SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

person vii

08/2004 - met him. casual relationship with sex starts.

12/2004 - my wife leaves country. relationship ends with him arguing he wanted BF/GF relationship and she didnt.

2005 - wife meets me. a few months later a friend coming back to italy from amsterdam stops at my appt in germany to go to the bathroom while my wife (then gf) is there and im at work - he is one of people in car. they dont even talk.

08/2011 - my wife contacts him to bury the hatchet. cant give a real reason why it was important. they send a few emails back and forth, nothing to them. my wife conceals this information from me.

2011 - they see each other 2 times. exchange phone numbers, and chat.

03/2012 - with no warning my wife sends him 2 unsolicited risque photos (bra and panties) in an email. he either never responded to the email OR she deleted the response. she cant remember sending them.

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person viii

1998 - met, quasi bf/gf relationship, break up in december.

2002 - see each other again, end up having a ONS in her appartment.

2005 - my wife and i meet

2011 - see each other on street, exchange phone #s,friend on facebook.

2011 - meet for a coffee, my wife lies about who she is going to see.

2012 - meet for a drink, my wife lies about who she is going to see.

2012 - contacts him about storage facilities for work.

2013- he discusses cosmic bond with her, says he wants a "private paradise" with her, and to create an intimate place to be refuge from private life. she says only wants friends with him and then asks if he is fishing for an affair he says "no" and that she misunderstood.

06/2013 - D-day 1. my wife tells him she is serious about marriage.

end 2013/early 2014 - wife deletes fb account and creates new one. he texts her "why delete me", she adds him to new account.

10/2013 - last phone contact between them.

maybe sent him nude photos. cant remember.

at some point tells him she "might be starting an affair", he replies "why not with me".

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person ix

12/2011 - i meet him at family business. he gives me phone # and wants me to go to a bar with him. i never call him.

09/2012 - my wife meets him at family business. they chat, he finds out she is my wife. they exchange phone numbers. they start texting and calling each other.

10 or 11/2012 - goes with him and some female friends to club where LTA guy is working (at this point she is still pursuing him). person ix notices something between them either this time or next time they go. asks about it. wife says yes, she wants him. person ix against it. wife tells him how bad i am, how bad marriage is, how unhappy she is, etc.

10/2012 - 04/2012 - they go out to clubs together at least 6+ times she can remember. i remember more often. when my wife sleeps with LTA guy she brags to this guy "i got what i wanted from him". goes to his house 2x to drink coffees. one time crying after a fight (with me??). he lives a few blocks away.

02/2012 - he meets my wife at family business, wants to talk to her. tells her he wants to be more than friends with her. he wants to hold her hand, kiss, hug, etc. she says "no", either friends or nothing. he says nothing. leaves.

??/2012 - he shows her a video of his cleaning lady masturbating him with her feet for money.

??/2012 - he comes to our apartment to help with a problem with the front door. my wife tells me how great it is that he is such a good friend to come, how important it is to have friends like him, and that i should be thankful for him.

04/2012 - he contacts her. says he was stupid. they go out to clubs again. they argue going out and he brings her home and leaves. both very angry. end of relationship between them.

05/2012 - phone crashes. whatsapp restores, adds him as contact, and she deletes him from all contacts.

06/2012 - D-day 1

08/2012 - they see each other on the street, he walks towards her, she walks away from him.

04/2014 - i run into him on bus and tell him get off or i kick his ass. he gets off the bus.

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there are still unanswered questions about person ix.

this information was compiled after several talks.

i ended up crying last night when i went to bed. started crying and couldnt stop - i wasnt even thinking of this stuff. i just started crying. i think the emotional toll and the weight of all of this stuff is breaking me down.

[This message edited by william at 7:54 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]

Hi william. Did you let her see you cry? Did she provide comfort to you? Did she turn to you?

william)))

we went to bed together. within a minute or two of lying down i started sobbing uncontrollably. she was lying next to me.

she did turn to me, did comfort me, and did apologize over and over.

this is just so much stuff to deal with. its heartbreaking. the worst part is that this is the "easy part" ... the truly terrifying ones are still to come :(

sometimes i feel like im just breaking to parts inside. i dont know if i can handle all this.

pm sent

thanks.

ill reply to it later. right now im just not really able to concentrate on anything anymore. im also feeling especially bitter right now and dont think i can see things in a very rational way with the way i am feeling.

[This message edited by william at 10:19 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]

no need to reply. is there anything you like to do that can soothe your mind for a bit? Get your mind off of it? I remember at one point you said something about rollerblading? Or running?

sending strength brother.

((((((william)))))

I am glad you were able to let some of the feelings overwhelm you. IO think it's good to let some of the emotion escape. Of course it's staggeringly overwhelming. Sending you a little peace and strength, but I know it can't lessen the burden you're walking with.

How goes the battle william?

thank you all for your support.

i just couldnt take much more of the neverending stream of vomit hitting me without taking a break for a few days. instead of discussing this we watched some movies and spent time together. it allowed me some time to catch my breath and to get my feet back under me.

person x

2002 - met. kissed 2x.

