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The Coolidge Effect is a phenomenon that another SI member suggested I read up on in another thread. I have, and I must say I find it to be quite disheartening.

The Coolidge Effect is a very real one, documented by scientists in nature. When you drop a male rat into a cage with a receptive female rat, you see an initial frenzy of sex and copulation.Then, progressively, the male rat tires of that particular female. Even without an apparent change in her receptivity, the male rat reaches a point where he has little libido-and simply ignores her.

However, if you replace the original female with a fresh female, the male rat immediately revives his sexual energy and begins copulating again. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the rat nearly dies of exhaustion.

So our genetic programming want us primed to pursue promising, new genetic opportunities with new women, even if we risk not “living happily ever after” with the woman we’re already having sex with.

This little gem was taken from one of the many sites I visited to find out what this was about. So basically what I take away from it is that the quest for something new and different, the rush of increased dopamine levels experienced while being with a new partner, especially in the beginning, is just a part of nature.

This phenomenon seems to be geared towards the male species. That no matter how much they love the woman they are with, no matter how hot she is, no matter how great the sex is with her, no matter how great a life they have together, the lure of new p***y is just too much to resist. (Sorry for being crude, but that's part of what I read.)

Really? If that's true ladies, I think we're all pretty much screwed. No pun intended.

Yes, there is an intense rush when you sleep with someone new. Think of the first time you slept with your future spouse, or anyone from your past. The build up, the waiting, the flirting and the wanting. It's incredible when it finally happens I admit. Sex with my WH is hot, still satisfying to me but the rush of it being new and different is not there anymore. Would I love to feel that again? Sure. Who wouldn't?

Guys, please don't think that women aren't as sexual as you. Don't think we don't have our own fantasies, our own wants. Dare I say that you'd be surprised at the thoughts that run through the minds of your ladies. Yes, we look if a good looking man crosses our path. Yes, we may even have a quick mental image of being with him. But that's where it ends, for me at least. I love my H and that is what has made me never look to find that feeling with someone else. He knows me, and my body and knows how to push all the right buttons. The same applies with me knowing him.

But reading about the Coolidge Effect has left me with the feeling that it should just be accepted that people get bored and have to find new conquests to keep them sexually revitalized and happy. My own therapist has tossed out the expression "men get bored" as I asked why she thinks A happen.

Well that's a hell of a pill to swallow.

So I ask if anyone is familiar with this topic. Do you feel it contributed to your spouse cheating? And I am interested in hearing responses from any WS that may be reading on the General forum. Does cheating really have more to do with boredom than anything else? Is the need to have something different and get that dopamine rush so great that it trumps love, family and everything else?

And my apologies to the men who may read this and respond. It wasn't intended to be a form of male bashing, but it was clearly expressed over and over as a phenomenon experienced by males.

Well, those were rats, not men. Sure a lot of men are rats, but most of them are not.

SisterMilkshake,

It didn't only apply to rats, and the comments made by men on the various sites I read seemed to AGREE with the concept. Many admitting that they never will be satisfied by one woman no matter how great she is.

I wish it were something that only applied to those furry critters, but it's not.

They didn't do that exact experiment with real live men. I don't know how they can extrapolate rat's behaviour to human behaviour.

Comments? Really, you are going to take some random male's comments on the internet as real life input?

You are twisting yourself into a pretzel fretting about this shit, Malibu. This is stereotyping males. This is the old fashioned debate about is monogamy possible. Yes, monogamy is possible. We are not victims of our hormones, urges and wanton desires. We have control over ourselves and our choices.

Well you learn something new every day! Turns out I have more self control than a rat! Despite many opportunities for new pussy, I was always able to resist the biological urge to fuck it!

[This message edited by Loukas at 12:09 PM, May 14th (Saturday)]

This is my XWS 100% I think the difference is that human beings can choose to love, be faithful, and continge to nurture their committed relationship.

Some do. Some don't. My XWS didn't.

Well you learn something new every day! Turns out I have more self control than a rat!

And today I learned my STBXWW has the self control of a male rat... OH...SNAP!....

