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She will be living the rest of her life looking over her shoulder because she is a cheating piece of shit, and cheating pieces of shit rationalize their cheating as mainstream. Once you mainstream evil, the awful consequences is that you expect everyone mainstream to be your same variant of evil. It's the new norm.

So no, it's not the fucking recording device that causes her to live the rest of her life looking over her shoulder. She doesn't even want to be with you so is trying to gaslight it into something about the recording device. The recording device wouldn't even exist if she wasn't recreationally putting foreign penises into her vagina.

Translation: She can go fuck herself

I agree that it's textbook. They always say " I would have tried to save the marriage but you did this.... (outed the A, posted on facebook, locked me out, told our family...) it's there way of saying YOU caused the end of the marriage not me. If it wasn't the VAR it would have been something else.

That said what would you want to respond. Post it here first.

[This message edited by Freeme at 11:53 AM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

The recording device wouldn't even exist if she wasn't recreationally putting foreign penises into her vagina.

Oh my God. That's hilariously true. What a perfect way of putting that. :: Puts in his pocket to throw out to her at a later date ::

The recording device wouldn't even exist if she wasn't recreationally putting foreign penises into her vagina.

that is some awesome sauce!

She may be trying to bait you to admitting in writing that you planted the VAR.

She may be trying to bait you to admitting in writing that you planted the VAR.

Yea, In either case, no need to acknowledge it... agreed that it would give her control by making it a point and not the affair.

Don't talk to her unless it is about finances, and even then, keep is strictly business. Have the process server tell her what your next step is. She's trying to gather evidence to use against you in the divorce.

I will be honest. After finding that in my car I'm not sure I want to fix things.

I thought her going off to screw OM was an even bigger middle finger to wanting to fix things, but I digress...

I will always be watching over my shoulder and I dont want to live my life like that

She's going to have to learn, because cheats, liars, adulterers, philanderers etc are always looking over their shoulder in case the truth about them comes out.

She might some Ibuleive for her neck.

UAB --- I strongly recommend that you do not engage her in any way. She is baiting you. Do not reply.

Listen to what your lawyer says.

I also recommend that you not attend your stepson's functions.

You do not want to have to interact with WW and there is the huge potential for horrible drama that would hurt your stepson.

Just my opinion -- we're all pulling for you. You will get through this.

She is definitely trying to gather evidence that will help her in the divorce and in helping convince her son that you are at fault. If she really wanted to reconcile the tone of the writing would be completely different. Follow the plan your attorney gives you.

Agreed on all counts.

I maintain NC at this time.

Appointment with my therapist was really good. He gave me some great pointers and exercises to work on being resilient, relaxed, and assertive.

I really like the guy.

My guess is she is being coached by OM - who has been through three divorces. Some of the communications read as though they were the product of a prior conversation.

In fact, there is a similarity in the OM's Facebook message and the email you quote.

If you want to reply, I would simply restate the obvious. You told her if she went to see OM again that you would leave. You have done that. She had an affair. Period. Everything is a consequence of her actions, with constitute betrayal.

If you want to reply, I would simply restate the obvious. You told her if she went to see OM again that you would leave. You have done that. She had an affair. Period. Everything is a consequence of her actions, with constitute betrayal.

Have the process server tell her what your next step is

Spot on!

Remember the only communication is not about her it's about the divorce, assets and your son.

[This message edited by atreides at 12:38 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

First of all I agree with being NC.

If I were to write something it would be: The reason I left the home is that you went to see your boyfriend once again after I asked you not to do it. I was willing to try to see if I could work on the marriage after your affair, but you leaving once again to go and see him without taking me, the marriage or your son you left at home into consideration was the last straw. Also please tell your boyfriend to stop emailing me and telling me what should be done in our marriage.

Something straight forward but totally ignoring the VAR issue. She is trying to bait you but "if" you were to respond to her email then you have it in black and white.

Do not admit to the VAR EVER, especially in an email or text even in conversation she could record you.

classic ---She can't trust YOU!!!!

Well it may not matter now but have you told her mom and dad the real story.

I remember that you MIL thought you were being evil or cold or something wait till she finds out about the VAR.

best not to say anything about the VAR but if push comes to shove. Just say you have no idea idea what she is talking about that it must be the OM's.

After all she was cheating on him with you when she would come back home to you after the weekends.

[This message edited by convert at 12:56 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

The VAR was always a bad idea...

Anyway.. do not acknowledge..

Also notice how presumptuous and condescending she was in her mail to you.

She just thinks she needs to turn up and you will be ready to fix things with her apologizing for her mistakes and pushing her to her affair..

I will be honest. After finding that in my car I'm not sure I want to fix things. I will always be watching over my shoulder and I dont want to live my life like that..

She actually thinks that she can make the call to reconcile or not. Tell her that you have absolutely no interest in fixing things with her. So she need not worry about making the hard decisions. Do not mention anything about the VAR

I am not too impressed with her son either. You can chalk some of it to his age and immaturity but at some point, you also need to put him in his place. In the worst case scenario, he might just be siding with his mom when it comes to it, regardless of how much you cared for him all these years.

I guess my issue is the trust thing

Really?? Her issue is the trust thing! Wow! It just blow my mind how WS think!

Funny how she thinks she is still calling all the shots in your relationship. You have shown her crickets and left when you said you would, if she went to see her boyfriend, and yet she is saying she is not sure she can make this work, because of a recording device. Well you wouldn't have had to use it if she wasn't a liar and lost your trust because of her cheating! She still seems to think it is her choice if your relationship will work or not. I can't believe she is calling you the liar and that she can't trust you! Mind blowing stuff! I know this is text book cheater stuff, but it still always makes my head spin how these wayward people think.

Go to the pharmacy and ask which tea is good for calming down, drink lots of it.

Given my extensive pharmacological experience over the years, I suggest the Long Island Iced variety.

I laughed so hard when I read her email. She seriously is delusional. After everything she's done and all the disrespect she still expects you to not only want to work it out but also to care whether she wants to work it out. Unreal!

I believe it would be best to stay away from your Step Sons graduation.

There would be a lot of drama. The drama would hurt you Step son more then he already is.

I really don't understand why he is so mad at you, I know it is his mom but surely he can see what she is doing.

I agree he is probably just to young to know it really feels.

[This message edited by convert at 1:09 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]