SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hmmmm..... You took down what you posted on FB right?

So it sounds like she is attempting to gather evidence.

Is there any way you can afford a burner phone, set up an email account for that phone and tell her that's your new contact info? That way you control when you access any emails/texts she sends.

Helps keep you sane and stops the pinging off the walls when you get something from her.

k9

Or what about just getting a new phone for you and keeping the old one to field her calls.

Hmmmm..... You took down what you posted on FB right?

So it sounds like she is attempting to gather evidence.

Yup. Chirp, chirp, chirp, bitch.

Is there any way you can afford a burner phone, set up an email account for that phone and tell her that's your new contact info? That way you control when you access any emails/texts she sends.

Helps keep you sane and stops the pinging off the walls when you get something from her.

Yeah, I can do that. I just may.

Or what about just getting a new phone for you and keeping the old one to field her calls.

I also just may do that.

And I took down the post on Facebook minutes after it went up.

Yikes UAB!!

Those were some serious rants! My eyes are still burning from reading it!

I hope it was cathartic -- but remember -- keep the NC.

The worst thing you can do to her right now is to ignore her.

That will drive her crazy.

Keep your eye on the prize -- a calm, happy future life.

She's on a fishing expedition.

Ooh-ee! Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep!

"I assume it's up your ass".......snork!

Keep going!

Sending you strength.

*coming out of lurkdom*

I have to say BROVO... Great rant...

Glad to see you finally came through your shock to reach the anger... Embrace it in a quiet way...

And vent your ass off here...

WB

Wonderful rant... While I've been one pushing NC I have to admit I'd have a really hard time not responding. This last one should have been titled:

Things my Lawyer would like me to get in writing.

What was your plan with the recorder in the back seat? Did you think I wouldn't find it and are you curious where it is currently?

I'd like to respond with: What are you talking about? What recorder? I don't know what you are talking about. Sounds to me like OM might have planted it. Don't understand why? Maybe he knows that if they cheat with you they will cheat on you...

I know NC but I'm not as good at it as you are.

[This message edited by Freeme at 6:35 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

By asking about the recorder she is looking for you to be on record. Others have told you that. But the important part is that she is signalling that she's going to be playing hardball with regards to the divorce.

Buy a 3 ring binder and document everything. Every ounce of what happened. Every page added is a page of revenge.

The only way I will ever address that recorder is if she agrees to meet me somewhere loud as fuck like Dave & Buster's game floor. I've been stupid enough to fall for her shit in this marriage, I've been stupid enough to trust her first handful of excuses when this shit started... but I'm not stupid enough to address that damned recorder.

Now, unfortunately, I AM just stupid enough to plant it!

Private message sent.

"skip the fuck away" - Love this, will be going through my head all day....... You have so much support from us and you are doing great!!!!!!!

The only way I will ever address that recorder is if she agrees to meet me somewhere loud as fuck like Dave & Buster's game floor. I've been stupid enough to fall for her shit in this marriage, I've been stupid enough to trust her first handful of excuses when this shit started... but I'm not stupid enough to address that damned recorder.

Young Skywalker has learned much, I say.

Knows the ways of the Cheaters, he does.

{You've got it now. You've detached and can tell the bullshit at a thousand yards. You're doing great.)

[This message edited by WornDown at 8:16 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

UAB

The reason your WW was looking at spy camera type stuff is video is not illegal while the VAR is.

She was going to get you to admit on camera then use against you for the D, to put you in jail or both.

It is critical that you file ASAP. Print out her emails and give them to your attorney and follow the advise given.

Ask how to communicate and when.

You are at risk and do not play.

Agreed.

I refuse to play. I'm done with games.

This is war.

BUT, please know that many of our waywards did the same thing she did. She's in this crazy bat shit thing called the "fog". And it's very real. I know you've started the divorce process, and are finding your strength...which by the way, you are FAR stronger than you thought. I'm amazed at your ability to stay focused on what's right for you. I just want make sure you know it's ok, and recommended to solely focus on you right now...and not the end result, a divorce.

Oh yes. The Fog. Oh, how I hate the fog. I attribute it to the cold, zombified thing walking around my apartment. It's truly weird. I first encountered The Fog (or, as I like to call her, Mirror Universe WW) when I found her at the POSOM's house for the first time and confronted her in her hotel room. Mirror Universe WW scared the shit out of me. Cold. Staring. Uncaring. Unemotional. Zombie.

Most of us here were in the same boat as you, with regards to how fricking nuts our wayward was during their A. They blamed us, lied, projected, minimized, and on and on. Your wife is doing the same things. And many of us here today are with our wayward, trying to work through this crap now. Once they got their head out of their ass (the fog), and realized how much they lost, and how much they wanted to repair the damage and fight for us, that was when many of us decided if it was worth it or not, to give them a chance.

They say to wait six months to a year before you make any serious changes. Your emotions are likely to change from day to day, sometimes minute to minute. Give yourself the time to absorb all that's happened. You may find you want something different months down the road, and if she's changed her behavior completely.

I'm trying not to be rash. And yes, my emotions are so all over the place!! I have trouble wrangling them. I'm not an emotional man, I got that from my father. So, in times of great emotion such as this... I feel lost. In a Fog of my own. So torn. Torn between love and torn between hate. Between jealousy and acceptance. Between grace and revenge. Forgiveness and brutality. I think a lot of my anger right now is at what I feel like I am becoming because of her. I don't hate anyone. And I don't want to exit this hating her. Anyone but her.

Right now, you're doing amazing. You're beyond strong. Keep insisting on the respect you deserve. And if in the future, you decide to attempt to work things out with a truly remorseful WW, that takes immense strength too.

Crazy part is, if she came out of The Fog, if she was truly remorseful and dropped her shit... I think I'd actually think about it.

But then again, that's the crazy roller coaster ride. I alternate between bloodlust and compassion. It's truly maddening.

Just curious but is the vehicle where the VAR was discovered a vehicle that was for her sole use or did you both use the vehicle often?

If you both used the vehicle then just because she found a VAR doesn't automatically prove you were using it to monitor her communication. Hell, you could have been using it to record your best one-liner WW put downs and just forgot to take it out of the car.

I still wouldn't respond to her VAR question, but if it ever was legally addressed then doesn't intent need to be proven? Afterall, she's got the only copy of the recording. None of its recording has fallen in your possession, has it? And you don't have to answer that here.

What I am saying you need to get to a safe place. The VAR can be an issue for you, a very serious issue. File and get protection.

You need to control the situation. By filing a no fault, you can keep this stuff out.

Jduff, we both used that car. We are both on the note. It's primarily HER vehicle, but we both drive it fairly regularly. Hell, I drove her around in it the day she left for the POSOM's place.

Rambler, understood. And agreed.