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I also believe that woman want to be noticed, but that it's socially unacceptable to admit that... so the game begins... She didn't dress that way to be noticed, and I didn't look.

LOL, so true. "I just like wearing micro-mini skirts; they're comfortable, I should be able to wear whatever I want!!". Yes, you should, but if I choose to walk out the house with nothing on but a g-string and chaps, even if it's in my right to do so, I might expect a bit more attention than if I walked out in jeans and a tshirt. Yeah, I might love wearing chaps without pants, might be crazy comfortable, but common sense tells us that's going to attract a lot of attention and looks. Just like a woman wearing something very form fitting or short/low cut.

Funny I've always been able.to notice when WH takes that Extra look, side look whatever to get another glance at a hot woman. I usually tell him he's being beyond obvious and ask him why he bothers to try to hide it from.me.

Of course one time he did it I had to point out that the "hot woman" he was gawking at was actually a man...Oh the horror on his face.

I hate that he does it. Makes me feel less than but....

When a man takes notice of me...Oh does WH pitch a fit.

People I am 4'9" tall and a good 160lbs. I got tires on my tires lmao. I also have and always have had large breasts and a round firm butt so ya guys look. But overall at this point it's probably more in shock and horror then admiration lol. Still WH doesn't like it when guys look at me. Double standard much.

People I am 4'9" tall and a good 160lbs. I got tires on my tires lmao. I also have and always have had large breasts and a round firm butt so ya guys look. But overall at this point it's probably more in shock and horror then admiration lol. Still WH doesn't like it when guys look at me. Double standard much.

LOL. :)

While there is a double standard here, part of this does kind of (at least in my guy mind) make sense. The problem with you looking at other guys is that your H knows, without much doubt, you could sleep with that guy. Make it easy enough, and you could probably have him in bed before the sun set. So it's a lot more threatening to some men (not me, I don't really hang up on this) because they know you could easily act on it. When men ogle a woman who's clearly "out of their league" I think a lot of women say "yeah, good luck buddy, you got tires on tires and she's 30 years younger than you". It's looking without the possibility of attainment which, for most women, isn't as common. If you want it, you can have it, you just have to make it easy enough.

The problem with you looking at other guys is that your H knows, without much doubt, you could sleep with that guy.

Well I'd never gawk at a guy or drool over him the way my WH does other woman. I just don't have any desire for eye candy that way nor do I think it's appropriate.

And no I wouldn't sleep with any guy like my WH would sleep with any woman. I gotta them things called morals.

My WH doesn't like men looking at me. My WH doesn't like it if I look at another man. Geez his boss dropped by over the weekend and me simply looking at him while talking to him was seen as a no no. What so i cant look at any man? Bullshit.

This is an example of something that wasn't a problem for me (his staring) until AFTER his affairs. If he had just kept his dick in his pants he could stare at other woman and have all the female friends he wanted.

you need to be extra careful and thoughtful of this if you really care about your spouse...

Maybe that is the difference.

I have never seen my H check a woman out. Ever. In fact, I cannot recall any of my boyfriends checking other women out. Not all men do it, or some are very, very discreet. Anything other than not doing it or complete discretion is an insult to the woman you are with--I don't care how little the other woman is wearing or how much attention she is seeking. You wanna be with me? Keep your eyes on the prize. I would never date someone who made me feel that he did not already have what he was looking for.

Do women do it? No clue. I don't . And I don't know any who do it, so it's not a thing that's on my radar. I've never seen women do it other than college parties, and I am well beyond college. I would expect that if a guy was dating a woman who was taking an eye full of every good looking guy they encountered, he wouldn't stick around in the relationship.

It should not be done. It is the slippery slope of disrespect.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 5:51 PM, July 4th (Wednesday)]

Thank you OIN, I don’t do it either. I’m fully aware that there are attractive people in the world, but I was with someone who was the most attractive to me. And no one else really had that much of an effect. I just didn’t care all that much.

