SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I took the material below from one of the references posted in this thread.

My purpose in displaying this is to convince the OP the HE MUST SEE A LAWYER. Working on assumptions just won't do.

If you are pregnant, most states have laws that require an Acknowledgment of Paternity (AOP) form at the hospital to legally establish who the father is. After the AOP is signed, couples have a limited amount of time, depending on the state, to request a DNA paternity test to be done and amend the AOP. This form is filed with the Bureau of Vital Statistics and is a legally binding document. If the time allowed for amending this form expires, the father listed on the AOP and birth certificate could be held legally responsible for the child, even if he later proves he is not the biological father.

Some states require a paternity test to list a father’s name on the birth certificate if the couple is unmarried. If the mother is married to someone other than the father of the baby, the husband can be presumed to be the father and listed on the birth certificate as the legal father unless otherwise proven by a paternity tests.

To spell it out to the stubborn, if you wait until the last moment both you, your wife, and the OM could end up with an outcome that YOU don't want. There is a clock ticking on all these steps. See the original article for details.

Here is the URL:

http://americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/paternitytesting.html

@sidney2718,

I agree with you about checking these things out. I knew a guy who was married and found out his child wasn't his biologically. Guess what? In that state it didn't matter what was on the birth certificate. Didn't matter if they were married. Once biological paternity was established as being someone else's then all his rights were voided. He was, in the eyes of the law, a "stranger" to that child with no legal standing whatsoever.

In other states biological paternity counts for nothing at all. Whoever is married to the mom and puts their name on the birth certificate is legally obligated for life.

Legal consultation set up for next week. I just need to know the facts.

It is NOT normal to get an ultrasound at every visit. It is NOT normal to be at a doc's for another reason and then, because you're there, get an ultrasound

All 3 OBs I used (and this started in the late 1980s) used in-office ultrasound to establish dates at first prenatal visit. If I'd been in the office for another reason earlier than the typical 8-10 week first appointment, they might have done one--again, to establish dates--if I thought I was far enough along.

They were not repeated unless there was cause; with my second pregnancy, I had a repeat to check fetal viability at the beginning of the 2nd trimester, due to bleeding. The only other ultrasounds I had were the "biggie" screening one(s) at around 16-20 weeks, a more thorough one with my last pregnancy to check for neural tube defect when other testing was iffy.

There was no huge insurance bill associated with the in-office ultrasounds; the capital expenditure had been handled by the offices long before, and the doctors approached the use of the equipment as part of the routine, set fee for prenatal care. Each and every doctor I had had a "flat rate" for prenatal care and vaginal delivery; c-section was slightly different, but mostly as related to hospital charges for the OR, anesthesiologist fees, and increased cost of a slightly longer inpatient stay.

There are as many approaches to prenatal care as there are obstetricians, midwives, and family practitioners who deliver babies. But it is NOT atypical for in-office ultrasounds to be routinely administered.

I concur that waiting for STD testing is HUGELY unwise, given both the pregnancy and the need for immediate care for ANY disease. Even something as ordinarily benign as Group B strep--a vaginal bacterium that is among the normal flora for some women---can cause huge problems in the neonate. This is a single guy she's hooking up with--a single guy who probably can't be counted on to remain faithful to his married lover. That means that your wife, if B strep negative now, may be exposed later in pregnancy, should this man have sex with a woman for whom Group B strep is among the normal vaginal flora.

If I had ONE piece of advice--for the baby's safety--it would be that, if your wife tests negative early in pregnancy (it's screened for routinely), she be retested AS SHE PREPARES TO DELIVER. If she's been exposed in the interim, it can be caught, and antibiotics can be administered prophylactically. If there is inadequate time to treat the infection before delivery, a decision to deliver by c-section can be made.

This sounds alarmist, but exposure to Group B strep is the leading cause of neonatal pneumonia and preventable perinatal death---so the simple step of being tested close to delivery can save a newborn's life.

Re: other STDs: The fact that one might not immediately seroconvert after HIV exposure is not rationale for postponing testing; it is rationale for repeated testing at regular intervals. My doctor recommended every six months for 18-24 months. (This was the protocol for testing after needlestick injury in every hospital where I've worked, as well.) The most current recommendations go a step further, and suggest that all adults be screened annually. (We all know that we can't quite count on our partners to be monogamous.)