Happens in females too:

From wikipedia:

While the Coolidge effect is usually seen demonstrated by males—that is, males displaying renewed excitement with a novel female—Lester and Gorzalka developed a model to determine whether or not the Coolidge effect also occurs in females. Their experiment, which used hamsters instead of rats, found that it does occur to a lesser degree in females, where the evolutionary advantage of mating with multiple partners is less straightforward.

My MC firmly believed that this had a hand in my FWHs affair. He had been watching porn for two years prior to the A and out sex life was non existent. It's not an excuse but it certainly helps put the pieces together.

It also makes a lot of sense in that porn trains the brain to expect new and different. In our situation my husband sought out the ow - approached and asked for her number. May the end of the week they had been in a PA.

I think there's so many things a couple (male&female, female&female or male&male) can do to prevent one or both of them "growing tired of each other sexually", or at least vastly reduce the odds of it happening/delay it farther into the future.

Stuff like making sure to keep the love going by following the love languages, spending quality time together, ..., trying out new sex positions, experimenting with involving food, drinks, toys, wigs, makeup, uniforms, using websites to discover matching fetishes, taking an occasional abstinence from everything sexual (including masturbation), ensuring neither is addicted to porn, ...

The secret to any good&lasting relationship seems to be, in all areas including sex, the willingness of both people to work hard,..., on the relationship.

And in the end, even if one of the couple doesn't want to be with the other anymore (sexually and/or otherwise), that's still doesn't give him an excuse to cheat.

My spouse was a woman, and I never entertained the thought of cheating, even though plenty of opportunities presented themselves. She couldn't get enough strange dick, though. Not sure what was going on there.

As it turns out I, along with many other primates, have this thing called a prefrontal cortex that is significantly more developed than the one in the brain of a rat. This means I have agency and can suppress base urges. This is why I didn't kill the OM when I found out my wife was cheating, and it is also why I decided my ex's feelings and our relationship were more important than a bit of strange when the opportunity presented itself.

Coolidge Effect, Porn

In the end it is all just excuses.

difference is that human beings can choose to love, be faithful, and continue to nurture their committed relationship.

We also know there are some animal species that mate for life.

And thanks, Loukas -

Turns out I have more self control than a rat! Despite many opportunities for new pussy, I was always able to resist the biological urge to fuck it!

For humans I think this is more related to lack of impulse control. The cheaters make a conscious choice to go after the "strange". It's something they can avoid and control if they wanted to.

That being said I do believe that watching porn and doing online cheating makes it harder for them to resist the ample opportunities for sex offered by the female and male sluts out there. It desensitizes them to their spouses or SOs and makes then see sex differently. It amps them up and escalates them. They become used to violating their own values, moral code and leading secret lives.

[This message edited by whattheh at 12:48 PM, May 14th (Saturday)]

Human beings are not rats, Rats are not sentient. Sentience permits a level of conscious control over our actions that rats are not capable of.

I'll tell you something else rats aren't capable of? Feelings of jealousy and betrayal. They won't have a concept of loyalty either because that's a more advanced cognitive function.

People attempting to apply behavior of rats to that of humans are just trying to make excuses for their own lack of impulse control.

Infidelity isn't about sex, infidelity is about a betrayal of trust, it's about systemic deception and disrespect. It's about the denial of the right of consent of the cheated on.

No one is forced to enter a committed relationship (in the developed world at least), no one is forced to remain in a committed relationship. If that isn't for you or you are stupid enough to think that a different "rat" is going to be better then there are ethical and honorable options, not all of which require separation.

The problem is when one person unilaterally changes the terms of the relationship and doesn't even give the other the courtesy of informing them.

BTW a little secret for those interested in new "rats" being good at sex is like being good at anything else. The more you do it the better you are, but here's the thing. Each individual is a little unique and the more you are familiar with them and their likes the better sex is. Something my WW realized after, sex with the same person for 17 years is only boring and old if you let it be. What it also means is that you have someone who really knows you, knows what makes you go Ooooh and Ahh and OMG!!!.

