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I am so very very sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Strength and courage to you NP5. My thoughts are with you and your kids.

yop

I am so very, very sorry - not surprised in the slightest, but very sorry.

Please do go through with the polygraph, we have seen it time and time again when there's a "car park confession", by giving you some of the truth she gets to omit the rest of it, and BS's think that they have offered some crumbs of truth, they have the whole bundles.

Well, small crumbs do not make a loaf, but they can make a shit sandwich!

You cannot trust her to be honest with you, as she has been lying, using your children to cover for her, and mindfucking with you all of this time.

The bullshitting ends when you say it does.

Hopefully once you get the full truth, you will be able to decide on your future.

Oh, and that friend of hers? She is no friend to the marriage - cut her out.

[This message edited by MollyMoo at 8:44 AM, April 30th (Thursday)]

I'm very sorry to read about the affair. The people on these boards are living what you're living...heed their advice.

Once the initial pain and sorrow ebb, get yourself together and be strong. For your kids and for you.

Hang in there.

np5, sorry man, I truly am. I did the same things you've done but for a shorter time. I understand how you felt and how you feel now. I'm crushed for you.

It's all manipulative lies and it's all so hurtful and soul destroying.

If you get nothing else from this please get that whatever she says to you is simply a lie to manipulate your actions. Let that truth sink in and begin to guide your actions and responses.

All the best to you, brother. There is a life without all of the lies ahead if you choose it.

I am very sorry for your hurt. I hoped that despite everything, she was an exception and that she wasn't hiding anything more. Please, don't be hard on yourself. You loved her and you wanted to trust her. It doesn't make you a fool or anything. It's perfectly understandable.

There will be plenty of time for you to grieve her and your marriage, and you will have lots of work to do to heal. But right now, it's paramount that you become proactive in protecting yourself and the kids!

Please, read http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=547220 . Go see a lawyer, buy a VAR, talk to your friends and family, at least a few, about her affair and your intent to divorce her, and DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT things regarding the kids etc. Don't get caught by surprise if she turns the divorce into a nasty, no-limits battleground with dirty moves such as false domestic violence charges.

How are you feeling?

Please, continue to talk to us, so we can continue to help you and support you. We care for you and your kids, even though at times we might be a little rough on you.

Best wishes!

Sorry to hear this NP5. What is your plan going forward? Do you still want your marriage? No one would fault you if you decided to end it. If you still want to try and save it, I would strongly encourage you to push on with the polygraph. Based on Edith's previous actions, I would assume there is more that she is hiding.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe this is your dealbreaker, and if it is, it is. No apologies or justifications necessary.

TT is a killer. I got a few of them even after the divorce, and even though technically it didn't matter any more, it still hurt.

We've been there, NP5. Your heart is shattered and no, you will be forever changed.

But...

There will be plenty of time for you to grieve her and your marriage, and you will have lots of work to do to heal. But right now, it's paramount that you become proactive in protecting yourself and the kids!

For now, I'm sorry for your loss.

Just to let you know that I'm here for you.

sending you strength brother.

I posted on your polygraph thread earlier this morning.I, along with others, knew that the trickle truth would continue. I strongly urge you to continue through with the polygraph, unless you are done with this marriage.There is more to tell. She is simply unable to give you what you need...the full truth.

I am sorry that you are hurting, friend. Things will get better. You just need to absorb this, and plan your next steps moving forward.

Another tragic but sadly, common story that played out how they all do.

It might be that doing a poly, finding out the whole truth, getting a timeline, are all superfluous and moot.

Months of trickle truthing and a recent admission of sex is all he needs to decide that the marriage cannot be saved. I couldn't work out if NP5 was saying that she confessed to sex on the 8th April or whether she actually had sex on the 8th April and he found out subsequently. Either way it shows that she is not to be trusted, is not remorseful, is rug sweeping and not doing anything that points toward R

I'm very sorry but surely you have enough evidence, by now?

EDIT: Being in the US I guess you are talking about the 4th August and not the proper way like the English do it

[This message edited by allatsea at 9:59 AM, April 30th (Thursday)]

I am so sorry np5. Strength

NP5, I'm sorry to hear that she continues to treat you this way. She has been horrible toward you for quite a while now. No matter what path you choose, I would urge you to tread carefully. If it would put you in a bad position to leave her, then don't do it until you have made better arrangements.

Please don't add to your pain by making a purely emotional decision. Be as mercenary as you can be, and look out for #1. I suspect that will be hard for you, because you're not an asshole.

You've tried. No reasonable person would tell you to continue to suffer like this. You can be happy without her. Can you be happy with her?

I'm very sorry, NP5. I know this is a huge blow to you. I know you really wanted to believe her story.

Unfortunately, as others have stated, this most likely is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. If you need answers, you ought to go through with the polygraph, but the money might be better spent on a retainer for a shark of a lawyer. Anyone who would tell their kids to lie to their father to cover up their affair is almost certainly beyond redemption.

I vote for "screw the polygraph." What is the point? More pain? And likely you will see more resentment, more blame shifting. The facts are the facts: she is a liar. A deceiver. She doesn't care. She doesn't love you. She puts herself and her needs before her family (what affects you affects the children), even as she sees your pain. I know all too well how hard it is to push past hope, but now hope is your enemy. See a lawyer. Stand up for yourself and show her what dignity, pride, strength, courage and consequences are.

You can do this. She has given you no choice.

I'm not a frequent poster, but I am a frequent reader. I was hoping the best for you and your family after reading your story and watching things unfold over these last few months.

I'm sooooo sorry that you had to find out this information after so much time has passed and a different story has been told to you so, so many times before. It has been almost 3 years for me now but I'll never forget that sinking feeling when the truth finally came out of her mouth.

Please take care of yourself and remember that there's a whole community here to support you.

Thank you all for your comments. I gain wisdom so slowly. Now all I have is this weathered pile of lumber that you all have given me... Wish I could have put it to better use...

I am making arrangements to separate for some time. Thanks again.

Be nice to yourself. Denial is a powerful tool when you're too afraid to face the alternative. Your wife has been especially cruel, stringing you along as she has. You have been in a terribly abusive relationship and that takes a lot of time to untangle. Give yourself time and space, be kind to yourself, and please consider doing everything you can to get the abuser out of your life as much as possible.

NP5, one man's weathered pile of lumber is another's sanctuary and shelter, it all depends on how you use it.

Keep posting, you have a whole community behind you, and rooting for you and your family.