SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

[This message edited by FlyingPegasus at 10:32 PM, February 10th (Saturday)]

Oh really?

I'm going to be thrown out of our home in just a few weeks?

End of Feb you say?

Did my "lawxer" tell me? drunk are we? Can't type?

You are a sad weak pathetic man. I'm on the deed dude, no foreclosure has been filed in the court. You are so stinking stupid.

Oh, and never mind that our son lives here too? Is he thrown out also? Do you even know how a foreclosure works?

Is your little mind thinking it's a deed in lieu that you have conjured up behind my back? Well....my name is on the deed...so I have to sign...or the judge has to order me to sign.

So very silly you are

Why the FUCK did you leave the earnings statement for your retirement account on my dining room table?!?! Was it to rub in that you are financially sound while I am struggling? That your retirement will go exactly as planned while mine has been flushed down the toilet?

You know perfectly well that no matter how big that account gets, I will never get any more from it than we agreed to in our settlement. Hell, you could become a multi-millionaire, but I STILL will only get the amount we agreed on. Does that amuse you?

Or are you going to offer me some kind of deal, like keeping it all in one pot until we actually retire so the interest can continue to grow? Right, and then you would screw me over by emptying the whole thing and leaving me half of nothing! I'm not that stupid or trusting any more.

So, congrats on your earnings, I guess. WHY did I need to see this?

Seriously... what. the. fuck?

[This message edited by krsplat at 4:24 PM, February 17th (Saturday)]

So you're finally a big enough man to own up.......

No details, naturally (I expect you "don't remember"

Yes,

You Arse - you cheated the WHOLE 30 years.

Guess what?

I find that I don't actually care - I knew it anyway.....

But that must be some sort of trickle truths record!

Fuck you.

I was glad to be there for the crossover ceremony, and so touched to see the big one tie the new neckerchief on the little one. That was worth the discomfort of being a room full of"your" people. Worth having to look at every woman in the room and wonder, "Did you fuck her too?"

But sitting through all those accolades, seeing you bask in the glow of their admiration, accepting that award for being such a "great guy"? That turned my stomach. A scout is supposed to be trustworthy, loyal, kind and brave, among other things. A scout is "morally straight." I wonder what they would say if they knew you fuck total strangers in gas station parking lots.

And that speech you gave, the one about how you felt so rejected and unloveable until scouting saved your life? You gained everyone's attention and sympathy with that. Not a dry eye in the house. But you left out the part about shifting all that rejection to me, making it clear to me that I am unloveable. I wonder if they would feel as much sympathy for you if they had heard you tell me right to my face that I am pathetic, inadequate and inferior.

You are not worthy of the praise, or the position. You are a fraud and a hypocrite, a liar and a cheat. And we both know it.

I hate you more than ever today as I sat and held our 25 year old daughter who sobbed in my arms because she cannot stand to see me crying anymore. She is watching her very strong and confident mother turn into a scared and worried shell of a human and it's your fault. You don't have the balls to face your children and tell them what you have done but you are happily taking those balls of yours to various sex parties and having a grand old time while we are left standing here wondering what the hell happened to our idyllic life. I hope you catch the worst of the worst disease and spend the rest of your pathetic life paying back the $81,000 in credit card debt you have taken out in my name to fund your pathetic nasty life while you rot in a prison cell.

Oh my gosh, that felt good!!!! Can I do that every day!!?? Cheaper than therapy!

Some days I'm good, and I hardly think of you. This is not one of those days. You called me to ask if I slept with anyone or spent money on some dude, saying any money I spent on someone else would offset what you'd spent on that woman. You should know I wouldn't spend money on another. It turns out you were more concerned if I had slept with someone else. That's rich. Maybe I have, maybe I have not, but how is it your business!? You slept with that amoral twat, and now you want a chance to judge me?! And then tell me how it would hurt you if I did? Tell me why I should care?

Worst of all, I started to think about our nice times again. But I shouldn't, because you actively threw those away in the garbage. You said you felt so terrible. I almost wanted to comfort you. But I won't. That's not my job. If you're so sad, find that stupid therapist to "play doctor" with in your office. I'm sure that shows how much you respect her.

When will this divorce end so I can feel free to move on???

It's been more than a year now. Why can't I stop thinking about you? Why am I so obsessed? I laid in bed last night thinking about our last vacation together, and how I thought we were having so much fun. You already knew, didn't you? You already knew you were going to leave me? A week-long vacation, and I thought we were escaping and getting away from the daily grind. I remember dreading going home to all the day-to-day problems. Now I wish that's all I had to deal with! A week of the old "daily grind" would be such a vacation from this hell you left me in.

