SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((((( Angeles ))))) Your post made me cry.

How? Why? I will NEVER understand WS's and what they've done.

If I had one wish it would be for all of them (and their AP's) to *truly* feel the same intense pain their loved ones now live with.

Today I was going to break NC but i found this and it helped me stay strong:

(Not sure where I got it from it's from exactly one year ago and It is being more helpful today than the first time I read it)

"We want closure that is never going to come in a way that we want but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused but they are never going to listen and if they do they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "no contact". You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs- "go to the devil". No contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks don't work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

I hope it helps you too

You said in the letter you wanted to work out an agreement for our divorce. You threatened to get a Protective order against me to kick me out of the house if I didn't meet with you and your toxic friend (who I still think you fucked or at least had an emotional affair with btw) to work out our agreement.

So I did what was necessary to protect myself. I would have been fine working this out among ourselves. That is what I would have tried if you would have waited another week, by then I would have filed for divorce. But at least you saved me $200 in filing fees.

But no you put the house account and my bank account as marital property and ignored your separate bank account, which I know doesn't have that much because you don't work hard and are shitty to your coworkers and you waste money on booze and going out to eat with your fuck buddies.

I know you don't give a fuck about the truth, it is not magical enough for you you piece of shit. (wow this is getting more angry than I thought, but you deserve this and so much more).

If you did you would keep to our verbal agreement where you said you didn't even want the house and I would continue the project we had dedicated our lives to and you left. Now you want the house and the house bank account. You swore that it was marital property, so now it is. I will get half the value.

Today I signed a lease on a new apartment. I got a promotion within a week of being eligible for it by staying 90 days since my last promotion. I do not want to stay in the house anymore but I will get all the value I can get out of it. You will get more than you deserve but life is not fair and every minute you spend in the house will be a constant reminder of how I built the house for you and you threw away our relationship.

Actually you probably won't care you are far too unhealthy to process things like that now, and that's okay I guess, I'm just glad I don't have to deal with you anymore.

Please contact my lawyer and we will work out a separation agreement or at least try to. I am not sure if you are healthy enough but it is in your best interest because either way will we split up all the assets. Wouldn't you rather at least try to work it out rather than have a judge split it up?

Understand I will not talk to you at all, This is something you will work out through my lawyer, if we do need to meet it will be in separate rooms. We don't have that much stuff, it can be simple to come to an agreement and not have to deal with all the court stuff, just give them a copy of agreement and let the judge sign it. You will be free, but I guess that would be a loss to you. I'm sure your life is shit now I know you are desperate for money even with cheating on your taxes and all free rent your asshole family is giving you.

Good luck trying to justify your actions. BTW I found another razor blade on a shelf it is just another great reminder of how unhealthy you are and how great it will be to be completely rid of you.

Did I just break no contact this week? You bet I did.

One year anniversary of Dday. I wished him a happy anniversary. Told him I thought he should share the burden of the memory. Because I know it hadn't even crossed his mind.

He replied with the usual empty, meaningless, cold "I'm sorry". And I know it's meaningless because back when we were talking about "working things out" he asked how he should respond to my "outbursts" and I told him he could start by saying "I'm sorry"...It became a kind of mantra.

Why did I send him that message? WHY??!!

I know better. Really, I do.

But I have more to say. I'm just not gonna say it to him.

______________ Here it is:

I know that you have many "friends". You have lots of "contacts" that you chat with.

And I don't.

But here's the thing. You feel nothing. Numb. It's a word you've used to describe yourself before and it's true.

Why? Because you've spent your whole life hiding. You play a game. You try to be someone you're not. You pretended with me for a long time.

Serial monogamy (well, until you met me, or so you say). You find women to live with. You try to be some kind of person in a relationship when in fact you've not once actually invested who you really are with anyone. Not ever.

You need, need, need to be loved. You never get it because you don't know what it is. You've never loved yourself, you'll never love another. It's one empty relationship after another.

You were soooo in love with me. Until you were soooo in love with OW. Less than 3 months after OW dumped you you were in another relationship. It wasn't long after that you'd convinced the new girl to move in with you. And now you're soooo in love with her.

