SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A 1000 mile journey always starts with the first step.

Good job.

Still feels like shit.

I know and I'm so sorry my friend.

Hang in there

Gets worse before it gets better

You are in the grieving process and that is okay.

You may feel like shit today but it's the first step out of infidelity.

Her narrative of me being controlling and vindictive/manipulative is made true

....She gets what she wants

I wanted to address these two items on your Con list. She has been playing a game with you that you can't win. She tells you she needs space because you are so horrible to her... then she tells you she doesn't want you to call to tell her how your bettering yourself. She doesn't want you to call much at all... then she "says" she's mad because you didn't call her much... she says she didn't call you because you scare her sooooo much... but the few breaks in NC have been her calling and berating you about how horrible you are. You need to understand you are in a no win situation. She doesn't want to be married so anything you do or say she manipulates into being evil.

You can't speak reason to crazy. You will never convince her that you aren't a monster because she want to believe you are a monster. You could send her a dozen roses and she would complain about the thorns. Filing for divorce is the right move, I just don't want you to believe some of the Con's you wrote down.

You can't speak reason to crazy. You will never convince her that you aren't a monster because she want to believe you are a monster.

Yeah, it's just so hard to believe that she's resorting to this behavior. It's absolutely crazy but what else can I expect from her now... nothing.

When she finds out that you have filed, she will be very angry. She will tell you that she was considering a reconciliation but not now.

It's a lie and a test.

Don't fail.

What's the response to that?

You don't respond. No emotion.

Crickets ... absolute radio silence.

Lol...

I have to agree that no response is necessary...

But...my hotheaded self would like you to tell her to fuck off and that she had all the time in the world before hand.

Not even what I mentioned earlier? Something to the like of 'Im sorry you feel that way. You clearly indicated you have no intention of working on the marriage and I have begun the process to dissolve it. Please direct any further communication to my legal counsel'.

No, because you just open the door for more manipulation and blameshifting. You don’t need that shit.

I think you should do what you feel most comfortable doing.

No response or the wording you suggested basically closes the door on future communication with her. Personally I would respond as you suggested and then go full NC as you have now informed her that you intend to do that.

No response is your best response. She's already told you and shown you what you need to know.

Engagement will only keep you in this.

You want get through this as fast as possible or not?

I agree, ghost her.

ANY thing you say will be used against you. Let her blow off steam, give her time to react without you there to feed it.

Break the cycle. It can be hard to not react or argue, but just smile and nod, and walk away. It will drive her crazy that the regular manipulation doesn't work.

Well, I won't be able to smile and nod and walk away since she's getting served 2000 miles away. But I get the principle. Not sure what's best, but staying NC is important so I'll probably just do that.

Yes I agree with others, go radio silent and keep the hard 180, let your attorney handle it.

In other news, looks like the lawyer is going to call her to see where she wants to get served to avoid multiple attempts. Yikes. Can't wait for the angry text.

[This message edited by Falc at 11:57 PM, November 7th (Wednesday)]