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Try to stop thinking about her and what time will do to her, stop trying to share the fault of her leaving, she cheated and left period, instead of working on the M she abandoned ship and decided to cheat. Try to move on, detach, instead of waiting for time to force her to do anything, just think of time as the element that will help you forget her and focus on yourself, stop waiting for her to do anything and start a new life with new goals, you have your entire life ahead of you.

It's such a hard thing to think about right now. I can't imagine my life going on without her. It's still so fresh. I feel at 34 (almost 35) that I'm just too old now. I know it's not the case, but I'm having a really hard time breaking out of that way of thinking. I guess it'll just take time, I'm still holding onto a shred of Hope and I don't know why. My friends are coming over to watch football today and that will provide some respite. But during downtime my thoughts still go to her.

It does not sound like she did much to hold up her end of the marriage. It is said that husband/wife share the blame for marital problems 50/50. But cheating is 100% the fault of the cheater.

Quit worrying about why she does not do things in the way you think she should. She is in a relationship with the AP. You cannot commit to two relationships at the same time and be successful in either. She has made her choice. She has brought another person into the marriage without your consent.

Quit worrying about "what does this mean". You cannot understand why she chose to cheat instead of talking to you about everything. Her actions show you she has left the marriage.

You may never understand why this happened, but her cheating is her choice. Not something that you caused.

Get angry in a productive way and show your colors. Best response is to live the life to your best

oops wrong thread

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 1:37 PM, September 30th (Sunday)]

Edit.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 1:38 PM, September 30th (Sunday)]

Mickey, I think you have the wrong thread. I have not sent a video nor have I sent or received a letter.

Yup....I mis threaded.

You feel old at 35, you aren't. You have a huge part of you life ahead of you. This chapter may very well be over.

35- 50 were the best years of my life. They can be for you too!

Hang in there - Not right away but it WILL get easier.

Time and no contact will bring you a lot of clarity.

You didn't lose much. You're just in shock right now. When you wake up you'll see this for what it is.

IMO you are about to dodge a huge bullet.

You're going to find that this isn't the end of the world. Far from it.

Don't squander your future on this. There is a much better one out there for you.

Thank you for the kind words. I am balling, it's just so fucking hard to fathom that this happened. I'm about to head to the gym but I just broke down. I am so sad, so destroyed.

It's normal you're grieving the death of what you thought you had.

Think about if you were 10-15 years in with kids in the mix.

Much worse.

You will be fine long term

It's normal for you to feel that way Falc. All betrayed spouses feel devastated and broken after finding out the affair as well.There is a mix of emotions going through like anger, denial, and all sort of negative things.One thing I can guarantee you is that you CAN get through all of this if you just leave it behind in the past and walk forward without looking back.

Once she leaves CA, she is going to physically meet this guy. The affair will be physical, not just texting and gaming. She may discover that she doesn’t like Fl guy after 6 weeks, but will you be able to forgive her. You think you will do anything to reconcile now, but reconciliation is very difficult especially after physical contact. Do you really want to go through all the pain of being married to someone who cheated on you?

Once the property taxes go through there won't be enough money in our account for a plane ticket. Transactions from our account list her in Wisconsin currently. But, I don't think I want to live constantly checking over my shoulder. I am holding on to this thought that she was the love of my life. She is gorgeous and she was mine until we died. We are now dead and I can't fucking deal with it because it's so godamn new to me. The gym helped me today but now this feeling is back. I know it will fade with time but right now it's every time I close my eyes.

[This message edited by Falc at 11:15 PM, September 30th (Sunday)]

Brother I have been in your shoes. 45 years old and found out my WW was a serial adulteress in my case.

I mourned what I thought we had and what I was losing. Almost 20 years married to a beautiful woman with whom I thought I would grow old and play with grandkids one day.

Nearly 5 years later I am re-married to a gorgeous wonderful FAITHFUL funny smart incredible woman and we now have a baby together to boot. I’ve never been happier in my life.

Know that you just have to go through the process like we all did. Keep your head up and realize that there’s going to be amazing things in the future, including new relationships. Be patient and allow things to unfold. You’ll be surprised.

Thank you Ponus. I am stuck in my emotional thought process. How did you cope? How did you stand the silence of being alone? My issue is that I just can't believe that after all we've been through, after all I've done to help better our lives... she doesn't give an ounce of shit about me. She is cold and heartless to me like I don't even matter. It tears me up.

Well you just have to believe it Falc. That already proves that she is not grateful even a bit for all the things that you have poured and given up into the marriage. It's so sad how one incident changed her and we all know you are broken and shattered. Always think of the fact that she cheated on you and is willing to leave for another man. Always put in mind all the bad things she has or probably did. Don't recall for good memories because that will only give you a harder time to move on.

My urge to text her is very high right now. She said I could text her but she didn't want me texting her constantly, nor did she want to hear about the things I'm doing to improve myself. I need help being talked out of it. I know I shouldn't but I feel like if I don't at least remind her I'm there once every 4-5 days, it's lost.

You need to remind your WW that you are around every 4-5 days or your marriage is over? Do you realize how horrible that statement is? Please don't text her. It will put you further back in terms of recovery you will be much worse off.

She went back home to Wisconsin for space along with all her belongings. That is the only reason why I'd think of texting her. We live in California.