SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Goes into work a hour before the bus picks him up. I said she can just send him accross the street. She got mad said I needed my sleep. I told her this was the agreement (right of 1st refusal). She got mad and there was awkward silence. I asked if there was anything else and she said no and hung up.

She called back and asked my attorneys name. I gave it to her, its on the stipulation agreement she has so whatever, then she hung up.

Now she text that she wants to talk tonight. I havent text her back.

How do I play this?

Honestly, I don't know that there's anything that needs to be talked about. Kids and finances only.

If, for some reason you do need to talk to her, please have a witness in the home with you as well.

Your WW is heading for a trainwreck of epic proportions. Do your best to protect yourself and the kids...because it is coming.

Bottom line, you are divorcing. The only things left to discuss our custody arrangements and finances. Nothing else has relevance

ETA. practice the phrase, "I'm sorry you feel that way". Use it a lot.

[This message edited by 5454real at 1:53 PM, January 9th (Tuesday)]

Now she text that she wants to talk tonight. I haven't text her back. How do I play this?

Like you're handling a venomous snake. Seriously, man, be very careful. It may not be this conversation, but at some point she will likely try to get back home and have things just like they used to be. The lure of that is almost overwhelming (certainly was for me), but the result almost never gets you out of infidelity. I've been reading your thread and your posts. I would say that, at this moment, you are extremely vulnerable to your WW's guiles.

Be strong.

I agree with livingwiththepain, she is on a one way track to a total train wreck, be very careful and don't lose your cool! She will try to push your buttons because she knows your weaknesses, be strong and just keep it business, you've talked to your attorney and you know what she can and cannot do, don't buy into her threats for custody or financial shit, be calm and do what everyone is saying, lots of calm "I'm sorry you feel that way"

You know there is a time coming where she will want you back, I guarantee it, don't fall into that trap either

"Thanks for agreeing to lettting XXXXX going to a better home. Tonight does not work for me to talk, but you can text me if you want to discuss the kids."

I have no desire to talk to her. I will do kids exchange dresses in slacks and a polo and abruptly leave. She will wonder wtf I have going on before work.

In truth I am going to work out before work. If she come crawling back I got three things to say...

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 10:48 AM, January 14th (Sunday)]

1-You made your choice now live with it

2-I dont trust you and you dont deserve me

3-I dont love you, time for you to leave

Her AP is going to be home for two weeks hence why the new hiccup w/ the 5 year old getting on the bus at 11:45. She didnt say why but his BW text me that he had surgery...on what I dont know or really care.

Rockstar....you're doing great...I can't imagine having to watch this with someone "I used to love". However as you have stated, she is showing her spots....

Anyway one means you can address the "I want to talk" could be, "you now have my attorney's number, unless it is about the kids and only about the kids, speak through him." This should cool the jets on the I want to talk approach.

There is on harm in her knowing that what she has done to the family and more to her kids is as wrong as it could be and now there is no going back.

She's destroyed two families, not just yours.

I am so sorry you're having to go through this but you're doing a very good job dealing with it.

She didnt say why but his BW text me that he had surgery...on what I dont know or really care.

Vaginal rejuvenation

Xhz700....I think I just peed a little!! Lmfao!!

OMG that had me laughing. Any surgery on him should be considered vaginal. He is a huge pussy. Ironic he is like me in some ways except he cant do confrontation, he doesnt take care of himself (grooming), less intelligent and not nearly as well spoken. We got along for a reason, but I do everything better than him. We share likes but there is a reason I never considered him a threat, cause comparison wise he aint. She can have him and he can have her. Good riddance Im moving on.

I am generally not the type to make a joke where female = pejorative, but it just fit so well.

Sorry if anyone is offended <3

Her:Ok. When would you be able to talk? Also when would I be able to get the rest of my stuff? Also half of the boys clothes?

Me:What would u like to talk about?

I can either box it up and leave it on the front step or you can have one of your parents or brother come over if u want to go through it yourself. Let me know a date/time that works for you and I will do my best to make it happen.

Her:I don’t understand why you won’t talk with me concerning every time

you have asked me to talk I have.

Also why can’t I come get my own stuff? Technically it’s still my house too.

Per the stipulation agreement it is not her residence. Her residence is accross the street. I will change the locks today, skipping hockey... Ha, yep you talked to me blamed me for your affair, repeatedly rubbed it in my face and lied for 4 months. I am being very decent.

Rockstardad you say you are a police officer. Please be VERY careful what you put in writing. In reference, consider that if your WS finds this forum, which should be a safe place for you, that she CAN and WILL use anything you say against you if it suits her purpose. Vent by all means, but NEVER give the impression that you are unstable, or capable or doing anything you wouldn't want her lawyer to present in court.

This is a volatile time as the emotions are fresh and on the surface. I'm not implying you might have any instance where this could be an issue, but just keep that in the back of your mind. Never send a text, email or do anything you wouldn't want to hear repeated when you get a divorce.

As far as contact with her, I would use extreme caution. It might be more costly to use your attorney, but I'd make her go to him for anything beyond what you've already agreed to. I'd make sure ANY and ALL contact is with a witness present or in a PUBLIC place. She could easily turn the tables on you and make an accusation that would place her back in the house, and you looking for a new place to live while the courts sort out a lie.

At some point her fantasy is going to start to crumble and reality will soak in. At that point she's going to become more civil, want to talk it over more, and will come up with every excuse in the universe to make you think it's a good idea to have a "do over" moment. She will attempt to manipulate you and the situation with flattery, small gifts, or warm fuzzy memories you shared at one point. Don't fall into the trap of remembering the good times. Now is a time of action, and remember what brought you here to begin with.

Her life now is of little consequence to you, outside of the parameters of the children you share. Make her understand that politely. Her dogs, her problem. Start thinking like a single man, independent and capable of achieving everything you've ever wanted. Right now your ping ponging back and forth between anger, frustration, denial and all the less than helpful emotions normal people have. Stand your ground, and just treat her like you would a suspect that you wouldn't turn your back on. She is the "perfect storm" waiting to happen to you, in some legal fashion. Protect yourself in all aspects of communication so nothing can be twisted, turned or used against you.

Good points. It needs to be impersonal. This is a 100 day job till divorce is final.

You need to channel your inner Mr. Spock in communicating with her. Re-read the 180. Be calm, confident and don't lash out at her. Discussion about custody and finances only.

You'll get through this.

So, the person that showed consideration in allowing you to keep the kids on her days while visiting Florida asked if OM could walk one kid to the bus.

OK…