SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think I will wait until early Friday AM to email his boss the letter (found email addy). Friday is the best day to fire someone.

Fuck him.

edited vs -

Dear Mr.____ ___,

Hello, my name is ______ _______. I feel obligated to tell you that your employee has been carrying out an extramarital affair with my spouse (____ _____) for nearly 2 years (spring 2011- present). We live in _______, and all indications are that he has been commuting here to see her and she tells me they have been meeting in hotels. The liaisons usually appear all during the workweek. They have met more than 50 times. It is my suspicion that Mr. -------- has potentially abused his expense accounts with your firm for the purpose of engaging in sex with my spouse. I would scrutinize his hotel charges, meals, and entertainment expenses very closely from the last 18 months.

It appears that he has spent a great deal of time during the work week texting my spouse to arrange their liaisons. In fact, by my calculations and close review of phone bill records – he averages about 150 texts per day to my spouse for over a one year period. That is a lot of texting for an adult and a professional. It’s a wonder he can get anything accomplished in his work day.

My spouse’s cell phone records included thousands of text messages each month (10,121 in March 2012). He has been using 5 cell phones (most recent cell he’s been using: 561-____ ___) and no less than 4 different email addresses it appears and a gmail to communicate with her: mr.------@gmail.com.

I have significant evidence if you so desire to cross reference dates and or times to verify Mr.----- where abouts . I am sorry - but I have struggled with this - to inform you or not.

In closing, as a fellow business owner I would want to know just what kind of person I have in my employ. You have to ask yourself, if this person would be willing to lie to his wife and family, do you think he would think twice about lying to you. Also, he clearly gives little regard to what is considered moral/ethical behavior. Please accept my apology for having to bring this important matter to you attention.

[This message edited by kchip at 9:20 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

kchip-

Better.

But I would take out:

That is a lot of texting for an adult and a professional. It’s a wonder he can get anything accomplished in his work day.

&

In closing, as a fellow business owner I would want to know just what kind of person I have in my employ. You have to ask yourself, if this person would be willing to lie to his wife and family, do you think he would think twice about lying to you. Also, he clearly gives little regard to what is considered moral/ethical behavior.

"kchip"......I will be with the minority here and say do it. Do it all, leave no stone unturned. I am always telling people to make sure they have concrete evidence and since you do, go for it.

Sure the teacher will be hurt and devastated, but she needs to know what an ass she is married to.

If I had not caught my h and his whore (our neighbor) I would have wanted someone to tell me about it plain and simple. It is a shitty thing to have to do, but I think it is your duty.

And as far as the om, fuck him. He screwed you over by screwing your wife. He deserves what you are going to give him.

He will be fired for using company assets to fund his affair.

As he should. Why do we feel the need to take responsibility for someone else’s consequences? The AP is the one who is fucking up and the consequences are of his making. What about the employer and their consequences? WTF why should they be paying for this crap. It is the AP's job to protect his W and obviously he is not. How is that anyone else’s responsibility here? Just my 2 cents as a business owner.

I think telling the employer is the ethical thing to do.

And I say this as a BW whose husband lost his job the month is affair was broken open. Had my husband been remorseful, the period of unemployment would actually have been a gift--time we could have devoted to R.

You can bet the employer is already on to this guy. Some companies have an infidelity-friendly culture. (My BIL had one of these and, while he was required to, for example, get the company car OW never should have been given back from her, he really only got a wrist-slap otherwise.) Other companies take a far different stance.

Either way, YOU are not jeopardizing anyone's job; he did that all on his own. If retaining his job were important to him, he would have refrained from using company time and resources on his affair.

Even the most injured BS knows exactly where the blame rests--and it's NOT on you.

ETA: I agree with paring down the letter to remove emotion and state only facts. But send it!

[This message edited by solus sto at 5:10 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

Had I known then what I know now, I would have exposed my FWH's affair to his workplace. Likely both he and the OW would have lost their jobs.