My husband has glanced... and then at least twice he has stared. Those 2 times are what bothers me. Some seem to want to down play this or defend it. I guess if it’s ok with you that your spouse, for a few moments in time, can tune you out completely then great. But I don’t like it... enough that the next time it happens, I plan on leaving without him.

Glance, don't stare, don't linger. As someone who has been on the receiving end of that, it is creepy. A dude who has been staring at me and then smiles? Gross and creepy and seeking my attention. Especially someone who is with their significant other. It's not charming, it is offputting and uncomfortable. Treat people like people, not "works of art" or whatever nonsense you come up to justify not being able to keep your eyes in your head.

If it takes a lot of energy not to blantantly stare at a stranger in the target I wonder how anyone gets anything done. A glance sure. That is not what the op is talking about, not even close.

I think for some me, myself included, my brain just isn't wired the same. When I spoke, it wasn't defending, it was explaining. Beautiful women can sometimes hypnotize me. Not a conscious effort thing on my part.

To be fair, some food has the same effect.

If I catch myself, I stop. It's not like I go around and stare at every pair tits I see and go 'oohhh boobies!!'

Its closer to like smelling popcorn at the office some jackass put in the microwave 20 mins before lunch. No, I don't want their popcorn. Hell, I might not even be really hungry. But smelling it is distracting on some kinda subconscious level and I might not even realize I smell popcorn until I'm looking at the dude walking by snacking on it.

Sidenote: that's also the perfect opportunity to sneak out a silent but deadly. It's like perfect timing.

Now I know I'm not the best at analogies and metaphors, and that one has some obvious holes. I'm just trying to say that, for me, it's a biological thing. Started around puberty, and I learned then and there to not let it get out of hand and to try and hide it because the urge to stare is not socially acceptable.

What you ladies are experiencing, I get it. I know what it is like to doubt your partners commitment. And I can say, that if I were in your shoes, it would definitely play with my fears and doubts. I am in no way saying your feelings aren't vvalid. All I'm saying is that it isn't, for me, an intentional thing.

As far as glance, second glance, stare, ogle, side-eye, put on sunglasses, for me it all amounts to the same thing. It's not a failure in appreciating or respecting my wife. I have no interest in other women. Its a biological reaction. Like getting an erection on a bus because of the vibrations. Nothing sexy about buses. And having an erection there doesn't mean I'm gonna go touch myself. My body is just built that way. Maybe if I did some mental exercises and thought about vomiting the whole bus ride it wouldn't happen... but who wants to think about vomiting for an hour? Or like the sound of running water can make you wanna go pee. Sure, I could buy one of those little rock trickling desk things so that I get adjusted to the sound... but then I'd have a pretentious zenmaster thing going on at my desk.

What I'm getting at is that it amounts to a disciplining your body chore for a dude with this eyeball affliction to stop. One where the costs should be weighed against the benefits. Why am I saying it a bunch of different ways? Because, in my experience, it's not an intentional disrespect thing in my mind. I'm not arguing with how it makes anyone feel. I'm not saying anyone's husbands are right or wrong.

All I'm saying is that when I do the glazed gaze, that I ain't thinking nothing. I'm not thing 'pretty', not thinking 'I'd like to touch', not thinking 'I wonder if...' none of those things. Brain Function="SQUIRREL!!" For me, anyways. Hell, everyone is different. Could be I'm the dumbest of the gender.

This was a past issue that he said he wouldn't do anymore. I find it so rude to look at other women especially when I'm sitting right there.

(((EmptyMom)))

In the wake of infidelity, and especially after you guys have talked about this, it's incredibly hurtful of him to do that. Period. You and he are trying to rebuild intimacy, and he knows it hurts you when he does this. Your feelings are something he should be taking seriously.

As far as glance, second glance, stare, ogle, side-eye, put on sunglasses, for me it all amounts to the same thing. It's not a failure in appreciating or respecting my wife. I have no interest in other women. Its a biological reaction.

