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Just Found Out :
Just found out - wedding is in 5 months

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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 7:03 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

You need to sorround yourself with Alpha males.

No he doesn't. He needs to surround himself with good friends.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8171068
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Jduff ( member #41988) posted at 8:20 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Been slacking in the gym, so maybe that’s a component of this.

It may be your body trying to tell you to give it a break. Wocket, being the victim of infidelity is pretty fucking exhausting emotionally, mentally, physically all the way around and we tend to forget that because we are still running on adrenaline and hyper focused on the situation.

Do you think you can "get away" for a bit with a trusted friend or just by yourself? A change of scenery for some relaxation over along weekend or even a week if you can afford can do wonders to reset one's frame of mind going forward.

The grass is always greener.... where the dogs are shitting.

-Soundgarden

posts: 2432   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014   ·   location: Southwest
id 8171155
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LtCdrLost ( member #63398) posted at 8:25 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

You need to surround yourself with Alpha males.

No he doesn't. He needs to surround himself with good friends.

Nothing wrong with the company of other "take no shit" alpha males. They're certainly willing to hurt my feelings in the interest of being truthful and not enabling destructive behavior.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 2:27 PM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.

posts: 398   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2018
id 8171162
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LtCdrLost ( member #63398) posted at 8:33 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Been slacking in the gym

Pound the ironpile to death. Eat protein. Sleep.

Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.

posts: 398   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2018
id 8171170
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BBBD ( member #57475) posted at 9:03 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

OP will get enough support from family and friends, but sprinkle in a guy that takes no BS and takes life by the horn.

My closest friends are all Alpha (married, successful with kids). They were the ones who told me to get out of a toxic marriage. They did not sugar coat it.

posts: 260   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2017
id 8171197
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MidnightRun ( member #59434) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Alpha males quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.

They don't commiserate, or marinade in malarkey.

posts: 1562   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017   ·   location: CT
id 8171220
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 wocket (original poster member #63727) posted at 10:43 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

I’d prefer if this didn’t go too far off topic. Infidelity and masculinity is definitely appropriate for this website, just not in this post.

When I say slacking at the gym, I mean that I haven’t been going. Last time I went was Saturday. So I definitely need to go again tonight after work.

I’ve dealt with depression before and know how to deal with it. I’ve been a lot worse re that than how I’m doing now.

Infidelity is definitely a new one.

posts: 93   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2018
id 8171286
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 wocket (original poster member #63727) posted at 10:44 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Also, I’m going on a 4 day trip this weekend to visit my childhood best friend and do an activity/sport that he and I both do at a high level.

posts: 93   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2018
id 8171289
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DIFM ( member #1703) posted at 11:13 PM on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Also, I’m going on a 4 day trip this weekend to visit my childhood best friend and do an activity/sport that he and I both do at a high level.

Perfect.

posts: 1757   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2003
id 8171307
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Kamstel ( member #63575) posted at 1:52 AM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

Fantastic idea to go have an extended weekend with a buddy!!!

Should do wonders for you!

posts: 231   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8171403
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ScarredGuy ( new member #63866) posted at 3:42 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

Not to sound insensitive to your situation, but you've been given a gift. My belief after dealing with a cheating wife (now ex wife) and witnessing friends go through the same that there are two types of people -- those that can cheat and the rest of the world. I wish my ex would have cheated during our engagement. I value the lessons I learned from the situation, but it would have saved a lot of heartache.

posts: 42   ·   registered: May. 22nd, 2018
id 8171713
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TragicFarce ( new member #62192) posted at 6:55 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

I really hope this site doesn't turn even more Red Pill than it already is.

amor fati

posts: 40   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2018
id 8171894
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 7:11 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

^^^yep!^^^ I am glad that wocket seems to be aware of that, too, about that agenda some feel they should push in his thread.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8171913
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 wocket (original poster member #63727) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

Doing better today, though just slightly. Gym definitely helped. I won’t make that mistake again where I don’t do any physical activity for 3 days in a row.

I really love the feeling of mild to moderate doms (post workout muscle soreness). Severe doms sucks - like the first time you try rock climbing or squatting or deadlifting etc. But when you’re regularly training and put in a good workout it really is a natural high for me.

My bosses, who are the only two in the office who know the full story beyond “we broke up” actually called me into one of their offices last night after everyone else had gone home for the night and asked me how I was doing etc.

Talked for a bit, then they started asking about my weekend plans. Ended up just giving me tomorrow off without it counting against my PTO for the year. They’re good people.

Should be in my new place by Wednesday.

[This message edited by wocket at 2:50 PM, May 24th (Thursday)]

posts: 93   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2018
id 8172001
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MrMagnolia ( member #63147) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2018

Good to hear you are doing better today. I'm the same with exercise btw. As long as I keep at it I seem to avoid those big depressive episodes. The first thing I think of when I start feeling down now is how long has it been since I exercised (currently swimming).

Sounds like you got some good people where you work. Enjoy your weekend.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that your marriage is already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as you are supposed to function: without mercy, without fear, without remorse.

posts: 668   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2018
id 8172006
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inmisery1 ( member #30905) posted at 3:45 AM on Friday, May 25th, 2018

RUN!!!!!

posts: 341   ·   registered: Jan. 20th, 2011
id 8172275
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TimelessLoss ( member #55295) posted at 4:40 AM on Friday, May 25th, 2018

1. endorphins

2. closed the deal at work

3. support from your managers

4. long weekend made one day longer

5. long weekend with your friends

6. new digs on Wednesday

You're doin' pretty damn well wocket all things considered.

"You've got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served"

posts: 1649   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2016
id 8172299
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 wocket (original poster member #63727) posted at 5:49 PM on Wednesday, May 30th, 2018

Moving out today. Will miss a bit of work but will get most of the important stuff done.

I get weirdly sentimental when seeing visual representation of change. I was in the room when my grandmother took her last breath. I didn’t get emotional or upset. What got me was when we dumped her ashes at sea. Watching her remains drift away - going in and out of view - before finally disappearing forever. That was the first and only time I got emotional regarding her passing.

I had a similar moment yesterday while packing and prepping for the movers. Seeing my stuff in boxes physically segregated from her stuff got to me. This breakup is a weird one for me. There is this feeling of finality to it that almost makes it like a death. I didn’t have that the last time my other long term relationship ended.

I don’t want to be doing this right now. But here I am.

[This message edited by wocket at 11:56 AM, May 30th (Wednesday)]

posts: 93   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2018
id 8175576
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 6:12 PM on Wednesday, May 30th, 2018

I am sorry for your pain today, wocket. I am sure this is difficult and very sad. Your feelings are valid. Even though it is the right path for you, it still is sad. There were good times and love. It is understandable to feel sentimental.

It will get better, you will feel better. It just takes, brace yourself for a dirty word here, time. Thinking of you today, wocket.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8175603
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Dismayed2012 ( member #49151) posted at 6:22 PM on Wednesday, May 30th, 2018

What 'SisterMilkshake' said. Supporting you dude.

Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.

posts: 1802   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Central KY
id 8175616
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