And we would have moved on, either together or apart, and he wouldn't still be in a job he hates and I still wouldn't have to wonder on the twice a year meetings he has to go to. It is a compromise I regret. And now he is 45 instead of 40 and that makes it all the harder to change.

The tentacles are far reaching in an a but make no mistake about it, it was not your fault, it was your ws and her om.

My h tried his best for a very long time to make me think I was to blame. He refused to look into the mirror and take full responsibility for his shit. It was only when his little whore went into fatal attraction mode that he had to change his thinking about the bitch. But in the end when all was put to rest, it was and still is h's fault for making a very stupid decision that devastated our marriage.

Bottom line is the WS deserves what they get. It is unfortunate that so many others are affected but so be it. The cheating couple made their bed. My h and his slut were adults playing adult games. What they ignored while they were pleasuring each other was that NOBODY was going to win. I still say go ahead with your plans. Smother that asshole who didn't give two shits about you or anyone else for that matter other than getting some free sex from your wife.

Thats the plan. And to hell with WW, she has shown zero remorse or any empathy to me. Its why i am so burned - She's getting served and the asswipe can squirm.

BS, I feel bad about - but its GODS WILL NOW

Sorry...general guidelines edit.

[This message edited by beachbunny at 6:45 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

Tell the other BS and send the e-mail to OM's boss. What happens in OM's house b/c of those actions are on OM and your WW NOT you!

kchip - I have mixed feelings about sending the letter. I outted my WH's whore at work, but only because she stalked me at home, work, and on my cell. I e-mailed her ex and told him to warn her that I would out her if she continued to stalk me. She did not stop and, worse, my WH defended her and accused me of lying about the stalking (even after I showed him undeniable evidence). I finally had enough and decided that I was not going to be a victim. I not only outted her to her colleagues (by sending a mass e-mail), but I filed a complaint with the disciplinary department in Washington D.C., which, in turn, launched a full investigation. I had substantial proof that she used work resources to stalk me and to conduct the affair. Since she and my WH work for the federal government (in offices 2000+ miles apart), it is unlikely that they will lose their jobs. [Hell, as our former president proved, what's a blow job between friends?]. However, she will lose any opportunity to be promoted or receive bonuses and every time she walks down the hall at work, she will know that her colleagues are thinking "there goes the whore". I don't feel sorry for either of them.

I too have very mixed feelings about the letter. As for the meeting, there will never be a good place or time so go for it.

If you do send the letter, facts only. Adding the emotional bits takes away the credibility, people like to decide for themselves and I've found it much more impact full when the reader comes to there own decisions.

My mixed feeling -- part of me says send it! Wreck him! Would like to see some WS get what they deserve. But if the OW in my case decided to out my WH and he lost his job we'd be in a bigger world of shit. I think it's easier for us to want to see that done to someone else, live a little vicariously through another BS's actions but of course in my situation as the BS I'd rather my WH not be outed at work. Of course none of that is your concern, but just thought I'd pipe up. Hope that helps.

Best of luck to you!!

This all sounds like a disaster in the making.

You're going onto school grounds, which makes it a government building. Under state and local ordinances, not only do they not have the right to refuse you entrance, but since you're an adult trespassing onto a protected ground for children, of which you don't have any there, you could be arrested and prosecuted.

I would stick to e-mail, a much edited version that leaves you less open to libel and slander.

Chip

A lot of people here know me and know what I went through. It is VERY similar to your's and I also notified the OM's spouse and his employer. His employer was the US Army and he was a senior ranking officer. Read my profile that explains it but I can tell you about my experience. I understand your rage believe me. I don't regret what I did whatsoever. The guy was a dirt bag and had it coming having to face his General. I don't know what happened to him because the Army does not release that info under the Privacy Act.