Staring and ogling seem pretty different to me than a glance... do you see them as pretty much the same, NTV? If you don't mind my asking: how do you distinguish between what's acceptable and what's inappropriate? Just wondering where your line/threshold is. Sometimes it helps to know where we're each different.

My own reaction to this kind of situation has changed over the years. It used to hurt me a lot when he would do this (ETA: in retrospect, I realize it's because he seldom stopped at looking). Right there with porn and talking about other women in glowing terms he didn't use for me (but those are whole other discussions). Now, I expect him to look, because I know who he is. I expect him to talk about who he finds hot, and in a weird way it reassures me, because he's being himself rather than hide it and leave me feeling on the outside of his life.

The difference between now and then is that I no longer expect to be special to him in that way. I don't expect to be the only woman he looks at or feels sexually attracted to or fantasizes about. I know I'm not. I don't expect to be on his mind as often as he's on mine. I changed my expectations. Or maybe I changed them towards humanity as a whole. And interestingly, it's been reading these threads about men vs women here that's changed so much of my views towards humanity lately. And sexual exclusivity - it seems like people have VERY different ideas of what that looks like from a mental perspective. Some lines are in common, and others are very different, and that's where some people get hurt while others might say, "but there's no infidelity here!"

The only way to prevent it (him noticing and ogling other women and finding them very attractive and no doubt gaining a lot of sexual energy from them) from hurting was to value his and everyone else's opinions a lot less. I actually find it insulting when he claims I'm the only one for him. To me, that's a lie I'd rather he didn't tell, because leads into several other lies that get more severe the further in we get. But I changed: I don't put energy into believing the lie. Before, I did, because I had a different view of romance then.

I'm with Callisto from Xena on this one: "Love is a trick nature plays to get us to reproduce." Sorry for the gloomy message. I find numbness a lot more tolerable than hoping for something better and then feeling pain and "not good enough" when that doesn't happen. But that could be a coping mechanism to guard against pain rather than truly relaxed, happy living. Sorry.

The one good part was: the less value I put on how hot (or not) I am to him, the more I began to appreciate living in my own skin. The more I began to feel good no matter what anyone else says or thinks. I like me. That's more than enough.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 6:31 PM, July 5th (Thursday)]

I also believe that woman want to be noticed, but that it's socially unacceptable to admit that... so the game begins...

I don't think it is socially unacceptable to admit that. When I dress up I want to be noticed. But I don't want to be ogled at. I don't want people to mentally undress me. That is gross.

I have no problem with my WH noticing attractive people. But there is a difference between noticing someone for being attractive and ogling at them and being sexually attracted to them.

Staring only becomes rude to the person stared at as well as the partner of the one staring when it is not a subtle glance but prolonged or too frequent. And everyone can choose not to be rude.

I also believe that woman want to be noticed, but that it's socially unacceptable to admit that...

People do make an awful lot of fun of the selfie generation... But then, dressing well and putting effort into your appearance can also be seen as a sign of self-love and confidence, a person having their own center, and that can appeal to others. There's a balance.

As for dressing to be noticed... True, when I think about doing that, I automatically "hear" about a million social echoes saying, "she's such a slut." Heck, this description right here...

LOL, so true. "I just like wearing micro-mini skirts; they're comfortable, I should be able to wear whatever I want!!"

...and this...

so the game begins...

...Makes me wince. Feels like huge exaggerations - so a woman can't dress nice and casually to be noticed even in examples? Has to be something extreme like a micro-mini skirt? Even just in discussions, it's about women objectified instead of subjects in their own rights. So much to be self-conscious about, because people put such huge reactions based on something so simple as what we wear.

I'm probably not explaining well why I feel discomfort around this. Might need help understanding it myself.