You were texting her the whole time. I read those texts over and over because I just could not believe it. Now I know how lame you thought that trip was, and how you were already planning a trip OVERSEAS with her! I know you told her how you didn't think I "could handle Barcelona" because I wasn't sophisticated enough and I "only" speak English. I guess Florida was good enough for me! I had fun, and I thought you did, too. And it is (or WAS) one of the last happy memories I had. Screw you for making me feel so stupid because of that.

Happy Antiversary,Asshat. It was exactly four years ago that I walked into my own home to find you in bed with JoWhore and discovered your secret life.

You seem to be thriving in your new single state. I guess getting to fuck whoever you want whenever you want without having to lie about it agrees with you. Congrats, or whatever.

My life is mostly miserable. I still feel like an idiot chump for believing in you for so long. I'm still painfully lonely. I still feel like a worthless, unlovable piece of garbage. You didn't want me, nor does anyone else. I guess that makes you feel vindicated, doesn't it?

I doubt that you'll remember dday at all. I doubt that I will ever be able to forget. I really, REALLY hope your day sucks. Go to hell, you sack of shit.

[This message edited by krsplat at 8:12 PM, March 4th (Sunday)]

I should have posted here multiple times in the past two years, rather then the futile attempts to share the pain and hurt I was feeling. I see them now for what they actually were. Ego kibbles for you, and ultimately a pick me dance on my part.

I deserve better then what I have gotten from you through our marriage and divorce. We had a connection, we were happy and good together. I trusted you with every high, low, secret, joy, fear that I had. I accepted everything about you. No judgement, any good or bad point, it was all part and parcel "YOU". I loved every part of that.

I took it for granted that as time passed, and some of the passion and newness wore off, it would be easy to get through any problems because of that love. I didn't see the silence as an indication of your problems with us, or me. I foolishly assumed if nothing was expressed, there must not be a problem. When I did start seeing there was a gulf forming between us, I could not get you to open up to me, to work together to find the problem, and work on a solution. You were checked out at that time and already texting your old Ex and confiding in him....WTF? You went to him knowing you would end up having sex with him. You start chatting with multiple men on dating sites to find the rush you have been missing, engage with someone who doesn't "judge" you? Again...WTF?? You do this for over 6 months before you confess your infidelity and say we need to work on things.

Yet knowing how I was reeling and had no clue how to process or deal with this goddamn shit storm, you push the idea of an open relationship. To answer physical needs you wanted that I couldn't provide, but you were still "committed" to me. What is worse, in my fucked up mental state, I grasp at anything I though would save us. My first humiliating pick me dance. You jump at the opportunity, knowing full well I wouldn't pursue any partners on my end. You could see how it was quickly destroying me. Yet you continued to spend nearly every waking hour flirting and arranging dates with all your "beaus". Ignore me and the kids while you text constantly. Arrange meetings and leave me and our children at home so you can go fuck some asshat? I was such a fool. I see it for what it was now, and I hate you for doing that to us.

You now can say that I am a bad father for pursuing the option of requesting full custody and more visitation rights in answer to your plan to move yourself and them further away from their school, friends, extended family? All because of your new BF? Fuck you!!!! Part of being a good mom is not cheating on the father of your children. Nothing in our marriage warranted that. You are not the victim in any of this...quit acting like everyone is conspiring to make your life miserable. You made the choice to be dishonest and disloyal. Your children and myself are still tracking through the damn mess you made, but we did not make it! It is yours and yours alone.

This is so fucking cathartic. I want to call you so badly but I cannot because it hurts too freaking much. I HATE that you called me and I hate that part of me wishes we were still a couple and...omg. You have hurt me worse than anyone else, and I think more than anyone ever can. I only know I will be more sad when my mother dies, perhaps my dad. I hate that whole bloody relationship was a fraud thanks to your actions. I hate that I cared so much. I hate that you have never once cried, Mr. "I didn't cry because then you'd be more upset." No. I'd have felt better.

It's been 6 years since I blocked him with my final text of: "my give a fuck is broken." And I've been NC ever since.

But every so often, when I hear things about his life swirling down the toilet, I still long to say:

Hahahaha motherfucker - told you so! How'd all that work out for you, you piece of shit?

(Ahh....so nice to have a place to be self-righteous and childish when needed.)

