SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yup, I got one...her family all thought I was going to start running around as soon as we had kids because I wasn't "raised in the church".

She didn't even wait until after she had kids the first time, go figure.

Even one of his closest friends told me years ago that my H doesn't cheat. Well, he didn't until he married me. The ironic part is that I am the only decent woman he has been with and the only one who his mother has not called trash and I am the only one he cheated on.

I never thought dh would cheat. Others did. He was a flirt. While it bothered me to no end, I bought his story that he was just friendly. Others saw him for what he is. How sad. I loved him so much that I used to say stupid things like "he is just a nice guy. He is friendly, so if you want to say he flirts with women, he flirts with men, too then, because he is friendly with them." I remember my friends' faces looked like they were thinking "what is wrong with her?"

It's called denial, ladies and gentleman. I bought the t-shirt.

Never. Never in a million years. He just wasn't the type. He's the one who has always been the "nice guy." From high school on. We were each other's first and only. I never had a reason to doubt him.

I now feel like an idiot. I can't believe I trusted him so blindly. I guess it's because I was living honestly. Never again will I trust blindly. Never.

I am still blown away that he actually cheated. Everyone knows what a good guy he is. I am devastated and he gets to continue being the "good guy." I always thought of us as one of the more solid couples amongst our friends. Now I see us as the most fragile. It hurts.

Everyone we knew always said, "I can tell that your husband is so in love with you!" And I believed them. I thought so, too. Sure, there were things about him that nagged at me. His familiarity with women... I attributed that to his having 3 sisters. He was just more comfortable talking to women than most men. Right. Then, there was the way he viewed women: Definitely as objects. Critiqued their bodies and was very disgusted if they got fat or "let themselves go." I was always super self conscious because of it, and I made sure I did everything I could do to keep myself up. He always told me I was beautiful. Even when I was chubbier after having babies, but it was tough to believe him after hearing him talk about other women that way. His daily porn habit. These were red flags that I managed to explain away. I shouldn't have. I just truly believed that he was so in love with me. Ugh. I feel like a moron.

My husband is a champion for the poor, community and church leader. Admired by all for his calm and clear head in the face of conflict. Always sage and in control of himself. Who'd have guessed that in public he was all pious and in secret with it, his sexting would put the most seasoned prostitute to shame. The lies told to keep the lurv alive with it.. pulease . Liar, cheat, thief of innocence and dreams..He was someone I don't recognise

The same as Pickupthepieces, my H was the shy type never spoke a lot to people he didnt know. He got a job in emergency services and became the Knight in shining armor. His confidence grew, and so did the size of his head. All the way through the LTA he never faltered infront of people showed everyone he was still the great guy always carried all the shopping bags, always by my side when we were out. People still think that because they dont know what he has done. There you go people things arent always as they seem.

*raises hand and waves*

Me! I never, ever thought it would happen. One of the reasons I was initially attracted to him was his adherence to strong personal integrity to do the right thing, even at his own personal expense (saw this happen many times). I used to talk to friends so confidently about how much trust we had and I never had to worry about him straying. He was always in communication with me, with us (family) for every holiday, never missed sending flowers for special occasions, we had a great sex life and regular date nights, he never went out with "friends just me, and so on. He was also very active in church. I felt blessed to have found such a great man to share my life with!

Except it was all a facade. The mask finally slipped after 20 years and I saw the real him. I was blindsided and devastated, and I felt completely humiliated. He was a cheating POS almost our entire marriage (could actually be the entire M, for all I know or care).

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 4:09 PM, June 11th (Sunday)]

She never even noticed when guys were *checking her out*. She couldn't tolerate even *white lies*. Exaggeration made her uncomfortable. She even taught ethics at the facility she worked for.

Go figure.

I certainly did! Long term marriage, many thought a great marriage, Happy family...cheating for most if not all of the marriage with men.

Church going woman, involved with church related activities, etc. Did it with another member in 'good' standing. Where were their 'Christen' values?

