SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would like to view a Hallmark TV show from March, 1953, called The Accused, starring Sarah Churchhill.

Any advice about how I might find out how to go about locating it? I've tried everything I can think of but have had no luck.

Did a few Google searches and found nothing. Sorry.

So LJ

With all this light hearted conversation firmly established, would it be in order for me to ask, so how are you doing?

How am I doing? I don't know. The show I'm working on is getting somewhat stressful, which is requiring me to spend more time and energy on that than my personal life right now.

Otherwise, Thanksgiving is coming up. Every year since we moved to Los Angeles, WW and I would always go to our friend's house for dinner-- he has a big event with 30 or 40 people in attendance. WW asked me what she should do this year and I basically told her that they're her friends too, and she has as much right to be there as I do. So, looks like we'll both be attending that, I guess. It'll be our first time being out in public together since she told me all the details of the affair.

I'm not nervous about spending a holiday with her, really. Since it's such a large gathering, it'll be fairly easy to work the room and engage with other people all day.

Sounds good.

A man, and his plan.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 12:11 PM, November 21st (Tuesday)]

"'VH1s Most Depressing Show' for the 3rd year in a row"

Hey LJ

Thanks for the update.

I would like to share some of my own experience again. Consider only what might be applicable in your circumstances, if any.

The first public outing together has a dangerously high potential for unforeseen triggers. Our first time out was to an evening school function. Straight after DDay, one if the consequences I enforced was not attending any outside function together so up to that point all functions had been only the one of us.

So there you have XWW and I standing awkwardly next to each other. The first person coming up to us bellows, "it is so great to see the 2 of you together. Wife and I had not seen you two together for do long we were beginning to think that there was trouble in the marriage."

The next twit comes up from behind, places an arm around each of us and pulls us together. Forcing physical contact that I had avoided completely to that point and goes on with, "Always so great to see a good couple together."

Have no clue what your friend group is or what the atmosphere of the party will be but I can imagine if XWW and I were at a party in our third year of marriage at a party, some well intentioned twit would always ask, "So 3 years married, when are the kids coming then?". We had no intention of ever having kids. Took 9 years for XWW's body clock to kick in and each year for 9 years we would hear that same refrain.

After a while we got it down pat. XWW would get all tearful and I would say in a hushed tone, "we have been trying for 5 years now, maybe this year we will finally be blessed. "

The most awful was at some community forum where each couple were asked to share what they were thankful for in their marriage. What was I supposedto say, "I am thankful that she is no longer banging another man? "

Fortunately I had my 2PP, and I will always be thankful for them.

These darn things sneak up on you and ambush you when you least expect them. Also you can try and anticipate some and think of a response strategy, but you will never anticipate them all.

Best just to know that they will be there and be ready with your A game.

Obviously, if your feelings for XWW might be coming back, then this sort of thing allows you to experience some of the getting closer without you having to try to work at it.

Hope some of this is helpful.

In a party that size it should be fairly easy to not be next to her if you don't want to. Just keep mingling and every once in a while return to the WW for a few minutes.

Hang out by the pool or the grill with the other guys.

Show up late and leave early...

T/j

Ohfor,

You always offer thoughtful, intelligent advice.

You missed your calling.

"If you can't respect yourself for even thinking about reconciliation, then what does that say about what you really think of me?"

I'm curious - do you ever answer this question? After all, it's the key to everything. If you will not accept a wife who had sex with other men and you can never look at her for long without the word "slut" entering your mind then stop this crap and divorce her. Maybe she deserves the kind of punishment you are dishing out to her but not forever.

Personally, I believe you have no intention of making a decision regarding D or R. It feels good right now to have her treat you like the most important thing in her world while you treat her like a disgusting whore. I understand this. My warning is that this is not going to last - she won't eat shit forever. Also, a man can become accustomed to being the injured, righteous party in a relationship and get himself stuck there. It's time to break free dude. Either commit to trying to reconcile complete with IC, MC, and giving her a chance to earn your forgiveness or end this thing. In reality, you are punishing both of you and I think you guys have paid enough.

No one says you have to attend the friend's party together or even arrive at the same time.

I would go single and let her make her own plans.

Lux, you don't have to rush anything. You don't owe anyone here anything and you certainly don't have to follow a specific timeline. You didn't ask for this life changing event to happen to you. You continue working with your IC and make a determination of R or D when you are ready. There is no harm in taking the necessary time to process and figure things out. You're not punishing anyone by working through this shit sandwich.

Also, since they are her friends as well as yours, I think it says a lot about you and your character that you shared with her that you feel that she has a right to be present, especially since neither of you has local family.

You have mentioned in several posts that things are really heating up for you at work and that is occupying a lot of your energy and time right now. What you need when you come to SI is support and objective advice, not to be pressured into a decision that's yours and yours alone to make.

Hey LJ

We seem to still have a bit of this parallel thing going with our experiences of infidelity.

I had to have a social engagement with XWW on Wednesday evening and then you had to do the Thanksgiving thing on Thursday.

Mine went considerably better for me than I could ever have anticipated. Am hoping that the parallel thing holds and that it went as well for you.

Sorry

I have a question

Did she invite her AP in your house and had sex with him

and

are you still living in the same house???

To be Honest I Just Can't live in that house

thats why i left.

Hey Lux,

More of an operational question. Given the timelines that are in place have you done any planning, logistically, either way? Living arrangements, health care, division of assets, etc

And favorable post-nup, should you decide to R?

I had to have a social engagement with XWW on Wednesday evening and then you had to do the Thanksgiving thing on Thursday.

Mine went considerably better for me than I could ever have anticipated. Am hoping that the parallel thing holds and that it went as well for you

It went fine. I spoke with her for part of the day, and worked the room for the rest. Honestly I don't have real issues being around her-- I don't fill with rage anymore or anything like that. But when it comes to parties and at public functions, I'd just rather not spend our time together because people then tend to address us as a unit and ask things like, "So, how are things with you two?" and what am I supposed to say to that, you know?

Did she invite her AP in your house and had sex with him

and

are you still living in the same house???

To be Honest I Just Can't live in that house

Cool, thanks for the reminder.

Given the timelines that are in place have you done any planning, logistically, either way? Living arrangements, health care, division of assets, etc

ugh, no. And I know I should. I just dread it all. It's going to be such a bitch figuring out the moving and the selling of the house and splitting joint assets... You see, I'm the kind of person who copes with an uncomfortable task by exercising total avoidance until I eventually reach the moment where it's impossible to ignore any longer. I guess I'm doing that with this, too.

Let me ask, and be honest:

Have you occasionally entertained the notion of R, even minimally?

Let me ask, and be honest:

Have you occasionally entertained the notion of R, even minimally?

Yeah, I've thought about it. And here's the thing:

WW and I can get along fine. We communicate better now. And she's working very hard on getting to the bottom of her issues and making changes. I am impressed with her progress. I like her.

But.

I don't see how I could ever live forever with and take a real shot at reconciliation with a woman who betrayed me so completely. I just don't. It feels ludicrous to even think about.

You see, I'm the kind of person who copes with an uncomfortable task by exercising total avoidance until I eventually reach the moment where it's impossible to ignore any longer. I guess I'm doing that with this, too.

I understand that completely. I've stayed in a job that I hated for months before finally taking the action to get a new job. I've been putting off buying a new car for almost a year now. And I do that with my taxes every single year.

I think you've decided to end it. But you are just putting off the very difficult task of officially ending the marriage. Very understandable.

Lux,

I completely understand. I, and so many others, have been there.

You should form at least a general understanding of how the assets will be split, and have a full understanding of your health care options. These things shouldn't be in limbo.