Did I feel I may have destroyed his BS life?...yes. But truthfully like you said...he shattered your life. You offered R,and they broke NC. I gave it ten months and no remorse from WW and she filed. When I found out his wife was in labor during their A I totally lost it. The anger was unbearable. It was like a bolt of lightning and it actually scared me. Totally exposing him helped take a lot of burden off my shoulders. It still sucks, but I feel I did what was right given what he did for a living. Senior officers know what sacrifice is the they are trained to weigh decisions they make. Well he made a bad one and came across the wrong person so I hit him where it hurt the most...his career. And know what? It felt good to do it.

You are in Orlando and I'm in Jax. If you feel you want to chat about it, even on the phone, PM me and I'll give you my number. I know your anger very well....still do. Good luck.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 8:55 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

Kchip, first and foremost ....

yes, you must do whatever helps you, your children, heal and be safe!!

I certainly understand you hatred and rage towards the OM!!!

God, I do!

The AP's BH, called and confronted my FWH and that is how I found out about the A, I over heard this phone call.

MOW's, BH was ready to ruin my H, no doubt, had he not been able to reach him directly on his (work) cell phone!

Later he (BH) shared with me, had he had to go through one of my children to get to FWS, he would have.

His rage was full force that morning.

My FWS and MOW are co-workers although in different locations. My FWS holds the superior position to MOW.

Her BS most certainly could have ruined my FWS's career. He (BH) asked me did my FWS not know that? Yes, sadly that would have been his right.

But please hear me, when I say I AM MOST THANKFUL to him for not taking myself, and my children down with that decision!

Myself and my children, and of course his two children, are truely the only innocents in this sitch!!!

We did nothing to deserve the loss of our home, insurance, family life, security.

There will be enough pain for the BW and children to deal with. I KNOW FIRST HAND that pain, as do you.

Please inform the BW first and see how that goes, you can always send the letter later.

I know he deserves whatever consequences come from the A with YOUR wife.

I know he did not think of you, your precious children or his own family with his selfishness. he could have cared less.

Please do not take that his/her selfishness out on the innocent. Those that had NOTHING to do with his actions.

Please do not make them pay for his choices, this just breaks my heart. You know his BW will pay no hope for that. And that is 100% on him!!!

Just please really think about the pain, of the others.

I again will tell you, I will always be thankful to AP's, BH for not adding to the problems in my life.

Just something to think over maybe.

I am so sorry for the pain you are in, I do understand it. I do understand the Rage.

If I could ruin AP without hurting her kids and mine??? Yeah, probably would have done it in a heartbeat.

Would it have changed a single thing in my world, really? NO.

Would have been a temporary high, just as the day I cussed her out. Felt good at the time.

Because it was just between us, I do not carry any guilt in hurting anyone else. I do not want that for you either!!!

Good luck with matter you decide, in regards to notifying his employer.

Peace to both you and the other BS!

[This message edited by SoCo at 9:37 PM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

I agree that meeting BS at a school is maybe not the best idea. Teacher emails are easy to acquire, and perhaps an email to her to meet with you for coffee or something would be a better idea. Suggest she bring a friendr along, as she probably will need someone to help her hear what you are telling her.

As for the letter, i have to agree with those saying to wait at least until you meet with BS... You may have new info to share.

I understand all the advice being given about not sending the letter right away and all the reasons why... but the bottom line is... affairs have consequences. It isn't kchip's responsibility to shield mOM's family from the shitstorm that's coming.... mOM should have been protecting his family. He didn't, he had no regard for them in any capacity. kchip... I'm with you... I'm 3.5 years post D-day and in a good place and I can tell you that I would react the same way today as I would have one month out. I would have dumped all the cards on the table and been done with it. mOM and your WW chose the behavior so they also chose the consequences. Let the shit fall where it may! Good luck! Stay strong!

How did it go kchip?

One month out, kchip. One month.

**shakes head**

http://en.proverbia.net/citastema.asp?tematica=1029

Good luck and peace, whatever you do.

RKT429SS

Great link. I know I get the urge to strike back even years later. I needed to read that.