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Home From Deployment to Hell

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lostcovenants posted 4/11/2018 16:27 PM

I hope your meeting with his CO goes well. You have been a rock through all of this - but I hope you will take time to grieve your marriage. Perhaps talk to the chaplain or a counselor. Don't try to do it all alone.

... and of course Thank You For Your Service.

LtCdrLost posted 4/11/2018 17:11 PM

Lostcovenant, I do grieve it. On such a deep level. It's important to mention that I was informed via Navy back channels the week of Thanksgiving. On December 7th, I received the video and still photo proof from the PI which shook me to my core... My wife? Never. MY WIFE? I had no choice but to compartmentalize it, pack it away and carry on smartly. Too much depended on my keeping my head to let that tiger loose. But I've known for certain for over four months. The plans I'm now executing have been laid for weeks and weeks. I have a meeting with the PI tomorrow morning. I had the surveillance stepped back up a month ago after cutting back to weekly then bi-weekly. I'm back to daily surveillance, tomorrow I'll get everything they have and start the next phase of this sorry operation.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 5:12 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)]

RippedSoul posted 4/11/2018 17:39 PM

LCL, BW of a retired naval officer here. Thank you for your service and sorry you find yourself here. With all the current and former military folks commenting here—especially you—I’m sure my WH and I have crossed paths with some of you.

You’ve received a lot of wonderful advice and you’re incredibly decisive. All I’d like to do is wish you the best in San Diego (we loved our tour there) and encourage you to consider therapy soon. It’d be nice for you (and your potential new MrsLCL) if you could heal those parts your WW has broken—especially your trust in women. Your next deployment, if you leave someone special behind, will be very triggery. You deserve a fresh start.

:) RS

MidnightRun posted 4/11/2018 17:57 PM


Like you, I was heartbroken but decisive. I knew that I could never touch her again.

In hindsight, I only regret the torrent of profanities I leveled--a barrage that would have shaken a bewhiskered sailor.

Good luck. Better still, good execution.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:10 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)]

Booyah posted 4/11/2018 18:25 PM

LtC thank you for your service!!

Praying that this goes down the way that you'd like it to, and that you can move along to the next chapter of your life.

God bless.

SorrowfulMoon posted 4/11/2018 18:33 PM

Just be careful. It is perfectly understandable that you want retribution on both of them but you need to be seen looking for justice not revenge. It will not look good for your future prospects if you are considered to be doing the latter. This is important from other peoples perspective but most importantly for your own long term self respect.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge dig two graves, one for yourself. Or perhaps in this case three graves....

tooanalytical posted 4/11/2018 19:06 PM


I am really sorry for your situation and rooting for you. I also was heads down kicking ass in my career and traveling so that FWW (and kids in my case) had an excellent standard of living. I never heard any complaints and in fact I offered several times to throttle back to spend more time together. No takers.

Anyway I had suspicions for a while and once I knew 100% for sure it was easy to detach but very hard not to confront before d-day. I remember the phone calls after I knew. I was cold, detached, pissed off and doing the 180 before I knew what it was. It was eating me up. Hitting the gym was my outlet along with unintended weight loss.

Before d-day, I remember shifting the other direction and treating her really well.

Then on d-day, I dropped the bomb. Told her "after 25 years I can't believe it is over. I didn't sign up for 3 in a marriage and it was time to D. Let's get together and split the assets and tell everyone this week. I want you to be happy". She immediately broke down wailing and pleading no.

I share this mainly because of your last post in which you said you knew for 4 months. I am assuming you communicated often enough during the 4 months and am very impressed and wondering how you kept it together? I control emotions better than most but this shit is tough.

My prayers and respect are with you - an honorable man.

LtCdrLost posted 4/11/2018 19:26 PM

I had a good visit with the bastard's CO. It was his decision to have the CMC present, I showed them both enough to demonstrate the veracity of my accusations and I specified the charges I'm requesting be filed. These are the peers whose professional respect & approbation I strive for. The presence of the CMC ensures the miserable bastard has a shit storm the size of Montana coming his way, regardless of JAG proceedings, and with his CO onboard and willing to endorse a charge sheet those proceedings are going to tighten his focus mightily. I'm going to grab chow now & hit the rack. This has been a long day and the next few are going to be tough as well.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:37 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

LtCdrLost posted 4/11/2018 19:29 PM

Tooanalytical, I was deployed. Comms were almost exclusively emails. Outside of a very few conversations, it wasn't as though I had to speak with her.

