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^^^^Holy crap that was close. Had this in an outgoing text bubble and copied and pasted here instead.

I'm done smashing my head against the wall. Detaching again. Stat. Warp speed.

I was going to message but I found this.

Saw you wth her last night. All dressed up. Back at the scene of the crime. You are a joke. A laughing stock in this town... You have admitted some, just some of your lies. Years of lies. Coke, porn, money poured away, wasted family life. I hate you. I hate what you have done, I hate that stupid bitch and I feel sorry that she has no idea that you are not the prize she believes you are. No wonder you were afraid of what I would tell her or that I would show her all these messages... No matter, today I am going to tell you face to face that I am divorcing you, no ifs or buts. Today you face your own consequences. I can't and won't be there anymore. You have broken my heart and my head. Our gorgeous girls see you clearly. My family see you clearly. so goodbye, battle lines drawn. Nothing is what I thought....nothing...

Oooh, you make me so sick with your pompous self righteousness in Denise's thread! You make me fucking SICK.

Who do you think you are, saying these things as though you are the bastion of truth, holding together family values? You DESTROYED my family. You did that.

You're nothing but a cheating DIRTBAG and some day you're going to stand before God and justify EVERY CARELESS WORD that falls from your lips.

I HATE your fucking GUTS.

WhoTheBleep good on you, I know it's hard to not respond and spout!

You are such a dumb fuck. Moved on to and moved in with Plan D. Broken much??!! Stupid stupid idiot. Thank God I no longer have any responsibility to you. Fix yourself idiot. You are an embarrassment and I can't believe that once upon a time I use to defend you and your actions.

I hate that I never get to spend our children’s whole birthday with them. When we were together you happily missed parts of their birthday work, hobbies what ever you wanted to do was more important than them. Hell you offered to be out of the country for work on our youngests first birthday.

But now that you are pretending to be super Dad? And your flying monkey parents and maybe even the boys new Mummy need to pretend to care somehow I end up alone for most of his birthday? I hope one of you selfish assholes pull your head out of your self centred world long enough to make his birthday enjoyable for him.

Just in case there is any doubt. I hate your lying selfish ass.

I hate all your whores

I hate your abusive lying parents.

Unfortunately for me I love our boys and will always put them first.

Why isn't this over with yet? The world is conspiring to keep me attached to that damned woman.

Finally, after more weeks of waiting my lawyer finally says that there is one more draft of the agreement to be reviewed. Let's just sign the damned thing already!

I had a dream last night where you were trying to embrace me and then you were mocking me. I was surprised because I was repelled by the idea of you being in my arms. I am terrified that with all these needless delays caused by lawyers and not by us that you'll change your mind and want to come back to me. NO! God damn it NO!

You destroyed the life I knew. You tore apart our family for your own selfish satisfaction. You have made me a prisoner of you financially supporting you for the next 7 years.

Stay out of my dreams! Push your own lawyer to get the damned documents signed and then file for the divorce. Come and get your useless crap so that I can live a new free life. It may be a life spent without romance, but it WILL continue to be a life filled with dignity.

You are tieing me to a past that I need to move forward from.

Let me go.

Please.

You came over last night to get some more of your things. That was hard for me. I saw you crying. I know you wanted to say some things to me. I wish you could just grow up and tell me what you are thinking/feeling without me having to ask. But I stuck to what my therapist said and I didn't comfort you. I didn't tell you how much I miss you. I didn't tell you how much I want to work on our relationship. I didn't ask you what was on your mind.

I so badly want to pick up the phone and call you. I know you're hurting. I see it when I see you. But you have to hit rock bottom and change yourself. I can't do it for you. It's hard. I don't want to see you implode, but if that's what you need to change, then that's what you need. I don't want to see you hurting, but that can't be my problem.

Yikes....it's really hard not to try and comfort you. Not to take care of you. I've been doing that for too long. It's time for me to take care of myself. I have to ignore my feelings right now. I can't make emotional decisions (even though you did). I have to make logical choices. One of those is to maintain as much NC as possible so I can heal. Once you get the rest of your stuff out of the house, it should be easier for me. I can't stand to see you hurting. But it's your choice. You made the decision to walk away. I hope you are regretting it.

