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I shouldn't care anymore anyway, my wish for a respectful divorce was a pipe dream. My lawyer heard back from hers and it was not what I was hoping. I expected some pushback but she wants to pretty much clean me out. We are worlds apart on alimony and this was with me going against my lawyer and offering more, she wants the house, money I saved, timeshare. If I was to agree to that I would have nothing left for myself pretty much.

My lawyer told me this was laughable and that don't panic. Her lawyer is a friend of her family so pretty sure why he let her think these proposals would fly.

This is the last thing I wanted to have to do this back and forth.

Yes, the entitlement is strong in this one.

When you think about it, the WS's who feel entitled to cheat, for you to come begging them back, etc...This is what you should expect. They cheated, blame you, then want everything in a divorce.

Just pay your lawyer and let them deal with it.

For reference, my XW was asking for 90% of my pay (after taxes). She got 25% (all in CS) and that will drop to 9% when I take custody of my DS.

They want a lot, because they feel entitled. Hopefully, your lawyer and the courts will set her straight. Keep fighting.

I don't think she quite grasps if I was to give her what she is asking that I would have like hardly any money leftover for myself. I hope against hope she would not be that hateful to want that to happen.

This type of thinking will bite you in the ass.

You are assuming she is who you thought she was. Not who she is.

Prepare for the worat outcome. Foxus on what you want and deserve. Accept nothing less.

It isn't that she doesn't "grasp" it. She DOES NOT CARE. She only cares about herself. The sooner you accept this, the easier it will be to detach.

(((Gary)))

very true. shes thinking about what she wants and "needs". if that leaves you in a cardboard box in an alley she wouldnt give it 2 thoughts. its not that she wants to hurt you, its that you are so insignificant to her that you arent in the equation.

for your own good understand this. STOP offering to pay what you dont have too. i get it. youre a good guy. but jeez. just stop. nothing stops you from giving the kid gifts later. see a gift is a gift, but you out it in writing and its not a gift but mandatory.

listen to your lawyer. your ww is out to scalp you.

You are called the plaintiff and she is called the respondent. You are opposing against her and she is opposing against you.

You both had a legal contract of marriage. Now you are both dissolving this contract. You believe she has breached the contract by having relations with another man. She did not want to dissolve the contract and is upset by that, so she wants to take it to you. After you knew about her having relations about the other man, you continued having relations with your wife. So she believes that you by your actions showed that you wetr ok with that to continue the contract.

You can either come to a settlement on your own between you and her, or you can let a judge decide. If the judge decides, the judge has full authority to disregard your wants, even if you and your wife both agree on some items.

At the end of your court case, whether settled or adjudicated, you will never see her again and she will never see you again. You will be people who you used to know.

Look at this situation for what it is and where it will be, not the feelings you attach to it.

It is a legal case to dissolve a contract, nothing more, nothing less.

Yeah I agree with you guys its going to be rough and to stop thinking she will be fair or show some type of that in this ordeal. I guess I was hoping for just a little something from her in all of this.

wk55hn, I don't know if I am reading what you posted correctly but do you mean that I stayed in the house with my wife till I decided on leaving as continuing relations with her and that is considered being ok with it? Cause other than that I didn't have any other relationship with her. Till I was getting my head right and trying to figure out how we could get our marriage back I stopped sleeping with her. Even stopped sleeping in our bed together. Don't know if that matters either way but wanted to add that in.

Hi Gary, I was glad to see you pushed back to defend yourself against the narrative your stbXW is pushing. Good for you. Just try to remember that the shame is rightfully on her, not you.

As far as D goes.. I have no experience, but common sense would conclude that a marriage of six years would not warrant her getting all of your assets. I think her list is laughable. Ridiculous. Is this family friend lawyer someone who actually practices in the area of divorce??? Geez. Uh. No. Just no.

Shields up, Gary. Protect yourself. You can go back to being a nice guy to everyone after your divorce is final!! Stay tough!!!

