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She went on an unrelated matter and cajoled them into doing the scan and examination. The earliest anyone will see her for the actual OB appointment is in three weeks. I told her I need to be there. Waiting for a response.

Your wife is a liar. Most ultrasounds are done in a hospital or outpatient area, not the OB/GYN’s office. Also, your wife is pregnant. There is NO other reason to visit the OB/GYN’s office if you’re pregnant. You are there because you’re pregnant.

I’ll bet you $1,000 that OM was at the appointment, and not you. She’s lying.

I asked my WW to tell the OM to get an STD screening. He agreed. She will get one as a matter of course due to the pregnancy. His is the most important, though. Our bodies might not have had time to produce the antibodies for which these tests screen.

What? That's hiding. Sorry - but stop that. YOU go get tested. No 'antibody' nonsense. He isn't most important - you are. Go get tested. And pregnant women are not tested for all STDs.

She says she's sorry and she means it. Problem is, she has no idea what she is sorry for. She doesn't see that I've been hurt beyond measure. She doesn't see that our family has been damaged. I think she believes that she has simply hurt my feelings and created a big mess. Until she really understands what she has done an apology doesn't mean a whole lot. Same thing with the OM. At some point he and I are going to have to meet. I told my WW that if he apologizes I'd punch him in the face. He definitely has no concept of the damage that has been done. He has no right or standing to apologize until he understands.

Sad. Your wife doesn’t understand the damage she’s done, but you want to R with her. The OM is not the only person that caused this. He didn’t take advantage of your poor wife. She tells him she loves him. This is their LOVE CHILD. They wanted this. She wanted you gone. Why are you considering anything else? My God! She’s a nightmare. I’m telling you, OM was at that appointment she hid from you. She’s still playing games. Get your kids and get away from her.

So OM doesn’t understand the hurt he’s caused so he gets a punch in the face. I hope you’re not about to punch your wife in the face, since she’s just as guilty of not having a clue, and she’s in your family.

Your wife is an incredibly self centered woman. She is really just awful. You would do VERY well to get your children away from her. She's a mess, and no child should be near that kind of thinking.

I know you won't - but I hope you leave and take your kids with you.

My ob/gyn gave me ultrasounds in her office, every month, until things progressed, and then I went to the hospital for the more advanced high level ultrasounds.

They did do an STD screening for me with both kids, but it wasn't until around 4 or 5 months. If I remember right, it was right around the time they tested for gestational diabetes.

There is NO other reason to visit the OB/GYN’s office if you’re pregnant.

Yeast infection.

No 'antibody' nonsense.

As far as I can see the medical community disagrees. Takes up to six months to detect HIV antibodies.

Your wife is an incredibly self centered woman. She is really just awful. You would do VERY well to get your children away from her. She's a mess, and no child should be near that kind of thinking.

I know you won't - but I hope you leave and take your kids with you.

She's being incredibly self centered. But if I take the kids and run then the most likely outcome is that I get arrested. I'd rather have her be around the children while I am present than have her AND the OM be around the children while I'm not present.

Don't get me wrong - your overall sentiment is pretty much right on.

My ob/gyn gave me ultrasounds in her office, every month, until things progressed, and then I went to the hospital for the more advanced high level ultrasounds.

That's odd first off - every month? Second, you knew they were coming. Most aren't in the office at all, let alone every month. No offense - not saying you're not being truthful at all. Just saying it's not the norm.

Same with a FULL STD screen. Not the norm. They generally test for things that can affect the fetus present problems during birth, but not a full screening.

As far as I can see the medical community disagrees. Takes up to six months to detect HIV antibodies.

So don't test for any because ONE might take a while? And I guess OM had whatever he had 6 months ago? Please, health is at stake. Please get tested, and have your wife request a FULL STD screening.

I still think something is VERY wrong with your wife's story. She went to the Doc's for a yeast infection and ended up with an ultrasound and a new possible length of pregnancy? Does that make sense to you?

And I didn't suggest you run. I suggested you get custody of your children and request that your wife have supervised visits until she can demonstrate rational behavior. If it sounded like something else - sorry for the confusion.

EDIT: You should ask about your insurance coverage, and if she can even have more ultrasounds. Did she come home with the 'pictures' from the ultrasound?

I would call the Dr. office and ask. She's your wife - ask what their plan is for the pregnancy, and then as what's been done so far.