The other day, I was standing on the front porch waving goodbye to my son (he was heading to summer school). A truck behind the school bus drove past, and the man in the passenger seat craned his neck back to look at me and began stroking his beard. Stayed looking my direction until I closed the front door. Were my thoughts, "Ooh, he noticed me!"? Not really. My first thought was, "What a creepy stare!" For a moment after that I thought, "So I'm actually somewhat attractive, huh?" and then felt immediate guilt, like I had done something wrong to attract his stare. Felt like hiding my body and wondered if I was wearing something wrong. And immediately following that, most strongly, my husband's anger came to mind. If he were standing there with me, no doubt he would have physically dragged me inside, slammed the door, and then been in a bad mood toward me until I apologized enough. If I get attention from another guy, even if it's of the harassment variety, he blames me for catching their attention. Which reveals massive issues on his part, but that's another story.

I wonder: for the guys who look or stare longer at women, how do they feel when someone stares at their wives? Do they feel angry at their wives for being noticed? Angry at the guys for staring? Self-conscious about their own habits in that moment? Concerned for or curious how their wives might be feeling?

More importantly, how do their wives feel when they're stared at?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 11:24 PM, July 5th (Thursday)]

My WH likes it when other men notice me. He says he likes it because they can't have me, I am his.

I suppose thats why its not okay with me anymore. He was suppose to be mine and I was always confident in that. Thats gone so now when he looks at other women, in my mind, it isn't just appreciation for someone who is beautiful but he only wants me but a potential target for his affection.

Now I know he was open for it, so whomever he is looking at, if they returned the appreciation, could be trouble?

Just thinking out loud.

For the record, I notice attractive people, men and women. I see them when they are in my sight but I don't require a second, third or fourth look at them.

If I get attention from another guy, even if it's of the harassment variety, he blames me for catching their attention. Which reveals massive issues on his part, but that's another story.

At the risk of sounding even more sexist, if you're wearing something reasonable (hence my micro-miniskirt example) and another guy notices you, it's ridiculous for him to get upset. People notice my W all the time, I pay it no mind at all. Now, if she was dressing to be noticed, yes, it would bother me, because it would indicate something about her; she needs other men sexually attracted to her to feel good about herself which, in my eyes, would make her unsafe. I've never felt this way with her, in fact, I've encouraged her to wear more reveling clothing, knowing she's going to be noticed and enjoying the power dynamic that develops (being with the prettiest girl in the room is very affirming for men).

I wonder: for the guys who look or stare longer at women, how do they feel when someone stares at their wives?

I look, I don't stare (just wanted to expose where I am on the spectrum of creep). I don't feel anything when someone looks at my W unless I see them as a threat. So, pretty much until the A, I didn't feel anything but validated when people looked/stared at her. It's like anything else about me/her that makes people look, expensive watch, expensive purse, nice clothes. Sure, I have those things for me/her, but, let's be honest, we buy designer stuff because we want people to notice that we have designer stuff, not because the letters LV are so utterly irresistible and/or the quality. So, when someone looks at my W, I feel like she's validated as something special, unique and valuable. Or did. Now I view it differently, especially if it's something like a work function (where she will see these people again). Because I know she can and will cheat in the right circumstances, it's no longer someone admiring your nice watch. It's someone considering STEALING your nice watch. So now I'm more sensitive to it.

Do they feel angry at their wives for being noticed?

No, it's not her fault, and she's never worn anything that I asked her not to.

Angry at the guys for staring?

No, not at all before the A, and after the A, I'd say "nervous" is the right word, but only in very specific company (people who have a chance to talk to her enough to try to initiate another A).

Self-conscious about their own habits in that moment?

No.

Concerned for or curious how their wives might be feeling?

Well, until I read this thread, no. Thanks for nothing! I assumed that if she wore something tight/revealing/sexy out she was doing it because she wanted people to notice. So I figured that men checking her out was validating. Men also check her out when she's not dressed up, and I assumed this was also validating to her.

More importantly, how do their wives feel when they're stared at?

Now I have to ask her! I thought I knew the answer, in my mind, why wear something like that if you didn't want to be noticed by men? So, I have my homework. :)

My WH likes it when other men notice me. He says he likes it because they can't have me, I am his.

