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I'm hoping you wonderful folks can give me some insight. I took my two oldest to an orthodontist this week. The younger they wanted to start right away, like that day. I was not prepared to pay what they'd require as a down payment plus their father wasn't there to consult.

No one in my family had braces but their father did so I'm a little in the dark. I sent him a text after the appointment giving pretty sparse details but saying I could give him more and he could call and talk to the office(they suggested that).

His only reply, "who is paying for it?"

I gave a brief outline of the payment plans. I have heard nothing from him since. I even sent another text asking if that was his only issue, how it was being paid for. Nothing.

So now what do I do? I'm pretty sure his opinion is braces are useless. You know, the guy with the perfect teeth thanks to braces. I'm also pretty sure the youngest needs them. There simply isn't enough room for the teeth. The oldest will too but not for at least a year. I'm not totally sure I can pay for it myself but I'd try.

Yes, orthodontics is covered under medical expenses in the support plan but getting it enforced would be interesting. He has been paying support for about six months and is already in arrears. Yes, it's being deducted directly from his check. He just isn't working enough to cover the basic support.

My other issue is doesn't he have to agree to it? Or am I good to go since I informed him and he had his chance to voice any concerns?

Thanks for reading this. It's just frustrating that he has turned into the very type of person he mocks.

It's just frustrating that he has turned into the very type of person he mocks.

Don't they all?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. But it's not surprising that he finds something frivolous and useless simply because he knows he has to pay for it. If it's in the D plan then I'm pretty sure it's enforceable. I'm not sure, but can't you have an issue ordered if he doesn't abide by the plan?

Sorry you have to deal with this asshat.

So here are my thoughts, as a mom of a child who without Orthodontia my beautiful DD would be considered a freak, yes that is how bad her teeth were.

I would recommend getting a second opinion anytime there is a significant impact to the checkbook. We all know dental/orthodontia coverage sucks.

Check w/ your plan to find out if there is an annual amount or a lifetime amount that they will pay. It it's an annual amount try to time the placement of them so you can benefit from the annual amount end of year and beginning of the next.

There are real health reasons to get braces and straighten teeth, and get bite alignments right. You can google those, or ask for info from the Orhtodontist you saw. Perhaps understanding that will help your X understand that is for their health.

You can always work out a payment plan w/ the provider as well.

How old are your kids? That can make an impact on the timing of braces.

Yes, orthodontics is covered under medical expenses in the support plan but getting it enforced would be interesting. He has been paying support for about six months and is already in arrears. Yes, it's being deducted directly from his check. He just isn't working enough to cover the basic support.

This is probably what you'll end up having to do. Pay for it out of your pocket and (eventually) get reimbursed by him, even if you have to go to court.

My other issue is doesn't he have to agree to it? Or am I good to go since I informed him and he had his chance to voice any concerns?

If you are the custodial parent, then most likely not (does your custody agreement say he has to approve? If not, then no).

Since you have custody, you are considered the final decision maker in the courts eyes.

In my case, my ex hasn't paid me any CS voluntarily (her tax return got garnished last year), nor repaid me any health care costs I've incurred.

I knew this, so when my kids had to get braces, I paid/am paying the bill, and not even bothering to seek reimbursement from her. It's just not worth the hassle of going to court (I would have to travel 5h to court in an other state). YMMV

I don't know any of the answers to your legal questions, but...

(assuming that you are in the USA):

Do you have an flexible spending account? If so, you can pay the braces through that. It's not much, but at least it's tax-free, which saves a little.

Something that we did... is we got our DD on a payment plan (the orthodontist did this at no extra cost), which allowed us to pay for the braces during two separate years. This helped a little too.

Yes, orthodontics is covered under medical expenses in the support plan but getting it enforced would be interesting.

You can file a complaint for contempt and take him to court. If it is in the decree, they will require he pays his share.

He has been paying support for about six months and is already in arrears. Yes, it's being deducted directly from his check. He just isn't working enough to cover the basic support.

Is the lack of work/hours his CHOICE or a temporary situation. If it is his CHOICE, you can also add this to your complaint for contempt, as he is CHOOSING not to pay by not taking sufficient jobs/work/hours.

My other issue is doesn't he have to agree to it? Or am I good to go since I informed him and he had his chance to voice any concerns?

What is your custody situation? If you have legal and physical custody (unusual in this day and age, but it is out there), then he doesn't have to agree. If you have joint legal custody, he does need to consent, but in most agreements it is worded that consent shall not be unreasonably withheld. This would fall under being unreasonable in my opinion.

You can file a complaint for contempt on your own. It isn't difficult. Or you can use an attorney and request (may or may not be granted) he pay the attorney fees if he is found in contempt.

Cat

I am sorry he is being so difficult - I have been there!

