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Ugh. Sitting here tonight with my family and close friends, my home phone rings. I answer it and this is what I hear, "Fuck, she answered. I didn't think she would." Then click....my wonderful, oh so mature husband.....really?!? Grow up!! He wasn't even mature enough to ask for his son? Is this middle school?!

I am really surprised that he even attempted to call. But that way, it looks good on him. I am sure he will say he tried but I wouldn't let him talk to him or some bullshit like that. I did hear a female voice say something right before he hung up. I am sure it was his whore. She goes to court next week. Karma.

Anyway, I hope he doesn't call back. I know my son would love to talk to him but all it would do is hurt him. Like it did me. I hate that he has the power to hurt us.

How would they have your number? Weird. Doesn't natter what he can prove. You have the voicemail. No games BBM. It doesn't do anybody any good.!

I don't know if I'm correct but I seem to remember BBM said she changed her cell # but that she couldn't change the landline. I may have her mixed up with someone else though...

BBM, document the call. In fact document all calls and the content. With this one, write down exactly what was said and what transpired afterward. Keep these records so that if and when you go to court and he makes false claims, you will have your accurate account.

You are right, Chicky. I changed my cell but not my house number. I was hoping it wouldn't come that. I answered the phone, I don't have a voicemail. It just really shows his character and immaturity. Right before my son went to sleep, he said "I knew my Dad wouldn't call." He looked so heartbroken. Even though he was trying to put on a brave face, I know he desperately wanted to talk to him. It absolutely crushes me.

When your son has to face these painful realities of the situation you have to show him all the people who do love him, and reinforce that you love him and above all it's about dad being broken, not anything he did or didn't do.

I'm probably preaching to the choir on that.

I agree you need to start documenting his craziness, if he gets desperate or for some reason feels the need to be vindictive you need to be prepared. Get a spiral notebook, and keep it by the phone, and document any and all calls that he makes to the house. Date, Time, Content. Note if he requested to speak with son or not.

(((and strength)))

He wasn't even mature enough to ask for his son?

I would bet he wasn't even calling about your son's birthday. That to me sounds like he was checking to see if you were home. I seriously doubt he remembered the boy's birthday.

My apologies BBM. I missed the whole part about it being the home phone number. I agree he was either checking to see if you were home or just trying to rattle your cage again. I'm never ceased to be amazed at how many adults decide to never grow up.

Dear BBM,

I would bet that your son didn't really want to talk to him so much as to see that his Dad loved him enough to reach out to him.

(sigh)

Hard lesson for a 10 year old.................

k9

I know that he knows it was his birthday but only because he has his name and birthdate tattooed on his chest! LOL! Everytime he looks in the mirror or looks down he sees it! I agree though, I am sure he wanted to check to see if I was actually home. But I am sure his main purpose was to look good. That backfired. One or two phone calls in 3 months doesn't exactly make anyone look good....

K9-I think that was part of it. He needed reassurance that his dad DOES love him. Unfortunately, he didn't get. It is a very hard lesson for a 10 year old. Hell it is a hard lesson for ME!

I just wanted to tell you I think you are doing great. You sound strong. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.

Thank you. I am really trying. It bothers me that he has the power that he has over me. Just hearing his voice yesterday, even though he was cussing because of me, gave me that funny feeling in my stomach. And I instantly teared up. I hate that he can do that. I wish that feeling would go away.

Don't get me wrong, I do not want him back. But I miss him. I miss who I thought he was. Weekly. Daily. Hourly. Constantly. AND I HATE THAT HE HAS THAT POWER!!!!

I LOVE how you have gone from:

I miss my husband.

To:

I miss what we had...

To:

I miss who I thought he was.

This is HUGE progress. Way to go!!

Just want to add another voice - I think you are doing great. I am sure it doesn't feel like you are - but I think you and your son will be much better off for how you are doing.

OH MY GOSH!!! I got ANOTHER damn letter from the DFS, not from MY county, saying I am losing food stamps and my sons insurance because he moved out of the household!! It is dated AFTER they told me it was being investigated. I have been to BOTH counties and made numerous phone calls about this bullshit! I am so fed up with it ALL!! I don't know wgat else to do. I just want to cry.

Hugs, BBM. Any chance your lawyer could help you with this? I'm no lawyer but one would think this stuff falls under identity fraud or something. Food stamp fraud is a crime where I live, anyway. Ugh, I'm so sorry he's making you deal with this crap

I am a lawyer. One suggestion - try legal aid in your area. Another - see if you can talk to a social worker. Another - believe it or not - call you local congressman's office (they have people who do this all day - though if this is state they may not be willing to help).

What state are you in?

I am in Missouri. I spoke to a caseworker last week in the county he lives in and one in my county last month. There is a number on the bottom of the letter for me to call to request a hearing. I guess I will try that. I have called and called and that doesn't seem to be working. I am afraid I am going to be in some kind of trouble! That is just my luck! Right now it looks like I am trying to get assistance in 2 counties. HE is the one who needs to be in trouble. This is definitely food stamp fraud! And it is illegal here! I am going to try to talk to someone AGAIN on Monday. It is just so aggravating. This is the 1st time since my son was a baby that I have tried to get public assistance and this is the shit I have to deal with? Because of my lying, cheating, dopehead, alcoholic husband?!? Haven't I had to deal with enough bullshit lately WITHOUT this?

People say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Well obviously He has more faith in me than he should because I am really close to my breaking point!

Try contacting your local t.v station. Lots of them have a feature on helping ordinary folks who are getting the runaround. It can be a good story for them, and they can put pressure on that will help you. It's worth a try.

Some suggestions:

You can report the fraud. For Missouri here are the contacts:

MO 877-770-8055 www.dss.mo.gov/dls/pafraud.htm

I would not do that yet, though. I would make clear to your case worker that your husband filed illegally though.

You can request emergency assistance from your case worker. some detail here:

http://missourifamilies.org/features/consumerarticles/foodstamps.htm

This is a link to the legal aid programs in Missouri. Some help with food stamp determinations.

http://www.courts.mo.gov/page.jsp?id=43918

They can REALLY help. I was a legal aid lawyer for a while - I was poor as dirt - but I was damn good at what I did. If there is a law school near you you might try seeing if the having a clinic as well.

You should definitely appeal your food stamp determination. Send me a PM and I may be able to help a little (I am not admitted in MO). Mostly appeals are about getting the paperwork together. Your tax returns for example.

Keep fighting.

[This message edited by redsox13 at 7:30 AM, August 24th (Sunday)]

Just left the DFS office, AGAIN. Another day that I had to leave work early to deal with this bs. They said that everything should be fixed now. I even had paperwork from my sons school stating that he is in my custody. One of the papers I got said he wasn't living with me so I assume my bastard H tried saying he had him. Hahaha never going to happen, EVER!!!

They are supposed to be investigating him still. But she said most likely, he will just be penalized for a year and not be able to receive any assistance. So just a slap on the wrist while I deal with all of the hassle, stress and worry. Imagine that.