SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Casey's Mom,

I, too, know the heartache of watching a child have to deal with this mess. In my case, I told my SIL shortly after the wedding, if he EVER put my DD through the living hell her father put me through, I would hunt him to the end's of the earth, cut off his balls and hand them to him on a silver platter.

When it actually happened, he was a remorseful WS, and came to us and was very forthcoming and seeking guidance. That was 8 years ago and I'm happy to say they are happily R'ed.

I'm glad Casey has you and your H to be a guiding light through this devastation. He will possibly make choices that you may disagree with, but in the end, he knows you have his back. He sounds like a very grounded young man and He will find happiness again.

Casey’s mom please take personal information out. It helps preserve anonymity.

Casey's Mom is my new favorite poster in the history of SI. Sorry SpaceGhost007, I'm sure that you will understand :)

@PricklePatch I thought I did, what was my error? and how Can I edit? Casey mentioned he already regrets using that name when he registered, he said he could change it but it costs $$, which I then offered to pay but he pointed out the numerous posts in the thread already call him by name anyway. We both agreed that the story is pretty obviously unique so he is screwed if WW DIL finds it. I’m pretty sure because she’s too busy wrecking her own life, and setting up house for when AP gets home from Kuwait, that she’s not surfing the web for sites like SI. So we don’t know what to do but cross our fingers and Casey needs to move swiftly. And as for the money, I still intend on sending in a donation to SI to help it keep doing the good work. And my final thought, thanks for the sweet and thoughtful compliments, it has been heartwarming to my bruised heart I wish you all the happiest holiday possible ☺️

Casey,

Your mother added perspective.

Not to offend, but your ww sounds like a fog-addled loser when compared to your integrity.

Your ww clearly 'affaired down' by getting involved with a run-of-the-mill military gigolo.

You're a young guy with purpose.

Bite the emotional bullet and dump her.

@Sharkman Aww, thanks! You’re comments have been standout to me too! I LOL when you said “Casey, you ass kicker! “ Laughing once in awhile is so therapeutic! Thanks also goes to “shit sandwich, darn thought you’d eat” and all the “rainbowy unicorn farts” and my favorite: “standing ovation, Casey, standing ovation”

Best regards to all you guys 💗 Thanks, Friends, I feel so much better already

ConcernedParent, to edit one of your posts, look in the upper right corner of the post and you will see what looks to be a piece of paper and a pen. Click on that and you will be taken into the post in the EDIT mode.

And yes, you AND your son rock!

ConcernedParent,

I've been so impressed with Casy since his first post. Even in one of the worst situations he has remained confident in himself and the marriage he had. He does a great job weighing the advice, not taking offense, and making a judgment call on what works. You've done a great job raising him.

I've got three boys... It's got to be so hard seeing your son suffer like this. I think you are doing a great job handling it. If they reconcile she is going to have to do a lot of work on herself. She will have to earn both your trust and your Sons trust and be truly remorseful. From what I've seen of Casy I doubt very much he would just let her back with an apology. By the time she has done the work and he is ready/willing to forgive you will be too.

What can you do to help him? Just what you are doing. Be there for him. Allow him to do most of the talking even if it's just to vent. Watch DD if he needs you. Come up with some fun thing for the three of you to do together...

I've got to agree with taking a step back with exposing/angering DIL right now. I'll feel better when she is out of the house. Once she is out it will make the divorce go much more smoothly...it will also make it harder for her to flop back and fourth between OM and Casy. She will have to earn her way back into the house and into the marriage... and maybe learn how lucky she was to have a man like him in the first place.

The posters that talk about removing too specific of information are talking about things like what school he goes to. You might have changed the first mention but its still there. Try to keep things general.

[This message edited by Freeme at 3:39 PM, December 2nd (Saturday)]

Wow Casey, your mom is like mine... she's an ass kicker too!

CaseyA,

I want you to try this exercise:

Based on what has already happened then what is it you want?

Based on REALITY – if you could control the events over the next week – then what would be your ideal situation? Be REAL. You can’t want that the affair never happened because it happened. But one week from now – one month – one year… Where do you want to be?

