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Sorry that you feel stressed. You were victimized th first time you came to know. Do not get repeatedly victimized/eotional. You are the one who gets affected. Now consider this as if you handle a serious problem like an illness (though it is difficult to remove the feelings). Like others said and you found she has poor morals and what happened can be for your benefit.

What about the clause that the POS cannot be around the kids for 6 months? Have someone close to you in the loop to talk when you feel stressed. Also you can seek medical help if it bothers you too much. do not have a victimhood mind and try to engage in other things like working out.

Just like lust, hate is also a chain that bind (with negative effects) to the object - Buddha

wish you mental strength

Cant believe I read her this wrong. Almost feel bad for the AP he is in for a ride. He made his bed he can sleep in it.

Dude the AP is the last person that you should be thinking about or worried about. Based on you WW’s history ......he’ll get his!

Just focus on yourself and your kids. Thats it! Stay Strong! It sucks but each day gets easier dealing with WW. You will continue to see her true colors and realize this was a blessing in disguise!

If you were looking at this from the outside looking it, this is actually a heartwarming story who found out the woman he was married to was not good enough for him by her own doing.

It has a Shakespearean appeal to is. You’re a good dude and don’t have time for this crap.

She is beneath you to consider her beyond any reasonable coparenting concerns.

Ignore her threats, but pay attention. Give up on FL for now. You are being punished for not doing what she wants. Respond with the least drama possible.

“I’m sorry you feel that way”

“That doesn’t work for me”

You get the idea, even best if it doesn’t involve the kids, “**crickets**”

Take time before responding. It is hard to not make a dig, explain yourself, point out how she is a hypocrite, a liar, etc. Don’t feed the NPD beast!

And remember, the texts are evidence in your divorce. If she is crazy and vindictive, and you are the sane, stable one, it only helps you.

Well even after giving in to her request just over a hour later that was all it took to set her off. I got a nasty text that she was getting a lawyer, I am to contact her through the ourfamilyapp, she wants the police (I asked for her family) to be present while she removes property, withdraws permission for kids to go to Florida.

Deep down you knew it was headed this way eventually. I hate that you and the kids are going to miss the Florida trip - That's just plain vindictive and evil... and after what she had done to you!?! The good news is that you have your back-up plan (waterpark) and she has given you reason to handle everything via email text and lawyers. This will help you detach and stay detached. She's a lose cannon and the less contact you have with her the better. Keep that VAR on you at all times. Her goal is to get you as out of control as she is.

[This message edited by Freeme at 7:25 AM, January 10th (Wednesday)]

I know I was being slightly sarcastic. They both are trainwreck city amd I got a front row seat.

She is blowing up my phone wanting to talk. I told her we can use the app as she suggested, kids and end of marriage only please.

See how this goes.

This RockstarDad, is why I suggested you chose your battles carefully.

George Washington lost more battles and skirmishes than he won, yet he won the Revolutionary War. I want you to WIN divorce and am perfectly fine with you conceding minor skirmishes like who walks your kid to the bus, if it helps you win the war.

I have a feeling that this skirmish is allowing her to pull you into a long-term slogging-match.

What’s your reaction when you are called to a confrontation where you have one excited, angry and demanding person and another that is calmer and more rational? I guess you are more likely to side with the rational one. That’s the one YOU want to be.

I suggest you be more goal-oriented and less revenge oriented.

Don’t worry about her getting an attorney, and it doesn’t matter for you how she intends to pay for the attorney.

There are processes, regulations and laws in place to ensure divorce is as fair as possible. It won’t feel that way, but that’s how it is. Her getting an attorney won’t change that. Technically one spouse can demand full custody and all the assets, but when you enter the court-room then by law you both have 50/50 rights. You either have to be proven legally incapable or to voluntarily give up your rights to change that.

Consult with your attorney. Offer as fair and reasonable a divorce settlement as you can get away with. Be very clear on your rights. Don’t offer anything you don’t have to. Do this and her attorney will probably try to convince her that it’s a fair deal.

Regarding the trip to Florida. Consider acknowledging her refusal:

“I want to confirm that you have withdrawn your previously offered permit for me to travel with X and XX to Florida on XX-XX-2018. I will respect your right to withdraw this permission, but I reserve the right to claim for cost such as already reserved and paid for tickets”

If nothing else it might be used when division of assets is handled.

Have you called the school counselor?

