SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I never though WW would ever do that.. considering how she hated her father for doing that to her mother and saw what her mother and her siblings go through.. she was always sympathetic to betrayed spouses..

on top of that, I had her on a pedestal and thought she was "the one", the one in a million..

Yea, well.. I was wrong.

This would be a huge understatement for me. Never even contemplated it.

My wife was one of those people that no one on the planet would suspect. I remember people being shocked if she even swore.

Her betrayal of me is, as far as I know, the only time in her life she's ever done anything wrong.

Most people that know her wouldn't believe, even if I showed them a video of it.

*#%#!!

My wife also falls into the who would have thought category. She was pretty enough and like to have fun, but never ever let any guy that I know have cross any boundaries.

What was awful that for 5 years I had to hear how lucky I was to have her, and when the topic of infidelity would come up, I had to hear that "at least that isn't something your would ever have to deal with" I would literally go into a rabbit hole for days and not be able to speak with her for fear I would lose my cool and start with the cruel comments again.

When it came out when we separated, everyone ws shocked. They still are.

I remember falling to the floor in a hotel room 1100 miles from home when OW called to inform me about their LTA. Never in a million years would I have thought he would do that. We were both BS's from out first marriages and had talked many times about how our WS's had other options.

Needless to say looking back now I can see the "red flags" that I failed to recognize when they were happening. When questioned about his depressive mood and such, it was always about his job and the changes they were making going from union to non-union and people losing their jobs after 30+yrs. It seemed legit to me and I supported him and told him not to worry about it that we would just figure it out. He even used his job as an excuse for why he cheated, along with me and my disability of course. I thought I had married the love of my life.

I now have a SO, but I will never trust someone like that again. I have discussed it with SO and he gets it to a certain degree, but since he has never cheated or been cheated on he doesn't understand totally where my mistrust comes from. I don't voice jealousy or any of that, but my finances are a different matter. After two XWH's I hold enough scars where my finances are concerned.

My wh was/is a professing Christian. Our church friends were stunned to find out what he'd been up to.

This reminds me when a stranger stopped me in the streets asking if he can pet my dog and asked if he bites.

I told him...they all bite, but mine is so sweet and I am sure he wont mind if you pet him....and BOOM, my dog nipped his fingers right when I had finished praising him.

I learned that if it has teeth it can bite.

Absolutely! EVERYONE says how devoted my husband is, how he adores me, what a caring, sensitive guy he is. And the truth is, he DID/DOES adore me --- as a WIFE. Somehow my WH thought successful men have mistresses, and so off he went with a 26 year old, adventures trips and all. For someone who thought we had an "egalitarian" marriage, this sordid aspect is very painful to me. After 35 years of marriage, it was the last thing I expected him to do.

So, I don't think there's a "cheater gene", but I do believe all marriages are at risk of affairs. In my case, I don't think there was much I could have done to prevent the affair, but plenty my husband failed to do. Now, he realizes the enormity of what he did and is working overtime to get things right between us.

---

Wishing all of you the best in your paths, these awful paths we were thrown onto, which we didn't even know existed.

---

Me: BS 57

WH 58

OW 26(!)

Married 35 years, my only

Two DSs, who know, ages 25 and 28

DD1 Oct 18, 2016 - Told me he had gone to a massage parlor

DD2 Nov 19, 2016 Real story confessed, an 8 month EA + PA Dec '15-July '16

In R - Both working 200% - My WH is remorseful and doing everything possible, and there are fewer WTF? moments.

[This message edited by hurtbutresilient at 6:35 PM, June 12th (Monday)]

I thought WW would never cheat. This was WW's second marriage and my first. Both of us came from broken homes. Both our parents married young. We didn't get married until we were in our early thirties. Lastly, WW parents D due to her dad's A and saw what it did to the family and kids. I guess she didn't learn a thing.

Omg ME! I thought he was so mature and above all that. Plus, he treated me like gold each time... I'll never understand. How can you look at someone and say I love you and then go cheat on them an hour later?

I just could never hurt someone so badly... believe me, I wanted to cheat on him so bad after I found out. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

But when he was with me, he was always doting and kind. I was his "wife" and she was his slut.

My H was one of those, I had a few dreams he cheated on me and when I would talk to my friends about the dreams, they'd be like "no he adores you, he would never do that".

Nobody including me, thought he would do such a thing.

I would have defended him to my death had I not uncovered the evidence myself.