(1) With your wife in reconciliation?

(2) Without your wife and divorced/divorcing in an amicable way?

(3) Without your wife and divorced/divorcing and to h@ll with her?

We can’t offer any advice that guarantees you can get what you want, but the advice offered can focus on increasing your odds on any of the three options.

Honestly CaseyA – I think a lot of what has been suggested isn’t going to work unless the third option is what you want. Personally, I would think that if you want to divorce you would want it over with ASAP so you can start your personal recovery. Of the three options then it’s MY view that 1 and 2 are perfectly acceptable, but if it’s nr. 3 you want then the BTW-gang have you covered (Burn-the-witch gang – a group of people that think every situation is the worst ever posted here, think no wayward spouse can be changed and that a bloody, violent divorce is the only correct path out).

I could list some things you have mentioned that have been supported by some here that are IMHO not realistic:

OM and the military. I stand by that the military won’t prosecute OM, especially if he is single/separated and neither you nor your wife military.

Your WW job being threatened. Your mom mentioned a law-education. Go research.

Sole custody. Unless you wife has a documented history of child-abuse, alcoholism, drug-use, mental illness then it’s not going to happen unless she voluntarily accepts not having joint custody. You can go for prime custody, but sole… no… Once again use your legal education.

CaseyA (and mom): Deal with what you are dealing with from reality. Set a goal, let us know what you want and we CAN guide you on a path that is likely to get you there.

I agree with Sharkman. Casey and his mom seem like world class people and I have all the confidence in the world that they will come out on top

Mom!!!! Every guys best friend

Bigger very insightful post and Casey should certainly ponder on it.

One thing however (in regards to your comment) about the military.

They may not be able to prosecute the OM, but let me tell you, I never served in the military, but some of my closest friends have (and have been for 30+yrs), and one thing they will all say to me is this guy's actions (messing around with a married woman with a young child) goes against EVERYTHING they believe in.

Also, for the most part, these men look up to their leaders (as well as the other men in their platoon/unit) and DEFINITELY care what they think about them and I know for a fact NONE of them would think very highly of a guy (in the military or not) who's messing around on his wife or girlfriend (ESPECIALLY with a woman who's married and with kids).

Can't prosecute him but they can damn well tell him "it ends and it ends IMMEDIATELY".

The military takes adultery VERY seriously and you can be court-martialed for it under article 134. I would go after this POS with all guns blazing

The WW sounds like a toxic, immoral snake with no principles or integrity, only a selfish desire to fill her most primitive animal needs. No depth of character, empathy or capacity to love IMO. It's all about her, even when she knows she is the monster. Casey seems to have a hell of a lot going for him and he clearly "married down", so I hope that he finds someone decent long before his WW comes running back to him, as we all know she will. It will make it that much easier for him to tell her to FO

Hey everyone, just checking in. Yes, my mom is awesome. Love you, Mom So I have some updates... first, I received a call today from an attorney, saying my wife has retained the attorney's services. The attorney told me that I should "cease and desist" from doing anything that negatively affects WW's job. I called my wife immediately, and said she is unleashing the potential for a lot of ugliness, and she should seriously rethink. She said she feels attacked and threatened and thinks we are getting her fired, so she felt the need to protect herself. I told her I just want to move on in peace, and she has already done enough destruction. Let's just preserve the money we do have without letting the attorneys have any, divide it up fairly, and move on in peace and with our 50/50 sharing arrangement for our daughter. We agreed we would meet tonight to talk about our plan for the divorce and walk through the house and decide who gets what.

Tonight, we met and walked through the house and I gave her all of our financial information she will need. We came up with an agreement for the division of assets that we are both comfortable with. Maybe my nice guy side came out too much, but at this point I really don't want attorneys involved, and I Just want to be done with it all. I can see my future more clearly each day, and it does not include WW. I don't want anything to do with her. She is the lowest of low, and there are so many better women out there than her. I don't think R can ever happen, so I want to move forward with my daughter's best interest of having a good, loving relationship with both of her parents. It is probably in my daughter's best interest for my WW and I to not hate each other and bad mouth each other, so I would like to get to that point eventually.