ETA, this is exactly how I felt about it before the A, and also how I've heard other people talk about guys noticing their wives. Like you, it's changed for me after the A, where I thought "they can't have her" it's now "they can have her if they figure out the right lines" and much more threatening that it used to be.

[This message edited by Rideitout at 5:01 AM, July 7th (Saturday)]

I assumed that if she wore something tight/revealing/sexy out she was doing it because she wanted people to notice. So I figured that men checking her out was validating. Men also check her out when she's not dressed up, and I assumed this was also validating to her.

There's a fine line between appreciating that others find you well put together, and needing the ego-kibbles. I'd think the real question is: what does she wear that makes her feel good? Not based off of anyone else's reaction - what makes her feel the best? It's good to start there, just to get a sense of your own self. Then, once you know that about yourself, you look at your and your spouse's feelings together. Respectful to your spouse, caring of them, and also a way that you feel good about.

Really, all women are different (shocker, right?). So regardless of any of our preferences and experiences here, the only one's who really matters for you is your wife's, right?

Now, I'm going to ask a question I'm just dying to know the answer to...

if you're wearing something reasonable

What is reasonable? This is the question that has always bugged me, as the definition remains elusive. How do folks define "reasonably dressed" in your everyday, walking down the street situation?

On that particular day with the truck dude, I was wearing a long-sleeved white tunic and men's cargo shorts that went down to my knees. Camou-patterned, if that makes any difference. Is that reasonable? If not, where did I go wrong? I would truly want to know where I went wrong (if anywhere) so I can avoid doing it again.

Not so long ago, I sat down and had a frank discussion with myself about What to Wear. See (and I know you didn't ask for this story, but try wearing my running shoes for a moment), I had to question how my fashion choices could both reflect what I like and also satisfy social conventions - not necessarily an easy task. I mean, I'm a mom in my 30s, sadly that's a group people love to criticize and scrutinize for absolutely everything, including clothing choices.

If I went with t-shirts, as I've done most of my life (because I love the hilarious sayings and sometimes beautiful artwork on them), then I look slovenly. Good for house-painting and therapy, not so much for social gatherings. Why? Because then "she looks frumpy", "she let herself go - no wonder he cheats on her". Thoughts that aren't so healthy - there is no excuse for infidelity - but why give them purchase?

If I went with a camisole or a tank top, well... "ooh look, she's a slooooot!" "why doesn't she dress her age?" "she's someone's wife, she can't go around dressed like that!" "no wonder she got sexually assaulted". I've been assaulted and victim-blamed enough, even though I doubt that's what I was wearing in all or even any instances (I honestly can't remember what I was wearing), that dressing that way invariably triggers me, and people would harass me more if I'm wearing that. Which is unfortunate, because the lack of sleeves on camisoles and tank tops make gardening a lot more comfortable. I like the cold air on my torso when I'm working up a sweat. But... sadly, no.

So it's like either way, you get blamed. Too frumpy? "Her fault he cheated." Too revealing? "Everyone onboard the sloot train! Sloot sloooot!" On a side note: in cases like those, I'd say those folks who are judging spend too much time trying to be in someone else's head, and not enough time in their own heads reflecting on their own thoughts. Do they even hear themselves? How would they feel if someone talked about them that way?

So after having that discussion with myself, I decided to go with tunics and whatever pants I have on hand (I usually buy men's pants and shorts - they're made more durably than women's). Tunics are long-sleeved, not overly revealing imo, can survive my son jumping on me without a wardrobe malfunction ensuing, and yet look respectable without being a suit (more washable too). I want to wear something that I like when I look in the mirror, and tunics make me feel pretty. My husband also says I look nice when I wear them - when I started wearing them, I cared very much about looking my best for him (still sort of do, even though I'm trying to make my self-esteem more internalized). He likes seeing me in camisoles, but doesn't want anyone else to see. So how does that work? Wear hoodies around all the time, flash my husband when no one's looking, and then quickly zip back up? Where ugly clothes whenever he's not around (and considering he's not living at home at the moment, that would mean... always?)?

