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Think I am being dickish? She knows I hate the thought of him parenting my kids. I took it as a jab and not a serious ?. Little sensitive been fucked with a lot here.

"If you want to discuss the kids I think it would be best with a counselor to help so we can be more effective and reduce the time this will take. In terms of anything else my lawyer asked me to let him handle all of the details directly, his number is xxx-xxx-xxxx."

Yes I know RD, but IMHO it’s better to choose the battles carefully. Insist on sticking strictly to the agreement and who knows, she can withdraw her permission for that visit.

Hey! As a supervisor I hold you to a high standard! But I do get the need for revenge, only spit in his coffee or piss in his beer .

(edited to add: Sharkman has a great idea)

[This message edited by Bigger at 3:30 PM, January 9th (Tuesday)]

I text her text her that if it was a hour for two weeks (some of those will be my days anyhow) that as she was decent about Florida I would be decent about this and to go ahead.

Damn, I had no desire to communicate with her this much even via text. Ughhh. Got to get back to plan and be as breif as possible.

Locks are up next.

What happens is when you try to argue with batshit insane you go batshit insane yourself.

If you want your kid and she is not being receptive then have your lawyer ask. She's already being an asshole so what do you have to lose?

She is supposed to schedule the next marriage counseling session. I am betting she doesnt do it, but we will see. I dont want to fix her communication problems. I f we can communicate via text I am able to remain calculated and non emotional. When I have to talk to her she tried to play nicey nice and drag on the conversation and I get irritated and short, not that I lash out, but I dont want her to see the frustration and anger in my voice.

My sister has her undergrad, masters and was her thesis away from her doctorate in paychology. Ahe did all the clinical hours and then realized it wasnt for her. She says I need to play nice, she likes the communication short and via text only concerning the kids, but thinks that the kids will get the worse end of it if this is a fight in court. More so her acting shitty(er) than me, but my sis says I should do the minimum for as lomg as possible to insulate them as much as I can.

It was going all great until I got suckered in to talking to her today. Never should have answered the phone. Now I sit here waiting for her to reply wondering what she will do next. In future I should just stick to text.

any legal custody agreement is going to include vacation time for each parent with the kids...even if that time falls on the other parent's legal days. I wouldn't heap to much praise about her giving you the okay for Florida. Vacations will be a given after the D is final.

I'm guessing her pissy attitude and wanting to "talk" is because you have taken control and asserted your boundaries. You being in control means she is not...and she HATES it. BUT...if she can get you to "talk"...allow her to come in the house...then she gets some control back. Plus she gets to tell herself that you are "friends" which means she's not a complete asshole. And if she is a narcsissist...pushing your buttons and getting a reaction from you is like a drug to her.

It was going all great until I got suckered in to talking to her today. Never should have answered the phone. Now I sit here waiting for her to reply wondering what she will do next. In future I should just stick to text.

Like I said above...

It was going all great until I got suckered in to talking to her today. Never should have answered the phone. Now I sit here waiting for her to reply wondering what she will do next. In future I should just stick to text.

This sounds dumb but I PROMISE you it will work.

Do 50 pushups before responding to any single text of hers.

Sharkman is full of good ideas. I don't know if your STBXWW has a diagnosible PD (personality disorder, e.g., NPD, BPD, etc.), but the tactics for dealing with them work well with waywards.

When you hear "I want to talk" it means "I can't push your buttons via text", or "I want to manipulate you more effectively".

"Can we meet?" is "I want to talk" on crack and steroids.

Google "grey rock" sometime. These types feed on drama. Any reaction from you feeds that, except for one: indifference. No payoff, and it sucks (for her) to have her narcissistic supply reduced by half.

Responding by text, don't do it immediately, but at an appropriate time. For most of the texts she's sent you, you did good, except you said too much or explained. Yes/No/I can't see why I would do that...but no reason. No emotion. Don't explain even when she asks.