My dangerously codependent personality desperately wants to "fix you". But you know what? I can't. And thanks to you, I'm learning. So, out of the ashes for me. I'll find my old self again, the me I like. But I'll have the bonus of having learned from you that the "make it all better" part of me has to go.

It's been hard, this. It's been the most painful thing for me. And, no, I'm not out of the weeds yet. And, yes, I know I just let you know that. But I don't even care. I don't care that everyone knows how much I'm struggling. You ego kibbles? I don't care. You do you. I'll do me.

And when I am feeling like I'm ready...ready to really move on...I'm going to have a good time. My life is already way better than it was with you. And I've only just begun.

I'm sorry that you are who you are - numb. sad. liar. cheater. manipulator. faker. I really am. I know how hard it is to struggle with depression and the damage from an ugly childhood.

Part of me wants you to suffer even more. Part of me wants to see you fall apart and hurt like hell. But that's just one part. The rest of me wishes you well. Hopes you'll figure it out and learn how to live an authentic life. Hopes that maybe you've already figured it out with new girl.

I told you I'd always love you. I did. And, unlike you, I really meant it. But I have to take care of myself now. And I have to recognize that you were unhealthy for me: mind, body and spirit.

So, bye for now. (Until my crazy decides to break No Contact again).

[This message edited by mavis13simpson at 1:20 AM, February 14th (Sunday)]

Thanks Lovingmyselfmore. I like your quote.

I no longer need this thread! The LAST thing in the world I want is to hear that CREATURE's voice or see his fish-eyed face. Yesterday was Dday anniversary and it didn't really affect me, surprisingly.

I hope the thread continues to be useful to others. Am spending time on other forums that address his issues more specifically - infidelity turned out to be just one piece in the whole disgusting puzzle - but SI has been a tremendous help to me, I do check in regularly, and I'm sending love and support here to all of you. There is so much courage here. Thanks so much to everyone who PMd me, especially. Peace to everyone - I'm nowhere near recovered but it is getting easier, and NC was the first step. So much regard and good wishes for those who still have to be in contact with their betrayers. Hugs.

[This message edited by Opinionsplease at 6:32 AM, February 14th (Sunday)]

Do you feel like a big man manipulating your son? Making him feel bad for taking a damn good promotion, because YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE HIM? Uhhhh, other than Christmas when he went to see you, when did YOU last make an effort to see HIM? Ohhh, I remember...last summer, when you needed help moving things of mine out of "your" house.

Know why he wanted to go visit YOU this weekend? To see his Dad, the one he's going to miss. He actually teared up talking to me about it. Broke my heart, made me cry.

He's going to visit you next weekend too, see you/spend time.

How much effort is that that YOU'RE putting in to seeing son you're going to MISS SO BAD? Ohhh, I know!! None!

You have to have him leave Valentine's Day 'cause OW wants you for the day, but son never wants to meet her. Because she emailed him out of the blue last summer and told him what a "small mind" he has, how his "mommy poisoned his mind, and he's weak, so he allowed it" and that "you only married his mother because she was pregnant with him,an unwanted child, not because you loved her" (do you know how close you both came to getting beat down that night??! I had 3 childhood friends willing to fly in from other states to do the deed. You're SO lucky & you don't even know it!!).

I fucking hate YOU for what she said to both son & me, because I know where that crazy bullshit came from. YOU!!

Fuck you!

Like I told you to your face, before I moved out of the house. ..what kind of PUSSY stays married 28 YEARS & had a another child if he's "never been happy & never wanted to get married & have kids"?!

Take your rewrite and stuff it up your ass. Sideways.

Oh, and speaking of that other child...DO YOU REMEMBER HER? SHE isn't invited to visit, because she told you what she thought of you.

Unlike son, SHE hasn't gotten a 'Merry Christmas', 'Happy New Year', or 'How are you?'...even after SHE went to see YOU (&was polite) after your hospitalization.

Have you even asked her how she feels? How she's doing? If the docs ever figured out WHY she's been sick for a year, lost 75 pounds without trying?! Nope. Not once! You just tell get how sick you are if she mentions it.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE HER ON HER VISIT!! Your own daughter. Doesn't that make you think?

Hope you're enjoying your visit with ONE of your children this weekend. BTW- HE SENT ME A PHOTO OF MY MOM'S PAINTING I'VE BEEN ASKING FOR FOR A YEAR. You know, the one you "hadn't seen" hanging from the kitchen wall.

