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I’m pretty sure most people would say yes. After all look at king David and Bathsheba.

But Christians don’t pursue lifestyles of sin.

I’m trying to determine if my wh is saved, or ever was saved at all or if it was just all a big farce.

I'm not a Christian in the same way others may be. I am a follower of the man called Yeshua, or Jesus. He wasn't quite as pacifistic as some think, but his lessons about how we should treat one another are how I try to structure my own life.

I'd never cheat because I wouldn't want others to do that to me.

If emulating this Rabbi is what traditional Christians believe, then it's the height of deception and hypocrisy to call oneself a Christian while cheating.

And David didn't get off Scott free, did he? Not to mention, the "God" of old and new testaments are very different entities.

He's saved, alright. Saved from admitting his own truths.

Just like everything else preached here - look at the actions not the words.

No one is perfect. No one is going to make a perfect choice every minute of their life. But there's a BIG difference in making a selfish choice to eat all the cookies vs making a selfish choice to break one's marriage vows.

This is something I have pondered a lot and I think the short answer is yes. In the case of my WXH, I think he was a poser. He enjoyed the accolades he received for being perceived as a "Godly" man. I think that genuine repentance afterward is the true measure of whether the person is or was a true Christian.

My WXH showed no true repentance.

Can a person be a true Christian and cheat?

No.

Yes.

Christians are not perfect.

They sin and fall short of the glory of God daily.

I chime in under the assumption you’re asking as a believer. All sorts of arguments against interpretations aside, I have always felt it best to take such questions to scripture, and when simply read, it truly is clear.

First, I’m cautious about trying to discern someone else’s sanctification. According to Matt 7:22-23, many will genuinely claim to be Christian only to hear “I never knew you” in the last day. If they themselves are deceived about their own state, how much less can we be sure. This isn’t to say that one can’t be sure of their own, there are many passages that speak to how we may have assurance (1 John 5:13 comes to mind).

STBXWW was a professed Christian when we met, something I was specifically looking for. She started attending bible study with me. We married on Easter Sunday, and even had communion after the ceremony. Fast-forward six years, and she’s now apparently cohabiting with AP under the same roof with our children. Suddenly, to me, we didn’t believe the same things, and what she was doing wasn’t wrong. The church we were attending just happened to be going through Ephesians when I found out about the A, and when I asked what she expected me to do when we got to chapter 5 if they had questions, she was mostly concerned that I would use it to make her look bad to them.

I wondered the same when all came to light, and took it to my pastor. In addition to what I said above, he counseled that I continue to pray for her salvation because she was not living the life she professed. I used to pray for her daily, long after I stopped praying for us. But I still do from time to time. I’ve been as heartbroken that she has chosen this path as I have been over what she has done to me and our family. If that is the case for you, continue to pray for him that God do whatever is necessary to bring to repentance. If not, I wouldn’t spend too much time trying to figure it out, especially if he isn’t.

I think not. I think this because I believe a Christian will fall short but to lather rinse and repeat the same action knowing it is wrong in the eyes of God is the act of a Charlatan.

This question reminds me a lot of: How can you love someone and still cheat? The short answer is yes, of course.

But Christians don’t pursue lifestyles of sin.

Just as people in love don't pursue affairs? The fact is it happens. I love my wife dearly but I lost my way, and I am deeply remorseful for my actions (I still need to share my full story here shortly).

Can a person be a true Christian and cheat?

I was always taught that Jesus was very kind, compassionate and forgiving. I'm not a religious person, but I do realize most people struggle with morality issues such as violence/anger, truthfulness, stealing, addictions and sexual misconduct (such as cheating). People that violate these basic moral principals are usually suffering and struggling with their own inner demons.

Everyone of us has the same two basic goals in life: 1) to be happy and 2) to avoid suffering. If we become wise enough, we realize that the path to achieving these two basic goals is found in the positive virtues, such as loving kindness and compassion and understanding. Sadly, most of us continue to suffer due to greed/selfishness, anger and an unwillingness to accept change.

Your husband cheated not because he did not love you, but it was because he did not love himself. He believes his problems will be solved by starting a new relationship. In his mind, he believes that the paths to happiness are found through greed and selfishness. What he will likely find is that his suffering will only become worse.

FTGN, please try to forgive your husband. I know he did you a great wrong, but it was due to his own ignorance and selfishness. Have compassion for the suffering he is going through. I do understand how backwards this all sounds, but try to let go of the terrible things he did to you. I don't know your religion, but if you're a christian, try to research Christ's teaching on kindness, forgiveness and compassion. Whether one is religious or not, they are wonderful teachings.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 2:16 PM, June 24th (Sunday)]

Let me explain something to you.

When someone makes the decision to believe in Jesus their soul is saved and when they die they will be with him for eternity.

