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Play time is over. The mind fuckery stops now. You are a liar (probably always have been), a cheater, and a manipulator.

I will not be your friend. I do not need to be "nice". You lie and do nothing but play head games with everyone. You are mentally and emotionally sick! You need to get a grip on reality and get help.

Do not contact me ever again.

You made your choices. Your fantasy world will collapse under the weight of all the lies and the deceit. It will end, there is no doubt. When it does collapse you will have WASTED more precious time on nothing but an empty illusion. You only think you are getting something of the A, but you aren't, but you are too blinded by the fantasy to see the real world. I guess that's what you wanted in the first place, an escape from the real world. Have fun with that, if you can. Doubtful you can, otherwise you would have been 100% committed to the fantasy from the beginning.

I will soon be free from the pain and turmoil of you, finally at peace and free to live a genuine life with someone who loves me unconditionally....... You? You have lies, deceit, and dysfunction, and you will be trapped in your own personal hell! You will have a serial cheater who uses you and manipulates you just like you used and manipulated me! The cruelest part of the illusion? You will never be free for the rest of your life! You will always be a prisoner of what you have done and who and what you really are. You aren't capable of loving anyone, not even yourself. That's why you do what you do. Poor wittle me, nobody wuvs me, I need unconditional love. You need a f#cking kick in the a$$. You had everything you ever wanted, but you blew it. Nothing anyone did or didn't do will ever change who you are! You are who you are because that's the way you want to be. I have known it from the moment you forgot to kiss me on our wedding day! Make sure you kiss her ugly wrinkled lips (the ones on her face) and every time you do....think about how the destruction of us started with "a kiss" or the lack thereof. You are a loser, I never want to see your ugly droopy dog face ever again. Your emptiness, your mean spirit, your weakness, your blame shifting, your criticism and jaded perspective on EVERYTHING about life makes me ill! I don't hate my life, I realize now I only hated my life with you.

I am not the one who needs to change, you are. You will never change because it's too easy to delude yourself, live in lala land, live unauthentically, and blame everyone else for your issues and unhappiness. You've never been happy nor will you ever find happiness, because you aren't capable of that emotion. Happiness will always elude you because you are a dark person who chooses to live a life of lies instead of being honest and genuine. The only person making you unhappy is YOU! It's who you are, it's who you've always been, it's who you always will be. My freedom is a couple months away. You will carry the burden of what you've done for the rest of your life.

Hope all your efforts to get away from me from the responsibilities of being in a family, was worth it. You not only betrayed me, you betrayed yourself. You traded a sure thing, a chance to be whole again, for a life full of nothingness, a life full of loneliness, bitterness, and emptiness; because a life built on lies is not worth living.

Hope all the effort you went to for the past decade was worth it. Imagine how healthy our marriage could have been if you had given it the same level attention? Too late now. It's dead. Gone. Soon to be buried. Then I will have finally found my peace.

[This message edited by Aasha at 3:21 PM, December 21st (Thursday)]

Asana I couldn't have written any better post. It expresses exactly how I feel too.

Yes, I am texting with you regarding the kids and Christmas weekend. I realize you have texted DS about spending some time with you and he has not responded.

It must really suck to have your (adult) children not want to spend time with you. While I get a bit frustrated with them living with me (going to college locally) I wouldn't have it any other way. You made it abundantly clear that neither would live with you.

Do I feel bad for you? Yeh, I do and I shouldn't. Old habits do die hard. BUT, the difference now is that I am not going to fix it for you like I did for the past 30 years. Too bad, so sad.

There are consequences to decisions and you wanted all the women and to live on your own so you could find the life you thought you were always destined to live.

I respond to your texts in order to co-parent, but that is as far as it goes. No discussions with the kids and no trying to fix it so you have a great holiday.

(Thank heavens I have a ton of house projects to do to keep my mind occupied for the holidays - also keeps me exhausted so I sleep)

Edited to Delete.

[This message edited by poisonette at 8:59 PM, December 22nd (Friday)]

3 weeks of nc. There are things I want to say to you but less and less as time goes on. I am wondering what is going on but when I talked to you, you didn't tell me anyway. I don't need to talk to you and I am better off that way. Sometimes i don't think about you at all and I can imagine what it would be like to have you out of my life for good. So much healthier. These 3 weeks have been the best I have had since the separation. I thought i saw your number come up on my phone yesterday. Immediately I had a feeling of dread. But it wasn't you and I was so relieved.

I am hoping to make it to 4 weeks nc.

YOU GONNA CHANGE MY SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILE!?!?!

I'm NOT going to send a screaming text. I'm NOT, I'm NOT, I'm NOT!!!!

Eta: I did text him. I fail. Starting over.

[This message edited by redfury at 1:08 PM, December 24th (Sunday)]

We used to have such a wonderful day on christmas. Well, I did, now I wonder if you ever did. But I miss it, the adult kids miss it.

We are making new traditions, we laughed, shared and loved today. and you should have been here.

