SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She blows my mind. She really does.

Well she find the perfect excuse for her doings this time and looks like a victim, the VAR.

She belives that her relation with M and deciding to met him knowing what will happened was not a deal breaker.

Now you now for sure that everuthig is about her, what you feel, think, or want is you fucking problem as long as she gets what she wants.

I hope it's ok to jump in here. I've been trying to follow your thread, and have to say you are already getting such good advice. I haven't read all the responses, so I'm not sure what everyone's said...but the advice to stay quiet and not engage in her pathetic attempts to bait you, perfect!

BUT, please know that many of our waywards did the same thing she did. She's in this crazy bat shit thing called the "fog". And it's very real. I know you've started the divorce process, and are finding your strength...which by the way, you are FAR stronger than you thought. I'm amazed at your ability to stay focused on what's right for you. I just want make sure you know it's ok, and recommended to solely focus on you right now...and not the end result, a divorce.

Most of us here were in the same boat as you, with regards to how fricking nuts our wayward was during their A. They blamed us, lied, projected, minimized, and on and on. Your wife is doing the same things. And many of us here today are with our wayward, trying to work through this crap now. Once they got their head out of their ass (the fog), and realized how much they lost, and how much they wanted to repair the damage and fight for us, that was when many of us decided if it was worth it or not, to give them a chance.

They say to wait six months to a year before you make any serious changes. Your emotions are likely to change from day to day, sometimes minute to minute. Give yourself the time to absorb all that's happened. You may find you want something different months down the road, and if she's changed her behavior completely.

Right now, you're doing amazing. You're beyond strong. Keep insisting on the respect you deserve. And if in the future, you decide to attempt to work things out with a truly remorseful WW, that takes immense strength too.

I just want to make sure you're doing what's right for you. We here know you deserve decency and respect and honesty. We don't however, know where your heart is, and where your future should be. That's completely up to you.

I wish you peace and good days ahead...

UAB, has she always talked this condescendingly to you?

k9

No, she has not spoken to me this way before the affair began.

I tell you, there were NO SIGNS that she was a lying, manipulative, soulless sociopath.

At least, none that I can recall.

Get rid of that little Walther and go take a big gun to blast away. That will be the best stress reliever of all.

Your WW is following the script to a "T".

Let her.

The VAR was a great idea. You just stuck in a terrible place. That is water under the bridge.

I know you see how she justs changes everything around to point back at you. That is why you stay dark.

Not to just detach but I promise you this. If she is not a mental, psychotic biotch she will see that every jab she pokes at you will be met with silence from you. Eventually she will have to look back over this year and so and review her decisions, actions and consequences.

Then she is going to come out of the fog even more and start honestly comparing you to the OM. He already does not compare in the bedroom just wait until she sees he is only after the older broad for sex.....

Sometime after your divorce realization will come over her when "her" son admits just how much he misses you and loves you.

That will be the final realization just what she gave up. If she moves away to be with OM and up roots her son that will be the last push of the knife in her sons back.

Sadly, you have to let this all happen. You have to stay dark and divorce her.

She truly needs to feel the consequences for her bad decisions. She is going to feel those consequences long after the divorce is final.

But the real key is that you move on with your life. Be happy with yourself and for yourself.

And that will be the ultimate consequence for her. She gets to see you move on, find someone new, younger and be happy.

Now give her that gift.

You do realize you were 15 years old when her son was born dontcha?

You have so much more to look forward to right now.

Neither your WW nor your son realize yet just how important you were to their family.

But they will.

Once you are gone 100%.

HM

[This message edited by happyman64 at 2:25 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

Yes, I have always been amused that my son is more along the age range of a brother. In many ways, it's helped us to bond. We have similar interests. Our generational gap is not all that big.

I'm not losing the Walther. It's my very favorite gun, even now.

But, I DO plan on doing plenty of shots with my Maverick 88 shotgun. And my buddy's AR-15.

Much ammo will be spent that day.

Sorry to have you here (I am new to SI but not new to this type of forum).

Firstly, the VAR was not a bad idea at all. The way you secured it in the car probably wasn't good if she found it that easily.

Secondly, if you genuinely want to attend your son's events then do so. You don't need to make a song and dance about it - just show up. Down the line he will appreciate it.

She needs to be told that you cannot believe that she is talking about VARs and other matters when she should be down on her knees begging for forgiveness.

