SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. I always check your thread to see if you updated, because I know you are trying so hard to be strong for your son.

The birthday tugged at my heart. I hope it was good and your son was able to enjoy it.

Keep strong, and know that lots of people are rooting for you!!

Say strong BBM - You got this, and I agree when one needs assistance it seems as though that's who they single out to make it the most difficult for. In what I do, I see it over and over, and have come to the conclusion that they make it difficult for one reason.

So people quit trying, and the state doesn't have to pay out the benefit.

Hang in there. You are getting stronger each day, I see it in your posts.

(((and strength))))

I am trying so hard but I feel like just when I take a step or two forward, I am shoved back 10! I hate that I even have to rely on help from the state. I shouldn't have to. I should have my husband home helping to support our son and IT PISSES ME OFF to no end! I just can't believe what it has came to. What my life has came to....UGH!

LCB (lying, cheating bastard) just called me. He has union papers that need to be signed by me because we are still married. Said that without my signature he can't get union benefits. Then he wanted to know why I changed my number without telling him. I said because I didn't want him or his whore having my number. And that the only time he texted was to be ignorant to me. He told me that was real mature and I said "like you calling here and saying fuck she answered and hanging up?" He said he was pissed because I one upped him by changing my number. Really?! Is this a game? Should I have been taking score? I know I am losing if it is. How do I know he is winning? Because now I am crying. I miss hearing that voice tell me he loves me. I miss my hysband. Even with everything that has went on, I love him. Why? What is wrong with me? I know my marriage is over. I know the man I loved is as good as dead. So why does just hearing his voice do this to me? I hate what he has become. I hate the person he is. But I love the man I married. I don't understand how I can hate someone so much and love them at the same time.

Anyway, he wants to come over here Thursday and get the stuff he was supposed to get Saturday. I told him I don't want to see him. He said to put his stuff on the sidewalk aand he will leave the papers on the fence. I can sign them and he will be back in an hour to get them. I am not signing anything. What do I do?

I am so tired of all of this. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just want the pain to end. See what I mean about 2steps forward and then getting shoved back 10? I hate that I let him have this much control over me.

He has union papers for me? So he is making union wages? But I am struggling to pay bills and had to spend I don't know how many hours trying to fix the food stamp situation? The one he caused? The last papers I got he was working at KFC. That isn't union, is it? Something isn't adding up.

Make copies of those papers BUT do NOT sign them! Take them to your attorney. He's already commited fraud with food stamps, so who's to say this won't be a repeat?

I agree - make copies but do not sign. If it's true you should be able to get child support garnished. Talk to a lawyer and get his stuff out of your house.

Back to NC -- no new hurt

Any chance he would fax them to you prior to the weekend so you can review them. If he is at a union job he should be paying for health insurance for your son at a minimum.

The sooner you can get that ball rolling the better off you are.

After I posted, I got to thinking that this all sounds fishy. So I texted my cousin, to text his friend, to text him. I deleted all numbers associated with him. I asked him to let him know that I did NOT want him coming to my house and I would NOT be signing anything until my lawyer had went over them so he could mail them to me and we would go over them. So he calls me back at midnight, PISSED OFF, yelling and cussing at me! He said that I was being a stupid bitch and that he had tried for 3 months to get his stuff and I was keeping it from him. Really? I sat it outside 2 weeks ago when he claimed he was coming to get it. I spent my entire Saturday packing HIS stuff up. He didn't show! Not one mention of his child, just his stuff! Which by the way, none of it is worth anything! He said that he would just have his lawyer decide what to do about his stuff. I said that was a great idea and while he was talking to the lawyer, he should file for divorce. He started cussing me again and telling me that I was being immature. I just hung up on him. He called back 2x and I just hung up as soon as he started in. Then I just took the phone off the hook.

He didn't get the reaction that he was expecting and it really bothered him. He was expecting me to kiss his ass, like I always have. It was hard to stand up to him and I honestly, almost caved in. But I didn't. I cried for a long time and it really hurt to hear him cuss me. But I survived. I can do this.

Just wow BBM! I know that had to hard to hear but, I am SO proud of you girl! I'm thankful that you are able to see it for what it is and not what you long for it to be.

He's defiantly up to something and putting your signature on anything attached to him could come back to haunt you. Stay strong but, stay vigilant because you already know he is a liar and a thief.

You are doing fantastic!

Why would the wife he is separated from need to sign his union papers? I have honestly never heard of a wife signing a husband's employment papers... I agree with previous posters, it smells fishy.

You are being so strong, BBM! It hurts. It sucks. And I know you don't want to do it, but you are doing it and doing it well. You've got this.