2003 - lost contact with each other

2005 - my wife and i meet

2009 - wife contacted him via email. why = IDK. she felt relieved that they never discussed kisses. didnt tell me she was in contact with him and besides being just another lie this was also a violation of the no contact agreement my wife and i had regarding person i because this was a friend of his.

2011 - my wife goes to nyc on a trip. asks him for phone number and goes to see him at his work. she felt it was "irrelevant, that a couple of kisses dont change anything" so she concealed this meeting from me. went to bar he works at to talk 1x and 1x go on a long walk.

2011 - they keep in contact via facebook after her trip. kept this secret from me.

nov/dec 2012 - sent him pics of some of her tattoos. started to discuss marriage in detail with him.

jan 2013? - sent 2-5 unsolicited photos to him, never nude but risque (bustier or in bra or in short shorts, etc) despite "not being attracted to him" and "i dont know" as a reason why she sent them. she felt uncomfortable doing so and was "relieved" that he never directly sexually to her photos, never made lewd comments, and never asked for more. yet she continued sending them.

i dont know exactly when the photo sending ended yet or how.

i dont know when they severed contact yet (although i know they are now NC).

Thanks for the update. Glad to see you take a break and catch your breath. Also happy to see you branching out more and more over the site lately. I get not wanting to post to other people's threads, but in a way I find that it can be therapeutic. The advice you have been giving is invaluable.

Continue to hang in there william.

thanks.

i was really hesitant to provide advice because i handled so much very badly early on. i somewhat feel that my advice might not be any good.

i felt (feel) pretty safe recommending that people pay attention to those who have been on the site awhile.

but yeah, i am starting to get more involved in some ways. i guess its trying to pay it back and forward for all of the help that ive gotten.

Don't second guess yourself on the advice front. You have been through so much pain for so long, your determination to get through it, your compassion for your family, your determination for R, getting to your breaking point and be willing to walk away, your ability to articulate suffering, your courage, your strength.... dude... I say is there anyone more qualified than you? Do your thing. It's hugely appreciated!!!

wow!!

thank you.

we talked about 3 more people last night. they dont really deserve numbers on the list.

with all of them she had some sort of physical relationship with them a year or more before we met (sex with one of them, sex and sorta participating in a 3 somesome with another, and laying in bed with another after a night of drinking but nothing else).

she got back into contact with each of them during our marriage. i knew at the time about what she had done with them before. she met each of them "as friends" during our marriage, i knew about the meetings too. i even said it was okay at the time.

obviously i didnt have the FULL information - that she was also cheating with other people - or i wouldnt have been so trusting and so willing to say "okay" to seeing them.

so im not happy because i was deprived of the very information i would have needed to make an intelligent choice. however, she didnt send them nude photos or F them during our relationship, surprisingly didnt even bad mouth me or our marriage to them (which makes me wonder why NOT to these three when evidently everyone else heard all about it), and all in all it wasnt too terrible.

however, they are also on the no contact list because she HAS had physical contact with them in the past and its better to avoid things that can get dangerous or tempting or be misunderstood.

all in all the talk went pretty well.

then today i was dumb. ive been taking emails my wife sent to herself and moving them to a folder so we can discuss them later when we get to her LTA guy. i read a few. the ones i read are horrible. god. it felt like a knife had been stuck into me. i should have saved them for the talk rather than look at them now. i told my wife. she says she understands and feels terrible, that if she hadnt been so stupid we and i wouldnt have to go through this sh!t now, that she feels sick to her stomach when she thinks about it and who she was during that time, that she loves me, and that she is sorry. i still feel at what i read.

Keep those updates coming when you feel up to it william.

If I feel anxious and sick on my end of the keyboard I can only imagine how you feel. When is the LTA's guy walk through coming? Would it be better for you to do it sooner than later so that you are not so tortured waiting. Not that you should be in any hurry to have your knee caps blown off again, but man when is this shit going to end for you brother? I want to see some healing for YOU. You aren't going to be able to do that until you get through this shit.

I'm still here listening.

we are working in chronological order. one night stand guy 1 should be coming up pretty soon. one night stand guy 2 is inbetween him and the LTA guy, but so are TONS of guys she was sexting with. so far we have covered only a few of them. then after LTA guy come the rest of the sexting guys.

i wanted them in chronological because

1: i didnt want the worst first

2: it allows me to make sense of it better if it is arranged into some sort of order. basically THIS is her timeline so it makes sense to go chronological.

3: there was lots going on at the time we started so it seemed better to start with the "easier".

it will be getting really bad really soon

we get the results on my wifes tests today (to see what if anything they found that wasnt right when she had the procedure).

we discussed a guy the other night that she had sent nude photos too. she even took our daughter to meet him at a friends house . i have to wonder WTF goes through her mind sometimes.

i got so many IDK and ICR that i cant even place his crap on the timeline im building - its incredibly vague.

so tonight i guess i need to sit down and patiently dig it all out of her. hearing it is bad enough but having to dig it out makes it so much worse.

then, after we finish with him, the next guy will probably be covered. hes another one that she sent photos to, sexted, and did so for almost 2 years. hes going to be very hard to deal with emotionally.

the night after tomorrow night we probably hit her first ONS guy. that is going to be brutal to hear.

wish me strength and patience because this crap sometimes seems like too much to deal with

STRENGTH to you william)))