Not only did I not think he was capable of his evil ways, but everyone who ever knew him thought the same. It was the image he portrayed so wonderfully well. And because of his believable pedestal status, no one and I mean no one, would believe what I would tell them about what was happening to him and our marriage. It took 5 years of me thinking/being told I was crazy before he finally showed his true self to the world.

The ones you think would "never" are the ones who cause an insidious amount of cruel damage.

In my case I think I deep down knew he had strong cheater potential. I chose to put those blinders on and told myself not to judge until something actually happened.

I think most of the BS's on SI have a bad picker, especially me. I chose to see what I wanted to see, and ignored what I should have been focusing on.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 6:21 PM, June 11th (Sunday)]

Gosh, I wish I never read all the responses. I was just starting to think I was being paranoid for thinking there would be more to find out as he has been so devoted all these yrs, great father, good sex life, talk all the time, never goes out but now I wonder if he does lead a double life at work. ugh. This was not a thread to read when thinking of truly reconciling........

^^^^ I agree. I'm not thinking of R, but of ever being able to trust ANYONE again. This post is terrifying!

Never ever ever in a million years.

I now believe everyone has the potential to cheat, given the right circumstances.

WH got away with it for 7 months, part of the reason being whenever he was late or there was a red flag I always put the thought out of my head because he wouldn't do that to me, to us. He wasn't that kind of person

It certainly opens ups ones eyes.

I often think about the poor BS that don't even know that they are. I am in no doubt at all there are thousands out there.

Everyone, including my family and best friend, were completely shocked. My best friend's husband cheated on her when we were young and my husband and I helped her through the pain and the divorce. My husband thought hers was a douchebag and she always told me how lucky I was to have such a devoted man who would never do anything to hurt me. My father was astounded that a man who seemed to "worship the ground you walk on" could do this. My sister kept saying "No, not him. He wouldn't do that."

I had friends actually say "Wow, him? I always thought if someone cheated it would be you."

My husband had a vasectomy that failed and people in my own family asked me if I cheated. Mind you, I cannot look you in the eye and lie. But maybe that's half the problem. My husband can and maybe that's what makes him so believable.

So, yeah, I had that spouse. I still have that spouse. If he cheated a third time, they'd all be just as shocked as they were the first two. I'm the only one who would be devastated but not surprised.

Yes indeed. Got the T shirt, the membership card and the perfect husband action with the Kung Fu grip. It is blood boiling becuase we are in R. SO everyone thinks is he soooo sweet and perfect. If they only knew...

I'm sorry Impacted and Shea!

I know how hard it is to read this...

My picker is completely broken and I have no clue how to pick a good one if even the ones that seem like they would NEVER do that, DO.

I agree everyone has the potential under the right circumstances. For some it as simple as opportunity and for others it may take a lot of factors to come into play.

My WH had very poor boundaries in many other aspects of his life: Drank too much and too often with little ability to stop, would at times eat almost excessively, had no problem stealing odd items from work that he would never get caught doing - nothing big but things like pens, post its, etc....Just seemed to have poor willpower. This is why I deep down suspected he would if given the chance.

But on the other hand he never ever went out with his friends, worked solely with men and was home every single day at the same time on the dot. It seemed like he had neither the opportunity nor the drive to get out and meet other women. He is also very introverted and doesn't enjoy small talk with anyone. We also had all the things that make a marriage great: Great frequent sex, best friends, had so much fun together, lots of communication and very rarely fought.

I think it is very true that it signifies deep issues within THEM.

I truly never thought he would. This time last year, I would have sworn on my own life he could never cheat. We both had crappy childhoods. We both wanted to build the family for ourselves and our children that we never had. Then low and behold I found out he not only cheated once during our marriage, but twice. The 1st time was in 2006, and then he was neck deep in an A this time last year..I found out about both from OW#2.. I really never saw it coming....