[This message edited by painfulpast at 4:04 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

As a Medical Professional: Many OB/GYN's have US machines in their offices with staff trained in using them. However it is NOT the norm to do an ultrasound just because you are pregnant. Not just because you are unsure of when you conceived, however it is normal for them to do one each and every time you bleed during a pregnancy. (personally I had ultrasounds throughout my entire second pregnancy because I bled throughout it). IF your wife is pregnant, and was being seen for "just a yeast infection" they would most likely NOT done an ultrasound, they would have done a fundal measurement, and checked her urine and blood for pregnancy, and possibly checked for a fetal heart rate with a Doppler.

It depends where you live and what the laws of your state are as to what STD testing she will have with her pregnancy. Some Dr's do test for everything and anything because they have to (law) or because it is the best CYA method of practice. Some Drs test for the minimum things.

Your statement that it takes up to 6 months to have positive antibodies for HIV is true, but it can happen much sooner. Why do you think in the medical field that they draw an HIV and Hepatitis panel on medical staff within hours if not minutes of accidental exposure such as a blood spill or needle stick?

Once again you are attempting to give your wife credibility where she has none. She is a liar who lies and cheats. DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD FROM HER MOUTH. We tell you this because we all have walked that road. Wishing for the best, wanting to trust again, and all of us can tell you that you will get burned by this.

Again make your list, and start putting your kids and yourself first.

1. Appointment with Attorney

2. Appointment with Dr for STD testing. Discuss anxiety/depression at visit and consider meds if you are having issues with sleeping and eating consistently

Lastly Yeast infection???? Does this make alarm bells go off in anyone elses head because right now it sounds like there is a 5 alarm fire in mine. MANY STD's are mistaken for yeast infections in their initial presentation in women. Please do not have unprotected sex with her, I am afraid if you do you may just get a life long friend something incurable like HPV.

Strange, you are a good man in a very difficult place. You've been given good advice. And the clock is ticking. All this has to be worked out and settled prior to the birth of the child or it all becomes even more complicated.

I understand how difficult this all is for you. You are in an impossible situation. And I'm about to hit you up with more complications.

Before I say anything else, please see an attorney. I am fairly certain that you do not have the law in your state down correctly. Check it out before you make a mistake.

That said, I say that there are now four people involved in your marriage. You, your wife, the OM, and the baby. There will be no abortion and I respect that view. There also is no way to split this up so that everyone has what they want. You say that you will remain married to your wife IF the OM withdraws from the picture. But both your wife and the OM do not want this outcome. They want the OM to have 50% visitation rights.

Now think about that. It is possible for the three children, your two and the baby, to grow up together in a HAPPY home where they are all treated equally and fairly. I think you see that and that's what you want.

But with the OM having visitation rights, the three children will NOT be treated fairly and equally. One will be treated differently. This will make it perfectly clear to your children, and to schoolmates when that time comes, that one child is different. And they'll figure it out quickly enough. And that will not be good.

So it would seem that the best solution is that the OM withdraw. But is that possible? Your wife seems NOT to want that. That is a red flag that your relationship with her is not on firm ground. She could walk away two years from now leaving you with a large child support bill and at best 50% visitation.

What happens if you file for divorce? I see that as a positive, not because I think divorce is a solution, it is not, but because it forces your wife to make decisions. Right now you can't say to your wife, pick me or the OM. She doesn't have to make a choice at all right NOW.

Forcing your wife to make decisions of her own free will will give you bargaining room. She may choose the OM. But from what you've said, she knows THAT won't work. She may choose you and things might work out and that would be wonderful. Or she may walk out in two years or so. In that case you are no worse off than you are right now.

Last: some suggestions. Do NOT go see the OM. You have nothing to say to him and he has nothing to say to you. It can only hurt.

Pay attention to Tushnurse and others. You must go with your wife to all doctor's appointments. You have things to ask the doctor too, such as when paternity tests can be done. Don't be embarrassed, the doctor is forbidden from spreading the news around.

And yes SEE A LAWYER NOW.

Strange: one more thing. What did she tell her doctor that induced him to give her an ultrasound?

What was the outcome of your boundary setting email?

And please--see your doctor and get tested for STDs. And go see an attorney ALONE. If you and your WW see an attorney together, neither of you can hire that, attorney to represent your interests in a divorce or paternity action.

I think you need to take a little power back. Right now, she is driving the bus and making the rules. That is very unfair to you.

Cat

My OBGYN did ultrasounds. She was trained and had them right in her office. Also because of a history of miscarriage, I got my first ultrasound at 4 weeks, then weekly until 9 weeks.