You looked good when I saw you today, so good it made my heart skip a beat. Goddamnit, I wish these feelings would all go away!!

Of course, my next immediate thought was that same old punch in the gut I always get: I still find you attractive, but you NEVER felt the same about me. In fact, you went out of your way to tell me how sexually inadequate and inferior I am. You only ever wanted me for my practical services, never for myself.

And the final humiliating realization I had as I drove away was that of course you are looking so good -- losing weight, wearing the nice clothes again -- because you are either on the hunt or have found someone new to fuck.

I'm a pathetic idiot. The only saving grace is that you don't know, and never will.

Dear WH,

You must feel so proud. One by one your foo is dropping me. Even the ones not related by blood. I can't even imagine the stories you must tell them, but you never really were that creative... they must be good though, or your acting might be amazing. And your parents are helping too, I'm sure. It amazes me every time. How does no one know what "I love you" actually means?

And dear FIL,

You must be so proud of your son. He finally became a "man" kicked his wife out of his life. Wow, how you must have celebrated! Well just in case you read this, know that he is the one who brought other women (yes, that means more than 1) into OUR marriage... and no, he didn't ask my permission. He continually lies and sneaks around. Oh and before you get all high and mighty, this is called "adultery". Not "things didn't work out"... Seriously, what is wrong with you? And by the way... your son? Yeah, he says HORRIBLE things about you... you would cry. Weep. And yet you think you're protecting him with your actions. But instead, you are playing into his deception, and helping bring about his demise...

And lastly, dear MIL,

Did you even fight for me? At all?

This will follow your son around for the rest of his life. Don't believe me? Take another good look at your H's parents...

Clear now?

Well it happened. I went on my first date -- post you moving out. Its only been a month. It felt strange. The best word to describe it is confusing. Dating will get easier. I will continue to disconnect and move on.

Are you serious?

You're asking about the legitimacy of divorce?

I filed 2x and now you're telling me you can only take so much. Sweetie - really? The attorney didn't act on his own - I told him to write what he wrote and I changed it and read it more and more and provided this and that. If anything the attorney has taken too long with it.

The ****ing cannot come soon enough!

I almost sent this:

Wow. You are so blind. You think you're "friend" is going to help you with your business. She is using you. I know you made those designs for her stupid chair and did she even acknowledge you on social media? Nope. Not at all! And she says she is going to sell the plans. YOU made the plans. She isn't going to give you a cut of her profits. You are soooo blinded by your infatuation. And that all it is: infatuation. I can't believe you are that blind to what is going on. When she's finished with you, she's going to drop you. And then what? You'll be alone because you threw away our relationship for a woman 28 years younger then you who is using you to advance her career. Both of you are selfish idiots. But you're the bigger fool. You should know better.

I know you received the divorce papers. I wonder what you are thinking? Though at this point it shouldn't be relevant to me. You are not all in to work on us, so there really is no us, now, is there? It just saddens me that this is moving forward. You don't show me any evidence that you care. Or at least care enough to save it. You say you're sorry, but for what? After much thought it seems that you are only sorry for yourself. I can't stand this!!!

I just can't take it!!! Why no response? Any response! Anger, sadness, even relief or happiness. I don't care anymore! Give me a response!!! I've been NC waiting on you and it's driving me insane!

Fuck you and your shitty selfish behavior.

I don't want this, but it takes two for marriage, meanwhile it only takes one for divorce.

[This message edited by Simplicity at 10:53 AM, November 21st (Tuesday)]

Day 74. It's Thanksgiving. I hope your demons rage against you today and drive you to tears.

Foresake the rest of your family. Darling K*** has your back. She needs you to pay her bills and buy her kids affection. I wonder if they asked you, Where's Pappa**** ,Mimi? What did you tell our grandsons?

Your son sees you for the whore you are. My daughter sees you. I've only glimpsed a part of the real you. I work toward my moment of clarity to see you in your full disgusting pathetic light.