How dare you keep my late mother's painting when you know I have very little from her.

And no, I'm not "giving back" the stuff I took because I'm taking the painting back. You said "you didn't want anything" & those things are mine. I didn't take everything even though you insisted and told me it'd all go to the dump... so don't cry now over what I DID take. Especially when the things you want back WERE NEVER YOURS!!

You wanted to see son now because we are moving states away in 30 DAYS!! So, Now, a year later, you're insisting I take ALL 3 of the broken down cars. You need him to drive them to me. Ones we said we'd sell.

WTF am I supposed to do with 3 broken cars, when I live in a rental, an leaving the start in 30 DAYS, have no repair money (you have tools, mechanical repair ability,and our house with an RV assess driveway!)?

My car, you said YOU'D fix. I hear today you made SON pay to repair it?!

You're such a dick now.

What, afraid a battery would cut into your exotic fish money? Or maybe your pro sports team ticket money?

You play it like you're sooooo broke & out out to our son. Make him ask me to lower alimony??! Really?!

You do all that stuff is why you're broke. $500 in fish every month? $800 in live sports events? Trips to Nevada to drink and gamble?

Aww. Poor you.

My big exciting life you complain I'm living off you? Yeah, my "excitement" is being able to go to Costco and buy 3 (!!) bags of dog food AND a rotisserie chicken! Whoo- fucking-hooo. Living large there, man!! Look at you, being taken advantage of with all that.

You wanted me to write up my settlement agreement "offer" today. Know what? Talk to my lawyer.

I submitted it to him in Nov. Pay your lawyer hourly, have fun with that.

Yours is working by the hour now. Lining his pockets like I said they would when you went behind my back and hired him after we agreed to work it out ourselves. Mine's flaking & not responding to anyone anymore 3 weeks before mediation & trial. What a fucking nightmare.

I don't want to go to trial, I want to settle. But today is not the day to discuss it. I'll get to it. Maybe. Or, like I said, have your lawyer call mine.

I just think it's sad you HONESTLY believe I deserve NOTHING after 28 years of loyalty.YOU cheated on ME, remember? I didn't do shit to deserve the treatment I've gotten from you. Just because you found a more entertaining vagina, I'm no longer human?

That your actually believe "you raised the kids alone, without any help". That I "used you",because I was a SAHM or whole marriage. Making it out to the JUDGE that I "refused to work"... Omfg!

Seriously; I'm going to have a heart attack from your bullshit. Last time they checked my blood pressure they wanted to admit me to the hospital and they held me for over an hour trying to not have me leave.

I hope everything is DONE in March. I want to move, and FORGET you.

I hate what you've done to us, for that TRASH you're with.

You know how much I wanted to be "the ones that made it despite the odds"!! You've turned us into a f ucking embarrassing cliche.

How humiliating.

Have you no shame?

I asked you how you could look in the mirror once, and you replied, "I look into the mirror just fine."

Enough said.

[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 8:21 AM, February 14th (Sunday)]

I am so sorry for your pain, WIRR. It is amazing what these people do to mess up their own children. I can stand on my own, but really, you are supposed to take care of your children. Now these people are the ones we need to protect them from!

It just makes me sick!

I just thank god they are grown....not that they don't hurt. I can't imagine when they're little & don't understand on any level what's happening.

-------------

I came back to say Fuck you, again ...telling your son not to come back next weekend.

" 'Cause you know how busy we'll be with move by next weekend". YOU think it's best WE drive the 4 hours to get the car this week ourselves. It'll be "easier" that way. Yeah, FOR YOU.

Did I really expect more from a selfish Bastard?

It sounds reasonable and caring on the surface & to son.

It's not.

Son had the time planned. He wanted to go be with you.

We were all going to go see our friends and family for goodbyes that weekend.

What's wrong? OW pissed you were busy-AGAIN? Upset that she's STILL hidden away like a dirty secret from your REAL family (not hers)?

You're a loser to give up time with your kids, especially knowing it may be YEARS before you see them again, since none of us fly?

Whatever.

I'll take the extra time & less drama.

Thank you. I appreciate my time with my kids. They're AWESOME PEOPLE.

YOU, sir, are missing out.

