SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

JM72, your planned response to your WW made me smile. It is perfect. I have to say that I admire greatly how introspective and thoughtful you have been throughout this trial. I am so glad that you have realized that you do deserve better. I am so sorry that you have had to endure so much pain to get to this place.

Thanks, but without trying to sound all philosophical, I was grateful for the pain. It was actually the motivator I needed to make the changes I needed to make, so I'm actually glad I went through it, but I understand what you were saying.

Appreciate it.

I'm glad you seem to be doing relatively well, all things considered! I hope you've found time to pamper yourself and recover a bit mentally&physically from all this sh-t?

How are the kids doing?

I think of all the stories I have read here few show a someone who had a career like your WW just completely going off the deep end.

It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. When reality hits for her it will hit like a car hitting a wall.

And you will be long gone.

I think your wife is starting to realise what a divorce is going to cost her.

Go for everything you can get.

At least then you can be sure it's spent on the kids.

The kids seem OK. I've been laughing and joking with them, so it's been light and easy going around the house. My STBXW isolates herself in the bedroom all night with the door shut.

I told the kids I'm getting myself a German Shepherd puppy when I move and now the girls insist on living with me, heh.

More like he guy is dumping your wife and she is trying setup the scenario to save face..

"See ? I did not come back because I was discarded and dumped. I left him on my own."

I'm glad you found yourself. Saving a marriage like this at any cost (you losing your soul) can't be worth it.

What was your turning point???

So proud of you, JM. You're doing really well and your kids are lucky to have you. Can't wait to read about the puppy!

{{{Hugs}}}

You are doing great JM. You do deserve to be treated better. I love the reposnse you have planned for your WW if she asks you to work on the marriage. I feel the same way. I have been so tempted to say "since I am so lacking as a wife you will obviously be better off without me." But have gone NC instead.

I bet your kids are appreciating you keeping things light at home.

I agree with Kimichi

I appreciate all the nice comments.

what was your turning point???

Going back to my AA meetings, getting involved back in the program.

It helped me realize I am good, I am worth it. A part of me will always love my wife. 4 kids, 27 years of memories, the vacations, the holidays, being there for each other through tough times, etc. But the thing is, she has always had a way of keeping me in control.

All the "You were never there for me" - "You always let me down" comments worked on me for years. I had alot of faults and did alot of things wrong, but I also did alot of things right, but they weren't acknowledged as much as my shortcomings.

When she was sick, I would bring her hot tea and soup in bed and take care of the kids. A few years ago she had a virus. I was getting out of work alot later, 2 in the morning. It was hard for me to sleep, so I stayed up all night a few days in a row to get the kids to school so she wouldn't have to get up for anything.

Her mom passed in November a few years back. I wanted to do something special for her, so I had an artist do a professional portrait of her and her mom for Christmas.

This stuff was seldom brought up. If I couldn't make it to pick one of the kids up? Forget it. I just realized, going through this, she may love me, but she didn't treat me that nice alot of times.

I've been through too much crap in my life, and when this happened, I just reached a breaking point that enough is enough. I deserve to be myself, faults and all, and if that's not good enough for her or any other woman, it's good enough for me. I'll make myself happy, be myself, and I felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

I actually haven't felt this good in a long, long time.

In a nutshell - I am good, and I am worth it. If she or someone else doesn't think so, that's their problem, not mine anymore.

You got it.

My friend, life does get better from here.

I'm sorry it's not what you wanted, but I'm happy that it's what is right.

Strength

good for you, JM. Keep moving forward

Good that you see your self worth.

No marriage is perfect, no person is either but most do not go out and have affairs because of these imperfections.

I'm sure she has issues that you don't like either but you didn't go out and sex another woman because of it.

Huge difference here.

Shes blame shifting to cover her betrayal. Don't ever take that again. You are better than that.

What JM said. That's where each of us BS's needs to get to. Imprint it in your minds boys and girls.

JM,

where is she living, sleeping right now ?

I deserve to be myself, faults and all, and if that's not good enough for her or any other woman, it's good enough for me

Great insight. You're doing so very well. I know at times it may not feel like it, but you really are walking that path of self-discovery. I'm very proud of you, FWIW.

When she was sick, I would bring her hot tea and soup in bed and take care of the kids. A few years ago she had a virus. I was getting out of work a lot later, 2 in the morning. It was hard for me to sleep, so I stayed up all night a few days in a row to get the kids to school so she wouldn't have to get up for anything.

What you said here struck a cord with me. I have Crohn's disease, so I know the hardship that comes with that. A former poster here had a wife that had Crohn's and he commented on how he took off work to help her. When she would make a mess on herself, he would carry her to the bathroom, bath her and clean her up. He would feed her and care for her till her flare up passed. She repaid him with multiple affairs, that led to their eventual divorce.

Affairs are bred from selfishness and entitlement. There is nothing you can do about that. But you can take comfort in the fact that you, like the other poster, did the best you could to care for and love your wife. Sometimes when you love that much, you may be overlooking selfishness that in time will harm the relationship.

Keep moving forward, get yourself out of infidelity. There are brighter days ahead for you and your children. Keep that goal in mind. You will be happy again. Stay strong, brother.