Gary, it doesn't matter, but she has her point of view and you have yours, part of the point I was trying to make is that none of that matters in the end. The legal result will be the same. You trying to be fair and her hoping to be fair too is just a hope, like when you go down the shore you hope there is no traffic. Assume she hates you for whatever real or imagined reasons in her head.

Whether fair or not, the settlement is a negotiation. If you start out already meeting her more than half way, both attorneys are going to push you even more towards the ledger toward her. Then if you can't decide, the judge likely will think "fair" might be even further towards her proposals.

I think it is easier to yield later to settle than to give away too early and not have much to leverage later.

StillStanding1, thanks and I will try to keep telling myself that stuff to help. As for the lawyer I don't know if the one she has is her parents friend or he works with them or so. Their friend is a partner in a firm here and they do all types of cases so not sure her actual lawyer how they are connected to her folks.

wk55hn, I see what you mean now. And you are right I should just let my lawyer handle it and stay out of the way. I am only screwing myself up chiming in. As evidenced by my time on here I learn things the hard way and this is no different.

I have been good about not contacting her or responding although I did last night. I sent her a text that I would be at the house at some point this weekend to take care of the yard and if there was a time where she would not be there the better. She responded back...fine anytime on Sat we will not be here. I didn't respond back and took that as a final response. Half hour later she was like did you see my text we wont be here at all on Sat.

Ok I don't know if she is just checking or wanting me to respond that I know she has plans or they wont be home. I am not going to play these dumb games or back and forth with her. Which knowing her that is probably driving her nuts that I am not engaging even to complain or whatever.

knowing her that is probably driving her nuts that I am not engaging even to complain or whatever.

Of course it is. But do try to stay out of her head...focus is on you & kids now. Who cares what's going on in her head...it's a shit show in there trust me.

No idea about NJ family law or divorce, but common sense tells me that such a short term marriage wouldn't get her much of anything. She's capable of working, you have no children together. Because you love and care for the boy, I'd offer to keep him on your insurance until age 18, I'd offer to split household goods 50/50, she keeps her pre marital assets, you keep yours, say goodbye and good luck. I think they tried to take advantage of your good nature and generosity, and pounced hoping you were broken enough to cave. Strip it to the bare bones and see how she manages. I hope she's cut off financially and anything you pay for she's removed from. Best of luck to you.

Ok I don't know if she is just checking or wanting me to respond that I know she has plans or they wont be home. I am not going to play these dumb games or back and forth with her. Which knowing her that is probably driving her nuts that I am not engaging even to complain or whatever

I think a response is reasonable in this case, but just respond with "confirmed", so that she knows to get the hell out of there on Saturday on not change any plans to stay there that day.

I'd like to second the ... let your lawyer do what he/she things is in your best interest. The problem with being to easy/giving with your WW is that it's just going to prolong your pain. Are you giving her the amount the lawyer tells you at this time? or are you giving her more... in addition to paying the mortgage and your rent. The problem is that she wants the house and the money and is going to keep this going for as long as possible...she feels she deserves everything. So you are going to keep paying everything until she learns otherwise... but with you paying everything plus her parents help... she can keep this up forever. Don't worry about being "nice". Do what your lawyer tells you to do...your are prolonging your pain and her delusions of getting it all.

You've only been married 6 years. No kids. She'll get nothing. Let your lawyer handle this.

They are hoping you rollover. At least you know who/what she is. Nothing.

She was using you as a checkbook.

You're lucky to get out of this nightmare. There's nothing to even look back on.

Gary,

Maybe the legal folks on here can answer.

i do not understand why OM wife was able to force him out of the house as SAHD when the kids are his biologically, and you cannot get your wife out of your house when the child is not yours.

red Sox or someone, can you figure that one out.

One primary caregiver is tossed out, and the other get to stay in the home forcing BH to rent an apartment???

Seems a little ass backwards to me but I am not an attorney.

Part of the problem is that there is a level of punishment that your WW is trying to exact from you. In her mind, you have wronged her....and she will go to a certain level to try to hurt you.

