I haven't been here in awhile but feel this is where I need to be right now. I posted my story pages back and in other places. My WH had an affair with ex gf/body buddy for 16 plus years, 16 fing years!!!!!! Although they say they didn't get together for sex the whole time that doesn't help. There was sex as well as emails, talking, sexting, communication throughout all those years often enough.
Once the affair started my WH started distancing. He worked out of town for years and although I went with him as often as possible, he seemed different, not as loving and cruel at times. My first marriage was to a cheater so when I questioned WH it was easy to blame that as MY problem. I worked hard on trust to WH and I never thought he would hurt me in that way. He knew how much I had been thru. I did start asking if there was someone else, I even asked about her, instinct? He always answered with "how could you think something so awful of me, whats wrong with you" or things along that line. So, I blamed myself for years. Obviously it was me that had issues, everyone thought WH adored me. For fing years I blamed myself. I knew something was wrong but he was a good, honest man that would never intentionally hurt me. Like some of you, cruel things were said along the way, some of them came out of my mouth.
I am so damn hurt and so damn angry. For years I felt confused, like maybe I was crazy, like of course he would have issues with me, I am damaged. He encouraged that thinking.The thing is, I was happy after my divorce. I loved my kids, my home, my job. I never intended to remarry. Then I met WH and he rocked my world. I moved accross the state for his job, I had the third back surgery, had a baby and two teenagers. I tried to make us a new home and he was sent back to where we came from for work. He then started his affair with MOW. He became distant, more short with me, would get angry with my weekend chore list.
I am not ok right now. I was in shock till January when my body just collapsed. Months of shaking, high BP, throwing up, passing out from throwing up and my body gave out. I am quite small now. I just could not fathom how knowing my past, he could hurt me for so many years and watch me struggle. I go to IC, sometimes MC, do yoga, massage, acupuncture and try to stay positive but lately I am losing that.
Early on, I texted with MOW, I was looking for truth. That was a huge mistake, she gave me some truth but I also got to see what a self centered, lying, vapid bitch she was. It also gave her the opportunity to block contact with her husband.
I read a lot of pain here and I am sorry for anyone going thru the hell of an LTA. I can't say that a ONS doesn't hurt but for me, there is a special pain of knowing that the person I trusted and supported for years could so easily lie to my face for years.
MailibuBayBreeze, I so hear you right now and hope you have support. My mom had dementia and that is another kind of hell. Huge hugs to you.
Sorry to ramble on. Right now I feel like typing curse words until I knock myself out.