And what is really sad is that we wont hear from you, and you wont hear from us today.

I still sometimes wonder how we got to this place.

Ok. Once again I made it 3 days, felt better, then woke up at 4am with an overwhelming urge to check up on you. Today I will resist. This time I will be strong. I know you were in my messenger ap. I know you've read all the conversations I've had with your sister. And I know you know I hooked up with that guy. It wasn't a smart thing to do, it wasn't strong. But I needed to know if it was even possible. You used sex to keep a hold on me. Had me believing I could never enjoy sex with another person again. It was another one of your delusions that I bought into. I may be damaged at the moment, but you didn't break me and I will be fine.

Whatever were you thinking??

OF COURSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO STICK YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT.

FUCK OFF

Oh I miss you today. I don’t know what we are doing. Are we reconciling? I don’t know. I can’t deal with my emotions right now. And I’m sure not telling you about them...our relationship isn’t strong enough for that at the moment. Ugh! I just want to go back to that time when we were happy. But you messed it all up. I’ve got to be strong now and not tell you how much I miss you and our life.

Does it make you feel good that your family keeps dropping me, one by one? I know that you feel “justified” in all your actions because of the “support” (enablers) so I won’t bother asking that.. I am continually astounded at your whole family’s treatment of me. I know I have been villainised by them, and you of course. But it takes a certain character to intentionally drop someone from your life, esp when that person has not personally attacked you. Like wow...

I know that deep inside, you are a broken mess. I hope you —and they— will see it before you do something drastic.

It didn’t take your AP3 very long to figure you out... how come your family is so blind? Don’t they know it is literally only HURTING YOU to not help you??

But they are all unhealthy and blind as well. I expect too much I guess.

[This message edited by IceThee at 2:31 AM, December 29th (Friday)]

NO

I am NOT "just like XXXXX"

She's an 80 year old, uneducated, woman with a wanky eye and a strong side-line in spiteful putdowns.

Is that how you see me?

FFS - you drunken arse.

Keep your opinions to yourself.

My lover

Don't know if you will read this I hope you will take the time and read this till the end.after our divorce I thought we were done for ever I stayed in love with you but was getting over you.a year later your sister called and said you wanted to talk I agreed,we went to dinner and I brought you back to my house and you were crying and asking for forgiveness and I wasn't sure if I could forgive you,but then you hugged me and my God that was the best hug of my life! The next day you and the girls moved in and we have been together ever since.fastforward six years and in one week we go from good to your gone.i now about you and your boss I seen your google history the thing you searched for and the pictures you saved broke my heart and made me sick.you stole money from me and our daughters.you left us with nothing but pain and misery..your gone and I'm raising the girls the best I can.and I feel like a fool because im still in love with you.i miss you and I want you to come home.i will always love you,you are in my heart and my prayers.dont take to long to come home this time because I might not be around long..

Found out about OW2 (or is it 200?) Who told me? OC from OW#1. Keeping my mouth shut for now. You're overseas. Don't know how to keep you out of the house. No money. You've been crying poverty, but yet you had enough money to marry another woman overseas.

I stayed for so long out of fear. Fear that immobilized me for years. I needed to start my own life without you. Without you telling me every little thing to do. To emotionally control me. I do not want to even see you. To hear your voice. To even know you exist.

I did not only have to accept about the OWs, but that if I pushed for D (for which I had no money)I would lose my home.

I guess I couldn't do both at once, I didn't even fully accept the A's, but played dumb, too much at once. Too much info at once for me to accept.

The kids are older. I have to accept losing the house, my home.

But, you asshole. You were texting another woman when you were with OW#1 and she was so jealous and upset that she went into the hospital. Now I hear that she is upset with OW#2 (or 200) What do you expect?

In a crazy way, finding out about OW#2 and you leaving the "perfect" family with OW#1 and the OC's, is validating. It's NOT me. I gave you everything.

You can now tell OW#2 how to dress, act, look, talk, etc. while you love bomb her so she doesn't notice at first what is happening.

I just want you to pay back the money you owe me and leave me alone.

I told you I've never been able to hate you but I hate the monster you've become.

YOU are supposed to HERE tonight, with ME and your DS but you won't be. You're a monster, you asshole.

I want MY midnight kiss that I've had every year for the past 16 years but that fucking whore BITCH will get it and I'm pissed off beyond anything right now. It's MINE. YOU ARE MY HUSBAND NOT HER'S. YOU ARE MY PARTNER, NOT HER'S. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE SHIT!! SHE IS NOTHING! NOTHING BUT A JEALOUS, DESPERATE WHORE AND YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD!!

The monster you've become is a pussy-whipped selfish asshole that doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone but himself and his whore.

I HATE HER AND I HATE YOU!

You're a fucking monster now and I hate you.

YOU TOLD DS YOU'D COME BY THIS WEEKEND I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING FROM YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE MONSTER BASTARD. FUCK YOU!!!