The best sex comes from trust and intimacy. the more you trust your partner and the more they trust you the more open you are about your desires likes and kinks the better your sex will be.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:33 PM, May 14th (Saturday)]

Personally, I think the whole concept is offensive for what it says about men. There are many BHs here who had no problems keeping their marriage vows. Of course there will be cheaters in the comments section who agree that they're being taken hostage by the rat parts of their brains but they're hardly indicative of all men.

Members - The staff is having a conversation about how far this goes in generalizing, but we are asking all to review the guidelines in regards to this:

Parannonx - you have a PM.

We, as human beings, can chose not to blindly follow our animal instincts. And we aren't rats.

But I think there is a measure of truth to the statements that suggest there is that rush that is compelling in any new relationship, for men and women. It certainly was the driving force for my SAFWH'S acting out, even though his primary behavior wasn't intercourse, but flirtation.

Falling in "love" or "lurve" as the case may be, is intoxicating. Most of us can figure out grownup vs immature feelings. Some get stuck and are doomed to repeat their mistakes.

I don't understand (especially a therapist- or scientist-can't research fund be served in a better way?) ever considering comparing a human beings behaviour to that of a rat. We are completely different species. What is the point of the comparison. So what if a rat does that- so does a dog. We are suppose to be superior beings than that of a rat are we not.

I've seen this Coolidge Effect crap before. What is the point of scientists comparing two different species. Do we compare ourselves to dogs? Why would we? Its a ridiculous comparison IMHO

MBB- get a new therapist- if my IC or MC suggested that men or women have an A because they get bored-I would fire them on the spott. What a cop out and certainly not an excuse. If you are bored, you end your M or find a way to spice up your M, you don't go have an A and completely destroy your M and your BS. It was a decision, we are capable of controlling ourselves. You WS as well as mine made horrible decisions, over and over to do what they felt like at our expense. It was not a primal instinct, it was not this coolidge effect that he couldn't control. We all are capable of controlling our actions- as someone else said, that is why WH and MOW are still alive today. That is why I have not had a RA. I am in full control over my actions as our WS's are, they chose to do what they did. It wasn't because they were bored. it is because they have terrible coping skills, they are selfish and emotionally immature and most of all because they could and were getting away with it. They are broken enough that our feelings mattered less to them than getting their ego kibbles and orgasms.

This coolidge effect t crap is just another way for WS's to try to excuse their behaviour I call BS on it.

[This message edited by deephurt at 2:43 PM, May 14th (Saturday)]

Humans have the capacity to make choices. They can make commitments.

Rats cannot.

I don't buy the biology argument.

And something else is deeply disturbing about "research" like this: it always attributes all sexual activity to the male of whatever species is being studied. It's as if female libido is an afterthought.

Newsflash: women have as much biological imperative to have sex as men. They enjoy it as much as men. Their libidos are as high as mens'.

I always wonder why everyone still accepts the "men are driven by/women have other motivations" bullshit for which studies like this are trotted out.

It's really frustrating to me. It bolsters bad behavior.

No human--male or female--needs an Official-Sounding Effect to explain why s/he cheats. Those who choose infidelity do so because they don't value their vows, their partners, or themselves. It sure as hell is NOT, in Homo sapiens sapiens a biological imperative to discard the old "rat" in favor of the new.

THAT is 100% choice. Anyone can just as enjoyably copulate with the person to whom he has pledged fidelity as with the New Rat on the Block. They just don't want to.

[This message edited by solus sto at 10:30 AM, May 15th (Sunday)]

If you do a little reading you will see studies done on humans not just rats. The study involves mates who were not sexually active with their current partners due to porn use. Excessive porn use retrains the brain to expect new and different. Even when the current partner is still available they feel the need to seek out a new one. It is not a general statement about all men or even all men who watch porn, it is a syndrome that can occur and is connected in many cases, to infidelity. While I agree that this was a contributing factor to my FWHs affair, it certainly wasn't the only one. The MC didn't connect the dots on this so quickly either - there were other incidences and details such as the sexual acts that took place between them that we each spoke about in our IC sessions that led him to believe that. Nor do I think it's an excuse. My husband had the opportunity to stop it before it happened and did not. It happened 8 more times and it was like a severe addiction.

There are many who also don't believe in the Madonna Whore complex either and I have lived that too.