At the same time, I am maintaining the 180, and exposing the truth to whatever parties I think need to know. I found out through the grapevine that the AP believed my wife was already in the middle of a divorce when they started their relationship! She was playing us both, and trying to lead her double life. That doesn't make him less of a scumbag--he still cheated on his girlfriend, but it's interesting perspective into how despicable my wife's actions are.

[This message edited by CaseyA at 12:28 AM, December 3rd (Sunday)]

I believe that’s a lie that he ever thought that she was in the middle of a divorce. It’s their shady plan to excuse him from discipline from the Marines, scrambling because their world is exploding and there are going to consequences for their bad behavior. And how is it possible that an attorney contacted you on a Saturday? They don’t even work as a rule on Saturdays. Pretty fishy

At the same time, I am maintaining the 180, and exposing the truth to whatever parties I think need to know. I found out through the grapevine that the AP believed my wife was already in the middle of a divorce when they started their relationship! She was playing us both, and trying to lead her double life. That doesn't make him less of a scumbag--he still cheated on his girlfriend, but it's interesting perspective into how despicable my wife's actions are.

Cheaters lie a lot.

This is typical

In my unit you could and would be charged for any of the following

- buying a car or POV without permission (after it was discovered a guy was paying 22% interest and price if car was 2x greater than worth)

- getting married without permission. The company co personally met and talked to the woman before granting permission.

-sunburn. Knew a guy who wen to beach, fell asleep, got sunburn, and was charged with destruction of govt property and was convicted (under njp and not a court martial and spent 60 days breaking rocks into pebble's in a correctional custody unit + lost a stripe + half pay for I think 90 days + a crap fitness report.

- adultery. I saw two guys charged for cheating on their wives and a third charged for having sex with the wife of a sailor that went on a med float. All lost stripes. All told to sever contact. One didn't and got charged with violating a direct order and convicted under njp.

- anything told to you by a superior, no matter how gently phrased isn't a suggestion. Its an order. Disobeying a direct order is a big deal. This is the catch all in the military. They can give just about any order they want and unless it is immoral or illegal it is a crime to disobey.

No guarantee the military will do anything. But it can if it wants. Especially if he's a shitbird already and they don't like him.

Wow, sounds like a tough day. You did great... and are being smart. In the end is it really going to matter who got the couch and good chair? No, but it will matter if this simple divorce turns into a full war over a couch and a good chair. Things you can simply replace arn't worth fighting over.

Had to laugh at your Mom's reply to your last post she sounds just like a seasoned SI member.

My guess is that the Legal call came from a friend who may or may not be a lawyer. WW was feeling threatened and reacted. Her world is blowing up around her and she has only her self to blame.

I found out through the grapevine that the AP believed my wife was already in the middle of a divorce when they started their relationship! She was playing us both, and trying to lead her double life. That doesn't make him less of a scumbag--he still cheated on his girlfriend, but it's interesting perspective into how despicable my wife's actions are.

Wow, yea if this is true OM is still a jerk but WW is an even bigger one. I wonder if he knows the truth now (via exgf)? What a way to start a relationship. Knowing that her lies are causing trouble at your job. If she lied about something as important as being married...what else is she capable of... Or, he doesn't know, and will find out through the military.

My view on telling his command is that it's hit or miss. You might as well tell them what happened but don't rely on him getting his due. From what his GF said the military is his life and even a mark on his permanent record could cause him grief. I grew up a military brat and do know that when choosing to promoting people of equal caliber ... their file is thoroughly examined. One small mark could mean the difference between a promotion or not....You get passed over too many times and you are not moving forward. So you may not see immediate results but they are there.

At the same time, I am maintaining the 180, and exposing the truth to whatever parties I think need to know

keep up the good work.

[This message edited by Freeme at 7:56 AM, December 3rd (Sunday)]

you may want to see an attorney anyway. If she has one, she may be up to no good and she may be trying to set you up for something.

Besides, you may want to consult and see because getting a spouse fired can sometimes affect alimony or support, not that I think you are trying to do that.

[This message edited by Western at 6:50 AM, December 3rd (Sunday)]