SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's hard to pick just one thing that hurts the most. But, right now, I'd say it was the complete & utter lack of respect for me or our kids when he chose to fuck hooker after hooker after hooker. It's like we didn't exist. Not a blip on his radar. We were completely irrelevant.

Irrelevant.

What hurt me was the emotional connection they made via email.

I could've easily gotten over the physical part but the talks they had bothered me. Why wasn't he telling me all this stuff?

Took OW out of town where we had our 10 yr anniversary trip, just a couple of weeks later and with his softball team to boot. So obviously, others knew about this before I did.

That he'd initiated divorce proceedings while still denying to my face that there was no one else.

That he lied about his appointment having 2 bedrooms when we split. Said it only had 1. He obviously didn't want his time with OW inconveniencing by having his children stay over.

Hard to choose one thing.

The fact that all my energy I put towards my future children/family/dreams was wasted. 13 years of my life stolen...what could and should have really been fucking amazing years in my life...down the drain because I believed we were working and sacrificing now in order to enjoy family more comfortably in the future. What a waste.

[This message edited by Shattereddd at 1:36 AM, August 7th (Sunday)]

I have many. One that hurts pretty badly is they were both in my company, with my extended family on two occasions, and the OW probably got a real kick from that. Their secret little looks, promises that I was going to get dumped soon along with our 4 kids. We are reconciling now, and OW got dropped from a high height on D day but shit, that still hurts so bad. The madness of it all. And now the loving husband. It's a mind F@&k for sure

Reading through these is heartbreaking. I have tears in my eyes re-living your stories.

The worst thing for me is that he lied to my face. That, at MINIMUM, I didn't deserve truth. I wasn't worthy of honest... It's degrading.

I will never EVER give him my soul.

There's lots that hurts, but the first thing that popped into my mind is this:

Over the last few years he's treated me like shit. Moody. No longer wanting to do things that we used to do together. It felt to me that he wanted me to "move on" he just wanted it to be my idea to do so (didn't want to be the bad guy). After a lot of soul searching and heartache, that was the decision I was going to make.

Then he decided to tell me about the A. I had a two day meltdown. He put me through all this shit, tells me about this and NOW he's promising to change and begging me to not make a decision now.

He is now home earlier in the evenings and not landing home from work at 11pm. He's now wanting to do things together again, like travel. He's now being affectionate and loving.

What hurts the most is that it took the reality of me actually leaving for him to be the person I first fell for 8 years ago. He put me through HELL the last several years, and only now is it that he's expressing a desire for me to stay.

That is what hurts the most.

Anyone else write one of these and then two minutes later want to write another? I just can't even comprehend the magnitude of what she did to me...EVERYTHING hurts the most!

Yes, I could add things....

It is hard reading these but, in a way, the pain makes me stronger. The fact that we have endured this should mean we are strong, right? Ha... If only.....

The precise moment she admitted that she had gone out of or marriage. I knew about the A (one of them anyway) about 6 hours before confronting her, but that one moment made it real and was the most painful moment of my life.

The precise moment she admitted that she had gone out of or marriage. I knew about the A (one of them anyway) about 6 hours before confronting her, but that one moment made it real and was the most painful moment of my life.

Jameson1977

This! I only just realized it now in retrospect, but I had found out via her phone the day before, but when she said the words it hit like a freight train. Somehow I had no reaction other than a sinking feeling before that...

I've go it narrowed down to two:

1. The fact that he KNEW every thing he did, every clearly-defined boundary he broke, every time he told her secrets about our marriage or our fights, every time he professed his desire to "protect her" and "save her" I would read it, would get back to me....and he kept telling me TO MY FACE how much he needed her ....and I was a ragged hysterical mess.... and I told him how his affair was killing me....i was becoming suicidal.....

AND HE DIDN'T CARE. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING about me or my feelings mattered to him as much as maintaining his text-based "friendship" with a virtual stranger.

2. I had a lot of CSA related issues coming into the marriage, and he knew that. He had always been my KiSA since we were teenagers. But about 5 years or so ago, he started getting really impatient with me and dealing with my issues, to the point where I stopped talking about them to him. Then he go all protective and heroic, wanting to save her and help her WITH THE EXACT SAME ISSUES.

I knew it had happened when I read the dripping email she sent to him, her apologizing to him for how badly HE had treated her, and the sex comment 3/4 of the way through it. I will never forget that moment. I physically couldn't believe what I was reading. I didn't fully accept until I saw another email from her to him sending him a video. Insane emotions, I cant even describe. I literally could not stop moving for 2 hours. Confronted her when she got home and wham, there was a ONS before this one. Incredible how your life cand change in an instant. But, that one moment when she said the words (at least admitted it, took her 9 months to actually say "I cheated on you") was the absolute worst moment of my life.

What hurts the most - is as everyone has said is all of it..but if i had to say the worst ones are that he was with her on our anniversary took her on a trip with him.and that he was on the phone and texting her on xmas day while with out family.He was proud of himself the whole time.living this other life with her and her kids

There are so many I could fill pages on this subject unfortunately.

However if I had to pick one it would be after I put a recorder on the house phone, this was before cellphones made it so easy for people to cheat. It was the way I found out she was lying to my face when I questioned her about there being somebody else. So I listened to a lot of conversations before it all blew up.

The thing that hurts the most was the conversations she had with the OM and he would call me some pretty bad names and she would laugh. It still makes me cringe to remember it.

What hurt the most was hearing her on a VAR screaming furiously at our children to hurry up and get dressed and get out on the porch to wait for a relative to pick them up so she could quickly have sex with the guy. Also hearing her beg and plead for this relative to drop what they were doing to come pick up the kids asap. So sad.

All of it hurts. But if I had to say one thing, it would be LYING.

The lying but also after the PA was over he kept up an EA for over 2 years and he didn't think it was bad to keep in contact because there was no sex involved!

What hurt the most was that my WH told his AP's he was divorced and I RAN off to be with another man and had abandoned the family and that is was the nanny! Not that I was at home taking care of our precious offspring so he could get laid.