[This message edited by WowItsReallyReal at 1:26 PM, February 14th (Sunday)]

(((((WIRR)))))....I am so sorry you're dealing with such bullshit.

When I read stories like yours it really makes me wonder what the fuck happens to normal brain functions when people cheat. They all turn into assholes.

Please be careful with your health! High blood pressure is nothing to fool around with.

It's called PARENTING you fucking asshole!

You don't get to just check out of PARENTING for the last 18 months and then burst onto the scene and think you're going to bitch about how I AM DOING IT.

I've been doing it BY MYSELF while you've been out parading around with the home wrecking whore and your fucking replacement family.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

You dont' get a say. You just don't. She's a fucking adult. Talk to her about it.

Yeah - and I'm NOT paying her bills you asshole. You pay them if you're so god damned worried about it. I'll reimburse YOU. Don't like that plan so much do you?

Fucking asshat!!!

Hey, jackass, there's this novel idea someone invented a long time ago: it's called a birthday card. When you know you won't have DS but you want him to wish your asshole father a Happy Birthday, have DS make or sign a card. Don't call to try and get DS on the phone or send me texts to get me to have DS call.

In all fairness, I did ask DS if he wanted to call and wish Grandpa [Asshole] Happy Birthday and DS asked..."Who?" He apparently doesn't see your father well enough to remember him (thank goodness) and if he doesn't even want to talk to you on the phone, obviously he doesn't want to talk to some creepy old man he doesn't even know.

I make plans for DS to wish my family Happy Birthday before or after the actual date when I know he'll be with you and you should figure out how to make the same arrangements. Oh, wait, that would be using your head and taking responsibility so I know I shouldn't hold my breath for that to happen....

[This message edited by lilies21 at 8:07 AM, February 15th (Monday)]

Once the divorce is finalized would you please meet up with me so we can talk. I just need to understand. Need to know why you told me you wanted to work on us and go to marriage counseling, but behind my back you still went to his house to sleep over.

I wish i knew if you even had the slightest clue what hell you've put me through. I wish i knew if this was even 1/5 as hard for you as it is for me. But i think i already know the answer to that. Your parents are taking care of all the divorce papers for you, paying for your apartment, and you're sleeping over at his house the majority of the week. It seems you've moved quite comfortably into your new lifestyle.

I think of so many memories of you and I and don't know how you walked away from our life so easily. Meeting at the pool and trying to time it so we were there at the same time when we first started connecting. First kiss. Being there for our college graduations. Our first dog (who you have now and i miss terribly). Lake trips. Our New York and Chicago trips. Being there when our nieces were born. You were there for me when my aunt died. The World Series game we went to. Our wedding who everyone said was one of the best weddings they had been to in a long time. Picking out things for the house we were remodeling, and talking about our plans for the future and kids.

How one week, we are waking up and you are putting your hand on mine and telling me everything will be ok. The next week you barely want to see or talk to me, while you continue to sneak about. 2 weeks in between laying in bed together and holding hands to talking through attorneys.

I wonder after a month of no chains on you and being free to spend however much time you want with dr. douchebag, i wonder if you miss your old life with me and what was to be our starter home to start a family with our 2 awesome dogs. I can't help but think about you and him watching shows we used to watch together, making dinner in the kitchen like we did, taking the dog for a walk, laying in bed talking. I can't even watch our favorite shows anymore. More than anything I hate that you quit on us without even trying.

[This message edited by ThatGuy728 at 9:37 AM, February 15th (Monday)]

Thanks for not giving me a Valentine's Card creep.

You managed to find one last year - your first one to me in 30 years.

..... not this year though.

Are you really trying?

Nope...... didn't think so.

You make me cringe, I am so DONE.

I heard you guys went away for the weekend. Your first Valentines Day where you could be together out in the open.

My first one truly alone.

So where did you go? You and I always loved to go to the coast for a weekend getaway. Did you go there with her? Or did you go to the mountains, or the city? I thought about you two way too much this weekend.

I wonder if you ever think about what you gave up. You gave up SO much, so many people who loved you! I don't understand how you can't want it all back again. I can't believe you're content to live in her brother's basement with her. Do you see her yet. for what she really is? Will you EVER see her for what she really is?