There are many other diseases for which early testing is critical. And the sooner you identify HIV seroconversion, the better.

Don't make the mistake of thinking disease is a remote possibility. The "yeast infection" raises huge flags (if nothing else, bona fide yeast infections are VERY often sexually transmitted; what are normal flora in one woman's vagina bug the heck out of another woman's. Additionally, yeast infections can help create an internal environment that is very hospitable to other organisms/diseases). You don't want to wind up with something tenacious that could have been knocked out if caught early. And it happens.

Oh--and "no unprotected sex" means no unprotected oral, too. Take it from the woman who had a year-long, serious, debilitating pharygeal infection due to exposure during oral sex. It's not safe if it's not protected--no matter how you go about it.

Good luck to you--you're in such a difficult position, and there are no easy answers.

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:16 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

Legal consultation set up for next week. I just need to know the facts.

This is great news!

Information from the Internet and from your WW is really useless at this point.

We can offer support and share our experiences, but until you know where you stand legally, it really means nothing.

I sure hope you intend to go ALONE to this legal consult. You need to be in an environment that focuses on YOUR questions and YOUR rights, not having your WW butt in with defense of her behavior and the OM.

I would also write down all your questions. Post them here--we may be able to add to them. You need to know thoroughly where you stand legally with each outcome.

Cat

I sure hope you intend to go ALONE to this legal consult

Yes. Alone and without WW's knowledge.

Good Job Strange. I know it's hard to accept the reality that has been thrust upon you. But when you start taking steps to care for yourself, and your kids you will start to feel stronger, and know that you are not doomed to a life of misery, there are choices, there are ways out of this.

Now call your Dr or another PCP if you don't want yours to know, and go get the full gamut of STD testing, and if you are still struggling with sleeping and eating, talk about it. Sleep deprivation does impact your ability to think straight and make good decisions.

((((and strength)))

I'm really glad you are going to see an attorney. Catwoman had a great tip about writing down your questions as you think of them, because if you are anything like me your head will be swimming when you go there.

Is there a trusted friend you could possibly bring with you to the appointment? Another set of ears?

Strange wrote:

Legal consultation set up for next week. I just need to know the facts.

To which I say: GREAT! The first step is the hardest.

Is there a trusted friend you could possibly bring with you to the appointment? Another set of ears?

Unfortunately no. I've confided in two people and the nearer one is halfway across the country. I do have a list of questions, though. A dear friend who was also a BS and is now divorced talked me through some stuff.

Marriage counseling tomorrow (Friday). Third appointment. Wish me luck.

Glad you've set the appointment up with lawyer. Given that you don't have anyone close by to talk to I would see if that marriage counselor does individual as well and go alone. Marriage Counseling with an unremorseful wife who still loves another man is pretty useless. Spend the money on YOU.

Stay strong. Oh and in regards to the STD testing, get that done ASAP and if I were you I would make it part of the R terms with your wife. Trust me. As a woman who had to go to her doctor and explain that she needed a full STD screening done because her husband had a two year affair - it's beyond humiliating. And I didn't do anything wrong!

I imagine your wife telling her doctor what she did and laying with her legs spread getting STD tests, and then having to wait for results -well it just might be a wee bit of a wake up call.

There are as many approaches to prenatal care as there are obstetricians, midwives, and family practitioners who deliver babies. But it is NOT atypical for in-office ultrasounds to be routinely administered.

this has been brought up way too much, and I already said that the office part I was mistaken on. It's not normal to get one every visit. It's not normal to get one if you're at the office for a yeast infection. There IS a massive insurance bill for an ultrasound, capital expenditure or not. The doc already paid for schooling too, but they still charge an arm and a leg for services. The two are unrelated.

I'm done with medical discussions. Seriously - my point was the wife's story does NOT add up.

Since everyone here believes that this cheater that intentionally got pregnant by a coworker honestly had no clue she'd be getting an ultrasound when she showed up for her yeast infection, well, I'll just go on record as saying I disagree with the members on this one. I don't believe SOF's wife on this, at all. I think she knew she was getting an ultrasound. I think she either brought OM, or wanted to go alone. She's lied about everything else, and this is just way too coincidental for me.

