SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

*duplicate post*

[This message edited by Discontinue at 5:09 PM, May 31st (Tuesday)]

I think you finally became brave. I know how hard it is to actually confront. Be brave and continue to stick to what you believe and what YOU want. Don't waver from that.

Thinking of you, CO. You've been through a lot.

One thing that helped me with my 180 is that once I 180'd, I told WW to stay out of our bedroom (before, I would be the one to leave it). She moved out into a spare bedroom for several days. When she came around and asked to R, I let her back in.

Food for thought. It's not up to you to leave the marital bed. You have honored it. WW has not. Don't underestimate the importance of who leaves that room, in terms of sending a message.

Good luck, it seems like your life is going to be pretty intense here in the near future. Hang in there, we are all hoping for the best for you.

Deep breath, yea!!!!

Congratulations

It sucks that's it's coming out at an inopportune time. This shit always floats up in its own time. No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.

The comment you made about her respecting coworkers more than you cut right to the heart of the matter and her reaction was classic.

This is where the real fun starts and it sucks your dad is there to see it, but it can't be helped.

And it really sucks that you started getting vibes a full year ago. More is yet to be revealed. Don't give up any sources.

Also, most likely she will re-group. Beware

re-group and minimize, which she is already trying to do. A few weeks my ass.

Food for thought. It's not up to you to leave the marital bed. You have honored it. WW has not. Don't underestimate the importance of who leaves that room, in terms of sending a message.

I believe this to be true also.

I moved his belongings to a room over the garage so he would not need to come into house.

Stand your ground!

Here's the thing. Your wife cheated and when a cheaters lips are moving, they're lying. She's only going to tell you the minimum amount to soften the blown. To make it all sound "Not that bad."

You might be able to bluff her on that trip that they were on. You can make mention of it and then leave it alone. She may fold again. If she swears nothing happened on that trip. Then request a polygraph and see what she says.

I made WH move to the basement for in-house separation. He slept in a recliner. I threw him out one night because I had to find more evidence after his "get out of jail free" (so to speak) card on DDay.

He had the gall to ask why he had to move. "Are you saying the A trumps everything else" he asked (marriage was baaad for years).

Yep, said I.

I kept my vows; he didn't. I get the damned bed. Full stop.

You are doing exactly the right thing. Be confident.

Oh, I wouldn't believe that she's offering the entire truth. There's a reason the term "truth trickle" is a term.

She probably made a calculated decision to reveal the things that she thinks that you MIGHT have seen. She's probably confident that you can't know for sure if it was physical or not.

I caught my wife "sleeping over" at the OMs apartment. She was caught, she admitted she did it, but that "nothing happened" and furthermore "this was appropriate behavior for a married woman."

She need to prove herself worthy to keep you. Never let her turn this around on you.

I don't know if I have all the truth or not.

You don't.

I was told by my XWH that it was only a few times they met up at hotels, over the course of a few months, and it was long over because they both realized it was wrong.

Bullshit. It was a 4 year LTA, ongoing, full EA/PA, and they were on their way to Paris together.

I second Marzipan. You most likely don't have the truth. It makes me so sad to say that but it is the one consistant thing in all of this. ((CO)) trust your gut.

((((CO))))

I agree that it seems extremely unlikely that she is telling the whole truth. What about the lingerie from the trip??

You might consider having her take a polygraph as one of your conditions for R.

Be prepared for her to change her tune once she realizes that there are real life consequences to her behavior and that she can't turn on the tears a few times and make this all go away.

Great job on the confrontation by the way. I know it's hard, but it sounds like you have not given her any clues about what you know and how you know it. This is crucial to getting the truth out from her.

Hang in there CO, it's going to be a crazy ride no matter what happens.

((((CO))))

CO,

I am not surprised by:

OM emailed her, feigning obliviousness. She's wording her NC letter and wants to quit her job (if she doesn't lose it first).

Because you told OM you have seen the emails!

Hung up the phone and called Mr. Idiot VP at his home where he's recuping from surgery. Introduced myself and asked him if he was healing up nicely. After he said yes, I said "Good, because I'd really like kick your ass for ruining my family. I've seen all the emails, homewrecker, and your wife will soon, too. Go to hell."

So of course he would feign obliviousness in an email.

I second DeadMumWalking.

As WW to take a polygraph test.

You know she got physical, the lingerie is a big sign.

If you were to tell you wife that you got a hold of the lingerie and have already run a semen test on it (without telling her the results), I think her reaction will tell you enough in itself. It is up to you if you were to actually disclose this though - just a thought...

Tell OMW ASAP now that you have let it slip to OM.

Good luck PR

Holy F#@&!!!

I took a BIG risk and put a VAR in her purse this morning before she left for work. I didn't really expect much, since OM and her are apparently over with.

Well, we now have D-Day number two. She placed a call from her work phone this afternoon. It was to someone I knew worked with her at least in the past (contract sort of stuff). Anyway, she leaves him a message asking him to not call her cell, SMS, or email for "a while," and to only contact her through her work phone. She says it's not about him, but she's being "extra cautious" because she believes "he" (a.k.a. ChoppingOnions) is monitoring. Talk to you soon, see you soon! KthxBye!

Jesus! All along I was looking in the other direction at Mr. OM Idiot #1 (who I berated yesterday morning). Now there's Mr. OM Idiot #2, also married (checked up on him when he popped up on her phone recently).

I think I'm going to keel over now. She doesn't have any idea that I now know about this one. She was trying soooo hard to be apologetic and offering affection last evening after work. She said she wants to reconcile.

I'M FURIOUS!!!

OK, I think I need to go polygraph on her or else kick her out. I'm in a deep hole now.

(Yes, I'm holding my sources close.)

With this information, the only way you would even think you know the whole truth would be having her take a poly. You just need to sit her down and tell her that and if she wants to stay in the M she will do it. Also, tell her she must give all info to you before the poly takes place for she had better pass it.

....and the list grows!! You do have a lawyer?

(((((((CO)))))))

I'm so sorry for you right now. I've not posted on this yet, but have read your posts yesterday. I know the first round of info is soo hard to take but this must be devastating.

I don't feel I have enough experience to give any major advice here but you have been so strong, stay that way, continue to hold your sources close as hard as that is. I know I wish I had.

Know that you are not alone in this as lonely as it can feel. People here are obviously pulling for you.