I did three things. I utilized my work flex account for additional savings, I set up a payment plan with the Ortho and I had the Ortho set up equal payment plans for both me and my ex (50/50).

This way he was paying THEM each month, leaving me out of that collection nightmare.

NOW - they did tell me that if he didn't pay, I would need to and fight it out with him in court. I understood that and took the gamble. Turns out he was much better at paying them

As for the question of whether he has to agree? IDK. I think if he asked "who is paying of it", I would of referred him to the portion of our agreement that outlines how medical things are divided (ie copays etc at 50/50 or whatever).

Two of my kids had braces (DS didn't want to), and both had to have oral surgery before they could even get the braces. Read that as $$$$$.

Youngest's braces came at the time of D. She was stalling, stalling, stalling, then finally gave in. Fortunately, I had full physical and legal custody, which determines whether the other parent must be involved or not. I also wrote it into our agreement that we each were responsible fir half (because I knew it was coming).

That all sounds great, and I went thru with it. The reality? I knew it was a slim to none chance xhole would pay. He was working on and off and didn't have a pot to piss in. Also had debt collectors going after him (still has three open court default judgments against him). That told me I was going to pay for it, and have a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting his half.

So I bit the bullet for DD, and used payment plans and credit cards to pay for it. That was six years ago. DD has beautiful teeth, a proper bite alignment, and xhole still owes me his half, to the tune of about $5k. No point in me filing a contempt charge because there is nothing left to attach (the IRS is already taking the maximum garnishment for what he owes them). It was financially draining at the time, but would do it again for DD in a heartbeat.

Thank you all for your responses. To fill in some blanks asked. I have primary physical custody and we share legal custody. The youngest in question is pretty young for braces but they're talking about pulling teeth when she's older if it doesn't get taken care of soon. None of this did I actually get a chance to tell him.

I think I'm being ignored now. Either that or he didn't pay his cell bill.

I'm pretty sure I'll never see a dime from him in regards to this as I don't think he'll ever get his act together and get a decent job at this point. He's told the kids (9, 7 and 1, btw) that if he made more money I'd just steal more of it.

Our flex account sign-up window for the year has closed but I could do it for next year. I've spent a good part of the day on the phone getting insurance issues straightened out. It's been one of those ask a question and it spawns more unknown issues kind of day.

I've got a call into another ortho for another quote too. Just to cover my back but I really liked who we saw and the kids seemed comfortable with her.

Sorry my response is a bit of a jumble. I really appreciate all your help. I know I'll get it all sorted out and get my kids the care they need. You all certainly know how stressful this can all be with an uncooperative parent.

You might also want to look into a care credit card.

My first kiddo had braces at 9. The plan originally was to do two phases...with 18 months in between. They usually don't do the second phase until adult teeth our in. We only paid for treatment when it was occurring...IE, we paid for phase 1 during phase 1. We paid for phase 2 during phase 2.

Now, my son was quick to lose his baby teeth and get new adult ones in. Infact, his 12 year molars came in at 10. So, we lost the 18 months inbetween phases to get ahead.

Unless your younger kiddo is like my son, you may have time on your side to help massage costs.

For the older one, you also might check around to see if you can get supplemental dental insurance...which may also come with extra ortho coverage.

Because you share legal custody, he must give consent to proceed, or have a compelling reason for withholding it (and the definition of "compelling" would be determined by a judge).

Even though I didn't need Xhole's consent since I had legal custody, I tried to get him on board anyway (since he was still on the hook for half). He was trying to argue it wasn't necessary and that her teeth were fine. But once I explained that she has the same problem as oldest DD necessitating oral surgery, he shut up about it (oldest DD required two oral surgeon interventions and resulted in braces for five years, that's also what scared off the younger siblings). It is apparently a genetic issue.

What I am saying is definitely get a second opinion and make your argument to XWH based on medical need, not cosmetic (gives him less of a leg to stand on to withhold consent).

Also, check with your dental insurance coverage. Many insurers are no longer covering it, but with some you have at least a small portion with tooth removal for non-erupted teeth covered by medical (non-erupted is the magic word). Since you are looking at this early enough, you have time to do some strategic financial planning to possibly minimize the financial impact.

If my kids need braces, they are getting them.

I told xh son #2 needed them after the consult. And I emailed him the payment info.,

A month later, I got the braces put on the child THEN sent an email nicely explaining his portion of payments.

Be very bold in taking care of your child’s medical needs. Don’t cater to him on your child’s true needs.

IDK, but Would an atty want to go to court to represent an asshole father who saw the medical need for braces on their child, then pitched a fit bc the child got braces....

