SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She was just an authorized user on my card. It was not joint. I'm pretty sure that means she can be taken off legally.

Look, you’ve only been married two years...she can’t make it that hard for you really.

However, the longer you wait to file, the more time she has to screw up your credit and find ways to mess with you.

File and get her out of your life ASAP, for your own protection.

If she comes back and wants to renew your relationship some day then there is nothing wrong with giving that a try, but you don’t have to be married to her in the mean time, or even after you reconcile for that matter.

Once the property taxes go through, there won't be much money left in our joint checking. I turned off overdraft protection so soon she'll realize. Its still so early, I am not ready for D. Maybe I should but I have everything else in place. It's hard to not check social media or her chat. I can't get her out of my mind. I wonder what she's doing, I see mind movies of us having sex. No matter what I do to detach she is still there and I am going crazy. I just can't believe she's there not feeling the same pain as me, I just can't understand why.

With her being away, it's important that you monitor your credit rating. The last thing you need is to have her open up any new credit cards with your information.

Try to get out of your house. Go do something, keep busy. Go hiking, hit the gym, go to the beach, visit friends, go to a museum. Try to do things that will keep your mind busy. You will have plenty of down time late at night and early morning to wonder about your WW. Keep repeating to yourself, is this how I wanted to be treated? As plan B or C? Do you want to tolerate sharing her with some stranger? Do you want to value yourself and your beliefs of marriage?

These will help you realize her selfishness, keep detaching.

How do I know if she opens a card with my information? I know I have to get out, I'm going to a friend's birthday later today. I am having friends over for football tomorrow. But I am just sitting here and I feel so terrible because I just don't understand why she's not feeling the same pain I am. Seven years of relationship, two being married.

You're probably never going to understand anymore than she understands the pain you're going through. You'll drive yourself crazy trying. All you can do is go by her actions and to a much lesser extent what comes out of her mouth. But trying to get inside her head is a waste of time.

Falc, you are getting golden advice here. I literally just went through and am still going through something similar as i have said before. I know we are a bunch of strangers too you but we all have one thing in common, we have gone through what you are going through just in different variations and situations. WHAT is a common theme here is that you need to FOCUS on what you can control and that my friend is yourself! All of the things you dreamed of doing, DO NOW. My WW is still speaking with this guy who ruined what used to be our marriage (I only found out in May but for me it was ongoing since January). Here I am 5 months later after finding out but have never been more level headed in my life. My WW is a mess and has even admitted it multiple times, but I always reassured her that it was HER decisions that got us and her to where we are today. I know you don't want to here any of this but, this is reality. I promise you that with time and focusing on yourself you will notice how much more level headed you will be and will soon realize that YOU DO NOT NEED HER. You may want her but DO NOT need her. Stay strong and keep moving forward by focusing on yourself.

FWIW, I have always wanted to backpack around Europe with a friend or by myself, I am finally doing this in 2 weeks (over my 4 year marriage anniversary and 30th bday). Of course all of my Bday and Anniversary plans were ruined by this but I made the choice to stay strong and am now doing something Iv'e always wanted to do!

Thank you. I changed my paycheck deposit to go into my new account. I just keep thinking about something she said. Before we hugged and kissed for a long time, she said 'even if I want to be with you, I still told you I wanted time back home with my family. I keep thinking, well why didn't you buy a round trip ticket? Why did you send all of your stuff home? Some part of me wants to believe she is thinking and not talking to anyone. I don't see any posts on social media. What are the chances? Probably zero. My mind is still so fucked up.

Falc, the fact that she so quickly cut and ran is a huge red flag. It shows how unstable and broken she is. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for someone who is supposed to have your back at all times. It shows where her head is at.

Yeah, it just feels like the marriage was broken because of me. She chose to cheat, I know. But I feel like I have to take responsibility for my part in not making the marriage good, don't I? Is she broken because of me?

Who says your M wasn’t good? Do you know any couples who are in a perfect M? I didn’t think so. Any M is made up of two imperfect people. If spouses were justified in cheating every time they felt disconnected, ignored, distant, unhappy, or dissatisfied the entire institution of M would cease to exist. Everyone feels unhappy or disconnected at some time in their M but they don’t cheat. You were in the same M and you didn’t cheat. Stop blaming yourself. Your WW had lots of options to work on your M other than cheating if she was unhappy.

Your WW’s betrayal is due to her own selfishness and immaturity, not due to anything in your M. Just sayin!

[This message edited by fareast at 2:25 PM, September 29th (Saturday)]

I agree with Fareast. I, like you still have some moments of hope that mine WW will wake up but in reality all of her actions speak differently than her words. You need to continue focusing on you otherwise you will end up having a harder time with the whole situation.

To answer your question about her opening a card with your name, all she needs to know is your SSN. She can put you on as owner of the card or a co-owner. Hence you sign up with a company like Life Lock, they with monitor if your SSN is used to try and open a new line of credit and such. It's just one more piece of the shit sandwich you have to eat for her selfishness.

By the way, she was predetermined to quit her job and move back home. If you sit down and think about it logically, you'll start piecing together her actions leading up to her parents coming out to to visit. Her quitting her job. As I said, pay attention to see if she finds work back at home or is just gaming all day with her AP.

Dont stay home. Go to the gym, get your frustrations out. Take a martial arts class. Yoga, if you have to stay home, go on line and look up meditation programs. Begin learning bow to meditate. Many find that a saving grace.

Stay busy!

What would be the difference between her finding a job, or her just gaming with the AP?

Since she doesn't work she needs your credit rating to open an account/card.

Lock your credit report with the 3 credit agencies and have them notify you of any attempts to open an account.

I'm more talking about what NoOptTo said. What's the significance of her getting a job out there vs her just gaming with the AP?

[This message edited by Falc at 3:21 PM, September 29th (Saturday)]

Is she moving on without you in life by finding work. Is she pining over OM living off mom and dad. If she isnt working, she more likely to try and find credit and build up debt. As long as you do not have a separation agreement, you may be liable for half of her debt she acquires. This is another reason you need to talk to your lawyer ASAP and start the D process. If she gets her head out of her ass and realizes her selfishness and starts showing you her commitment to you, you can stop D. Your not divorced until the final decree.

Went out with friends tonight. It was a pretty decent night. Still fighting the urge to check social media and her chat. A day at a time.

That was good an you need more of that kind of distraction, it will help you detach and heal, don't look at her social media, yes one day at a time, then one week at a time then one month at a time..., eventually you will start feeling better and much stronger but yes it's a rollercoaster of emotions and it will take months, hit the gym, catch up with friends and hobbies, focus on YOU.

I just keep thinking about how she blames me for everything. She's feeling happy and feels like she got out of something bad, that's why she's acting the way she is. Is time the only thing that will force her to look and truly see that there were two people at fault here? Me for not holding up my end of the marriage and her for cheating?