The best way to handle this?

I'm not 100%, but pretty damn certain that you should stay as silent as possible, yet make sure that your attorney KNOWS that you are not going to concede one thing more than necessary. Not any more.

i do not understand why OM wife was able to force him out of the house as SAHD when the kids are his biologically, and you cannot get your wife out of your house when the child is not yours.

She probably didn't force him out, she probably just told him to get out and he did. It's always worth a try to tell the cheater to leave. They may not know their rights and may just assume they have to leave. Or they may know they don't have to but feel bad enough to go, or go hoping that cooperating will help them get to R.

Or she might have played the false DV card.

Gary, lawyers are not paid for their clients to be "fair". They are paid to get the best result for their clients they can.

Once the lawyers get involved I would not ascribe any intent to her one way or the other. Don't get sucked into that. She is going to listen to her lawyer.

Did her response make any mention of child support? How long is the alimony for?

Gary, listen to everyone here. I chimed in at the beginning and then prayed for you to find that reserve of self-respect I know is in there.

This woman is a lying, cheating, manipulative person. She will not play fair, and if you sit around waiting for that to happen you are going to lose everything. It seems to me that you feel you DESERVE to lose everything, you're just wiling to give it up and hand it over. And I JUST DON'T GET IT. Put some money in a savings account for that poor boy (with YOU as the account manager) and move on!

Let your lawyer fight back. Stay out of it. She will ask for the moon and the stars because that's what you do. Your lawyer will handle things for you. Seriously, stay out of it or decades from now you will look back with serious regret.

You have worked hard and you deserve to reap what you sow. She has lazed around, and she deserves to reap what she has sown. I say this as a STAY AT HOME MOM. It's not about her being home, it's that she didn't do any damn work! And she spent that time cheating on you! And you feel...guilty??

I don't get it. And at this point I'm at least confident that I know that YOU don't know why you don't get it. That's the self-preservation at work, thankfully. Sit back, let the lawyer protect you, and go about the painful process of repairing your heart.

I am separated and one day soon will be looking for a decent, kind, hard-working guy to share a life with. Lots of us will be. Take care, and keep your hope for the future alive. There's lots to look forward to!

You guys are right I am going to let the lawyer handle it I can only mess things up really. I wanted to respond to what some asked here yesterday.

I left my house on my own doing. I knew this was going to be hard enough on my step son and when this is over it will be a hard adjustment for him. I wanted to make it somewhat painless for him till we got there. I wanted him to be able to be in his room and house, be close to his friends and school for now. And to be honest I didn't want to go back and forth with her on it. Plus I am not home much as it is so it was not worth fighting about it.

As for the wife of the guy my wife cheated with. Yes she did kick him out. But she works, takes care of the kids mostly and from what she said this was likely not the first time he has stepped out. It seemed she was checking out herself and this gave her the final push.

And maybe someone that has done this can tell me differently but I don't see how I wont be giving her no alimony or some type of spousal support. Not from what I read and have heard from people that live in the state. Maybe Sybo can tell a different story. And I am ok with that to a degree. We were married and I let her not work so not like I would not give her something. Plus its probably going to be the only way I can still see my step son. Right now she is going to fight that I have no chance to be allowed to see him which I am sure is just a ploy for money. So either way I will be paying something to her.

I was talking to a guy from my other job as his brother just got divorced and he was only married 2 more years than me and he is paying some support.

She is way in fantasy land thinking she can keep the house. For one she couldn't buy me out and another is if we were to break even selling it I would count that as a win. She doesn't understand that when we bought the house it was a different time than now. And she has never paid a dollar to the mortgage, yes her parents gave us money towards the down payment as a gift. I guess worse case I give that part back I don't know.

But that stuff doesn't compute to her. To her bills are just there. She never has paid for her cell phone bill, when we dated she was under her parents plan. I moved her to mine when we got engaged as I was like your parents should not be paying your cell phone bill.