SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And the cuck comments are ridiculous. Nough said about that ignore it.

It was likely almost (well important but you a better person) as important to her before she cheated. She has to rationalize that it wasnt as bad to feel better about herself.

Nah, she had told me in the past something along the lines of “as long as you come back to me at the end of the night I would probably be ok with it”.

Definite red flag that I ignored in the past. But to quote a show I just started watching, when you’re looking at someone with rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

You dodged a bullet that's for sure.

I wonder...down the road... if the consequences she has to face now will effect in her behavior in the future?

I'm guessing she will look for a guy with a lot less self respect the next time around.

At the end of the day who knows what she will take from all this.

I bet she marries a guy her parents hate just so she can get back at them for all the shyt they are giving her now?

I'm curious......

You mention she tried blame shifting.

How is that even possible when it seems clear that she bailed on the gathering you were at to go meet old friend, male, and her or said friend had rubbers?

It just seemed so planed....how can she even go down the road?

And yet...confesses in the morning?

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 9:25 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

They went back to his place.

She said, "I’m cutting and running at the first sign of adversity and she thought I was tougher than that."

Astonishing. She couldn't have been serious.

Yeah, she said that right after I said I was moving out, which really upset her - her last and only other serious relationship ended when her ex just packed up and left without saying anything while she was on a business trip. She apologized immediately after and said that she should not have said that.

Edit: not excusing it or anything, I was pissed when she said that and made it clear. Definitely solidified my decision to leave. But wanted to provide context. She didn’t just say that out of the blue.

[This message edited by wocket at 9:59 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

Just wanted to comment on something that has been overlooked....

Congrats on closing the deal at work!

And you are continuing to do a great job with this

Hi wocket, I'm probably not the person to give any type of advice (multi time betrayed GF here, who didn't have nearly the guts you do to confront about suspicions and leave so quickly), but I wanted to say that you sound like a really awesome guy. I read a lot of posts on here from BSs/BGFs/BBFs and while some sound very low on esteem, you actually come across to have a confident solid sense of self. Kudos to you for having the guts to cut her off like you did. And major kudos for the witty, self assured way you told off AwesomeNot. I only wish I was able to put negative trolls in their place so effectively. From what you've told us about yourself, I know you'll have no problems at all finding an amazing, loyal partner. I would love to meet someone like you. Best of luck to you.

Wocket

As some have said, best you found out now that she was capable of this before the wedding. You have made the right moves.

I can’t tell from your posts if she is truly Remorseful and understanding of the pain you are in. Do you think she is?

As for your comment of leaving the door open, you can never say never, but she will have to prove herself a different person and it will take a long time for her to change from someone who was capable of doing this so early in your lives together.

I don’t remember, is she in IC? She will need a long time working with someone to be a safe partner to anyone.

What is she telling you these days? Is she trying to help you heal or just demanding another chance.

A truly Remorseful WS will be selfless, only thinking of you and not herself. Is she mature enough to be that person? Time will tell.

I wish you happiness moving forward, whatever path you are on.

I don't think she's a candidate for R or getting back together and you've already mentioned why.

Firstly you said she's not built for monogamous relationships and she's cheated before. But I bet she's never been cut off before.

She can go out anytime and get laid. What are the chances now she's "single" she won't hook up? Mainly because sex or getting sex or the lead up to getting sex validates her. You are the safe security blanket she can run back to, so in essence she probably already knows you'll keep in touch and she'll work on you to get back together but meanwhile not much will have changed.

She will cheat again.

Hm ... it does make me wonder why he just up and left like that. I wonder what the true reason was for her ex leaving her like that.

...you can never say never..

. Wocket, actually you can say this.

I can’t tell from your posts if she is truly Remorseful and understanding of the pain you are in. Do you think she is?

She has told me she wishes she could take that night back, and I absolutely believe her when she says that. I know she feels incredibly guilty about the situation. The question is if the guilt is a result of what she personally lost as a result of her choices, or if it’s empathy for the shit she has put me though.

The first part is definitely there. I have no idea if the second is there. She has apologized for the pain she has caused me. But I’m naturally a pretty cynical person, and wonder if she’s just sayin that in effort to get me back. To believe her I would need tangible, concrete evidence of remorse via action, and I honestly have no idea how she could do that. Nor have I really given her the opportunity.

When she tells me she loves me just makes me angry. If she actually loved me she wouldn’t have fucked another dude.

She is in ic. But she was already there, but had stopped going regularly.

Edit: spelling and grammar.

[This message edited by wocket at 1:45 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]

before she's good reconciliation material, she's got to change her values completely. She doesn't value monogamy. Even now.

Until you see an entire shift to her moral compass, you have to consider the relationship completely done.

AwesomeNot, you have a pm.

"When she tells me she loves me just makes me angry. If she actually loved me she wouldn’t have fucked another dude."

My ex kept saying she loved me and it made me angry every time too. I have kids so I still hear it. And I have the same response as you every time. Man, this is so textbook-cheater. Glad you decided to move on Wocket. Congrats on both deal closures; professionally and personally.

To believe her I would need tangible, concrete evidence of remorse via action, and I honestly have no idea how she could do that. Nor have I really given her the opportunity.

Wocket, the thing I like about fareast's story is that his WS did things on her own to change herself in fundamental ways. All done while separated from each other. He didn't tell her what to do and there were no opportunities for her to tell and show him what she was doing while she was in the process of changing(ultimately he saw that at the culmination of her efforts). The point being that the best indictor of genuine change can be what is done when no one is looking, no one is observing, and when there is no external brass ring/reward for changing. She needs to change herself not for you, but for herself. Not to get you back, but to change herself so she doesn't harm someone else in the future. This isn't like doing 100 hours of community service and everything is all better.

After a couple of good productive days, today I feel like shit. Depressed as fuck. Depression is something that I’ve dealt with my entire adult life, so it’s nothing new. Just hitting me hard today.

Tired, wandering mind, can’t focus, etc. Been slacking in the gym, so maybe that’s a component of this.

Get your ass into the gym. Put some hard core music in your headphones and PR the carp out of the workouts. You need to sorround yourself with Alpha males.

Go hiking. Pick up MMA