You're wife reminds me of my aunt. When we were kids if she got mad at us she'd say "I WAS gonna take you to Chuck E Cheese but now I'm not." She has never taken me to Chuck E Cheese in my life. Not once. That's your wife and her feeble attempt to dangle the reconciliation carrot in front your face.

People who really want reconciliation find a way to express it, to act on it, those who don't really want it just find an excuse. The VAR ruined everything. Oh, no! The VAR.

When she reviews the financial consequences of divorce, she may become more unpleasant.

Can't send this. Posting here.

And now, UAB's Venting Corner...

WW,

You are having an affair. You didn't make a mistake. You didn't have an accident. You are having an affair. It's not over, it's not done. It's not in the past. You are actively doing it.

When I met you 11 years ago, I never, ever dreamed you could be so cold, calculating, or soulless.

I never expected this from you. Ever. I gave you my all. I chose you, I chose your son. I raised him as my own. I was your shoulder to cry on, your protector when tough times came. I was your confidant and your best friend.

And you repay me with treachery. With betrayal. You are throwing me away like some high school boyfriend. You bitch.

What a monster you have become. You have betrayed not only me, but our son. You have torn our family apart and done irreparable damage to us all. You are, without a doubt, the most heartless and selfish bitch I have ever met. Worse than even my mother.

You've left me bleeding in the street as you skip off to your new life. Wow. Just wow. What a bitch move.

And all you want to talk about is how YOU feel. How I dared to spy on you. You feel violated. Your trust has been betrayed. You talk to me about the fear of bombs I will drop on you. How my actions to distance myself from you hurt and confuse you. Oh, I'm sorry. Does being completely unable to trust your partner bother you?

Welcome to my hell, bitch. You stupid, arrogant, monstrous, soul-sucking, vapid demon.

You said you felt like I didn't quite understand your depression and anxiety. I tried to work with you, I helped you through treatment. I was as patient as someone from the outside could be. But I guess that wasn't enough for you. No, no. You felt it necessary to impart your psychological damage upon me.

You didn't even stop to think about that when you made the decision to go be an adulterous slutbag, did you? See, adultery (or infidelity, or whoring, or you know, whatever you wanna call your little game of hide the salami) is abuse. But you didn't stop to think about what while you were on your back in POSOM's bed.

That's right. You are abusing me. You have no idea of the depth of my trauma from this. The shock, the disbelief. The misery. You didn't even care when I told you I woke up screaming one night after dreaming you and POSOM sent me a video of him doing the most pornographic things to you. You've left my heart, mind and soul shattered. Congratulations! I now have a complete understanding of your psychological issues. You've given me my own. The obsession, the fear, the doubt, the worry. The incessant need to know everything. I can't go 10 seconds without thinking about the knife you stuck in my heart. I can't get the images of POSOM fucking you out of my head. I hear your moans when I close my eyes. Do you get that? Am I painting a clear enough picture of what you've done to my psyche? Maybe not, let me keep going.

I don't sleep. I don't eat. When I try to force food down my throat, I throw it back up. I can't focus. Every email or text I get from you sends me into a state of anxiety and panic. Heaven forbid I see you anytime soon. I may just faint.

Congratulations and thanks for this real mind fuck of a gift. It's going to take a LOT of therapy to get this damage out of my brain.

But you don't care. I'm not your problem. You don't care about anyone but yourself. What a selfish brat you are. That's right, a brat. I would say, "I don't even know who this woman is anymore." But you're not a woman. You're a fucking child. Just a girl. Your body may be 37, but damn, your mind is 14.

Have fun with your new sugar grandpa. Hope he keeps the viagra coming. After all, you just may get bored with his 2" dick and decide it's time to fuck another.

You wanna know why the sex sucks with him? Because he doesn't give a shit about you. He doesn't care about being in tune with your body, with meeting your needs in the bed. He's not with you for intimacy. He's with you because you're stupid enough to fulfill his little fantasy of letting him tap some hot, young ass. Boy, are you going to feel so stupid and used when he throws you away like the trash that you are. Do you know why dirtbags love sluts? Because there's no need to respect them. You're a notch on his bedpost. Have fun with that.

Oh, speaking of young and hot. He didn't quit the job at the agency for you. He never owned part of it. How stupid are you? He'd known you for a few weeks by that point. You're thirty-fucking-seven. You don't exactly look it, but the signs are there. Let me put this bluntly for you: You ain't that hot. No man is going to quit a business for 37 year old sloppy seconds - no wait, this is now your second failed marriage - sloppy thirds. Ah, who am I kidding? You've told me before, you've been a slut since high school. You've lost count of how many men you've been on your back and knees for. Who the hell knows what sloppy portion you are now?

