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I'm done discussing this with you today. Sign the fucking divorce papers and I'll consider your request.

I am officially ignoring you for the rest of the evening.

I want to contact him so bad right now. I feel alone. I miss him and I don't even know why I miss him. He clearly doesn't give me a passing thought. I'm just overwhelmed and needed someone to talk to today and for the third time in two weeks, stood up for a coffee date with my SIL.

Just.Sign.The.Papers.

STOP sending me f*cking pictures of you and my nephew at the zoo today. I don't want to see them. Nor do I care to see you wearing the same shirt that you are wearing in all the photos the OW sent me recently.

I hate you.

Your daughter is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and you thought you needed a vacation.

Really? Because I'd like half of our DD's living expenses for the last 18 months. And half of her moving expenses. And half of our DS's living expenses until he goes to school.

Or, you can shut the fuck up and pay the premium yourself.

I'm not giving you half. Deal with it.

Oh - and I'd like a signed divorce decree.

Fucker.

You are just pissing me off right now. Shut the fuck up about the premiums. I mean seriously.

You're arguing with me over a few hundred dollars. Why is it only important when the money is coming from YOUR bank account?

You have twice as much income as I do.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I HATE the way you just text me and DEMAND shit.

Fuck you.

SIGN THE FUCKING DIVORCE PAPERS.

I thought I was doing so well. Determined to move on. Going out with friends. Taking the kids away for short breaks to get their (and my) mind off things. And then, I learned that you went to that concert with her. It crushed me. The idea that you have started building memories with her. Weeks of hard work gone. The unbearable pain, the hopelessness, the obsessive thinking of you every second of every day back with a vengeance. I'd sell my soul to the devil to stop loving you, surely you don't deserve it?, but I just can't. I can't let you go, you are everywhere. And every time I see you, seeing how well you look, and how pleased with your new life, out of the 'prison' that you called our twelve years together, I die. And I so desperately want to live. For my kids, for myself, for my pride. I want to end up the victor in this ugly war of ours, happy and healthy with you drowning in regrets. It has to be this way. It needs to be. Karma.

Go out and get another boyfriend already... you're driving me nuts.

You're hurting me you asshole. Please stop. Please stop telling me you are going to fix this and work on that. Stop. Stop. Stop. I hate this so fuxking much

One year ago today we arrived in Israel on our honeymoon. It was a dream come true.

We had the greatest adventure even though our wedding was awful.

My heart is aching today I miss you so much and the person you used to be. I see little bits of him inside you sometimes. I wish you wouldn't let the mental illness consume you so we could be a family again. Better, and stronger than before.

I miss you so much my love, I'll never connect with anyone like I connected with you.

I pray for you every night and send you loving kindness.

Please come home. I don't know if I can take this. Please fix it.

Please. My heart is aching so much.

The last thing we said to each other when you asked me to meet up was 'we arent divorced yet' when I said you didn't have to message me if you dont want because that's not what divorced people do'

Monday you texted me that you had fun.

You gave me hope again....even though you are still bailing on your commitments this weekend. I have to Uber out to a wedding in the burbs alone where I know no one.

I'm starting to get the feeling that since you messaging me was the first time since you abandoned me in the hospital after my suicide attempt that you were just checking on me to make sure I was ok so you wouldnt have to feel guilty. I think you also just wanted to get sex.

I don't think you really missed me, "all of me" "overall" like you said.

I think I got used again.

Thanks, Asshole! I really wanted to help our 4-year-old son how to spell OW's name with his letter stamps when he asked me. Grrrr! I think I'll burn that piece of construction paper later tonight.

Hi selfish dick head. Your son is still very poorly today, the one you claim you love and tell me I'm a bad mam of not informing you of how ill he is. Why the fuck should I have to inform you? I have our children 6 days a week you are no longer my 3rd child. Have you bought a car seat yet or still claiming you have no money as you are too busy spending it on the whore taking her away. You are a stupid lying piece of shit and the sooner we are divorced the better. You and her are pathetic and the best revenge I can have is you 2 being together!!! You are both broken and both known cheats. I bet once the novelty wears off and you can't buy her love anymore and you both realise you can't trust each other the shit will hit the fan. But don't you worry I'll be here picking up the pieces of our family you shattered you stupid fat receding boring prick. Peace out mother fucker

I just want to say thank you. Really. I triggered horribly on June 1st, the one year anniversary of me finding out that not only did you have someone lined up before you left me despite my constant asking and your denials, I also learned that the guy you cheated on me with while I was trying to move out here FOR YOU was much more than you thought. I saw your e-mail with nudie pics addressed to him, and all of the "I love you" messages to him, all while we were trying to conceive.

But I digress. Thank you. After nearly a month of triggering, I've finally cashed. Crashed right into Meh. Maybe it was talking to a Facebook friend who still has you as a friend on there, as I've blocked you. He told me how much asinine shit you post, and how it looks like you do nothing but party all the time. Despite the fact that your parents partied your whole life, and you hated partying. Our son says that not only is your boyfriend spending the night regularly, another guy named "John" is also spending the night. And also sleeps in his undies!!! Our autistic son who needs stability.

Thank you for making me finally realize the low class person you are, and really have always been. You grew up in a trailer park, and I always thought you could be more than poor, lying, cheating trailer trash. But you can't be. I dragged you along like an anchor. Thank you for letting me go free. It's taken a long time to patch my sail and the holes in my hull, but my ship is stronger than ever and the horizon looks more inviting than it ever has. And you're stuck at the bottom, a loser hanging out with losers doing things losers do, where you belong. Thank you!