Ok. She cant or wont reply with a subject matter on what she wants to talk about, which I read to be I want to feel you out and see where u are at. My sis thinks she is going to get a lawyer, which was bound to happen.

She will have to get the money for the retainer from her parents. I wonder if I should talk to them. They will back there daughter, but I would likke to tell them the real story of what happened here. Probably backfire and feed in to her drama and get them to go alamo mode together. I wont.

It was going all great until I got suckered in to talking to her today. Never should have answered the phone. Now I sit here waiting for her to reply wondering what she will do next. In future I should just stick to text.

My sister when going through her divorce just could not stop answering the phone. Needless drama.

Discipline yourself. Only you can allow this.

Maybe invite the parents to the next counseling session so they can hear it for themselves.

Don’t her parents know she is living across the street? Are they that stupid to not know why? Who moves in with the guy across the street out of the blue??

She must have mentioned the AP to them no? If not then they really should be st your next counseling session!!!! Lol

No they know she is living there. Her mom goes to sit the kids there on her days and I think the 4 of them went out to eat last week. I would like to tell them that this was not the soulmates fell in love bit. She subscribed to a wieght loss pill delivery service back in august when this atarted. She worked for it. She pursued him and he puraued her back. He came to my house till 430 am after his batchelor party in september. This was a long time in the making. Probably doesnt really matter I aint going to talk to them about it anyway.

Ok. She cant or wont reply with a subject matter on what she wants to talk about,

because the "talk" is just an excuse to hook you..and her not responding is her version of control. You don't need her answer so put it out of your headspace. She wants your attention...don't give it to her.

She will have to get the money for the retainer from her parents. I wonder if I should talk to them. They will back there daughter, but I would likke to tell them the real story of what happened here. Probably backfire and feed in to her drama and get them to go alamo mode together. I wont.

Thankfully you answered your own question. You should certainly tell your side...but leave it at that.

You're doing well...just keep detaching...and focus on moving forward from this shitshow

RsD.

I posted before that the 180 is your biggest asset. It does take practice. You'll get there. It's a bunch of two steps forward, one step back. Then you turn the corner on it and it will be second nature. Sharkman has given you excellent tactical tools to use.

She'll have poor boundaries with respect to communication just like she has with the rest of her life. Remember, she's the one that said living across the street from each other was "convenient". So the somewhat informal nature of the "formal" parenting agreement leads to informal, ad hoc communication.

You are getting triggered by her communication. And that is normal. Reward her texting by an immediate response. "Reward" a phone call from her by saying, "You know what, I'm going to have to get back to you on that because I'm up to my ass in alligators here. Give me 10 minutes or so and I be back in touch". Then respond by text: "You asked/stated x,y,z. I'm ok/not ok with x,y,z"

Well even after giving in to her request just over a hour later that was all it took to set her off. I got a nasty text that she was getting a lawyer, I am to contact her through the ourfamilyapp, she wants the police (I asked for her family) to be present while she removes property, withdraws permission for kids to go to Florida. Let the games begin. All after I relented on the AP putting the kids on the bus. This is a powertrip cause I wouldnt talk to her other than text. Thought I had a 20 percent chance of avoiding this but oh well.

So I said fuck it and called her brother who lived with us for 6 months after his wife cheated on him and who I wasnt going to talk to until this was over as a favor to her. I told him what had happened. He told me that she has a habit of changing herself for a new man and then leaving after 2-3 years and blaming them for how they are. Apparently she also had sex with her best friends husband before I met her and lied about it. So at least three married men that she has slept with. Her brother was super supportive and says his fam feels horrible and knows its her.

Felt good to talk to him since we are pretty close. Super supportive and embarrassed of his sis. Dont regret talking to him. Oh and he talked about what a shitty mom she was and how Ive done such a nive job.

Panic attacks all night like someone was sitting on my chest and my heart was pounding. Found someone to talk to and it got better.

Cant believe I read her this wrong. Almost feel bad for the AP he is in for a ride. He made his bed he can sleep in it.