SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TOC,

I believe you misunderstood her name...

None other than Home Wrecker! Since she doesn't have a SO tell her Mommy & Daddy what she has done.

I'd send strength from the other coast but it seems you have a tremendous amount, remember that during the dark hours.

Why do they never care about their spouse's feelings until they're caught?

Because they have REGRET, not REMORSE (at least at first for most). If he is truly remorseful, he will do ANYTHING and will respect her wishes no matter what the outcome of the M. Maybe he will get IC and make himself a better person.

I'm so sorry, TOC...huge hugs to you. Post when you're ready...you have had one hell of a week.

He felt strongly I knew but convinced himself otherwise. He knows I'm not dumb but he wished I had just asked him. I wished he hadn't cheated.

..a 4 month PA...he had numerous times he could have told you, including when felt strongly you knew. It took being caught for him to end the Affair. Do not feel guilty about sending him on "vacation" alone. He spent 6 months destroying you, you are allowed a few days to get your things together, move out, and be with friends that care.

He's been 'sick' about it ever since. Didn't see her over my time away - so he says. He canceled her services because she was to take care of our dogs over our vacation and that is why they texted after the fateful text.

I'm suspicious also...how many texts/how long does it take to say "Try Pet Sitters"...?

Very proud of you.

[This message edited by Freeme at 4:08 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)]

Yes, he's destroyed now... That's he's caught. He should have been destroyed at the very thought of cheating on you before the fact. Typical behavior.

Stay strong! It'll get harder before it gets easier.

With sadness comes relief that the confrontation is over, that you were right and he didn't try to gaslight and blame shift. You have amazing support already in place and your daughter will be there with open arms when you deplane. Let your friends and family mend your heart and soul.

Your strength is incredible however let the grief out. He hurt you and disrespected your marriage. Damn shame they chose to disregard you while they frolicked in an ugly affair.

(((TOC)))

All I can say is, have somebody else give your dogs a good bath when you get home.

Huge hugs to you. I'm so very sorry. Please take good care of yourself. So glad your daughter will greet you and your friends will be ready to offer real life hugs and support.

Whatever happens, I know you will be okay. You are an amazing lady.

It's all just so damn frustrating...

he threw it all away for a piece of CANDY!!!

(Couldn't help myself, had to throw a pun back at you.... )

Now, go let yourself be pampered and comforted. It's been one hell of a week.

Does your "dog sitter" work for an agency? Wouldn't want her to watch my dog.

So sorry that you are having to go through this. I would definitely out her to her parents. I'm sure they would be so proud.

Mine was oh so sorry and heartbroken when he got found out as well. So strange that they all follow this pattern.

And it says a lot about you and your ability to empathise that he's now turing it round and making you start to feel sorry for him. Don't. Remember he had a choice in all this, and this was the route he took. You were never given the consideration.

Stay strong. Don't let him make YOU feel bad. However this turns out, and whatever you choose to do in the end you will undoubtedly benefit fro having taken decisive action from the get-go so he knows you're not messing around and you won't stand for this nonsense. Well done.

I'm sorry, but she KNEW he was married and had met you!

I would make sure all her clients know what the little skank

has done. There are no excuses!

Your WH is going to suffer after losing someone

like you. What a nut! What is wrong with these men? Their brains just suddenly stop working?

Stay strong and good luck. Please be good to yourself.

Hugs

TOC, we are all hanging on a thread for you right now, our own devastation mirroring what we are reading from you.

If there is one true thing - it is that he is still not telling you ALL the truth. My guess is they were still fucking while you were gone when he says they weren't. I can almost guarantee it, it's in the WS handbook.

If you are for sure divorcing him, then this doesn't matter. But IF you ever consider letting him earn your trust back, please make sure he takes a polygraph (sooner than later)- that will let you know how capable of lying he truly is AFTER he's been busted and trying to do 'damage control' (as my WH put it as his excuse).

I am so sorry for the physical ache and debilitating nausea you are going through. One thing you've continued throughout this whole thing that I wish I HAD done, was stay in CONTROL, stay one step ahead. You are a beacon of light for us. I sank. I wish I'd gone dark but didn't for the kids, but realized maybe WH would have come out of the fog much faster.

Girl, you are amazeballs.

You got it done, took the necessary step. Given that this was certainly going to be awful no matter what, it is one of the best possible outcomes.

