TimelessLoss, those were hilarious.
TOC, so far you have the moral high ground. Remember how the best revenge is living well? Upon finding out you immediately found resources, called in friends (like, Lawyer offers free? You are obviously a good, valued friend), and then started talking about it here.
Oh, then you dithered about where to take an extended vacation.
And then you moved out in essentially 24 hours and found an excellent 'cottage'. With your beloved Dog.
Just after doing excellent work for the company that employs you.
You, TOC, you have it together. You are living well, the best revenge.
What did she do? Well, she either walked dogs or took unpaid time off. Probably not time off to check out her retirement plan, you know?
TOC, you are an achiever. You have achieved. One good thing about good achievers is that they don't step on the little guys. Revenge often feels really, really good -but- it can diminish us.
I'm not arguing no consequences. What I am suggesting is that you don't lash out in anger. Yes, you could destroy her business. If you merely tell people that your H cheated with her that might very well have the same effect while just being truthful. And, it may not. No telling. You might want to google up the stress-relieving breathing exercises associated with "mindfulness" and being "in the moment". ( No, still not the Billie Piper "The Moment". )
The thing is, people who make a habit of making bad decisions have a habit of screwing up their own lives, all by themselves, as a result of their bad decisions.
This woman doesn't sound like she's good friend material for anyone, really. She lacks empathy, she's selfish, and the list goes on. That's what it takes to make a conscious decision to cheat. Sure, she's reworked it in her own head so that she's not doing anything wrong because that's what people do, justify and rationalize, and so now she lacks self-awareness, too.
In an odd way, she's actually done you a favor. She's shown you who your H really is, how he really acts, what his values are. They're incompatible with yours. He's the one who has really done you harm because, if he were the man he presented, she could strip naked in front of him and he'd give her a covering and ask if she was okay.
You, TOC, you get to go on and have a great life. Mourn, grieve, the death (actually the never-existence) of the man that you thought that you were married to. Then put them both out of your life and mind because they have no right, not any more, to be a part of your life.
Anyway, think about it. Don't lash out in anger, you can do so much by just being truthful.
And on your next wonderful vacation don't give either of them a passing thought.
[This message edited by devotedman at 8:24 AM, October 5th, 2016 (Wednesday)]