Annoyed at this choice. Adds to society's "light" view of M and commitment to vows. I don't know any backstory.....but the term is very "user friendly".....seems almost.....healthy. It's no ones fault. Annoyed at the apparent lack of personal accountability. Stems from my parents D......to date both blame the other. This, no fault. No fault indicates no harm. Bull shit.
I see where a "temporary marriage license" are being crafted....2 year duration.
An extension of the "no fault divorce" mentality.
Sad.
Dysfunctional M's started with Adam and Eve....Eve invited sin into their M, Adam chose it them blamed Eve for it.....and that was the start.
Dysfunctional is not abusive.....two very different relationships. All M's have some dysfunctional component to them, but not all are abusive. I am only upset with D as a choice with a dysfunctional M. There are no fully functional relationships.....by our own sinful nature this is not a realistic expectation.
My parents generation to dysfunctional M's was not to fix them, it was to throw them away. ( baby boomers). Their parents generation to dysfunctional M's were to stick them out without working on them.
A disposable society was born. Problem is, some of those crumbs that are on the disposable fabric that is M and family are....children. (An individual that D 's also is damaged)
I am very aware of the damage these actions have had in me, have had on my wife, have had on my M.
I am not proposing to settle into an abusive relationship (an argument for no fault divorce law and societies justification for D). I simply suggest once you make the commitment to M you recognize it is a serious responsibility.....made more serious with the creation of children in that family.
Another argument made to choose to end M is that "kids are resilient". This is not helpful nor constructive. While kids can change and grow faster than adults, they can't do this if they have no teacher, no mentor. In both my wife and i's childhood we had no such leadership. We were left to our own accord. As a result we unconsciously denied our pain, hurts and feelings. Though neither of us were physically abused and had most all of our physical needs met, We missed critical emotional and spiritual developmental steps. Insread, we developed FOO coping mechs that protected us but came at a high cost...:they limited our intimacy and bonding skills and abilities. We needed to do this to survive.....and that is what our M did for years.....survived. We now are aware of this and desire to have a M that thrives.
IF my wife was continuing to choose adultery....or chooses it again. Our M will end. That is abusive behavior and threatens the family. M can survive in this setting, but it will not thrive.
Bit of a sermon.....just so tired of stories like this that nudge our society further and further into "disposable" mode.
.....I am tempted too. I have sought advice in D too. I am doing everything in my power to fix whhat I can in my M. I am aware a healthy M requires two fully committed people.
What I am also aware of is that neither my wife nor I were fully open to each other. We had extremely good masking skills .....but were not nearly as self-aware as we could have been.
"
The greatest problem in my M that I can solve is.....me."
Read that in a book, talked about it in therapy. Once I understood and owned that, constructive change can occur within a M. It HAS to change. I am 50% of the inputs. Doesn't mean it will thrive. D could still be an option. But if you choose D before you own that....you may very well recreate a destructive cycle again.
God help us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:19 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)]