I hate how sad I still am. I hate that I miss you everyday. I want you to call and beg my forgiveness. When I come home I sometimes hope to find you here crying and ready to fall on your knees and beg me to let you stay.

I am so sad that you are not even trying to talk with your adult children. Our oldest daughter just found out she is pregnant with our first grandchild and you don't even know it. She doesn't even want to tell you because she hates you and what you have done to our family with your sex addiction and your complete lack of self-control. Your son is getting ready to graduate from college after struggling with a learning disability his whole life and dammit we should all be together to celebrate this MAJOR accomplishment. He deserves to see both of us standing there with pride in our eyes but because you couldn't keep your pants on, you have robbed him of that experience. I'll be there, his grandparents, aunts and uncles, sisters and cousins will be there but his pain will be real because his dad won't be there. He will no doubt wonder what whore you are with on that day, who is more important than him that day.

I hope you live a long and incredibly lonely life you piece of shit!

Because of your growing family, mine grew too. You gave her up just like you did me. Just so you know, if you eventually get tired of the other BITCH that lives in your house, I WON'T be adopting her too.

(For SIers who have been following my recent news in Off Topic, I hope this has given you a laugh. I am still debating actually sending this in a greeting card.)

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 11:29 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

Dear WH,

I am trying to be understanding of your frame of mind here WH. But I think that like me, it would help you if you put your anger and hurt aside and realise that the life we built was worth something and we shouldn’t just react to what we think the other is trying to do. I am not out to win anything or ruin your future. I am just trying to reconstruct a future for me and the children from the wreckage your choices have made of our previous life. I accept that you wish to dismantle the life we built, but I have the right to voice my opinion on the ‘redundancy package’ you are proposing, bearing in mind that I am the only parent around for our children who are still some way from being fully independent. Everything I do is to give them the stability which has been taken from them by you in the past few years. But because you won’t talk to me, I have no way of communicating with you that you don’t see as confrontational. Email is cold and doesn’t show the nuances needed in highly emotional and painful circumstances. Our mediation sessions have been unsatisfactory because we do not have full financial disclosure and our mediator has admitted that she cannot keep up with your frenetic description of financial matters.

And because you can’t yet address the emotional damage this has done, all we can deal with is the financial fallout. I am only playing catch-up to your superior financial knowledge, not playing hardball. Please do not paint me as a greedy freeloader. If there is anyone in your current circle who is trying to label me as such they do not know me, our marriage or our family or else you are deliberately being untruthful about me. I hope you have not forgotten the many sacrifices and hours I put in building our previous life together.

I have never been dishonest about money or finances and have been loyal to you since the day we met, through all the ups and downs of life. I have nothing to hide to this day about my behaviour, my finances or anything else to do with our relationship. Not once did you ever have any reason to question my loyalty or my love for you and our children. I have not cheated or lied to you or ever done anything which I would be ashamed to tell you about. If you want to continue to punish and take advantage of that loyalty, so be it, but you will live with the knowledge that your integrity has been further shredded by doing so.

If you could understand even a bit of what I have had to deal with the children since you started your new life perhaps you would not have been so quick to dismiss my concerns. I know that you were upset when DD told you of her hurt and devastation over your leaving. I deal with that every day. I have heard her cry herself to sleep many nights. She has tried to be so strong for me but she can’t even talk about you anymore because it upsets her so much.

She has broken down in school and spent many hours in the guidance office. She said that even during the times she felt her family were ‘poorer’ than her friends, she told herself that at least her parents were still together unlike some of her ‘richer’ friends, and that now you have even taken that from her. She’s still your baby girl and she needs her Dad to show her that men should treat her with respect and love. I’m heartbroken for her that you can’t or won’t do that.

DS1 has struggled hugely this year. He misses his father in his life and feels guilty for not responding to you. He worried that your messages were your way of reaching out for help and that if he ignored them that maybe you’d do something drastic and he would be responsible for not saving you. Imagine the burden that places on an already vulnerable young man. His own mental health problems are acute enough without taking on yours too. He has spoken more than once to me about suicide and how he feels his life has no meaning and he will always feel this dark cloud.

Some mornings I am afraid to knock on his bedroom door in case he doesn’t answer. It’s so painful to see our brilliant son’s light dimmed by all this. He should be celebrating the amazing future ahead of him instead of shrinking into himself. You will probably tell yourself that this is nothing to do with you, and that he was fine when he saw you last, but let me tell you that he was pretending and fell apart when he opened up to me about it. We can all pretend that we are coping and all is grand, until we finally have to admit to ourselves that we are struggling. Luckily DS1 has me to lean on when he needs to and other male role models have stepped in for both the boys, but no young man should be without the guidance of his father.