Strange, marriage counseling at this point is a complete waste of time and money. It isn't going to do anything as long as your wife is still longing for her loverboy.

Painfulpast wrote:

Since everyone here believes that this cheater that intentionally got pregnant by a coworker honestly had no clue she'd be getting an ultrasound when she showed up for her yeast infection, well, I'll just go on record as saying I disagree with the members on this one. I don't believe SOF's wife on this, at all. I think she knew she was getting an ultrasound. I think she either brought OM, or wanted to go alone. She's lied about everything else, and this is just way too coincidental for me.

One question I have is why was the WW testing herself for pregnancy? It seems to me that she must already have had some worry in this direction. And I agree that the OM may well have been there for a scheduled ultrasound.

Look at it this way: she was trying to have a baby. The OM knew that. She checks and finds she's pregnant and wants to prove to the OM that she is pregnant.

I have no idea what the ultimate idea was since she's admitted to her BH that the OM is not good father material. Could the idea have been as simple as staying married to the BH with the OM having visitation rights for his child. As others have pointed out, this would also give the two of them a chance to be alone.

My heart goes out to the BH. I urge him to take control of the situation and not let his wife make the decisions as to what is going to happen.

Right now BH seems happy to let his wife make the choice with him having the option of saying no. That limits the choices to a take it or leave it of her choosing.

Taking control would mean that HE gets to pick the option (there are at least four if not more) and she gets to say yes or no.

What weapon does he have? The threat of divorce. That doesn't seem to be what anybody wants but it seems to me to be the least unfair to everyone, including the unborn baby.

Painfulpast, I pretty much agree with you. You really make sense. I would bet OM was with her at that appointment too. How many times have we read on here that the spouse has truly not stopped contact? Too many to count, that's for sure.

I have no idea what the ultimate idea was since she's admitted to her BH that the OM is not good father material.

Because she is just saying what she thinks Strange wants to hear?

This is getting ridiculous. None of this conspiracy theory conjecture does any good. She scheduled an OB appointment, the earliest available. She then went to her gyno because of a yeast infection she acquired a few weeks before her scheduled OB appointment. While there, she says she is pregnant and asks if they could do an ultrasound because her appt isn't for a few more weeks and because she miscarried last time. They oblige.

There is no NC in place and therefore little reason to lie. Did she also forge the prescription for the medication just to throw me off the scent? Who cares if the OM was there or not? He wasn't. But does it matter? "Dude, so sorry your wife is carrying another man's baby. But at least he didn't go to the gynocologist with her. Now THAT would be really bad."

Yes, I know cheating spouses lie. But not about everything. I saw her this morning. Or, at least, I think I did. What if it was a holograph put in place to deceive me while she and the OM were out painting the town red with ultrasounds?

MC in a bit. Then a face to face with the OM. I hope it's actually him and not a holograph. Or an actor they hired to delay me while they go get more ultrasounds.

[This message edited by strangeasfiction at 4:57 PM, February 7th (Friday)]

SAF,

I know you're getting frustrated with us. But just take a step back and breath. Your wife is totally unremorseful, she planned on getting pregnant with another man while married to you. She is a LIAR. It's so hard to reconcile the person we were married to versus the cheater but trust that everyone here has seen this story a hundred times. I'm in R now, and my husband is totally remorseful, but I will never ever forget how easily and deeply he was able to lie to me.

The details may be different, but unless your cheating spouse is curled up in a ball with snot flowing out of her nose, begging and begging for forgiveness and giving you 100% transparency - she is not anywhere near reconciling and is more likely to still be lying to you.

Think about it. If she wanted to reconcile wouldn't she be hoping to God this child is YOURS and she can be done with this ass?

Please, protect yourself. Get into IC. Hugs and strength to you.m

There is no NC in place and therefore little reason to lie

Other than not wanting you to know that she and OM are off playing house.

Why are you meeting with him? He's got nothing to offer you. There is no point, unless you've decided to stay and be a father to his child.

Either way, good luck. Your wife has made quite a mess of your life, without any care in the world about it, and as sad as it is, you seem to want to defend her. It's a confusing time, I know. We aren't the enemy, but you think we are, so I'll leave you to do your thing. I hope things work out for you - I really do.