TOC, wow, that letter sounds so false - there isn't actually any shame there at all; its more like he's bravely standing there with jaw jut out, declaring in his heart he always loved you... But here's the thing:
Someone who truly loves someone would puke at the thought of fucking a convenient twat. Its about the respect one is supposed to feel for their lover; its about desiring to celebrate their lover every single day.
I've tried to edit down this post because I know I am triggering alot reading about your situ and from reading your WS's crocodile tears on the page type of email.
But honey, they usually affair down. Maybe your girlfriend is right, that men need to be needed, but the assholes among them also get a little bit emasculated by a strong confident woman - which was exactly what they signed up for when they married, but go figure. You're a smart, professional woman, obviously managing significant job responsibilities, on the go for international work ( and yes, I know from experience its not all its cracked up to be, but from the outside its enviable). We know that you are confident, and its clear that who you are overall is well loved and valued by your friends and family. And your WS probably appeared to admire all of that - maybe even bragged a bit to his friends.
Yeah, mine did that too.
PuppyWalker is a loser. Yeah yeah, she started a business - doing the only thing she is obviously capable of. She's a single mom so there is some experience she had of having a relationship breakdown, and so she knows of that sadness - yet felt nothing about setting you up to feel that pain. She knew you personally; in these past four months that she's welcomed WS "in" her she has seen you, talked to you, KNOWN what she was doing to you... you think she wasn't walking away from each encounter with a smartass little cat-got-the-cream grin? You know, that despite all you are, she must be something if she got WS? This wasn't a situ where OW could be led on to think WS was unhappy in his marriage, blah blah blah.
I apologize if this is coming out hard but it is another aspect of this whole shitstorm, and you are now thinking about her because you found out who she was. Yes WS is TOTALLY responsible for his smug self-satisfaction that he could have a mistress. But PuppyWalker is a different kind of evil.
There are a lot of people here who will say that we shouldn't focus on the OW, that it is our WS's who hold all the responsibility/fault. I'm not one of them, but thats because I had the added blessing/curse of knowing how the OW in my nightmare rather enjoyed how she was screwing me while she was screwing my WS. Given that, I guess you could say I have a bias about this, but Puppy Walker's own "why" might have been that she got some kick out of getting one over on you. It sucks to think that a woman could do this to another woman, but we know that they exist and that they do.
Both WS and PuppyWalker didn't get "caught up in the emotion" -- the scum knew exactly what they were doing on every level.
I am so very sorry that you had to experience this all, but as I've written before, you are my absolute hero. I should have done *exactly* what you did, and because I didnt, I'm paying a price. TOC, you are amazing, and even if you can't see it now, just accept that all the praise your friends, family, and all your brother and sister on SI are heaping upon you is absolutely well deserved. You know who you are -- and by cracky, you are reminding WS, who obviously forgot all he ever knew about the prize he once had.