Insight: my xh did take me back to court for contempt on a different issue. I was found “guilty” and had to pay a portion of his atty fees. Both parties get a chance to speak in court. I also “won” a part of the hearing, so I didn’t have to pay all his fees.

Just putting this out there so you/anyone knows going to court isn’t the end of the world (if ur x files on you, or if you take your XH to court, they might be ordered to pay your atty fees.)

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:26 AM, February 9th (Saturday)]

In terms of getting his consent ... I would send him an email and inform him what is happening and give him the details to educate himself. If he has a problem with it, he has what he needs to argue the point.

Maybe something like ...

Dear X,

Child has been recommended for braces by X orthodontist due to XXXX. The cost is XX and, per our agreement, costs are shared XXX. I've consulted other orthodontists, but X child is most comfortable with this orthodontist and the cost is comparable. X orthodontist also comes highly recommended by our regular dentist and several friends and family members.

We will begin treatment on X date. I let the orthodontist know that you may call to ask questions about the treatment.

Gablestitch

If he doesn't respond, you could then add something like "I have not heard back from you, so we plan to proceed with treatment on X date."

Slight t/j. Holy shit Phoenix sounds like your kiddo had the same issue my dd did. 2 oral surgeries. 7 years in braces with all kinds of special stuff. She had mult sets of adult teeth as did my sister and dad.

TJ - Tush, mine had issues with their canines growing sideways, into the roof of their mouth. Surgeons literally attached chains and slowly tightened to bring them down and into place. Thinking back, I remembered when I was a kid it took YEARS for my canines to come in, and I used to cry about the missing teeth. Of course, nothing was done back then. But I am pretty sure it was the same issue I passed onto the kids.

Now, I regularly tease oldest DD about whether she is taking good care of her $10k teeth!

End T/J. Sorry!

I'm pretty sure I'll never see a dime from him in regards to this as I don't think he'll ever get his act together and get a decent job at this point. He's told the kids (9, 7 and 1, btw) that if he made more money I'd just steal more of it.

A bit of t/j:

If this is the case, you may want to just decide, and prepare for, mentally that you will be on your own financially as far as the kids go.

I know that sounds like it sucks, and it will put a strain on you, but there is some freedom in knowing that you don't have to hunt him down for money or approval.

Which leads me to this:

Because you share legal custody, he must give consent to proceed, or have a compelling reason for withholding it (and the definition of "compelling" would be determined by a judge).

That's not necessarily true (highlighted). It may depend on your judge/location/situation. YMMV.

Example: Best day in court - When the ex (who lives 5h away and hasn't paid any child support (deadbeat mom)) took me to court to try and get her CS payments eliminated, asked me if I thought it was ok to make decisions about our son's schooling (what classes he takes, extracurricular's, etc) and medical decisions (braces, etc.) without her input (we have joint legal, I have sole physical custody).

I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Yes. As long as he is living with me, and I'm paying all the bills, I make the decisions, not you." Judge didn't even bat an eye.

Look to see if your company offers a Flexible Spending Plan. This allows you to put money aside pre-tax to cover medical and dental out of pocket costs. Also talk with the Ortho about payment plans. Many will work with you on payments.

We had 3 in braces at one time.

I would say do what you need to do for your child. State he is responsible for 1/2 but I wouldn't rely on getting the payment.

Good luck.

I'd get a second opinion on the dental work.

They are notorious for pushing work that may not need to be done.

I transferred and went with a new dentist. She drilled and filled my young daughter right upfront!!!! 7 the first visit!!! Then they wanted like $11k for my wife's work!!!! I took her back to my old dentist and he said they were filling any dark spot they could find. He said you see it a lot.

Later a friend of mine went to work there. Every morning they had a meeting informing the staff on their quotas for the day. Pretty shocking at the greed.

Gable:

Just two comments here.

1. The medical bills under US laws, unless one parent isnt working is typically a split between the parents. So if your ex doesnt want to pay, just keep the receipts and take it to court. He won't have a choice.

2. My personal opinion. My daughter is under 10 and her dentist, who also owns the Otho biz also recommended a consult. Her teeth aren't too bad, some crowding, but not too bad. I personally had braces when I was 12/13 and finished up freshman yr in high school. So I asked my buddy whose a dentist and he said that its a new trend that they try to do it in two stages now. Some start as early as 8, but he said the way that we handled things just 10 yrs ago also works fine. My teeth are straight, i had them after all my teeth were out and my wisdom teeth pulled. A second opinion is a good idea. Dentistry is doing a lot of selling in our current day and age. Growing up I never heard of deep cleaning, now, they measure for it at every cleaning.

Technically, braces are not considered medically necessary and not a part of the 50/50 medical expenses after $480.

He could be cool and help pay for the braces, but he is not by law required to, unless otherwise stated in the divorce decree.