I don't think I've ever worn or owned a miniskirt, let alone a micro one, and if there are any corresponding fashion wear items for men, I don't know about them yet. You said chaps, right, RIO? To anyone who has worn a miniskirt or chaps - are they fun to wear? Are they comfortable? Do you feel good when you wear them (not what anyone else says)?

And now that I've said all that... Thoughts? Unexpected revelations? Qualms? Sorry for the long post. That was therapeutic.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 7:48 AM, July 7th (Saturday)]

I agree with Silverhopes. When I dress, I look in the mirror and hopefully feel good about what I see. I like to dress so my wh likes the way I look also.

We women usually do consider if we look respectful or not.

Yes there are women who dress for attention. There are also men who do the same. You know those gym rats that wear muscle t’s and flex and check themselves out everywhere. Can’t pick something up without looking at their own biceps?

We are all different. We all find different people attractive. We all dress differently and for different reasons

My wh used to complain if I was wearing sweats and a t-shirt also. He found it slovenly and that I wasn’t making an effort for him. Even at home, just sitting watching tv, he didn’t like it. But it was okay for him to sit in track pants and a T-shirt and not brush his hair or brush his teeth.

There are many generalizations about women who dress this way or that way. You don’t know why someone dresses the way they do. If it’s hot out, people wear less. If it’s cold, they bundle up. If they are going out, they dress for whatever occasion. Some feel more comfortable in long sleeves and long pants or skirts and others feel more comfortable in shorter.

I rarely wear long sleeves anywhere. Not because I want to show off my fit or tanned arms but because I find it hot all the time and can’t stand the heat.

I have owned a mini skirt. I wore it because I liked it. It looked nice, it made me feel good about myself and my wh likes it on me. I did not wear it for all the other men to stare and yes if usually bothered me if and when there were stares. My husband likes it when men stare or notice me. I’m. It as eager for that because I don’t care what other men think. Only wh.

Maybe people care too much about how others look and not enough about how people act.

When my wh looks at other women, it makes me feel less than. I would never do that to him because I find it extremely rude to discount your own partner like that. The only person I want to stare at me is my partner. If he feels I’m not worth staring at but someone else in the room is? There is a problem.

To each their own though. If you are someone who looks and it’s noticeable and your partner doesn’t mind or does it, then it’s not a problem but for many it is a problem.

I remember when I went for a walk by myself. It was summer and close to dday. I needed to get out by myself and was verrynupset. As I was walking, a family-man, wife and two kids were riding by on bikes. It was summer and I was wearing shorts and a tank top to stay cooler. The man was first in the line of bikes. The man noticed me and stared at me. Mostly my chest area. He stares the whole way last me while his wife and kids were unaware of his staring behind him. All I could feel was pity for that woman and her kids because to me, at that moment, he appeared like someone who was making it obvious that he would cheat given the go ahead and his family would feel like I felt in that exact moment.

Does that mean u shouldn’t wear shorts and a tank top in the heat because it accentuates my larger breasts? Does that mean that I only dressed like that to loom for attention? No, I dressed like that because it was too hot for more clothes.

Don’t assume people dress to be noticed. Don’t assume people dress to be gawked at. Be respectful to others but more importantly be respectful to your partner. That’s my opinion.

And now that I've said all that... Thoughts? Unexpected revelations? Qualms? Sorry for the long post. That was therapeutic.