DS2 cannot even speak about you. He is so hurt. He thinks you have never cared about him, always ignored him, laughed and called him a (my surname) with your father, as if he doesn’t count in your life. He feels he has been left out of your affections, thoughts and considerations. He too has struggled in college, lacked focus and needed counselling and support. He kept it to himself until it reached crisis point because he didn’t want to add to my problems. When I had to tell the kids about your decision to continue your affair, DS2 walked across the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and hugged me silently for 5 minutes. He couldn’t say a word, and just hugged me, then his brother and sister. You have one amazing son there and you never even knew it before you walked away from him.

This is my burden to carry since you left. You haven’t seen the tears, the self-harm, the cuts, the bruises, the late nights talking them through problems, the missed deadlines, the student counselling sessions, the extenuating circumstances requests, the poor results, the sadness, the utter incomprehension of what you are doing and why. They are hurt in the knowledge that you have chosen to have an affair over them for more than a year now, that your love for them is not strong enough to overcome your feelings for someone else. They saw how you treated their mother with disrespect and contempt, how you lied and cheated and then just ran away rather than man up and fix things. How do you think that makes them feel?

Do you understand that by cutting you out of their lives they are protecting themselves from you hurting them any further? Do you understand that you are the only one who can change this? I have dealt with their disappointment in addition to all the other issues I face myself, and the disaster of our finances over the past four years. Your choice to no longer be in their lives has real consequences. And you ask me to justify why life insurance is necessary? How about because our children only have one parent willing to be part of their lives and if anything happens to her they will never get over it?

Do you want this to be your legacy?

I know you are afraid of getting help and the can of worms that might open up. We talked about that so often over the years, and then each mini-crisis passed and you brushed it under the carpet. I know you understand that you have caused huge damage and don’t want to face the consequences. I know it’s easier to do what you are doing and justify your choices after the fact. I know it’s hard to admit you’re depressed, sad, hurt, angry, lost, confused, disappointed or whatever. I know it’s difficult to admit you’re wrong when everything hangs on you being right. I know you love and miss your mother. I know you love your children. I know you know you have a problem with alcohol. I know you’ve always felt inadequate in some way. I know you understand I can’t help you through this. I know you know you have two amazing friends who would.

I know you don’t want this to be your legacy.

Do something about it. Ask your friends, get help online, get counselling, take a long painful look in the mirror and start fixing your shit. I would do anything for my children…so should you. There is nobody worth giving up those three amazing wonderful incredible young people for.

Sincerely,

BW

And just like that...burden lifted, aaah.

Hi

I've been thinking about you and us a lot for the last while. With the divorce papers being filed and your parents passing it must have been tough on you. I would have been there for you, but you chose to chase after that douchenozzel and his money. You chose to have him stand next to you and support you in this time. What stories did you tell people to make it look like an honest relationship? Did you oblige our son to go along with the lies?

I have no idea how things are working out for you, if you feel any regrets or not. There are times that I wish you did. That I wish you'd knock on the door to come home. There was a call a few days ago that might have been from you. I don't know if it was you, or if it was a wrong number or not. I'm glad that I didn't have to decide if I would have answered or not.

If I were to take you back I would be lynched by pretty much everyone who knows our story. Will you try? I don't know. If you were going to it would probably be soon. The final papers are just about to get filed.

I miss you. I miss US. I really don't know how the kids feel about it. Our daughter and her husband seem pretty upset about what you did. Our son I think more or less shrugs it off. How did it go when you obliged him to spend a few days with OM for your parent's funeral? I expect that he powered through and did his best to be supportive. He's a fine young man. It's too bad that you don't share in his life regularly.

I've been thinking about dating. I'm tired of being without a partner. I love him dearly, but our son isn't much company and the cats aren't either. I'm scared of doing that though. You destroyed my innocence and belief that people can be trusted. Do you know that? I suppose not.

It's hard to believe that it's been over two years since you abandoned your vows. Did you honestly think you'd "get away with it" and make it all look honest and innocent? Did you think that nobody would be hurt? Do you remember that it almost killed me, not once, but three times? No. You don't remember that.

