SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have the most wonderful place for you to vacation! It is with me in Texas!!

You can coach me so I can become the strong, spirited, independent, amazing woman that I used to be. Before the 10 years of lies and abuse my WH insisted that I deserved.

**All Expenses Paid**

And after that, you can be my coach in Pennsylvania! I just got rid of my cheating asshole husband tonight! Who knows where he went. He says work, lol, but who cares?

And after that, you can be my coach in Pennsylvania! I just got rid of my cheating asshole husband tonight! Who knows where he went. He says work, lol, but who cares?

Rather than telling him you're going to take half of the $$ from the joint account, it might be better to just do it and tell him after it's done. Otherwise he could do it from his phone if he's set up for that, and he may not stop at half.

AgainX2 and mharris - Your faith in me overwhelms me but I would have to be the world's worst coach. Can't help but love you for making me feel better and giving me a chuckle.

Foley05 - If he cleans out the account after I so fairly and matter-of-factly tell him of my plans, after also revealing that he has literally broken my heart -me, the woman he promised to love to his end of time, the woman who has been his best friend for these last 8 years, his constant companion, his traveling buddy, his caregiver when he was sick and his biggest cheerleader - well then he needs it more than I do to buy a soul. Not fighting over stuff, not sweating the small stuff and in the end, we're talking about an account only big enough to cover household bills, not all the money that we have in the world here. Not sure he can do much by phone but if that is his first inclination, to decimate a grocery and utilities account, well then that's proof I am worth less than almost nothing to him and that'll make it that much easier to extract him from my life.

One thing I never mentioned that has been bothering and now I'm wondering if it actually means anything -

When I went through his phone that first fateful night, I said I perused his conversations but didn't see anything unusual and this still might be nothing. My mind keeps coming back to a text between him and one of his very best buds. They were texting football scores - updates on game status, guy stuff. In the midst of it there was one text:

Friend: "is IT done and over yet?"

WH: no. soon.

I thought nothing of it. They were talking about games. Or were they? Why is IT in caps? What is IT? The game? The affair? IT has been bothering me these last few days because let's face it, I have been scrutinizing every last moment since d-day. Does his friend know? There is nothing I can do about IT but IT sure is bothering me.

Well, I got a whole 2 hours sleep at best. Going to try to grab a few more zzzz's but if not, will take a nice, long bath and then start the death march of my marriage. Oh joy. Lucky me.

[This message edited by TurnOtherCheek at 11:09 PM, September 19th (Monday)]

You really are handling this in a way that embodies the way in which all of us other BSs wish we could... You have an army of betrayed behind you, cheering you on and living vicariously through your daily triumphs!! Please keep it up... I think you're a stellar example of strength and dignity. More so than I can muster. I'd love to entertain you for your vacation; however, I think you need to do the Tahiti thing. Bora Bora here she comes!! Also, watch the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". You never lost your groove but a little tropical flirtation and fun in the sun never sucks.

Let me know if you need a wing woman. Thelma and Louise do Bora Bora

Good Luck!

The world is your oyster. If an island holiday is your thing (it's certainly mine) why not try one of these:

Maldives

Fiji

Mauritius

Whitsunday Islands (Australia)

Or for something a little closer to home:

Little Corn Island

Seychelles

Turks and Caicos

Now, of course I'm biased, but Australia is very beautiful and the worlds largest island. Did I mention I live 20 mins away from some of the best vineyards in the world?

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You have a PM ( personal message)

Cover page , at the top of page with s pink heart next to it.

I'm so sorry, TOC. You have so much strength, and at the same time the pain comes through in each post.

I would wonder about that text too. If it's what you think it is, then this friend is an enabler. And that means he might be a source of info at some point if he can be persuaded/tricked into making some revelations. I wish there were a way to nab his phone. He probably wasn't deleting his messages as diligently as your WH.

If you feel you will want to know all the details, I still think a PI is a great idea. Maybe something to look into when you get back.

God, he's such an idiot to risk losing you.

I think you've been amazing and inspiring to so many. But none of that takes away the hurt. Just know that with so many people rooting for you, the universe is giving you a big bear hug and things will get better slowly but surely. Sleep well tonight.

Oh gosh, Scornedmommy and nme1 - how is it you are making me laugh in the midst of this train wreck known as my life? This is why women need girlfriends! I love having this army of strong, determined BS behind me. A few days ago I would have never thought this was possible, that this even existed. Mind. Blown!

Lastdance - Thank you. Reply sent. THANK YOU.

Changeneeded:

I hear you. I remember the night I stayed up ALL NIGHT long, with the gps, watching my WS knowing he was effing somebody else and not being able to do a damn thing because he was hours and hours away. I think back and wish I would have jumped in the car to pound the fucking door down, it would have been an all night drive for me, they would have been just waking, if the slept at all, by the time I got to him. However, I was sure he would come home to confess, because it just wasn't like him.

Damn that asshole for putting you through this! That happens again, call me! We'll knock that motherfucking door down together! I hope you're doing well inspite of his ass-holeriness. (Is that a word?)

Turn, welcome to our family.

Reading your WS's messages I couldn't escape noticing his outstanding wordiness. I hire people for my small businesses, and your WS looks like a type I call a "talker": (i) the one with a nice-looking portfolio, but poor recommendations and feedback from previous customers/employers (ii) prone to fail to meet deadlines, (iii) do his job superficially and with a minimal effort (iv) and demand unreasonably high compensation. I no longer hire this type of "talkers", and find them struggling to accept my "No". They sound sour, frequently ask "Why not", try provoke post-desicion conversation.