Let me just say, I do NOT envy women in this respect. Because what you said is certainly true. I don't have a good answer for you. The line between "not put together" and "starving for attention" isn't exactly clear. It is, however, clear when you've stepped over it (which CAN be fine, as I said, I used to like it when my wife did with me because it was enjoyable for me to see her power over other men). And that's my only qualm, a woman wearing a micro mini to the grocery story and being upset she's attracting male attention. I mean, yes, you may only be wearing it because you like it and it's comfortable, but it's entirely foreseeable that people are going to look at you when you wear it. I used to be very muscular and at times, I'd wear a tank top to a grocery store (after the gym, for example). People stared. I didn't get mad, I knew that was going to happen, and, if I'm honest with myself, I kind of liked it. But of course people gawk in those situations, I'm "showing it off" and people react to that, if they want to or not in a lot of cases. But, when I was working out a lot, you'd often get women wearing basically a bra and skin tight yoga pants in the gym who'd get all bent out of shape when people looked. Well, come on, what did you want/expect to happen? That's a bit too obtuse; sure, I'd love to wear a tank top everywhere; they are comfortable. But if you do that and your very muscular, people are going to look/stare/gawk. Right or wrong, they will.

Does that mean u shouldn’t wear shorts and a tank top in the heat because it accentuates my larger breasts? Does that mean that I only dressed like that to loom for attention? No, I dressed like that because it was too hot for more clothes.

No. I still wear tank tops at times, and I still get some stares. But you have to expect it, if you're wearing something revealing, either because your on the way to the gym (as I am), comfortable in it, or to get attention, the net result is the same. People look. They just do. We can want them not to look (although, at least for me, that's not being entirely honest with myself), we can get annoyed when they look, but we really can't expect people to not be people. Women with large breasts in tank tops, yeah, at least some amount of people are going to look, perhaps a lot if it's particularly tight or revealing.

Does this mean you shouldn't get upset with your H for looking? That's for you and him to negotiate, yes, I can see how that would be hurtful, and I do my very best to actively ignore women dressed very revealing. But I fail sometimes, I know I do. So take that for what it's worth, not a whole lot.

Agree. To an extent. I know men are drawn to breasts, specifically if they are being revealed at all or in a tighter fitting top. It’s the longer stares that are annoying. Noticing and staring are two different things.

How about women that stare at a mans crotch? Do most men like that or not? I have never done that but I assume there are some that make it known they are checking out that area. Some men are more endowed than others, like women’s breasts. How do men feel about women leering at their family’s jewels area?

do you see them as pretty much the same, NTV? If you don't mind my asking: how do you distinguish between what's acceptable and what's inappropriate? Just wondering where your line/threshold is. Sometimes it helps to know where we're each different.

They are the same to the extent that they derive from the same biological place. My line was established by social situations, i.e. in high school you stared to long and it was made fun of, etc. I imagine other cultures have higher and lower thresholds to the same behavior.

for the guys who look or stare longer at women, how do they feel when someone stares at their wives?

This is an evolving answer. When i was first dating fww, it was mostly pride. Like a 'yeah my girl is hot' type pride. Pride in my relationship with her. After we got married, it was mostly annoyance. After she cheated is was some fear and some anger. Now? Eh. Its like an the hidden evil laugh of a mad genius who made an elaborate trap. Sure they can look, but they don't know what I do. If it does lead to her cheating again, then not only do I have reason to enact my Divorce Master Plan of Destruction (TM), but I also know whomever gets involved will be truly mindfucked by her, with the mindfucking damage be exponentially increased by the time investment.

Even, at the worst impact of the staring urge, where someone is physically drooling, it still is not action.

In my mind, if I divorced and went back to dating, I would think that it would go back to pride. I would also think that if I had any other emotionalreaction it'd be linked to the damage from cheating in the marriage. Or maybe subconscious vibes if my picker didn't find a trustworthy woman. Signs I wasn't yet ready for a relationship ya know?

I hike a lot. I usually hike in shorts and tank top. I get the stares on the trail from time to time. I'm not in a miniskirt... I am not wearing ANYTHING to attract eyes. Since I am alone a lot, it is SUPER creepy and sometimes threatening when this happens. Thank god I have a few protective dogs with me.

Am I asking to be stared at? Nope. But unless I wear a burqa, I guess I'm asking for it.