My OB/GYN also had the ultrasound set up in his office, I never had to go to the hospital for one. For my last two babies the first ultrasounds were done at 8 weeks, for dating purposes. It is possible, if the timing is close, the OB would agree to go ahead and do the ultrasound since she was already there. My OB is the type who would do that.

Strange: one more thing. What did she tell her doctor that induced him to give her an ultrasound?

Last pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

Why haven't you seen an attorney?

Lastly Yeast infection???? Does this make alarm bells go off in anyone elses head because right now it sounds like there is a 5 alarm fire in mine. MANY STD's are mistaken for yeast infections in their initial presentation in women. Please do not have unprotected sex with her, I am afraid if you do you may just get a life long friend something incurable like HPV.

This set off a huge red flag for me as well.

All my ultrasounds were in my doctors office. I had one whenever the doc wanted. There are plenty of reasons to go to an OB other than pregnancy. Lets not stir up trouble strange has enough as it is.

My God - OK I was wrong about it being in the office. I'm NOT wrong about the other things. You don't just 'get' an ultrasound. There is a large insurance bill with it, and all that goes with that. It is scheduled, or an emergency. It isn't 'Hey, while I'm here, how 'bout an ultrasound".

Please, I was wrong, but that wasn't the focal point. It is NOT normal to get an ultrasound at every visit. It is NOT normal to be at a doc's for another reason and then, because you're there, get an ultrasound. It is NOT normal to wait 6 months for an STD check because ONE item may not be detectible until then.

Let's not make this about my error in where ultrasound machines are, or list the small number of items that would cause one to visit an OB/GYN while pregnant for something unrelated to the pregnancy. Thanks.

[This message edited by painfulpast at 3:54 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]

This can be true about the US's.

All my ultrasounds were in my doctors office. I had one whenever the doc wanted.

I too had a Doc that would do them gratis, or anytime there was an issue, just a quick peak scan when I bled these were not submitted to insurance, as the big ultrasound is at 20-22 weeks.

But this here below? I am not stirring up trouble, I just trying to get Strange to see the truth of this situation.

There are plenty of reasons to go to an OB other than pregnancy. Lets not stir up trouble strange has enough as it is.

I bet they did hop on an intravaginal US while she was there, as she had a miscarriage, and now has a questionable yeast infection with known unprotected sex with some single guy who likes to bang married women.

Strange - I sense that your inclination is to sweep all this in a nice neat pile under the rug, if you could get the OM to go away, and know that he would never come back. The problem with that is you still have a broken wife that intentionally chose not only to cheat, but attempted to get pregnant with another mans kid. That issue hasn't even begun to be dealt with.

I noticed you were somewhat absent, and Ipray that means you are taking some time away to do the things you need to protect yourself, and saw an attorney.

(((and strength)))

I was referring to painful past about the stirring of the proverbial pot. Problem with having everyone question everything is that you feel even crazier.

Strange is only in control of himself. Strange have you read the healing library, tactical primer etc. I think that could really help you in this fog.

That's odd first off - every month? Second, you knew they were coming. Most aren't in the office at all, let alone every month. No offense - not saying you're not being truthful at all. Just saying it's not the norm.

Same with a FULL STD screen. Not the norm. They generally test for things that can affect the fetus present problems during birth, but not a full screening.

I had a molar pregnancy during my second miscarriage so it was standard procedure. However, my OBGYN was the type of "calm" a woman's nerves, especially with recurrent miscarriage and do ultrasounds if the patient asked. She has those tiny ultrasound machines that you can wheel into different rooms. So I believe it really depends on where you are and what you say to the doctor. Women who appear overly concerned to a doctor will get certain requests granted, such as an ultrasound.

Same thing with full panel screens. All I have to do is ask my OBGYN. Actually, I just had mine a few days ago. OBGYN gave me the paperwork to get blood drawn and tested. And I also just had an ultrasound the same day as she couldn't find the strings for my IUD so she wanted to make sure it was positioned in the right place and didn't fall out.

Strange- I didn't mean to thread jack- I just wanted to share my experiences. Typically, everything a wayward says is a lie but in this case, she could have lied to her doctor to get an ultrasound. It isn't unheard of. Just depends on the type of OBGYN you have. My thoughts are with you *hugs*

****

Now I realize this response wasn't even for me. *sorry*

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 8:14 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]

Sorry Painful- just read through the thread and saw your final response. Just wanted to share my experience.