SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry you've joined our club brother.

One critically important thing you absolutely need to realize is that your emotions mean nothing to her, other than it makes her *uncomfortable* to have to face her choices. She needs ego kibbles to maintain the facade. 180 removes that and protects you.

Stop feeding her.

Run

Strength

"Your silence is unnerving. It makes me wonder what bomb you're about to drop on me."

That's a bit rich coming from her, oh hang on, she didn't drop a bomb on you, being the sneak that she is, she stabbed you in the back repeatedly while telling you that the blood and pain was all in your head.

She's not asking you a question, or said anything of any meaning - ignore.

Don't take the bait. Stay off that hook.

I'm ignoring.

I am sorry you are here. I hate to say it but...yeah she is a bad person. It is one thing to have an affair and be remorseful about it and stop when you see how bad you treated your spouse. It is a different thing to continue to torture your spouse and flaunt it and be disrespectful. That is a bad person.

Why are you still allowing her to live with you. Why have you not filed for divorce. Tell her fine pack your shit up and move in with POS and take your son with you. See how well that goes over.

Buddy even if she ended the affair right now she is not a woman who is a safe partner. She is broken and needs professional help. Think about it what she has done and continues to do is not how you treat a person you are married to for 10 years. She is showing her true colors you best believe what she is showing. She is a cheater and has no regard for you or her own flesh and blood son.

Remove yourself from this toxic situation before she pulls a DV stunt and has you thrown in jail or some bs like that.

It's hard to accept the reality of the situation. I really did worship the ground that woman walked on. My entire life the last 11 years has revolved around her and her son.

I'm suddenly facing the loss of so much of what has become my identity. I get what I need to do... but it is a hard pill to swallow.

She just texted again: "You're making me nervous."

Really? Good. Welcome to my hell.

I haven't read all the posts, but would advise you to carry and use a VAR every time you interact with her. She will try to turn this on you.

Start bagging her crap up in trash bags. Legally it may be her home too but I'd tell her she's out and if she tries to force the issue you will tell everyone you know what she has done. You can't play nice at all.

It sounds like you have held off kicking her out because it takes both incomes. Looks like to me her plan is to stay just till son graduates anyway. You'll be high and dry in a few weeks anyway. Why make it easier on her in the meantime. At least you won't have to look at her.

Seems like solid advice, Special.

Start bagging her crap up in trash bags. Legally it may be her home too but I'd tell her she's out and if she tries to force the issue you will tell everyone you know what she has done. You can't play nice at all.

I think bagging her stuff up for her prior to kicking her out is overly generous, but that's just me.

In all serious, yes, get a VAR, I have a feeling that these texts are looking scripted, look at the language "unnerving..." "nervous", bearing in mind she is being coached by OM, she is trying to paint a picture, and it'll look messier than a Jackson Pollock.

Protect yourself, sir!

Protect yourself..

Just because your WW is so wishy washy in her decision making doesn't mean you should suffer for it..

Being in a marriage means you guys signed up to share a life..

Your WW does not get to ruin yours with her poor decision making..

Well, I've stayed strong this far. I haven't replied. And, I'm going out to get a VAR tonight after work. I'm also going to hang out with some friends until late and then bypass her completely because she will be in bed.

She's nervous? God forbid that her safety net would disappear! You do realize, I hope, that if anything will wake her up it is doing what you are doing; consistently and without lapses

Unloved

You need to stick to the 180.

But more importantly you need to accept that the marriage you had is over.

Not your choice. It sucks. But it is true.

Now you need to stop worrying about your Stepson. I know you love him. But he is a big boy.

Show him how a mature man does not accept a liar and a cheater as a wife.

File for Divorce. Not separation. But divorce. Use adultery as the grounds.

Your wayward wife will never respect you ever again if you do not stand up for yourself.

Then I would send an email to family and mutual friends.

"Dear Family and Friends,

It is with sadness in my heart that I announce the end of my marriage. My wife has had an emotional & sexual relationship with another man for a few months now.

I have decided to terminate our marriage since she no longer loves me nor respects our marriage.

Please say a prayer for us as we go through this difficult time.

Respectfully,

U&B"

That my friend is how you be honest with a wayward spouse. That is how you expose an affair.

But most of all that is how you stand up for yourself and your marriage.

Now go show your wife what respect looks like and tell your stepson just how much you love him.

Get the VAR in your pocket in case she gets angry. The only thing you have to do with your WW when she goes off is point at the door and repeat the same response to her "I am sorry you feel that way".

You are young. You will find someone much better than her.

Do not be her Plan B or her punching bag.

Tell her she has the rest of her life to "Find Herself" because you just fired her!

HM

[This message edited by happyman64 at 5:39 PM, May 13th (Wednesday)]

Yeah, she's nervous. The last time I went completely silent, I suddenly struck out and got the OM fired and her job offer rescinded. So now that I'm going quiet again and I ignored her this morning... I can see why she's nervous.

She should be, but for another reason. I'm done dicking around.

What a manipulation. She must really feel like she has you wrapped around her little finger.

You don't hop to her text and it makes her nervous? You don't wait around like a puppy while she does whatever she wants, and you're making her nervous?

You ask her to stop her affair and work on your M, and she goes on doing whatever she wants. She's made her choice clear with her actions.

You make your choice clear with yours.

Your calm and disengaged response if she confronts you in person? "Honey, you have nothing to be nervous about. You've made it clear you want out of this marriage. I'm just giving you what you want."

Indeed.

Being from Shakespeare country, any whiff of crocodile tears would be met with (peeps from the D/S board would be familiar with this, so apologies in advance)

Failing that, "I'm sorry you feel that way" will suffice.

[This message edited by MollyMoo at 6:11 PM, May 13th (Wednesday)]

You have a sense of humor. That is a sign that you are going to survive and hopefully prosper.

Do you feel better since you started posting here? Suddenly you are not alone. You are treading a path taken by many, unwillingly at first but sooner than you expect, you'll be able to guide others.

Forty percent of marriages fail. That does not mean that 40 percent of all married couples divorce because some people marry and divorce several times. Your wife might be this type of wandering heart. She has baggage. Some have more than others but fixing her is not your business.

Your wife may not be a completely black hearted person but she is certainly very selfish. As you indicate in earlier posts, you have always tried to make her happy. She is nervous that this solid spring of affirmation will suddenly dry up. She wants the old you back, not a lover but as the person she uses.

Great that the doormat guy is history.

Here's a song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af7ngGxEusE