Wow

Your BIL provided you with some valuable information. His statements about her past behavior are highly indicative that your STBXW may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. You would be wise to look up the symptoms and characteristics for a glimpse of what's in store.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Strength

Rockstar, you are receiving this response because she is starting to see that she is not in control and that is very upsetting to her. Also, she is probably starting to see the reality of her future, which isn't as pretty as she thought.

Keep up the 180, clearly it is helping you (protecting you from her drama). And the fact that it is pissing of your STBXW is a bonus.

Are you familiar with the app she was talking about? I've never heard of it. Just make sure she doesn't have control of things you post, if she made herself an admin or something.

You may want to remind her that although she is trying to attack you by being a B about the trip to Florida, she is also punishing your kids. Hopefully, she will change her mind. Obviously you wouldn't say it that way, I'm just trying to simplify.

As my mother pointed out there will be many opportunities for Florida trips. To her this about power and control. To me it has to be holding my head up high and getting in a healthy relationship with myself and then someone else eventually.

Do you have cameras installed outside and in?

She is going to detoriate. Be aware.

I know of a horrible story of a WS getting close to divorce being final. She showed up one morning in crazy mode. She ended up calling the cops on BS. Thank goodness police knew which end was up.

The app is 100 bucks per side andncaptures the text meassages from each side. Bit bulky imho

Cant believe I read her this wrong.

She was wearing a mask. If she has a personality disorder she has had a lifetime of practice wearing whatever mask she finds suits the person she is with.

Rock, I'm actually glad she is hastening this to its conclusion. You were getting into a state of co-parenting limbo and dysfunction that was not healthy for you (and ultimately the kids).

I agree with other posters about her behavior being related to her loss of control. Remember (I know you do all too well), this was a woman who put her makeup on at your house to go across the street to be with her adultery partner. Your posts came through that you were upset with yourself for not being able to be in control during her communications to you. I get that you would say that about yourself. But I disagree. I believe you have done well with the measured self control you have been able to muster. And that self control, self discipline, measured communication (requesting another day from her to take the kids to FL, thanking her for it, taking them for an hour before her Mom comes) does show detachment to her. And that detachment triggers her loss of control.

Stay with you plan. Work your plan. Think long term, strategically. That will help you look past her acting out. She is a train wreck. Don't try to deal with krazy. Because she may actually get worse. 180, co-parenting software, all D issues go to your atty.

Looking for cameras now. Need at least 2, prefer wireless with storage on the cloud/phone alerts. Want to keep it sub $250 as trying to keep a tight budget and build up the emergency fund. Really do not want to run wires. Any recomendations? Going to look on amazon now.

Another call to school asking for the counselor to give me a call.

Hope to talk to lawyer tomorrow again. I slept (thankfully) so not a ton of time today to get stuff done.

So I said fuck it and called her brother who lived with us for 6 months after his wife cheated on him and who I wasnt going to talk to until this was over as a favor to her. I told him what had happened. He told me that she has a habit of changing herself for a new man and then leaving after 2-3 years and blaming them for how they are. Apparently she also had sex with her best friends husband before I met her and lied about it. So at least three married men that she has slept with. Her brother was super supportive and says his fam feels horrible and knows its her.

Serial cheater. Don't waste any time on this.

Let her tell the kids why they can't go yo Florida

Let that be her problem

[This message edited by Marz at 5:04 PM, January 10th (Wednesday)]

Not to escalate this already messy situation however it’s time to go over the counselors head and talk to an administrator about expediting the counseling session. Your situation requires immediate attention and the kids deserve to have someone in their corner ASAP. Besides, you don’t know that your WW hasn’t already poisoned the well so to speak.

If I dont get a call back tomorrow I will. The counselor does a couple schools and I am under the impression they spend more time in the middle school. It will get done soon.

dude, I don't believe I missed this as a fellow Cop but it seems like you are on the right track now.

Let them trainwreck and move on to 'better' things lmao -they deserve each other. As a fellow LEO, you deserve better.

If anyone here asks you to R, think about the opportunities if you don't.

Your wife is not marriage material and you are young, successful and will thrive once you relieve yourself of this cancer.

I can't tell you how many of my fellow officers have been cheated on and how many are happier that they took decisive action. You can too.

It's how we are programmed. Hell, the OBS took decisive action and you are too.

Move on and find someone better. You deserve it bro

[This message edited by Western at 6:33 PM, January 10th (Wednesday)]