We had lunch. Well, I had lunch, my husband had coffee. I'm sure he had no appetite, and frankly I hadn't until this morning.
I said I didn't care about the details of his affair. I was bitterly disappointed that he HAD an affair. I stated that I knew at least four times that he met "her." I finally told him there is no solution to his cheating.
Inside I was shaking, and I could tell he was feeling very guilty and remorseful. But we kept it civil, at least he did. He let me angrily tell him how pissed I felt. I told him that this was intolerable, and that I did not want to hear any excuses or promises. Finally I told him I'm not sure of my decision, and that I was leaving for a week.
We had planned on spending a week on vacation later this month, leaving the kids with his parents this time, but I told him that I needed time to myself, and I had one more condition: that he stay home from work and take care of the kids himself. I told him this was not in any way going to help me decide, but this was for him to reflect on what is important in his life.
My friend had told me one more thing: that Ashley Madison had actually gotten the information a month ago, but only released it when my friend got it for her company. I asked him if he was going to tell me if my friend didn't find the information? And how he felt for the past month? He had no answer, and I"m not sure how I should take that. That was the only time I think I felt like spitt-er, sputtering at him. Frankly, though, I don't think HE even knows.
Finally, I told him in no uncertain terms was he to contact me or to "surprise" me for the entire week. I need the time to myself. I'm not sure what I'll do when the week is over, but for now I need to be to myself.
He agreed. I trust him with the kids; why wouldn't I? He's had them before when I took trips. He said he never met the woman other than at her town in another state (she's divorced), and I would tend to believe it, at least I am very sure she never came to our home.
But I felt I did as well as I could. I'm sorry for my rather incoherent ramblings in posts earlier. I tend to be angry through my postings, or constructive through my puzzle website which I'll work on next week to keep my mind occupied.
I'll know where I'll be when I return next week. I get the Internet in Mexico as I may need to contact different people and maybe post here, as well as work on my website. But I am feeling much better, and will definitely know what I'll be doing in a week.
Tomorrow we pick up the kids, then I'll probably sleep in the guest bedroom as my flight is Sunday. Luckily, I got my passport updated already, otherwise I would have had to wait until Monday or Tuesday, and I don't think I can stay with him in the house longer than a night until some time has passed.
Speaking of the kids: I told my husband that if the information about him leaks out, we won't keep it from my eldest child, as she is already aware of relationships between men and women. I'm not sure how long it will be before she knows. My god when I was ten I had no knowledge of such things. I'll cross that bridge when it comes.
Anyway, just letting everyone know everything went as well as it could, and I did not forgive him. He apologized about three times without grovelling, but we will see by next week what's going to happen. My children ("our" children, yes, but I am needing this bit of control now) will be fine whatever my decision will be made, and rest assured that is the only factor in which I will make my decision. When I feel better later I'll have more concrete thoughts but now, I just need to focus from this huge fallout.
Thanks to all, and I'll be in touch throughout the week.
OH, one more thing: My friend had done another scan of the data, at least the next file. The chats were not actual chats, but message headers for passsing messages like internal email. She told me that there were a lot of headers but the chat data my be forthcoming from subsequent data releases. Not sure this helps anyone else, but when I come back hopefully I'll have more information.