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WTF Lonely Dad? I can imagine why there should have ever been a second slap? I mean, if someone slaps you, stop, drop and roll on out of there!

OMG, Lonely Dad, that's like something out of a Seinfeld episode or something. Why am I hearing Kramer's voice?

FaithFool: That is exactly why we love you too....it is your:

glamour and charm of your visage

Not sure why you are doubting the poor fella!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:19 PM, July 11th (Monday)]

It was a very active weekend OLD, not sure what was up with that. I am having a tremendous time choosing between the guys I heard from:

Bachelor #1:

"hey want some good oral?"

Bachelor #2:

Within 2-3 messages took great interest in questions about my feet.

"Do you like to have your feet massaged?"

"Are your feet sensitive?"

I finally asked him if he had a foot fettish?

He said "No, I am not a freak, I am a gentleman".

VERY NEXT MESSAGE:

"Are your toe nails painted?"

I am not sure how I will EVER decide!?!??!!

Whatever you do, don't click on "Rate Photos" on PoF.

Unless you want to see things you can't unsee.

I was bored last night and did this.

Holy crap.

Just...

Holy crap.

I warned you!

Man I am HOT today. Just got another very nice complimentary message from a 74 year old gentleman (that's my age +12) directing me to his self-published novel.

So yeah, I'm a curious cat so I found it online and dear me it's got a very cheesy cover drawing of a naked girl reclining on a car and it's apparently about childhood sexual abuse...................

NEXT!

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:45 PM, July 11th (Monday)]

this a date a date 2 with this guy.

We agree to go for dinner in the restaurant of my choice...

I come in few mins late (traffic). He is standing and talking there with a couple. A guy with a very beautiful girl. I come around and get introduced.. The girl is trying to be all over my 'date'. Ok, he gets rid of them and says they approached in the restaurant bar. We proceed to the table. Have nice dinner talk, joke etc all good.

When leaving - passing the bar again. the girls again comes out with 'friendly' comments - how my date tried to secure us the best table etc etc.

Ok, we go to the next place - he gave me choice of 2, i picked one.

We go in. as soon as we step in there is a different, another beautiful women who is all around him.. Hello and this and that… again introductions, we move further..

Guess what – another two, of course beautiful women approach and say hi to him…

I ask him, where he knows all of the beautiful women in London. He says – these are the clients from Saudi Arabia… Hmmm, nope they are not – they speak Russian (I can understand and speak a bit of Russian).

During the evening there one more approach by yet another beautiful girl..

Apart from this parade of beautiful girls, he seemed ‘normal’. But really, I have not experienced anything like this!!!!

I was a bit shocked and wasn't sure it was real after the first. Was thinking "Did that really just happen?".

She was on the plus size so packed a punch, not sure if she meant it to be playful or what, but it actually hurt. I cut it as short as I could after she had hit me repeatedly in the chest and I was at first wondering if this was a form of primitive communication using me as a drum. Although the antropological studies might be interesting, it's not for me.

I've experienced two incredibly awkward dates since my divorce. I'll share the "least bad" of the two for now.

Woman contacts me through a dating site and says something along the line of, "Hey, we don't really 'match' but we're local. How about dinner tonight?"

So without getting to know her whatsoever, we meet up that evening. Within minutes of our conversation I began to assume that she was going through a very recent split. She had several children living with her while her ex was "partying it up" and she was angry, hurt, betrayed, etc...

Come to find out, they had been divorced four years, but obviously she was struggling with it. Finally the conversation moved to other topics and at some point she inquired about a picture that was on my profile. It was a Halloween party and I was dressed up in cheap outfit that had been provided by the host of the party. This was because I never intended to go to the party. I was out with friends in a different city at the time and our party merged with theirs and we ended up at this dude's place.

As I'm describing the details and location of the party, she suddenly realizes that this was her ex's party I had been at (she was right). I had NO idea of course, but after discovering that this one picture she had been drawn to was me wearing her ex-husband's costume clothes - she went completely off the rails.

So yeah, it just went downhill from there. Second worst date ever.

That's so bizarre.