However just because someone is saved doesn't mean that they will no longer sin. There isn't a person walking the earth (Christian or non-Christian) who don't sin. There are people who claim they don't sin, but they're lying.

Not all sins are outwardly (seen by others).

If you judge someone that is a sin.

If you lust after someone that is a sin as well.

I can go on and on but Jesus knows all our sins and that's why he came into the world (to pay the price for every sin that will ever be committed) and by accepting his gift of salvation we'll be with him forever even though we're still sinners.

A "True Christian"?

Jesus didn't just die on the cross for our salvation. Anyone who believes in him is a "True Christain", but that's just the beginning of the journey. Someone who wants to grow in their faith will see the importance of learning what else Jesus had to say and start to be taught bible doctrine. He's given us the tools on how to live here while on earth (if we're willing to educate ourselves through his word).

That said baby Christian's and mature Christian's all sin. He wants us to repent but he knows we'll fall from time to time.

I have an acquaintance who professes to be a strong Christian. She has had premarital sex with at least more than one person and had a child out of wedlock. Some would say her “sexual immorality” precludes her from being a Christian.

I don’t know the answer.

Yes. Christians sin. Assuming you consider yourself saved, do you still mess up from time to time? Some people turn to religion to solve their problems. If they could just find the right words, the right ritual, their problems would go away, so a wayward might be very religious while living a very messed up life.

Personally, I find the term "Christian" to be used loosely and widely by many that seem to not espouse what the Christ Jesus preached.

I have to say this is heartbreaking to me.

I grew up in the church, a conservative Christian denomination. I'm not sure I fully realized that there were people who didn't believe. I have since loosened up a bit and attend a different denomination that is more in line with my beliefs.

Politics aside, in the current ebb and flow of all things spiritually related, I have begun to feel uncomfortable with what meaning some people attach with the word "Christian".

There are all kinds of belief systems within the heading of Christianity. Some which are offensive to me personally. No need to say which ones.

Suffice to say...if / when someone asks me if I am a Christian now, I hesitate and ask them to clarify what the term means to them...whereas earlier in my life, I would have said "yes" without hesitation.

Yes. Christians cheat. Christians also judge, which is also addressed in the Bible..."Judge not, lest he be judged."

ETA: IMHO

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 3:05 PM, June 24th (Sunday)]

I think there are a lot of shades of grey here. My belief, taught by the church, is that at baptism we are forgiven of sins and accepted as part of the Christian Church. However, we are sinful creatures and we should contemplate on the crucifixion when we think of our sinful natures-all of us. Having committed sin does not cause one to be forsaken by God, as some beliefs systems state. We are all in a state of sin in some way or another.

Some have no contrition and no desire to live a more holy life and they actively act against the teachings of the Gospel. They’re still Christians but not practicing their faith. They’ve turned against God.

Others are remorseful and repent and have contrition. For this, God smiles because He is merciful.

I think the shades of grey can be interpreted in different ways because different denominations teach a little differently.

This question reminds me a lot of: How can you love someone and still cheat?

And the answer to both is "you can't".

Now you may "wake up" on DDay and the love comes back. But no one will ever convince me that while a WS is having sex with their AP, that they're "in love" with their spouse. And to those that will say I'm wrong, I'll say that your definition of love is waaaaay different than my definition of love. And your definition of love is wrong.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 3:27 PM, June 24th (Sunday)]

Sinners sin. Christians are just as likely to have afffairs as anyone else. And Christian churches aren’t meant to be a showcase of perfect people. Think of them more like a hospital of broken people in need of healing. We tend to try and presents ourselves as the former, but it should have always been the latter. Understand that and you can truly start to see the beauty of Grace.

I agree...especially if a person's definition of love is a verb, and includes actions in addition to the warm fuzzies.

I'm a Christian. I was raised in a Christian home and was of the Christian faith. I expect there are people who would have said I was a Christian. I went to Sunday School, church and acted in a certain way. But I wasn't a Christian until my 40's when I asked for the Lord to be my personal saviour. Born again.

I sin in some way everyday, I'm sure. Can a Christian lie, bear false witness? Yes. Can they cheat in marriage and other ways? Yes. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then caused the death of Uriah, her husband. Adultery and murder. He paid a terrible price but was forgiven. Rahab was a prostitute and there are many others in the Bible that appear to have been forgiven when they took the Lord as their saviour.

I can't tell who is a "true Christian". I feel my WW wasn't but I can't know. She said she was born again before the LTA. As said above "Judge not, lest ...". There is a day of reckoning but only the Lord will have a say not mortal man.

I believe a Christian can cheat. I don't like it. I don't like that it happened to me. Even if WW had been a Christian, fell by the wayside and came back to the Lord with true remorse and turned her life over to Christ again she would be forgiven and a child of God. I don't get to determine that - God does.