BBM-good for you! I know it hurt but you stood up to him and did not allow him to manipulate you. It pissed him off because he is used to manipulating you to save his ass and this time it didnt work. He is so mad he threw out the line and you were no longer taking his bait.

Smart girl! Never sign a damn thing without your lawyer! That union paperwork sounds very fishy and is possibly another scam he is running.

As for his "stuff" maybe you need to document when you put it out on the sidewalk via photos with a time stamp. Also be sure that someone you trust is there when he picks up his things. Better yet allow his lawyer to deal with the transfer of his items as he stated.

It is hurtful, it is hard, and I understand the pain of how he was speaking to you. He is mad because he wants control and wants to be able to live this exciting drug fueled fantasy with his OW and have you waiting at home to use when needed. You have been in an unhealthy cycle for so long that it is like breaking an addiction to break away from him. You're doing it. You know now who he really is and you see it. You have done so well. He wants his control back and wants to know when he needs you that you will be there.

Expect more insanity from him. I highly advise to defer to your attorney and have all communication go through him/her. The contact is painful and sets you back and really accomplishes little else. Provide your WH with your lawyers information and advise that communication needs to go that route for your sanity.

Good for you BBM, your getting so strong.

I think he wants you to sign something so he can get a copy of your signature. He is already applying for assistance using your name so he probably wants to forge your signature on whatever documents he is providing to them.

I handle human resources and payroll for my city and we have two different unions. I have never heard of a spouse needing to sign anything related to unions.

[This message edited by Charity411 at 11:56 AM, August 27th (Wednesday)]

I agree, he wants my signature for something. I don't believe for a minute that he needs it for his union paperwork. He said that is so that he can start to receive his 401k and benefits. Again, I don't believe that. I did at first...I think because I was caught off guard and in shock. But after I actually started thinking, it doesn't sound right. My uncle is a foreman for a big union company and I texted him today asking him about it. Just to be sure. But no, I will not sign anything without being 100% sure what it is.

Honestly, I think he is panicking. His whore goes to court tomorrow. I am sure that it will be postponed but he is probably stressing. He is going to need somewhere to live. He probably thought he could use the paperwork as an excuse to come to the house and then start weaseling back in. It almost worked. Just hearing him really set me back.

He actually had the nerve to say "is there a reason you changed your number without telling me?" Really?!! Yes! Because of him and his whore and their bullshit!! And that I one upped him?! Really? Wow. Just WOW.

Don't sign anything, whether it's legit or not.

Tell him you will show it to your attorney and get his advice first...and you need to do that about anything and everything right now. He is allowing you and your DS to go without, to struggle, while he and his whore collect food stamps..that he recieved by using you and your son. FUCK.THAT.

Don't do him ANY favors. NONE.

Stop answering the phone. Leave his shit on the curb and tell him to come and get it before someone else does. I wouldn't even allow him contact with your child right now. He is doing nothing but causing that boy more pain and confusion.

Have you filed for divorce yet?

No, I haven't filed. I have the paperwork filled out and have paid some down on it. My lawyer will start the process after more is paid.

I am not letting him talk to my son, not that he even bothered to ask about him. He doesn't care! That is painfully obvious. He definitely has something up his sleeve, I just don't know what.

My uncle said there is absolutely nothing that I would need to sign so who knows what he actually had....doesn't matter. I am NOT doing anything for him. I don't owe him any favors.

If he has a 401(k) and wanted to do something with it (like cash it out), he would need you to sign something, as you have some rights to it as his spouse. Do have an attorney review anything he asks you to sign. You don't want him going off and spending money that could benefit you and your son.

Yup - If he has a 401k and is wanting to cash it, you both have to sign off on it.

DO NOT allow him to do so and if you a beneficiary on it, call the bank/lending company that it's through and tell them that they need to contact you for verification if he attempts to cash it, because you have not consented.

Desperate people do desperate things, and it won't be beyond him to have his OW sign it, and say it was your sig.

Stay one step ahead.

((((and strength))))

We just moved my FWH's 401(k) to a new financial institution and in order to do so, I had to sign some paperwork. If I recall correctly, my signature had to be notarized. Helps to prevent fraud. Hopefully, that is a universal rule and will keep OW from forging your signature.

He shouldn't have a 401k because IF he has a union job, he has only been working at it for a month or so. He shouldn't have enough invested to cash. I don't believe he is working anywhere but KFC. For one thing, I would imagine that he would have to be drug tested for one and 2nd, I think MOST places would not want to hire a convicted felon. Especially one who has stolen from a previous employer....just my opinion!!

Whatever the reason, I would suspect he has ulterior motives, and would not sign anything. I would also let his PO know that you have signed nothing for him either. Who knows maybe they just want some validation that he is behaving, and working, and staying with you.