I expect talking to him by phone will be nothing but his stinky stream of lies and poor excuses. With all due respect, I wouldn't expect confession from this Mr. ManyWords.

On a separate and more important note, I have to say that I admire the way you handle this situation. But apart from counting on myself, I would (and had) seek help from my friends, relatives, a good IC and an attorney. It's never too early to know your options and have your ducks in a row.

Edit: BH to WS, sorry for typos

[This message edited by wordsofwisdom at 4:02 AM, September 20th (Tuesday)]

WordsofWisdom - just to be clear, I do not have a BH. I am the BW but I know you know that. Also, I already have an attorney which I posted earlier. She's already proceeding with my paperwork. This will be easy - almost nothing to divide, no kids to work out custody agreement. I have confided in friends (2) and when I get home I will be letting others know. Being far away from home and not easy to reach will just make it hard on those wanting to be there for me but I know I will absolutely collapse eventually and I will have lots of friends and family around to help pick me up. I have no plans to "spare him the embarrassment" of his actions with friends or family. I'm not going to be making an grand announcement, no broadcast email going out but I will call my inner circle and let them know.

I'll be OK. I'm protected, financially and otherwise. He is an asshole and some of how you explain him might be right but he's not all horrible. I did fall in love with him and we did have fun but I know. He is an asshole. I haven't forgotten that.

I may never know the truth. I can't control that. He has to live with himself so I know he will have to create his own reality but that's on him. I know my truth. I gave it my best shot. Too bad it wasn't good enough for him. His loss. We'll see how it goes. I'm preparing myself. The battle gear is going on. I'm getting ready. I plan to come out on top.

Bora Bora has the most beautiful over the water villas. Just what you need. Reading your post made me instantly think that Stella is going to get her groove back!

Keep being strong and courageous, it will become more difficult once you have to engage with WH.

Quick question. You didn't find any alarming texts on his phone but upon reviewing your cell phone bill you noticed numerous calls to a particular number; did you cross check the number on his phone to see if it exists there or does he delete it after each message? Also, did you call the number or have a friend call the number just to check it out?

Friend: "is IT done and over yet?"

WH: no. soon.

Yes IT could be the affair...but if it was, IT wasn't over and his text to OW proves how close he was to breaking it off.

Sounds like the "friend" disapproved and wanted your WH to end it.

Regardless, you can't put too much stock in the fact that he planned to end it SOON. One of the top 10 things WH say when confronted is "We just broke it off...I was going to break it off today..." The problem is that until they get caught they never really feel the need to "end it."

The one good thing is that you can see if he is telling you the truth when he does confess if he tells you "friend" knew about the affair.

I also want to say that you are doing amazingly well.

Well, TOC, the other thing "IT" could be is his plan to file for divorce, because he is in "lurvvve" with the girl, and has confided that to his buddy…

I'd monitor the bank assets that are shared, if any, (if you can from a remote location), to see if there are any changes…

Remember what Robbie Burns said about the "best laid plans of mice and men"…

Best to you,

BYE

Bye,

OUCH! I'm proceeding with a different outcome in mind although both still end in divorce.

TOC - you are my hero (heroine?). I wish I had the self control you have shown when you found out. I have read your story and I find myself getting stronger due to your strength and determination. Thank you for that, and good luck in a really shit situation!

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it reminds me of when I discovered and came here initially, my H was away on business and I had 2 days to plan before he got back

You're obviously very capable and it's a horrible when you're dealing with something that has knocked you sideways, I was so grateful that I had the advice here, it differed but it helped me with my plan of action

I think you're planning on saying too much and as you are planning to do the confrontation over the phone you won't be able to see his reactions, so maybe a face time call might be better ?

After reading all the advice I was given I collected my H from his trip but parked up before we got home. I asked him to sign some legal documents. Like your situation, my H knew he'd made a mistake and that I probably knew, but he didn't acknowledge it, there was fear and confusion written all over his face. I then calmly asked him if he'd been in contact with another woman, he denied, I asked twice more, very calmly, and he denied so I asked him if he wanted to be dropped off at a hotel or to be taken to his parents, he still denied !!! I calmly told him that we both knew he was lying and I had had enough

He begged and pleaded ( at this time I was only aware of an EA ) and I agreed to let him come home, but he had to move to the spare room, he was devastated. Two days later I discovered it was a PA and kicked him out

The reason I'm dragging up my story is because there are some similarities. When I confronted I kept it minimal, he didn't know what I knew, there's time to deal with that later and you won't get the truth during a telephone call. If you tell him you're taking money from the joint account he might beat you to it, he'll be able to deal with it while he's in London but you'll be on your other flight. So maybe less info is better until you're face to face ? He will panic at first, but hopefully by the time you see each other he may have worked out what he's losing so he might have his head on straight, but when you confront he will deny and panic, he's been dreading this since he sent you that text

A break might be good but you also might want to stay home and deal with this before you go away, you're allowed to change your mind, please remember to do what's best for you, you are the important one

You are doing so well, but we do understand the heartbreak you must be feeling. Keep posting, keep reading and I really hope that things turn out as best they can for you

{{{hugs}}}