( Loveisreal****** At Hotmail.com)

I'm so jealous that you were apparently hit on by Chuck Tingle! (don't google him at work)

I promise I won't.

Also, another tip for the guys: don't mention duct tape, parole officer and 50 shades in the same sentence.

Just saying.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 1:24 PM, July 13th (Wednesday)]

This is a good one, grumpy guy with one blurry bathroom selfie, everything in capital letters. Including the bit about how he got his birthday wrong.

OK CAN NOT CHANGE B DAY NOT CARICORN PIECES THE FISH NOT THE GOAT...... ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES MY DAUGHTERS CALL ME AN OLD GOAT LOL

Latest one for me, I gave in and installed tinder again, got some matches. One in particular was very eager, Monday morning she was bombing me with messages then sms, then snap shots including naked ones. Then we set a date for wednesday which turned into her wanting to come to my place and spend the nigth.

Ok, I figured this is a casual hookup so ok. Things got weird fast after we came through the door at my place, fooled around a bit, then to bed. Fine, then some things start making me wonder more and more like things she slips out like "darling", and other endearing terms which I found odd for a ONS.

Sex was the literally worst ever in my life, I started wondering if she was a virgin or wtf was going on. So while cuddling I ask her about things and turns out she never had an orgasm and enjoyed S&M only and apparently had packed some 50 shades of gray kit including a dog leash in her bag. Then started hinting that she wanted to be in a relationship with me more and more and I was clear I didn't see that happening sorry, I've been clear on that.

At this point I got bite marks on my chest and other places and I so regret it that I want it to be over. She asked me and even near begged me to be her boyfriend, we are so good together and hanging on me. This was literally one of the worst experiences I have ever had, so damn uncomfortable that I pulled back all I could and thought to myself, RUN! Oh, gods why I allow her to see where I lived. She even brought up wanting babies soon, I was insanely grateful for the existance of condoms at that point.

She wanted to go for a walk, sure whatever makes the time go and not adding more scars on my body. Drove out to the forest, as it felt like she wanted to hang on me and parade me around the neighborhood. Then she wanted to give me a bath, like I was a baby or something, literally..... I locked the door and took a shower, god damn that was creepy. Very little sleep, but I faked snoring and praying she would leave me alone.

Finally it was time to get up and go to work, Ive never felt so happy to go into the office and get her out of my house, she wanted to stay there and wait for me after work. I feared she would never leave and made up a story about having to visit parents. Grade A clinger, that was such a horrible experience I think I'll remain offline for months now. And I had to uninstall snapchat.

Why am I attracting all the crazies? Tinder needs a insanity filter.

[This message edited by LonelyDad at 1:53 AM, July 21st (Thursday)]

OMG, LonelyDad, I'm literally laughing outloud with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. WTH!?

I mean, seriously, was that for real? Hahahaha

I have the bite marks on my body to prove it, even though I wish it was just a bad dream.

I had to block her number and any other connection, she wanted to be "friends with benefits" until I was ready to commit.

And yes she literally wanted to have me in a dog leash and drag me through the house and tie me up, spank me and worse things, she even gave me a safe word before we actually met and I thought she was kidding, she wasn't but I forgot what the safe word was!

There was some hot chocolate sauce involved there as well, but thank god she didn't have that and I sure as hell wasn't going to offer any.

Yeah, bit much for a first date I thought, even worse for a random hookup. OLD crazyness at it's finest.

You can imagine my mind racing to come up with a plausible excuse when she wanted to stay at my house until I got off work today. Full on panic mode and trying to stay calm.

And she smeared lipstick on my newest and most expensive shirt. Think I need to burn it.....

You should have seen her overnight bag.... biggest I've ever seen and packed to the point of bursting with some clothes and a ton of stuff I'm not sure I even want to know what is....

[This message edited by LonelyDad at 6:25 AM, July 21st (Thursday)]

Have you had a recent Tetanus shot Lonely Dad?

Might be a good idea with all those bites!

I hope she goes away quietly because she has the makings to give you real issues if she does not.

I would of been cutting the date WAY short. Why didn't you suddenly get a mega migraine and get her out of there asap?