You've always praised my skills as a mother, even to the mediator when we did our parenting agreement. You words were, "I know she will do what is best for the kids.". I'm still doing that. I've been here for the kids while you've been out in bars, at parties, (it's all over Facebook, so don't even try to deny it) and focusing on your new relationships and your social life. I have been right here doing the exact same thing I was doing for all the years of our marriage, which is taking care of my kids and doing my best to steer them in the right direction. So, you'll excuse me if I'm not taking kindly to your swooping in and suddenly having an opinion about how I should be doing things. Your kids are well taken care of because of ME, and the time I spend with them. You were free to carry on like a single 20-something since you moved out because *I* was taking care of your kids. I have been the one to listen to them cry when you've hurt them or blown them off. I'm the one who has listened to their anger at the situation.

I haven't posted on here for some time but today I feel I need to.

What made you text me on Valentine's Day "Happy Valentine's Day" WTF!!! ???

You of course didnt understand why I was upset over this. I wish you could feel what I feel after all you've done. I guess you still have no empathy. Never have and never will.

The crazy thing is I still miss you. I miss you like crazy. How can you just move on after 22 years of marriage? You said "I don't live in the past"

Yeah, good for you buddy! But, I do live in the past. Everyday I am thinking about all these years.

What about calling the kids more often? At least a quick " How are you?". No, I guess that's to much to ask for. And, no I wont tell you again and again how important it is to stay in their lives. Doesn't bear any fruit anyway. Just words and nothing else.

Oh, and how hard is it to remind yourself that support is due on the first. I feel so stupid and angry to contact you to remind you to pay.

It's not about you it's about me. You've finally made improvements but it doesn't matter cause this week when you were gone I realized I don't want you whether you get better or not. I feel alive in the first time for many years. I don't NEED you to love me anymore.

My heart tells me maybe we can do this cordially and stay friends but my mind knows that you will flip out and be arrogant and manipulative and it's better not to go there.

i would like to tell you all this but I'm clearing out our accounts Monday before I file. And then our 18 years together, all the advice and friendship will be over. I will have to learn to confide in my family and friends instead of you and seek them for advice.

I told you I got an interview . It's my first step to fulfilling my potential and you had nothing to do with it. I did it by myself.

I know you may check out and not be a dad to our sons, but I have compensated already for years for them having an absentee dad.

I don't know how to tell them. I want to call you and ask how to tell them. Please don't disappoint them anymore.

I'm back because I have one more thing I want to say to you.

It was you who killed those two kittens and left them at my gate. Because you know I love cats. It's just the same as you did to me. You fed them to act like a human being and then you killed them in the night. You.Fucking.Sick.Bastard. Wanting to play with my head and wanting me to contact you because I was freaked out and afraid so that you could come with your little sticking plaster and sweet words and pretend there is an ounce of goodness in you as you comforted me for what YOU had done, once again. That was how you kept me, you fucking disgusting psycho. With FEAR. I see right through you now.

I know what you are.

I wish you cared enough to search here and read this, but you don't.

Sorry SIers for this post. I'm not crazy, but he really did try his hardest. He is a very, very sick piece of work. I need to get it out.

Thanks for getting that out Opinionsplease. Please take care and keep that NC going.

There's no way in the world you are the crazy one... I think we know who the crazy one is. Sick fuck indeed.

Hi STBXWW:

Thanks for begrudgingly agreeing to sharing our son fairly, 50/50. Thanks for giving me the fucking attitude that you are bending to my will. For thinking I'm being unreasonable and pushy to request time with my son in my life, after you fucking turn it upside down. I'd say you have balls, but you are just delusional, weak, and broken.

And since we can now move forward with separation, we get to have that wonderful talk with our son where we get to tell him how his life is going to suddenly turn upside down... just like mine did.

Fuck you again. And the Douche Canoe... please pass that along when you see him.

[Now back to reality]

I won't say these things, and really, it's good to be moving forward. My life, my son's life, they are not going to be what we thought they were going to be. But he's only 4.5 and very adaptable to change... this is going to be an adventure we go on together. And things are going to be better, and dare I say it, good. And maybe his mother can focus on being a good mom if she doesn't have to worry about being a good wife... who knows?

[This message edited by NiceGuySF at 7:15 PM, February 22nd (Monday)]