SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yeah! I am doing all the work to end this marriage and she just sits there saying well I can't stop him. What's the use. Good riddance.

I also told her Wednesday that 50-70% effort wouldn't do it or 80% if that's how she defines it. Her respose was something like I am not a bad person I just did a bad thing. I am not sure what she meant maybe it was justifying her lack of total effort that if the affair was just a bad thing it allows her to justify her less than full effort.

I have placed the viability of our marriage on her moving out for at least some of the time. I said I move out now until the 20th and then she from the 20th for 6 weeks at her fathers and then me again on a permanent basis from there. This wouldn't mean she doesn't have access to our house it would just mean she would be sleeping somewhere else.

Is this unreasonable? Shoukd I be more flexible? I feel I've been too nice to this point.

She is not a good candidate for R . I am a year out from Dday and there is a lot of work from both parties and especially for the wayward. If she doesn't have what it takes it will only fail, but tbh marriage in general is a lot of work. Maybe she's not wife material anyways . Best to cut your losses . You deserve better.

Is her fathers house close enough that she can still see the children with ease? If not I can understand her reluctance, although she should doing everything in her power to accommodate you. How about she moves into the basement?

The bigger problem is I know guys like her AP. Entitled bastards that think rules don't apply to them. She has proven to him by the phone call that his pathway to NSA sex is open for business. He could care less about you, your marriage, and her too. I have a feeling that your next post here in a month or two will be you catching them hooking up again.

You should cut off her ability to download apps, and have her texts and messages sent to you. All extreme stuff, but sh e should be jumping at the chance to do these things

She said she would not leave her children

If she's reading here, I'd tell her she already did that by having the A. The A was her leaving & breaking up the family. Period.

She isn't doing The Work® Time to move on. So sorry she did this to you, bedman. Good luck.

Tell her to sleep in the bloody basement.

its on her.

she chose the affair.

she chose to lie and minimize and blameshift after her affair.

she chose not to do the work, to be honest, to go no contact, and to do what it took to make you feel safe.

she chose to not only kill the marriage but to sabotage the chances of reconciliation.

im sorry she made those choices. they all stink and are obviously the wrong choices. i know her choices hurt you and that sucks too.

thats the one thing the cheaters never seem to get. except in a small percentile of cases after an A there is usually a window that if they got their shit together an R would be possible but by continuing their actions they blow it.

Yea, she could have saved the marriage but she doesn't appear to be really interested. She still feels she really didn't do anything wrong and it's apparently not worth the effort.

You do what you have to do, personally my ego and self-respect would have prevented me from staying if I was in this situation. The bottom line is you just married to wrong woman but it's never too late to find someone else. She can replaced and luckily for you when someone asked why it ended you can say "she cheated" while she has to say "I cheated" though I doubt that's what she'll do lol.

I have had at least 4 women cheat on me but I don't think all women cheat (just that it's possible for anyone to cheat, including me) and I know its not the end of the world when they do. You'll be fine long term, don't worry.

Thank you for sharing

All this is... just one big reminder. Reminder about hypergamy. Reminder to never stop improving. A reminder that muscles, money, and social status mean more than all the bullshit we tell ourselves about what matters about love. Attraction is everything. Never stop improving... why dont you have huge muscles and a million dollars or atleast why aren't you working toward it everyday? A woman will usually go after the best she can do... combat that by being better than everyone else. Reminder that it's never the sex act that matters... it's the man doing it.

Reminder that dealing out swift and harsh consequences is the only to handle affairs. You should have served her on dday and only gave 1% of your brain power to R if she does everything she's done in the last however many months in about 2 days. Not you exposing the affair... her doing it. Not you asking her to quit... her doing it. Not you asking to cut off her bad friends... her doing it. Not you removing triggers... her doing it. Right away. Plus 1000000 more things. To not worry about money or custody or feelings because none of those things improve after a bs attempt at R anyway

[This message edited by brandnewwhammy at 8:02 AM, September 23rd (Saturday)]

IMHO, it may be time to cut your loses and head for higher ground.

Zombie thread folks

Actually Bedman posted on LS about a month ago. He is still in Limbo hell living with his wife. They had an argument about the affair not too long ago and she reached back out to the OM. She has no respect for BM but for some reason he can't muster up the courage to leave her. It's tough to read his post.

Actually, Bedman posted in the reconciliation forum a couple of days ago.

yes he doesn't get it. He is sleeping with the enemy and soon, she will own him in divorce court.

It's a pure example on how not to handle things and every BS should read his thread and know not how to handle things

yes he doesn't get it. He is sleeping with the enemy and soon, she will own him in divorce court.

It's a pure example on how not to handle things and every BS should read his thread and know not how to handle things

Couldn't agree more. It's frustrating watching someone suffer.

My experience. H not remorseful after a 4 year EA.

He ended it but never apologized or had Remorse

I should not have been surprised when he cheated 20 years later. This time he had remorse.

So I hope you see true remorse b/c if not - there could be another A.

So sorry for you. Your W is a whole new level of selfish. Her responses to you, while honest, just blew me away.

Her response was something like I am not a bad person I just did a bad thing.

Translation:

I just do bad things and refuse to accept responsibility for them so I can tell myself that I am not a bad person.

Analysis: Doing bad things DOES make you a bad person if you make no effort to redeem yourself or make amends to those hurt by your actions.