Any man would quit his business for some hot 21 year old ass. But not you. Not a 37 year old. So don't flatter yourself, princess.

God, the mean things I've held back from saying to you. On Friday night, when you were painting your nails, I wanted to sneer and say, "Oh yeah, gotta make sure those toe nails look REALLY GOOD on POSOM's shoulders."

You found that new butt firming workout you want to try. I'm sure POSOM will love that. Whore.

It's not even the sex. You gave him your heart. And oh my God. How stupid you truly are for that. You're going to regret that. When you see that he gave you only his dick, you're going to feel so low. So broken. So used.

And you know what? I'm cracking a smile at that thought. I can't wait until you see POSOM's true colors. Feel the burn, bitch. Feel. The. Burn. And then I hope you drown in the sea of misery, destruction, deceit and fucked-up-ness that you'll be tossed into.

I can't wait for you to share my pain.

And just like you, I'm going to turn around and skip the fuck away.

[This message edited by UnlovedAndBroked at 3:56 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

Great vent! Keep 'em coming whenever you feel like venting, we're here to listen!

UAB,

So whats the plan? I mean the next steps.

Where are you gona live?

What you gona do about the lease?

Your things?

IMO as you are Ding, there is not point of soing things focusing on her, you should focus on you and gour son.

I believe you should send her a email like this:

STBXW:

I already file for D and I would like to have your full coperation to do it As fast and easy as possible.

We need to be able to do it amicabli and split assets by our own to avoid extracoast and speed up the wole process.

The main matter should be protect "sons name" by acting civil and amicable.

Please stop sending emails and text that are not related to D or son.

Attorney data:

UAB

The main idea is to not mention anything perosonal. Nothing about OM, feeling, her doings, etc.

Juat enougth to open a eficient and impersonal comunicatio way.

She will be mad, she will try to figth, blame, proboque you. Just dont do it. Keep business no matyer what she says, her friends, mutual friends, her parents, anybody!!!

You need to protect your son for rumors and lies she may say, so be hinest to him.

B

Very important, stop being a nice guy(you really need to read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover) to her. Donr explain your doings, dont offer to help her, dont confort her, etc.

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 3:35 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

UAB, quite literally, I stood and applauded.

Wow, nice vent.

UAB -

Great vent!

I've said that in some form or fashion over the years.

Good for you!

That was an epic rant!

good pic from Happyman.

JDJ .900 or RT-20 ?

I aree, bring in the heavy artillery to finish this marriage decisively

And just now, she sends me this email:

Just a question, well a couple really...

Why did you take both the roku and the Amazon fire?

What have you been saying on Facebook about me?

Why have you been blasting me on Facebook?

What was your plan with the recorder in the back seat?

Did you think I wouldn't find it and are you curious where it is currently?

I haven't answered. I don't intend to answer. But if I were to...

Just a question, well a couple really...

Why did you take both the roku and the Amazon fire?

Because I wanted to. Oh wait, does your spouse doing something you don't like make you uncomfortable?

Actually, aside from just wanting to, let me tell you why. It's so you can't watch TV. I want you to have time to sit in the silence and think about what a horrible, evil skank you are.

What have you been saying on Facebook about me?

The truth. You're having an affair. You're not sorry, you don't love me. Remember all those "I love my spouse!" posts from just a few months ago? Wave goodbye, princess. Those days are fucking gone.

Why have you been blasting me on Facebook?

Because sunlight is the best disinfectant. And right now, your life is more germy than the monkey in Outbreak. Your soul has Ebola.

What was your plan with the recorder in the back seat?

Prove once and for all that you're a low down, bottom dwelling, dick sucking slutbag that was once again lying to me.

Did you think I wouldn't find it and are you curious where it is currently?

Oh, of course I knew you'd find it. But let me give you a tip, moron: Unless you're a mob informant or in the CIA, if you have to sweep your car for bugs on the regular, you're living your life wrong. And no, I'm not curious about where it is. I assume it's up your ass.

Also, I'm not going to acknowledge the VAR in print. What part about that isn't getting through your thick skull? Foggy much?

She's trying to get you on record in writing for the divorce. Crickets.