I know we didn't have a perfect marriage. But who does? You took me for granted and took advantage of my good nature. I asked for little in return and got less. I've been told that it is unlikely that you will ever find another as good as me. That may even be true. I find those comments quite flattering but don't know if I'm all that special. I try to be kind and patient which is perhaps unusual? Most men don't allow their wives to run roughshod over them. In our area most men talk down to their wives and belittle them in fact. How's that working out for you? After all this time it's a surprise that you haven't moved in and become Mrs DoucheNozzel. But then perhaps he's more immune to your love-bombing and your saggy charms than I was. Am I still immune? I don't know. It's probably for the best that I never find out.

But I still hurt. I still cry. I still feel very very empty. The place you occupied is just a memory now. No longer the gaping void it was when you tore the larger part of my soul from inside me. I try to think about what it would be like to love another. I can't feel what that would be like. You probably don't know, but last year another woman did come in to my life. I was entranced but did not fall in love. She just used me as an emotional crutch and ego boost and then discarded me. She was beautiful on the outside. You would have been insanely jealous. But you didn't know. She did teach me though that I can be desired. But she also taught me that I could be discarded.

I fear that I will never trust again. I'm so very very tired.

Sitting here feeling so very lonely. I've been so lonely for so many years. Started thinking about how I thought xWH#1 was my rock, who I depended on, but just realized this morning, I THOUGHT. In reality, it was me who was the rock who held everything together: the kids, the house, my mother, grandparents, and YOU. Never told me why you wanted to leave until I found out about bar slut OW. Then I heard that you told a mutual friend that I was only with him because I didn't want to be alone. I was alone almost the whole marriage while you were out playing softball and drinking in the bars until 1-3 in the morning. "Where is WH?" people would ask (before cell phones) and they were astounded when I would answer, "I don't know", they would say WHY don't you know? I would never really know where he was or what bar he was in or whatever. I was the one who took the kids to all their sports practices and games, helped with HW, took them by myself to the park, beaches, amusement parks because you were too busy playing softball and getting drunk in the bars.

Then, again thinking about WH#2, and feeling the same thing that he was the rock, or someone who I felt had my back, when in reality he always had one foot out the door our whole relationship, or probably more precisely, one foot in the door. He never was in completely. Still, I felt there were times that you did listen to me, but came to realize that you would do that to anyone you knew, even acquaintances, so people thought you were so wonderful and such a good listener. Did you help me over the years? Yes, but you helped friends and family just as much and expected so much in return if you did. I was also by myself raising the kids without you when you were overseas starting a new family without my knowledge telling me it was work. Telling me we didn't have enough money when you were spending it on the other family. Using my salary to spend it on them and her.

I was the strong one all these years, but what made me feel strong was the illusion that you were there to back me up, even if it was emotionally, and even that you took away bit by bit telling me that all I wanted from you was for you to make me feel better when I would vent or complain to you about something. I'm in tears crying and you would say this to me telling me you cannot make me feel better when that was not my intention.

You took everything from me and used me so horribly.

I feel so alone. You alienated me from my family and friends. I have a few friends, but I don't talk to them everyday.

I miss the illusion. Why I hung on to it for so long because the illusion was what kept me going. I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to rely on me emotionally because I've been told by you, xWH, my mother how bad I was if I didn't do what was expected of me.

The illusion is gone and I don't know what to do.

You really wrecked me, you know that? For YEARS since DD I have obsessed about WHY and what's my role in this and .....oh fuck you dude.

I wrote letters and letters and oh, ugh.

I began to wonder if i belonged to this group, thinking what i had was just a bad marriage. As though your testing out/ starting a new life with some other woman was an acceptable outcome of unhappiness.

Trying to be fair--yikes, as though I drove you into her arms, heart, bed.

Please.

It doesn't matter - any of it - because you didn't have my back, you weren't true, you weren't LOYAL, you are a BAD MAN. Not a good guy. Probably never were a good guy. I just had to be hit with it square in the face to believe it. That may be on me - it IS on me, I am embarrassed but in real life, dude - having someone believe in you like I did...it's a good thing.

We never had a chance, did we?

Funny, I've occasionally had this old mental reflex kick in to pick up the phone and check in with you before going to sleep at night. Immediately after this, the stronger reflex of "noooooo!!! Not that guy!!" Kicks in and my hand stays firmly at my side, and the slight nausea passes.

I think my healing is in full force. It will be a long ride, but my arms are firmly inside the car and my seatbelt is on. I'm staying on this ride.

Oh, and by the way, meehhhhhh......