Loving partner, best friend, happy marriage, good dad, devoted Christian. NO one would probably even believe me if I told them he did those digusting ONS's.

The shock is one of the hardest things to get over with this whole thing. The shock. I would have rated my marriage at an 8 1/2 before Dday.

We rarely fought, had fun together, raised our kids as partners. Loved having our "coffee morning" on Saturday date.

Yes, I saw him with depression, becoming increasingly cold and distant but I thought it was work stress, gave him the benefit of the doubt. Tried to support him, take care of him.

THIS is my life too. My best friends saw the signs in our marriage, but I kept defending him that he would NEVER do something to hurt me because he loves me too much. He may still love me, but that didn't stop him from hurting me.

I thought WW would never cheat. This was WW's second marriage and my first. Both of us came from broken homes. Both our parents married young. We didn't get married until we were in our early thirties. Lastly, WW parents D due to her dad's A and saw what it did to the family and kids. I guess she didn't learn a thing.

It doesn't matter. Both of our parents have been married 50+ years. They were great role models for both of us. But my husband still felt the need to have ONSs - with several filthy prostitutes. There's something beyond nurture that triggers the deceptions.

Oh boy. It took him six dates to even kiss me. Talk about shy.

He was in three affairs at the same time over a two year period. I cannot tell you how shocked I was.

He wasn't the greatest husband but I always thought well at least he didn't cheat because I had been cheated on before.

I talked to one of his whores and when she said it had been two YEARS I literally screamed two YEARS?!?!

Nice of him to start doing this less than 9 months after our son died. Sometimes I literally hate him.

I have a hard time determining why I was so shocked by my wife's first affair. I was just as shocked to discover the 3 additional affairs and the lies and secrets that went back to the first one. From the beginning of her first affair to the last dday spans 25+ years. The reason why I can't figure out why I was shocked is that she had already had at least one sexual affair during her first marriage and she was having an affair with me when we first got together, also during that marriage as well. How was I able to convince myself marrying her was a good idea I'll never understand and I'm having a lot of trouble forgiving myself for being so stupid and making that decision.

ME! I felt loved and cared for. I too said "he has too much to loose" Never thought he had it in him, never thought his sex drive could make it out the damn driveway! Boy was I wrong! Three years on dating sites, his face plastered everywhere looking a "skinny girl who isn't afraid to get a little freaky" its been 14 months and it still makes me sick!

I thought I'd found a trustworthy man. We had both been cheated on in other relationships and both said it was somethg we couldn't do. I told people he was the nicest man I'd ever met. I completely trusted him. My friends thought he was too and thought he was one of the few that would never do such a thing. Like somebody else said on this forum, me and my bf both think if he would cheat, is anybody faithful anymore. He totally rocked my world and what I thought was reality. It's changed me forever. I'll never trust anyone again ever. It's been two years and I'm not recovered. I found this site because I keep having flashbacks and am not dealing well.

I most definitely thought WH would never cheat. Let's see:

Straight A student

Accomplished athlete in high school

Stellar member of our church

Church deacon and Sunday School teacher

Adopted a child from a foreign country

Apple of his parents eye

Loved and adored by children and older people

To this day, his parents do not know. It would truly devastate them and they are not in the best of health. So, I still hear how wonderful and perfect he is. Wonder if they will ever notice that i no longer agree? I, too, put him on a pedestal and I shouldn't have. It's a long fall onto hard ground from way up there. And he took me out on his way down .

Definitely me! We always talked about cheating as we had some family members that had experienced infidelity. We both talked about how awful it was and he knew it was my "deal breaker"!!

His time was always accounted for-never thought in a million years he would ever cheat on me! I would have sworn on my children's lives that he was not an adulterer. Good thing I didn't do that as he proved me wrong!

That's still the hardest part for me to process! I cant get over the fact that he did this knowing how i felt about cheating. There are days that I'm so mad at him i can hardly look at him.

Hmmm

Well, I based who he was on who he SAID he was. I was dumb enough to believe that.

I don't think anyone ever thought he was not a cheater.

I smashed the rose colored glasses and left. Once you peek over the top, well there's no unseeing that mess.

I never told my parents or his family. My mom wouldn't be able to be same around him I know it so I kept it secret. Only my bf knows. I didn't feel like it was my place to tell his family.

I'm not glad you'll went through it but I'm glad not to feel alone. To be understood is powerful