Go blow your AP. Ride him to forget for 10 mins. I know you've fed this pos clown lies galore but of course you are a pathological liar. I'm slowly moving past your crap. You've moved completely on. I hate you for that. He's divorced for a reason. I hope he is a better cheater than you. You deserve each other.

You learned the trade from your mother, she learned it from your grandmother and the really sad part of this fucking circus is that you are teaching your darling daughter the Whoring trade. You and your entire family line needs to be stricken. Your lineage brings nothing but pain. Your grand daughter will be taught by her mother.

Despite all your efforts to become 30 again you will fail. Your beauty is fading. Your soul is empty. The years ahead will teach you the meaning of your hubris and false pride. The loneliness and heartbreak you've visited on me and our family will come around to you sevenfold. I pray it doesn't destroy you when it is unleashed because of your selfish decisions.

We had a good talk the other day. I’m feeling healthier and strong. You, on the other hand, are a train wreck. I couldn’t believe all the tears and how long you stayed at my house. Did you actually see me that day? The real me? The happy, caring, wonderful me? I think you are realizing what you have done. And I don’t know what the future holds. Maybe we are going to R if you work on yourself. I haven’t told you yet that I’m even considering that. I’m not getting my hopes up either.

Today is a little hard. I don’t miss you. I’m not sad. I’m just a little blah. I know it’s because of that talk. It felt so right, normal, and good to be talking to you like we use to talk. You sharing with me; not hiding things. Laughing together. Yeah, that’s what’s hard about today. It’s hard for me not to pick up the phone and call or text you. But I know I need more time and space. I know that! My brain knows that, but still i want to talk to you. I won’t tho. I will do what’s healthiest for me. Maybe you are seeing what you’ve thrown away? Maybe you are missing me? I don’t know. Not going to think about it anymore today. I’m going to enjoy my holiday.

When I woke this morning over coffee I had thoughts of you. Where are you? You're not here That's for certain. The sadness arrived with those thoughts. The gift you left keeps giving. It's sting lessens a little everyday and for that I am Thankful. I am thankful for family and friends that actually do give a shit about me, and love me.

So, our son texted me Wednesday night, and told me that I should be glad I unfollowed you on FB. Your pictures with OMs daughter and OM in the background washing dishes didn't imprint my brain. I felt a wash of emotion & being pulled back to the sick-side- wanting to see them. This time my rational side won out, saying No Contact No new hurts. You don't need the pain. Let it go. See her for what she really is. NOT the image of what once was. Or was it ever the way I let myself believe.

Your abandoned family saw them. They said Thank You for the additional disgust and pain. I felt the hurt without looking. I had our faithful DIL unfriend and block you. I felt a slow reassurance throughout Thanksgiving Day that is was the right thing to do. I wonder what you'll feel when you try to check up on me and don't find me. I hope you feel the sting of loneliness, if only for a split second. I know you don't give me a second thought. If you do it's just to villify me and rationalize your actions.

I used to put way too much time and value in FB. Knowing that you used it to hook up leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's a trigger.

But I must deal with triggers and associate them with your rotten fish pussy smell the night we shopped for presents for E. The disappointment you felt all night from our son's letter sunk deep in you. In hindsight I see you filed it away in your sick locker, under resentments so you could punish yourself more for your past adultery. That's what drives your message home to me. I hope I think of that smell every time I think of you. Your stench sickens me. You are toxic and deranged.

Strength for me is coming. I'm growing. When I fully teach my heart to understand more that I can't control you it will only strengthen me in this fight. My friend Minnesota told me not to miss the lesson. That when I'm going through HELL to keep going.

I hope I get the job Monday. GOD led me to it, he'll lead me through it. I can learn something new and succeed! I can be proud in me for moving on another step. My focus will shift if this is the place I'm supposed to be. My God looks after me. Not on my timetable. I can trust that there is something much greater ahead for me. Greater than anything I could imagine. PHMH told me so. I think she sensed it. I see the signs of the open doors I'm supposed to walk through. One day I will shut this door and never look into this dark musty closet again.

Oh, you "miss the kids so much?". Should have thought about that when you were out trolling for side pieces our entire fucking marriage. Just saying...

Cry me a river. You made your bed.