SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I got an inbox message from a friend on Facebook a while ago. Actually it was a back and forth series of messages. Back when we were teenagers, this friend lost his virginity to me. I will copy and paste the exchange. With names changed.

F- So you dont wanna chat to me like that now then.

D- Not just now, ever! You are a married man. You told me you were separated and divorcing and that is why I was responding in a fun way to your flirty messages. But as you might recall, when they became sexual and you started sending me pictures I reminded you that you were not yet divorced and that it was far too forward for my liking.

F- but we did sleep 2gether. You cant be all weird about that.

D- F, it was a lifetime ago. We were single carefree kids then. You can't have a wife and children AND do that. It's only because of some horrible life experiences and knowing the broken natures of some types and the holes they can dig themselves that I'm even trying to explain this to you now. But you lied to me and you made me a possible third person in your marriage without my knowledge or your wife's. That's so wrong. You say you told her everything and that you've worked hard on your marriage and there's another baby to think of- but then you message me a meme about sexting and flirting with old flames....you need to take a serious look at your boundaries and set them waaaaay back from where you've got them now.

F- fair dos. And it would undo a lot of my hard work I guess. So you dont think its a good idea Im getting. I dont need to wreck all my efforts so.

D- Not just yours, if you've even been remotely genuine about it. What about your wife? Your children? their lives and hearts? Want to break them?? No- I don't think that would be a good idea. I definitely wouldn't do that to my partner- I love him. And you love your wife you say and you're happy so you shouldn't be wanting to text anyone like that at all- you could lose your family life and it's not worth it. All your girls deserve a lot better from you and you can be a better guy than that, I think. And it's insulting that you think I'd be game. When I found out you weren't separated before I shut you down, took you off my FB, advised you to get to some marriage counselling and tell your wife the damn truth or I would. Now in possession of full knowledge what on earth makes you think I would be ok with that?! Thank God I never reciprocated with your sex talk or pictures, your poor wife. You should be horrified at the pain you've caused her.

F- ok. Loud and clear, you are not going to be someone I can have an outlet with. I am sure I will get over it or find some other means, no worries.

D- There will always be women out there who are unhappy/damaged/slutty/careless enough to be involved in texting like that with you. Always. But you've only got the one family. It's worth a lot more.

F- were supposed to be friends?

D- Actually, I think you scorched that earth when you treated me like a slut and your wife like garbage. But ok- a friendly word in your ear? Where are your boundaries? Where are your morals? I would be happy to let your wife read this exchange, if only for clarity. Would you? I certainly would not be ok with the pain it would no doubt cause her, but you would probably be scared for your own ass here, friend, and that is your problem. Rebuilding your marriage is less about you and more about her. You need to tell her about this. Today. And I will keep this set of messages and if you ever message me again with this crap or I hear you're messaging someone else with it, I'll make sure people know what a sleaze you can be.

F- fair enough.

Now, this evening I get this.

F- hey u still in a relationship?

I haven't replied but a quick FB check confirmed that he is still very married himself. What should I do?

Why are you still talking to this asshat? You really ought to block him. No need to respond because as you can see, he'll argue you to death regardless of what you say.

Thank goodness you have some standards. I agree stop responding to him. You are feeding the drama llama.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 2:00 PM, March 10th (Monday)]

Crickets followed by blocking on facebook.

If it was me, I'd follow through with what I said I would do. I'd make sure people knew what a sleaze he could be.

EXPOSE HIM! You don't have time for this SLEAZE BALL. He is still pursuing you. This man is a total loser. I could see if he was single and wanted to see something was there but no.

HE IS FREAKING MARRY!

And his attitude about it all is troublesome.

This BOY gives MEN a bad name. He obviously hasn't grown up or else he would be caring about his family and wife and put them first.

SERIOUSLY. What a LOSER!

I haven't replied but he's sent the same message again and then a question mark. I don't like going through people's Facebook pages when I'm not friends with them on there but it actually looks like his wife has gone away with the children to visit family today and he had to stay behind for work.

Forward these to his wife, his mother, his boss, whoever you can to get the point across. Start with maybe the wife...if that doesn't work, then the mom and boss, etc... . He is being a complete jerk and soooo rude. Hold your head high and know you did not do to his wife what you could have even though he has.

Call this douchetwat's wife and let her know exactly what he is up to.

What looser.

I wouldn't even respond to him, just contact her and be done.

Show his wife.

This

I definitely wouldn't do that to my partner- I love him

and this

I was responding in a fun way to your flirty messages

don't mesh for me. Are you in a relationship? Because if you are I think you need to take another look at your boundaries as well. If I read your post wrong, I'm sorry.

If your husband was behaving like this, would you want the OW to tell you?

What a jerk! I would get in touch with his wife. He is such scum, ugh.

I swear, guys like this are a dime a dozen. Always looking for a cheap thrill the second their wives are giving the kids a bath, cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking a shower, or gone for the weekend to visit her mother.

This guy is a pitiful cliche.

So which suggestion of the many you've been given here are you going to take?

Someone made a good point. Wouldn't YOU want to know if your husband was trawling the internet looking for a cheap thrill behind your back?

TELL HIS WIFE! If its not your, it will be someone else. Wouldn't you want to know? What an assclown that guy is!

I'm confused.....

So the two of you had sex waaaay back. And now he thinks that because you two were intimate, he can talk dirty and sext you?

What is WRONG with him?

k9

Morhurt, this conversation was about him sending me an inappropriate meme to my inbox. When I was single he was texting me under the guide of also being single. He sent a few flirty messages and I would respond with things like "ooh, saucy! :)" Just fun. Until he started getting too sexual and sending intimate pictures. I told him it was a bit too far for my liking and didn't respond to his messages. I then found out he was still very much married and not even separated, and I told him to come clean to his wife or I would tell her everything, took him off my FB and removed his number from my phone. Since then, I got involved with a wonderful guy. And then my "friend" sent me the meme and this string of messages was sparked. This was about three months ago. Tonight, he messages me asking if I am still in a relationship. A quick search on his FB showed me he is married still and his wife has just gone out of town. Yes, you read the situation wrongly but I wasn't particularly clear, just posting hastily in a haze of "wtf!!" I do apologise if this has seemed misleading to anyone.

And I am going to share this information with his wife, but I will not warn him just in case that gives him a damage control opportunity. I am not sure, with the context of what is on his FB, but it looks like she may have taken their children to visit a rather ill relative, so I feel quite awful putting this on her right now.

He's a little slow on the uptake, isn't he?

Definitely inform the wife. It's what you said you would do. Do it.

I would show his wife but block his ass, like yesterday. Well I guess that's how things get started, throw the bait out and see who bites. I wish for his families sake he would take your advice but he's going to move on to someone who's interested in his sorry ass which is why his wife should know.

Print out the conversation, if that's even possible, and send it to the dirtbags wife!

What a complete POS.