RubixCubed posted 4/11/2018 20:38 PM

You are a breath of fresh air here. Your decisiveness and honorable behavior deserve the utmost respect. I'm just a couple of hours down the beach from you. If you were a drinking man I'd drive up and buy you a few rounds. I have a sneaking suspicion you will become a legend on here.
Keep up the outstanding work, it will have you feeling great in no time.

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 8:39 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)]

NoTriangles posted 4/11/2018 20:50 PM

pack it away and carry on smartly[/quote

Stay true to this commitment as best you can, LtCdrLost. Although you have many imminent challenges ahead of you, this should remain your guiding principle going forward, as it, most literally, has been mine.

I know that what you are going through is ever so hard ... just keep holding your head up high and continue to conduct yourself with the dignity and honor that we all can see is your true character.

Stay strong, good man.

I humbly thank you for your service.


kgcolonel posted 4/11/2018 21:46 PM

LtCdr....First, thank you for your service, you have sacrificed a lot and do not deserve to be here....just out of curiosity, where does your WW think you are now and how have your more recent comms gone with her. I can’t imagine holding back the ire you must have over the last several months.

Does she think things are all roses and good from your perspective?

homewrecked2011 posted 4/11/2018 22:15 PM

I do want to encourage you on letting the PI tell the OBS. This was how my friend was told and it gave her a chance to process, think of what to do; it gave her a chance to say,” well I have a secret, too”, when she had her WS served, much to his surprise!

So, yes, have the PI tell the OBS when she’s not around her WH.

Sorry you’re here. Btw, I also surprised my wh w D papers and it was a profound moment when I took control.

Smillie posted 4/12/2018 02:26 AM

Well done for getting the ball rolling. It can’t have been easy. You are handling this really well.

[This message edited by Smillie at 2:27 AM, April 12th (Thursday)]

Western posted 4/12/2018 10:50 AM

ok LTC,

when does the exposure, confrontation happen and is your gameplan ironclad ?

Have you still been in contact with JAG ?

Does your stbxw act like nothing is going on ?

LivingWithPain posted 4/12/2018 11:19 AM

LtCdrLost I doff my hat to you sir.

It's hard for me to fathom how your WW could throw all her future away. You are set to enjoy a very secure retirement. You were most likely going to do everything you could to make her happy after all the long time you spent away from her.

I'm not military so I guess I don't understand what that life is like, but I think she could have divorced you if the loneliness and pressure got to be too much. Did she actually think having another man over to your house was going to go unnoticed? Did she not give one damn about your reputation and honor?

I'm glad you are going nuclear on her ass. But please don't do the divorce in California. You will get hosed for life.

LtCdrLost posted 4/12/2018 12:00 PM

Western, I saw JAG this morning. The charges are going to originate from the desk of his O-5 CO, and JAG is in possession of everything provided to me by the PI, including the materials I received this morning. The whore is still keeping company with the miserable cocksucker as of last night, in hindsight I'm glad I aborted the idea of doing my own surveillance the night before last. I'm not certain my discipline could've contained my emotions. They were at my house until the POS left @ 0355. Last night too, until a similar hour. I'm living in the BOQ and I'll be staying there for the foreseeable future.
Whore wife is far more skilled at deception than I ever imagined. She's being served sometime tomorrow afternoon at her office, (it's a non-secure facilty). The POS's wife is going to be visited tomorrow as close to simultaneously as possible by a female staffer of the PI office with a condensed package of documentation for her to make use of, and the last card in the deck is when JAG drops the hammer on POS. That's wholly out of my hands at this point.
I insisted he be named in the D papers, with irreconcilable differences due to adultery as the reason. It may ultimately make no difference, but these miserable excuses for human beings are not taking their reputations away from this unsullied.
I'm going to visit her parents in the next state early on Saturday morning, I'll let them examine my documentation but I'm not leaving the package with them. Her father is retired USAF and I've always gotten along great with them. I don't like that part of the Op but they have to know the truth.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:38 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/12/2018 12:12 PM

Your planning is impeccable.

Again, I salute you.

LtCdrLost posted 4/12/2018 12:23 PM

It's the training, sir. Thank you.

StillStanding1 posted 4/12/2018 12:26 PM

You have this well in control. Will your STBXWW be able to find you in person after she is served? Sorry, I don’t know how that works. Do you think you will see her in person before you visit her parents? I assume your visit to them will be unannounced. Any chance she will go there after being served? I’m sure you’ve mentally prepared for all the possibilities.

Best of luck. Shit’s about to get very real for her.

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