...

I'm glad you posted what you did about walking around looking at your stuff, it took me back when I was so in a daze looking at my surroundings like they would crumble if I breathed too hard on them because everything felt so fragile and like vapor, like my one day I was secure and KNEW for certain about my reality and the next day my whole could blow away like a dandelion in a breeze and I would be left alone without anything.

I think those of us who have been around a while, giving you advice, see our mistakes and (often more clearly) the mistakes others have made and are trying to steer you towards the best solution and we forget how devastating those first days are. I am so sorry you and your family have to experience this horrible event. Infidelity is such a mind fuck. It feels like she nuked everything because she did... I'm very old school and when those vows are broken the marital commitment just dies inside of you.

She can't take everything, lawyer up, remember she isn't your wife anymore she is your WW.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I'm not coming home until about 2-3am. I told her I was "out with friends"....I'm pretty emotionally drained so this will be really nice to step back for a minute!

Personal opinion, but if it gives you peace just sleep in the hotel tonight if you find it more restful.

that sounds great, goose, glad you are going to take advantage of the amenities i am sure the hot tub can help relieve a little of the tension - the noise of the jets is almost like white noise

any ideas what you are going to order? maybe a nice steak with the fixings? you could probably stand a good meal

i know i felt extremely raw in the beginning - i can remember trying to pull it together for dinner plans we had - i had this overwhelming feeling that people would know, all they had to do was look at me and know, i felt 'see through' - that was not a good night

I like that idea!!!

Way to go with staying out for the night. If she runs true to form, she should show some concern that you're a man about town. She thinks she's calling the shots, but this projects to her that you know you have options and you may not be quite the needy beta she thinks you are.

[This message edited by palerider at 1:30 AM, March 4th (Friday)]

Goose---for there to be any possible way for your mge. to have any chance of R---somewhere down the line---your wife needs to quit work, so she doesn't even think about OM---and she must go complete NC with her girlfriend who pushed her into the A.---

Stop making excuses for your wife---She knows what needs to be done, and you know what needs to be done----if those 2 things do not happen, you are gonna drive yourself crazy---and your mge., has no chance to R.

You would just be better off starting the divorce process and go from there---actually maybe the threat of divorce just might wake your wife up

Goose: Sounds to me like this girl friend fight is nothing more than a diversion from the OM issues.

I think its just giving her a way to dig in her heals so to speak.

I think I'd refuse to discuss this right now.

Keep the hard boundry, but I think i'd say "This is not up for discussion."

It's taking way too much energy..

I feel like I'm standing on the rubble of the twin towers after 9-11!

30 pages on this thread and now he's resorted to a piss poor analogy. Sorry, no further simpathy from my way towards this tired thread.

Hope you've had a decent evening, goose.

You're doing the right thing with the friend. You should read "Not Just Friends" and so should your WW. It has excellent discussions about boundaries, friends of the marriage, and other good stuff. I know others have recommended it but I want to second and their the recommendation.

AND...

"I feel like I'm standing on the rubble of the twin towers after 9-11!"

30 pages on this thread and now he's resorted to a piss poor analogy. Sorry, no further simpathy from my way towards this tired thread.

Wow. Very supportive. Why did you bother to post this?

[This message edited by sudra at 6:17 AM, March 4th (Friday)]

RKT429SS wrote:

30 pages on this thread and now he's resorted to a piss poor analogy. Sorry, no further simpathy from my way towards this tired thread.

What the hell is your problem? The man just had his DDay and you post this shit?

30 pages on this thread and now he's resorted to a piss poor analogy. Sorry, no further simpathy from my way towards this tired thread.

Oh reckon the thread and goose-em will survive fine without this kind of 'simpathy'.

Like my momma always said...there's ALWAYS one in the crowd...

I give no energy to ignorance.

Anyway Goose....Hang in there buddy....

Hardline 180.

I'm also thinking..

If you sent that email to her through that MYLIFE site..

That crap isn't always current...

I hate that site..its a hyjack site..

She may ignore stuff it sends her..I know I DO!

[This message edited by Trying2Survive2 at 6:34 AM, March 4th (Friday)]

RKT429SS, you have a PM

Anyone that doesn't feel they can be supportive is free not to read or respond to the thread.

The rest of you , back to topic please.