My suggestion now? No more thinking for a bit! Just doing: pack what you need to get away, leave him a note to let him know he will be served but (I assume) you will be willing to communicate and weigh options while the legal wheels slowly grind. Tell him you will contact him when you are ready to talk and that he should not try to contact you before then. You will be informed by lawyer of the legal progress and he needn't reach out for that. Your kids know. Your friends know. He should leave them alone, too.

Then go away, get to a place of solace and stay there until you are ready to think some more. Err on the side of taking more time.

Great job, TOC! I am very happy that you were able to do this in such a powerful way. Best wishes from the Bay Area.

You, dear lady are a pillar of strength. I know, however, being strong doesn't mean this all doesn't hurt like hell. The hurt part, most of us have mastered, the strength part? Well, we could all learn a thing or 2 from you.

Please continue to be wise, and true to yourself. I think there can be a temptation to believe what WS's say, out of wishful thinking, out of fatigue, out of just plain being normal and not understanding how broken brains work.

Please continue to be careful, and resist the temptation to believe much of anything that your WH says. He has worried for several days now that you knew, and cheated for at least 4 months, he's had plenty of time to concoct a story he expects you would believe. But the plain fact is liars lie. Be careful giving credence to any fact he purports to convey, really.

You are in my prayers, lady Take care of you.

I'm sorry, but she KNEW he was married and had met you!

has done. There are no excuses!

I so agree with this ^^^^^ I mean 10000% agree. An awful person, same category as the cheating spouse. If not worse, in my opinion. Women are desperate, to take a taken individual, where is the "sister-hood"' And, to continue to work for you! Skank is too nice a word.

Rant still not over, but I'll stop.

He felt strongly I knew but convinced himself otherwise

oh REALLY??! How can you have possibly known that your "loving" and "trusting" husband was out banging your dog sitter? You were the trusting and loving wife who never thought in a million years that her husband would cheat on her. How stupid can he be spewing that garbage?

Oh and now HE'S DESTROYED??! What about you?? How does he think you feel?? I mean he screws some whore named CANDY and he's destroyed??!

TOC hon,

I am so sorry you are hurting. I'm also angry for you. No one deserves to go through this. He shouldn't have forced your hand in ending your marriage at the airport but those are the consenquences to his actions. He wants to act like a dog, treat him like one.

((((TOC))))

You continue to inspire awe, I have to remind myself that you've climbed this learning curve before. Keep in mind that there are great non-cheating men out there for certain. I know for a fact. Where's that sly winky emoticon?

The apologists on here might wish to convince you to sway from your stated intentions " since he's 'so very sorry'". Read Spaceghost007's thread.

Please go dark on this miserable ass until you are emotionally grounded.

This might help: that "Poor old fool" trying desperately to convince himself that you didn't know all the while sniff, sigh suspecting you did . My heart fucking breaks for him! Meanwhile the last 4 months before he fucked up the text? "Can't wait to be inside you. Again ." No sorrow then.

Get in with your friends and daughter, get the important stuff and maybe even the less important stuff, get out, and drink wine. Please report back because it does our hearts good to see someone kicking ass!

[This message edited by antlered at 6:24 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)]

He knows I'm not dumb but he wished I had just asked him.

That might be the most insulting thing I've ever read. He wishes you had just asked him?

How about if he had just told you that he was having feelings for someone before it became an affair? How about if he didn't add insult to injury by sleeping with someone you knew, trusted, and interacted with on a regular basis so you wouldn't have to live with that particular additional humiliation? How about if he had shown some integrity and been honest when he realized he "might" be caught? Of all the things he should be wishing for, it SHOULD NOT BE for something YOU had done differently, it SHOULD BE for the MANY THINGS HE should have done differently.

^^^Agreed.

Hope you're ok TOC. Im so glad you've got friends and family there to support you and help.

[This message edited by nme1 at 8:18 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)]

Tearsoflove - You took the words right out of my mouth. It sounds like it is AGAIN all about him and turning it around on TOC. TOC - you have so much integrity and we admire you so much. The less contact with this asshole the better. Hope you have a great break at the spa!

I know you are in pain and crying. Feel your pain and ease into it. We all know what you are going through.

Be kind to yourself and love yourself. It will get better with everyday. Divorce is not easy, especially after betrayal.

We are all sending you our love, good vibes and prayers.

One hour at the time, take your time healing yourself.

Stay no contact....... There is nothing else he can say that can excuse his actions. He would have still be lying and cheating if you had not caught his affair. Still looking you in the eyes telling you he loved you while he slept with another woman.

You probably would have never found out he was leading a double life. Remember to get tested as soon as possible. From now on only worry and take care of yourself. Stay close to your support system. Feel so sad and bad for you.