DD13 and I ran a 10K this weekend and went out for a long run today. We ran up the creek path, over and under fallen trees, and up to the ridge. We got a glimpse of the ocean beyond from that point. I can't keep up with DD, but I sure will try as I would never give up the chance to share those short 10 seconds of quiet and awe. "OK dad, let's go!" We scuttle through the forest....she is holding back, waiting for me...as I used to do for her not that long ago.

I am so exhausted, but not from our run.

Why is that the person who has lived honest and wholesome is the one that had to leave the house? I worked my ass off for the past 20 years for you and kids. Why is that that after all your fucking repeated cheating, lying and denying, you could not have the decency to leave? Living with you has been a nightmare.

I filed and left. I could barely support one household, let alone two. I sleep on the floor of my office. Lucky to have a shower. Since I found pics of you fucking AP in our bed, I have only known the sofa and now this floor. How I desire the comfort of a mattress. How I desire a bath and wash towel to properly scrub. How I miss the scramble of my kids running up/down the stairs. They call me every day asking where I am and how I am doing. Away from you, I am fine....but away from my kids is so painful.

Fuck you and all your lies. I will get through this. I will work my ass off for me and kids. Soon, I will get our own place, my own bed and my own wash cloth.

Happy 40th birthday!! Congratulations on getting everything you ever wanted. I hope it was worth it!!!

Things aren't going to be the way you thought they'd be. The added stress---brought on by your venality and that of your girlfriend---will quite likely end THAT magical relationship.

Quel dommage, douchebag.

Oh! And for someone who likes to complain that we should already be divorced, you sure seem to want to stay married. Would you fucking do what you need to do, already?!

[This message edited by solus sto at 12:51 PM, July 10th (Sunday)]

To, my ex whom I still love but deeply hurt.

you b!tch. I normally don't cuss or swear but damn you are such a piece of work.

3 years of faithful, loyal commitment with the full intention of marriage.

the amount of times I assured you as you did with me. The things we have been through together and overcame. The amount of pure love, passion and affection we had.

When we held hands and went anywhere beyond our home (sorry - your home), peoples heads would turn to us. Why? Because they don't have what we had. Something pure, real and full of love. We didn't draw any attention to ourselves except by holding hands, and talking and laughing all the time. They could see how much we loved each other - EVEN THE PEOPLE AT RECEPTION AT YOUR PLACE OF WORK!

Then you decide to cheat on me with the builder who was renovating the house and I just finished doing/completing my office, which I appreciate you having to "sacrifice" a room for even though only you live in your 2 bed house!

You lie to my face about even though I figured it out from my gut feeling and then the emails and text messages.

Why? Just why?

And now, I can just imagine you having relations with him after me - its so sick and gross and thought we understood that things like this is just awful and even you have experienced this a few times especially you walking in on one of your ex's in bed with someone else!!! What gives?

I gave you everything. Compromised ALOT FOR YOU. I left my place for you because you wanted me to move in!

Have you no shame? I thought you understood what commitment is and playing with peoples emotions and feelings is horrible? You said you have never met anyone like me and actually meant it and I believed it. And rarely do I believe things given my experience and you know it too.

I made some of your dreams come to reality and still remember those tears of happiness that shed down your beautiful face - not only 4 months ago!

What do you see in him? He is far worse looking than me but besides that, pretty messy and you like "clean". Or maybe you were just lying to my face and wanted a boost for yourself.

You told me numerous times "I'm not going to kick you out. I'm not going to leave you" and guess what? You do.

The intentions of this relationship from the get go were pure and simple. You were "so refreshed" to hear and experience this.

Seriously, what? You are how old now? On our 3rd year anniversary and your birthday you decide to pretty much end or give me the "idea" of going away for a month before coming back?

Then you call the police just because I emailed you lengthy emails of love but also hurt (without profanity or the like)? Cant handle the truth? Cant handle the consequences? What is wrong with people these days and it's funny because every other day I see you moan and complain about the same thing about the world and how people are.

I fancied the pants off of you too and sex was never the "be all" thing with us. It was so much more than that. I know for a fact that you will never find what we had - not even close, nor even better. Nor am I saying I am the best but we both damn well know how that spark and connection was and how hard it has been to find something like that especially to COMMIT.

seriously... what the heck. you totally ruined me. there was no need. no need at all.

community whore it seems? Who knows. Thought you were really down to earth, level headed, common sense and STRONG morals with no nonsense attitude but here we are.

I really hope you suffer but you seem to cover your tracks well and seems us decent people who work so hard to give... never gets the reward we truly deserve.

Stop complaining about the delays as if I'm the only one asking for changes in the decree.

Tell your attorney to get her head out of her ass and do her job.

Hey Assface!

Do you know that we also have two kids?

You are a sorry excuse of a father. Everytime the kids call you, you cut the call short because you have to "clean" or "go shopping". I guess cleaning is more important then talking to your own kids.

And stop making promises to them like..."call you later" or "call you tomorrow"...but you never do.

Stupid me did some snooping online. I see you are in a new relationship... Guess thats the reason you have no time for the kids? You tell me that you have changed and are a different man. No! You are not any different then before.

Kids told you about our first trip we are taking without you. You didn't seem to give two shits about it because you cut the call short ones again.

But guess what? Keep it up and the kids are not going to give two shits about you.

Staying NC is damn hard on me. I still miss you for the person I thought you would be.