SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The fact that I will never ever have blind trust in anyone again. People who say they love you are supposed to not do things they know will hurt.

What hurts the most is that, looking back, I realize that he never actually wanted to be with me. He wanted a relationship. But he didn't want me. It was all a game. It was all lies and manipulation.

whyowhyme - I feel the exact same way. I don't think i will ever be able to trust someone the way I USED to trust WS. And that hurts so much.

I hate how he lied to me, and probably continues to lie to me. I am still in limbo here. I don't know what to do.

That he slept over at her house when he was suppose to be at a friends. How stupid was I. :(

I found out about his cheating on his Facebook messenger. They were talking about me. I've never even met her but she made a nasty comment about me. Not only did he not protect or defend me but he agreed and said "not like with us". She was his us! So very small but so hurtful. When did I get replaced? How was I the enemy? Still hurts now. Never saw him being that way. I've never heard him say anything mean or negative about anyone our entire time together.

Without question, the worst thing he did was how he treated me after I found out about his As.

I believed the worst was over at that point. I thought we would manage and work together to heal.

I had no idea what was coming. His As hurt terribly but they barely register compared to what he did after dday.

That he was cheating mercilessly from the start of my marriage.

BetrayedWife, I second what you said. Yes, the treatment after being caught was inhuman for me too.

[This message edited by Wife100 at 10:23 PM, September 10th (Thursday)]

Knowing that it was all a lie. Thinking I was his only when I wasn't.

Each and every one of these responses hurts so badly. I can relate to them all.

For me, it was the miscarriage and him telling me he was glad it happened. Then a few months later telling AP that he dreamed of having children with her (and we can't have any). That hurts to the core.

To me, it was finding out when I was 4 months pregnant with my 3rd in July, but was told that it was all over in February, before I even conceived.

And later, found out that they had sex again at the end of June, just 2 weeks before DDay, meaning that they had sex when I was very pregnant and was having some problems with contractions etc.

And you know what, he is the one who really pushed me to get pregnant when I did!

[This message edited by anymore at 11:30 PM, September 10th (Thursday)]

So many to choose from....I'll narrow it down to two.

1. She was my friend who became his friend. Saw a text from her where she made a crack about her "turning into a couch potato and eating junk food". Much later realized it was them making fun of me. She, a stay at home housewife. Him, working but with my primarily supporting him. They both had time for Crossfit while I and her WH were busy supporting them.

2. A number of times where I took great pleasure in giving him pleasure with a spontaneous BJ (and no reciprocity). Now looking back realizing how superior, PA, and condescending he must have felt looking down and knowing his 'junk' had recently been in my friend.

Along the lines of OP's example, stbx consummated his luv for OW ---at the hotel where we had our wedding. When I told him I now can't even have happy wedding day memories without "seeing" her, he laughed and said, "I'm sorry, solus--but I just don't see what the big deal is."

The absolute worst thing he ever told me was his answer when I asked why he married me. "Because you loved me, and I didn't know if anyone else ever would." He spent the duration of our marriage trying to find out, apparently.

What hurts the most is that, looking back, I realize that he never actually wanted to be with me. He wanted a good relationship. But he didn't want me. It was all a game. It was all lies and manipulation.

This is very much the case for me, too. I can't imagine why he maintained it for so long. He really must've felt powerful.

[This message edited by solus sto at 12:06 AM, September 11th (Friday)]

solus sto

Guide

Member # 30989

Along the lines of OP's example, stbx consummated his luv for OW ---at the hotel where we had our wedding. When I told him I now can't even have happy wedding day memories without "seeing" her, he laughed and said, "I'm sorry, solus--but I just don't see what the big deal is."

The absolute worst thing he ever told me was his answer when I asked why he married me. "Because you loved me, and I didn't know if anyone else ever would." He spent the duration of our marriage trying to find out, apparently.

What hurts the most is that, looking back, I realize that he never actually wanted to be with me. He wanted a good relationship. But he didn't want me. It was all a game. It was all lies and manipulation.

This is very much the case for me, too. I can't imagine why he maintained it for so long. He really must've felt powerful.

[This message edited by solus sto at 12:06 AM, September 11th (Friday)]

Posts: 11444 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest

Ouch ouch ouch. yup I get it.

For me -

I proposed, she accepted. She announced to the world. Flittery flattery happy she was... I had to go out of town for a week. Came back to find rug burns on her back ( I am serious here, only a week after i proposed).

She tried to lie her way out. Turns out an old boy friend was in town, the one she could never catch. She needed to see if she was making a mistake with me.

Sastrugi, Headmaster , School of Hard Knocks.

[This message edited by Sastrugi at 1:34 AM, September 11th (Friday)]

I agree it is hard to choose just one, but the day after we had to put our 16 year old cat to sleep, he kissed me Goodbye told me he loved me and went for a ride on his motorcycle. He went straight to the ow, f**ked her, then came home to me.

Ouch. My heart is aching from reading everyone's post. It's hard to narrow it down to one thing but I would say what hurt the most was that he has never apologized for hurting me and the kids and simply walked out of our life/home and into her life/home.

1. That he told his latest "I love you".

2. That his first LTA was over 20 years ago and I had no clue.

3. That he could be in the same room with me and send her * texts.

That is just scratching the surface.

one of the worst, most hurtful things was -

He stored naked/topless photos of her in the same private photo app he had photos of our stillborn daughter.

(We both have the app and it was specifically for our daughters photos)

For me I guess it's that for the duration of his affair my WH thought his d!ck was more important than his wife and kids. The gaslighting comes a close 2nd. I know myself well enough to say I'll probably never forgive him for letting me believe I was crazy. Other aspects of his A perhaps in time, but the deliberate way he talked around in circles and straight out lied to my face making me question my own sanity? No fucking way Mister.

Honestly all the responses here are just heartbreaking. I felt my heart sink into my stomach reading through them all. Such a sad thing that so many of us can see (or at least relate to) our own hurts and experiences written in someone elses' words on every page.

He stored naked/topless photos of her in the same private photo app he had photos of our stillborn daughter.

For this, I just have no words. (((mj-82)))

Strength and healing to us all (((SI PEEPS)))

[This message edited by DelicateLikeU at 5:13 AM, September 11th (Friday)]

Finding out she was on birth control after forcing me to use a condom with her for 5 years when she knew I wanted more kids. All while she fucked him bareback!! yup that stung a bit

He sent her pictures of MY dog to get closer to her. In July, we had to let her go due to aggression issues. I still cry about it. I loved that dog so much. Obviously that's not the worst thing he could have done, but it was pretty shitty.