SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The problem is that my wife will probably not understand that we can stop the D process at any time.

You have posted this several times. It is clearly a sticking point for you.

It's important for you to realize that it really doesn't matter. When she is served she can immediately get on a plane, show up at your home, and beg you for forgiveness. She can wait a week and then realize that she's an idiot and start texting you - asking for another chance. The divorce can go through completely and she can realize that she made a huge mistake... and she can ask you to start dating again. Everyone of these scenarios has played out on these boards. People have divorced and remarried.

What you are just starting to understand is that any of the above scenarios only come to fruition if BOTH of you want it. Right now, she doesn't want it. So by not filing you're telling her that it's okay to treat you poorly. Now that you've filed you've turned the tables - she still has the opportunity to come after you. She just has to try. She has to want to fight for her marriage. That doesn't mean you'll take her back... maybe you will, maybe you won't. But that ball is in her court.

The end result is that if she doesn't get on the next flight and start begging - it's not because she doesn't "understand the process." It's because she doesn't want to. If she wanted to... she'd be at your door with snot running down her chin asking you to take her back.

Filing has moved you forward - out of infidelity. And, no matter what, that is a very important step.

God, even her stupid little FYI texts send my chest into a spiral. I'm so tired of this. She's getting a call from the lawyer tomorrow or Monday. I just want her to know I filed already. So tired of this pain and I have so much more time before I even begin to feel better.

I didn't respond, don't worry.

How many texts do you and her exchange daily?

Block her number. Seriously. She's a big girl. If she needs to ask anything of importance, sometime within the next few days she will have your attorney's name,and she can go through your attorney.

Take your power back.

Everytime she contacts you,it sets you back. So stop allowing that to happen.

Ripped I have exchanged one text after I got back from Wisconsin two weeks ago giving her some of the details on the car which I am legally obligated to do. After that, I have not responded at all. She sends me FYI texts like 'FYI I'm going into the bank to look at refinancing the car loan' etc.

She's doing the 180 on me too, just purely financial. It's hard. But yes, I haven't responded to anything in two weeks aside from that one text.

She doesn't know who my lawyer is yet. She will be getting a call in the next day or so.

You have the opportunity to have a great life.

You must get yourself out of the victims chair to get there though.

Keep pushing you'll be fine

[This message edited by Marz at 11:03 PM, November 8th (Thursday)]

((((( falc ))))))))

I know this isn't what you wanted. I wanted something different too.

I want to comment about you said you both shouted at each other. That's sad to me. You cannot be at peace with a situation like that. It would consume you sooner or later. I hope she gains the insight some day to see that you weren't the person she claims you are. We grow, we look back and sigh, we give thanks for the good in today and make plans for the future.

Rejection hurts and it's easy to long for the past. Happiness lies in the future. You have to seek it.

I saw our favorite band tonight by myself. I am slowly taking back things that we used to do and claiming them. This is my life. This is not our life anymore. You chose this. This was not my fault. Fuck you for abandoning me like you did. But you might have done exactly what I needed. I am no longer bound to you, I am no longer validated by you, I am not defined by you.

^^^^^^^^^

Exactly

I told you that I'm a big fan of Falc! Day by day, you'll get this.

Stay busy my friend.

Your coming around around Falc...... it took a while. You are noticing that you can live without her now. Keep it up, moving forward. The quickest way through this shit show is through it. The ups and the downs. Soon the pain wont hurt as much. You'll start enjoying life again, but this time it will be for you. Keep moving on my friend.

Your coming around around Falc...... it took a while. You are noticing that you can live without her now. Keep it up, moving forward. The quickest way through this shit show is through it. The ups and the downs. Soon the pain wont hurt as much. You'll start enjoying life again, but this time it will be for you. Keep moving on my friend.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Embrace these emotions. Do you think you are in an anger phase of grief?

Not sure I'm in anger. But it was a welcome moment of strength in a sea of shit. It felt good for a little.

Once your head clears a bit more you'll start to see this for what it is and what it never was.

That moment will become hours. You are starting to heal.

I saw our favorite band tonight by myself. I am slowly taking back things that we used to do and claiming them. This is my life. This is not our life anymore. You chose this. This was not my fault. Fuck you for abandoning me like you did. But you might have done exactly what I needed. I am no longer bound to you, I am no longer validated by you, I am not defined by you.

Excellent!

I was playing pool with my friends at a bar today. I asked the waitress for her number and got it after talking to her for a little. I forgot how easy it is to talk to women when you're young, fit, good looking, smart, nice and you dress well. Not sure I'm going to text her but it's a huge confidence boost for me.

Take it slow Falc.

I plan to. I'm allowed to have sex right? I've read a few threads on here where having sex helped people heal. I'm not looking for anything serious. Fuck that.