This monster you've become doesn't deserve my attention but I miss the man you used to be.

I wish death upon all of you.

Better people than I say "I'd never wish harm on anyone" but I really do.

I hope you have the WORST 2018 possible and the WORST life possible. I hope all of the hurt/pain you caused me years ago finds a way to seep into your heart and give you cardiac arrest.

Sometimes, I am so angry that I even wish harm upon the OC. I'm terrible for this. But something happening to her may be the only thing that might possibly cause your warped and broken heart to feel any pain.

If there is a God, I hope I'll be forgiven for those thoughts.

You have actually described yourself on social media that you are "an honest man". The cognitive dissonance....scientists should do a study on you. What fucking bullshit! You don't get to say that or write it EVER and have it be true.

We are all guilty of lying and hurting others but you cannot claim to be an honest man if you have NEVER done anything to fix your betrayal or to repent. You're disgusting. Your whole family is disgusting white trash. Everyone just goes along with your bullshit? No one calls you on it? No one says "What about your XW? Didn't you lie and cheat on her?" Of course not. It's "none of their business," right? Maybe if more people in our society started to hold cheaters accountable, there'd be less of it.

I like those cultures that require the Betrayed to tie their SO to a pole and beat them with a stick. I want to live in that place. Retribution. I'd love to fucking whack you and your mistress with a metal baseball bat.

I still can’t believe that this is where we are. It is incredible just how foolish I have been since you decided to leave me. I tolerated your unfaithfulness and thought you would realize that I was the one you should be with for the rest of your life (just like we had planned). I guess that I just loved you so much that I was willing to do anything to keep you from ending our marriage. I thought I knew your true heart.

I wasn’t a perfect wife, to be sure, but I never would have violated your trust and dishonored our marriage.

I'm going to do everything possible to remove you from my heart, to spare myself anymore pain. It's not easy and will probably be the hardest thing I ever do. You were my only love - the only one I ever wanted. But I’ve been listening when we talk. I am coming to the understanding that I'm no longer special to you. In truth, I haven’t been for some time, I just didn’t know it.

God bless you. I hope you can find peace. I truly hope that you are working on becoming a better person like you have said. Our kids deserve that.

Happy 22nd anniversary. We still had one of the best new years eve parties that our friends had ever been to when we married. It was such a cool event and so beautiful. One of my mother's friends sent me a Facebook message with a profile of the venue that she had recently seen in a magazine and commented that it was the best New Years Eve she ever had. I have no idea what to do with that. I wrote her back today to say that I'm glad that she had a great time, but I wished I had a better marriage and maybe next time (not that there will be a next time) I'll have a terrible wedding and a great marriage.

So here we are, the second anniversary/New Years since our divorce. I don't know what to do with that either. So I'm writing it out here.

Four years ago and three days, just four days after our 18th wedding anniversary I picked up your phone and saw the texts that changed my life forever. My recollection of that day is forever burned in my memory. And our children. Our DD was just 14 when she had picked up your phone and saw the exchanged messages between you and OW that were unmistakably indicating an affair. The sheer moment of shock and realization literally brought me to my knees. By the end of that day, all the kids knew. I will never forgive you for the pain that you caused them.

This year, I'm not going to lie, was a hard day. And in three days I have my antiversary to get through. Four years. It's been four years since I learned of your deceit. Four years and in that time our lives have changed beyond recognition. I'm grateful that they have. I see you as such a terrible choice in a life partner. But yesterday I kept picturing the night that I was a beautiful bride, you were an incredibly handsome groom and God we were in love. We were madly and passionately in love. And 18 years and four days later you still punched me in the face by the affair. What a waste. You always said that the day you married me was the happiest day of your life. I always said that the days that the children were born were the happiest days of mine. It didn't mean that I didn't love you, because I did, but I valued the family that we created more then you did. And ultimately, that's how all this was played out. I kept the family. And you lost everything.

I don't know who you spent NYE with or whether it made you sad to think about. I'm not going to reach out to you. I know that your GF is driving the DDs to the airport to come home tomorrow. Whatever. We've all moved on. But there will always be a pause for me on these nights. There will always be a moment where I think back to our wedding. And all the possibilities that were never going to be because the writing was always on the wall. I just couldn't read it. But now when I look back I can see the writing and the beautiful bride who is about to walk into a plate glass window that she can't see.

Your girlfriend posted a picture of her and her husband again on Facebook. Was it all worth it? Are you still waiting for her? Was giving up on a 40 year relationship and any relationship with your children worth it?

I miss you. There, I said it.

I know it's not really you that I miss, only the hologram of the man you pretended to be. But you look like that guy, and you sound like him, and when I hugged you today, you felt like him. This is why NC is so necessary!!!

I miss my husband, and I still grieve for him every day. I have to keep reminding myself that YOU are not my husband, only a pod person who pretended to love me while you fucked all those other sluts.

You told me to my face that I am inferior and inadequate. For god's sake, when am I going to scrape up my dignity and get over you?!